Raresmoke, of Thunderclan

FROG!? wrote:

Character Name:
Raresteam

Character Age:
11 moons

Gender:
Tom

Alliance:
Thunderclan

Rank:
Warrior

Appearance (6 or more sentences):
A black smoke tom with vivid ice blue eyes. His Pupils have small darker blue speckles surrounding the pupil. But they are so microscopic you can hardly see them. Raresmoke has a long bushy tail and his fur is long-haired, this is usually an disadvantage because his fur can get caught on the sticks and bramble that surround dens. If you want to know his cat type its Norweigen forest cat with a black smoke pelt and just to make it clear. Light blue eyes.

Under his back, the belly, is a lighter black so its kind of gray like color. And since thats the weak part in cat fighting, i am going to make that bit soft and short-haired under there. So in battles, ambushes and all that kind of stuff. He would defiantly be an invisible cat to the world and have a better advantage then the most with white pelts and all that.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):
He is optimistic. That was a word when he was a small kit, super optimistic. It describes him alot, friendly to clans, friendly to other cats of clans. But in battle contact, this 'friendliness' just disapears and he will be nasty for his clan and family and friends. Infact, lets move on to another describing word. Loyal. He is loyal. I know, i know he is friendly to other cats of clans. But, his clan is his heart and that is where it will stay until he dies. Loyal i mean, as in he protects his clan, defends and is particularly useful in ambushes and battles for the color of his pelt. See Above.

Another describing word for Raresmoke is Funny and Hilarious. Get it right now, someone who is friendly and loyal has just got to be funny, Alright? Raresmoke will comment and make jokes to lighten or brighten other cats moods. Usually it works, but sometimes, he will have to use his energy and paws to actually get away from the cats he talked to. Now, do you see what funny i mean?

---Likes (at least 3):
He likes Storms, of course. I mean, that is what Thunderclan is all about, right? He loves the rain, broken trees, falling down cliffs and thunder and lightning. The booms and noise that these make, let him rest in a peaceful sleep, because he loves it so much. He also loves Kits, he is mad about them, Ever since he was little, he loved himself and others in the nursery. He absolutely loves sleeping. Okay, imagine this. He could sleep through a storm, a hurricane, through the apocalypse even! He is one sleeping machine!

--- Dislikes (at least 3):
He hates voles. Yucky things. Most cats just love it and are grateful for the fact that food was provided, but he spat it out secretly and spent the whole night washing the bitter taste out of his mouth. He espically hates huge, huge animals. E.G: Cows, sheep and all that. He hates how they think there so powerful over the cats that survive without all that food provided. Stupid things. And he also hates.....[DRUMROLL]....Kittypets. Striding around the place like they own it. But no, one day, when he leads the clans, he'd get rid of them, exterminate them. Make sure every last one of them is dead.

---Strengths (No MORE than 5):
I would say Natural disasters, battles, Ambushes, deals and hunting. The main things clans want their cats to master over the apprentice years. Anyhow, he is good with this stuff and all. You know what i mean , he has lots of strengths that are improving each time he does it. Say, they were in the middle of a battle and a fire was happening from a thunder strike, he would leap through the fire, or at least try to, and rescue any cat that suffocation or was suffocating in there.

---Weaknesses (At least 3):
He is weak with food, heat and fire. You see, he likes storms and all but heat and everything opposite to that is his weakness, alright? Do not forget that, it is vital when it comes to his living style. Heat is making him groan and moan with agony, but luckily Thunderclan has pine trees that cast shadows on the ground where he can lounge when there is nothing to do.

History (8 or more sentences):
Well let say this, he had a dad, (like all cats do) But the thing was, that his dad ain't just some ordinarily one that is proud of them and usually dies in battle to save the kits. But his farther forced his mother, then one day she had kits. 2 parts of them died because their farther didn't want kits, so he killed them. But his mother hid Raresmoke in a tree hollow for three days, feeding him nothing but bits of tender mice and milk. Soon after, his Farther dissapeared and left the two to fend on their won. But the thing is, his Farther did not know that Raresmoke was still alive.

