Oakstorm of DarkClan

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  • Character Name: Oakstorm


    Character Age: 30 moons


    Gender: Tom


    Alliance: DarkClan


    Rank: Warrior


    Appearance (6 or more sentences): Oakstorm is a brown tabby cat with strange stripes down his legs. Everyone thinks they formed when he was sleeping in a wired angle. He has one blue eye and a blind green eye. His tail has stipes like lightning that are dark brown. He has a scar on his chest and his ear. On the other eye there is a stripe that goes diagonaly on his eye.


    Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):
    ---Likes (at least 3): She-cats, talking, sleeping
    --- Dislikes (at least 3): Enemys, Two-legs, thunder
    ---Strengths (No MORE than 5):hunting, memory, patience
    ---Weaknesses (At least 3): pay attention, being responsable, keeping quiet


    History (8 or more sentences):When Pakstorm was a kit he strayed from the clan and was shocked by twoleg electricity. That is how he has the scars and stripes. He got a blind eye when a two-leg kicked him. He was scared to leave the camp until he was an apperntice. His mentor beat him during training that made him scared everyday. One day there was a battle and his mentor was killed. That was the happyist and saddest day of his life. When he got his warrior name he became one of the best warriors in the clan.


    Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio): Oakstorm was on patrol with three other warriors with him. They were scanning form anything out of place. Hunting was their main objective on the patrol. They found some intruders from SnowClan and defended their terriotory. But two of four cats on the patrol had died.


    Comments (optional):


  • Hey Shadow, I'm Jindo. Looking good, but there's a few things I need you to fix:


    - his appearance is slightly unrealistic. it's not possible for him to just have stripes on his legs and his eyes; could you fix that?
    - some spelling/grammar errors
    - your sentences are pretty choppy; could you lengthen them?
    - you need 6 sentences in personality seprate from likes/dislikes


    bump when done!