5 moons after, his mother died, and as a rouge, he left the hollow, where he was hiding and raised, to Thunderclan. Two cats, who are now his best buddies, took him into the clan. He was almost banished, but the leader decided afew more paws would do some good and soon the cat was pronounced as a full member of the clan and then his true life of Thunderclan warrior started.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Raresmoke sank onto his haunches, tail wavering about in the air like an enchanting snake. Today was boiling, his eyes rolled as the sun boiled his pelt and the suns rays made his eyes shine. In luck though, lots of trees were around and that meant shade. Shade!, He thought, sighing with relief. His paws ran towards the tree, pine scent filled his nose glands. But to him, it was the everyday scent of home. Sighing, he layed on his backside, expiring his belly to the shade, and the half sun.

The black smokes claws unsheathed and sheathed while stretching them in the process. How come today was so peaceful, when all the other days were filled with battles?!. Two kits passed him, mingled with each other, chattering about becoming the worlds greatest leaders ever. "Hey Raresmoke,"They mewed, turning to look at the tom lying down, a grin plastered on his face.

Comments (optional): Hope this makes it! :)

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Your sentences are still really choppy. Try to merge sentences together and read them out loud and see if they flow together.

FROG!? wrote:

Character Name:
Raresteam

Character Age:
11 moons

Gender:
Tom

Alliance:
Thunderclan

Rank:
Warrior

Appearance (6 or more sentences):
A black smoke tom with vivid ice blue eyes. His Pupils have small darker blue speckles surrounding the pupil. But they are so microscopic you can hardly see them. Raresmoke has a long bushy tail and his fur is long-haired, this is usually an disadvantage because his fur can get caught on the sticks and bramble that surround dens. If you want to know his cat type its Norweigen forest cat with a black smoke pelt just to make it clear with Light blue eyes.

Under his back, the belly is a lighter black so its kind of gray like color. And since thats the weak part in cat fighting, i am going to make that bit soft and short-haired under there. So in battles, ambushes and all that kind of stuff. He would defiantly be an invisible cat to the world and have a better advantage then the most with white pelts and all that.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):
He is optimistic. That was a word when he was a small kit, super optimistic. It describes him alot friendly to clans, friendly to other cats of clans. But in battle contact this 'friendliness' just disapears and he will be nasty for his clan and family and friends. Infact lets move on to another describing word. Loyal, He is loyal. I know, i know he is friendly to other cats of clans. But, his clan is his heart and that is where it will stay until he dies. Loyal i mean, as in he protects his clan, defends and is particularly useful in ambushes and battles for the color of his pelt. See Above.

Another describing word for Raresmoke is Funny and Hilarious. Get it right now someone who is friendly and loyal has just got to be funny, Alright? Raresmoke will comment and make jokes to lighten or brighten other cats moods. Usually it works but sometimes he will have to use his energy and paws to actually get away from the cats he talked to. Now, do you see what funny i mean?

---Likes (at least 3):
He likes Storms, of course. I mean, that is what Thunderclan is all about, right? He loves the rain, broken trees, falling down cliffs and thunder and lightning. The booms and noise that these make, let him rest in a peaceful sleep, because he loves it so much, He also loves Kits he is mad about them, Ever since he was little, he loved himself and others in the nursery. He absolutely loves sleeping, Okay, imagine this. He could sleep through a storm, a hurricane, through the apocalypse even! He is one sleeping machine!

--- Dislikes (at least 3):
He hates voles. Yucky things, Most cats just love it and are grateful for the fact that food was provided but he spat it out secretly and spent the whole night washing the bitter taste out of his mouth. He espically hates huge, huge animals. E.G: Cows, sheep and all that. He hates how they think there so powerful over the cats that survive without all that food provided. Stupid things and he also hates.....[DRUMROLL]....Kittypets. Striding around the place like they own it. But no, one day, when he leads the clans he'd get rid of them, exterminate them. Make sure every last one of them is dead.

---Strengths (No MORE than 5):
I would say Natural disasters, battles, Ambushes, deals and hunting. The main things clans want their cats to master over the apprentice years. Anyhow he is good with this stuff and all. You know what i mean he has lots of strengths that are improving each time he does it. Say they were in the middle of a battle and a fire was happening from a thunder strike, he would leap through the fire or at least try to and rescue any cat that suffocation or was suffocating in there.

---Weaknesses (At least 3):
He is weak with food, heat and fire. You see, he likes storms and all but heat and everything opposite to that is his weakness alright? Do not forget that, it is vital when it comes to his living style. Heat is making him groan and moan with agony but luckily, Thunderclan has pine trees that cast shadows on the ground where he can lounge when there is nothing to do.

History (8 or more sentences):
Well let say this, he had a dad, (like all cats do) But the thing was, that his dad ain't just some ordinarily one that is proud of them and usually dies in battle to save the kits. But his farther forced his mother, then one day she had kits. 2 parts of them died because their farther didn't want kits, so he killed them. But his mother hid Raresmoke in a tree hollow for three days, feeding him nothing but bits of tender mice and milk. Soon after, his Farther dissapeared and left the two to fend on their won. But the thing is, his Farther did not know that Raresmoke was still alive.

5 moons after, his mother died, and as a rouge he left the hollow where he used to hide and where he was raised, to Thunderclan. Two cats, who are now his best buddies, took him into the clan. He was almost banished, but the leader decided afew more paws would do some good and soon the cat was pronounced as a full member of the clan and then his true life of Thunderclan warrior started.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Raresmoke sank onto his haunches, tail wavering about in the air like an enchanting snake. Today was boiling, his eyes rolled as the sun boiled his pelt and the suns rays made his eyes shine. In luck though, lots of trees were around and that meant shade. Shade!, He thought, sighing with relief. His paws ran towards the tree, pine scent filled his nose glands. But to him, it was the everyday scent of home. Sighing, he layed on his backside, expiring his belly to the shade, and the half sun.

The black smokes claws unsheathed and sheathed while stretching them in the process. How come today was so peaceful, when all the other days were filled with battles?! Two kits passed him, mingled with each other, chattering about becoming the worlds greatest leaders ever. "Hey Raresmoke,"They mewed, turning to look at the tom lying down, a grin plastered on his face.

Comments (optional): Hope this makes it! :)

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Still pretty choppy. I've highlighted the choppy areas in the beginning. Try to merge sentences, changing the period into a comma.

Also, you need to highlight ''I'' in your sentences

There are more than those sentences that are choppy though

The red letters on my recent post

FROG!? wrote:

Display Spoiler

Character Name:
Raresteam

Character Age:
11 moons

Gender:
Tom

Alliance:
Thunderclan

Rank:
Warrior

Appearance (6 or more sentences):
A black smoke tom with vivid ice blue eyes, His Pupils have small darker blue speckles surrounding the pupil, But they are so microscopic you can hardly see them. Raresmoke has a long bushy tail and his fur is long-haired, this is usually an disadvantage because his fur can get caught on the sticks and bramble that surround dens. If you want to know his cat type its Norweigen forest cat with a black smoke pelt just to make it clear with Light blue eyes.

Under his back, the belly is a lighter black so its kind of gray like color and since thats the weak part in cat fighting, i am going to make that bit soft and short-haired under there. So in battles, ambushes and all that kind of stuff. He would defiantly be an invisible cat to the world and have a better advantage then the most with white pelts and all that.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):
He is optimistic, That was a word when he was a small kit, super optimistic, it describes him alot friendly to clans, friendly to other cats of clans, But in battle contact this 'friendliness' just disapears and he will be nasty for his clan and family and friends. Infact lets move on to another describing word, Loyal, He is loyal. I know, i know he is friendly to other cats of clans. But, his clan is his heart and that is where it will stay until he dies, Loyal i mean, as in he protects his clan, defends and is particularly useful in ambushes and battles for the color of his pelt, See Above.

Another describing word for Raresmoke is Funny and Hilarious. Get it right now someone who is friendly and loyal has just got to be funny, Alright? Raresmoke will comment and make jokes to lighten or brighten other cats moods. Usually it works but sometimes he will have to use his energy and paws to actually get away from the cats he talked to. Now, do you see what funny i mean?

---Likes (at least 3):
He likes Storms, of course. I mean, that is what Thunderclan is all about, right? He loves the rain, broken trees, falling down cliffs and thunder and lightning. The booms and noise that these make, let him rest in a peaceful sleep, because he loves it so much, He also loves Kits he is mad about them, Ever since he was little, he loved himself and others in the nursery. He absolutely loves sleeping, Okay, imagine this. He could sleep through a storm, a hurricane, through the apocalypse even! He is one sleeping machine!

--- Dislikes (at least 3):
He hates voles. Yucky things, Most cats just love it and are grateful for the fact that food was provided but he spat it out secretly and spent the whole night washing the bitter taste out of his mouth. He espically hates huge, huge animals. E.G: Cows, sheep and all that. He hates how they think there so powerful over the cats that survive without all that food provided. Stupid things and he also hates.....[DRUMROLL]....Kittypets. Striding around the place like they own it. But no, one day, when he leads the clans he'd get rid of them, exterminate them. Make sure every last one of them is dead.

---Strengths (No MORE than 5):
I would say Natural disasters, battles, Ambushes, deals and hunting. The main things clans want their cats to master over the apprentice years. Anyhow he is good with this stuff and all. You know what i mean he has lots of strengths that are improving each time he does it. Say they were in the middle of a battle and a fire was happening from a thunder strike, he would leap through the fire or at least try to and rescue any cat that suffocation or was suffocating in there.

---Weaknesses (At least 3):
He is weak with food, heat and fire. You see, he likes storms and all but heat and everything opposite to that is his weakness alright? Do not forget that, it is vital when it comes to his living style. Heat is making him groan and moan with agony but luckily, Thunderclan has pine trees that cast shadows on the ground where he can lounge when there is nothing to do.

History (8 or more sentences):
Well let say this, he had a dad, (like all cats do) But the thing was, that his dad ain't just some ordinarily one that is proud of them and usually dies in battle to save the kits. But his farther forced his mother, then one day she had kits. 2 parts of them died because their farther didn't want kits, so he killed them. But his mother hid Raresmoke in a tree hollow for three days, feeding him nothing but bits of tender mice and milk. Soon after, his Farther dissapeared and left the two to fend on their won. But the thing is, his Farther did not know that Raresmoke was still alive.

5 moons after, his mother died, and as a rouge he left the hollow where he used to hide and where he was raised, to Thunderclan. Two cats, who are now his best buddies, took him into the clan. He was almost banished, but the leader decided afew more paws would do some good and soon the cat was pronounced as a full member of the clan and then his true life of Thunderclan warrior started.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Raresmoke sank onto his haunches, tail wavering about in the air like an enchanting snake. Today was boiling, his eyes rolled as the sun boiled his pelt and the suns rays made his eyes shine. In luck though, lots of trees were around and that meant shade. Shade!, He thought, sighing with relief. His paws ran towards the tree, pine scent filled his nose glands. But to him, it was the everyday scent of home. Sighing, he layed on his backside, expiring his belly to the shade, and the half sun.

The black smokes claws unsheathed and sheathed while stretching them in the process. How come today was so peaceful, when all the other days were filled with battles?! Two kits passed him, mingled with each other, chattering about becoming the worlds greatest leaders ever. "Hey Raresmoke,"They mewed, turning to look at the tom lying down, a grin plastered on his face.

Comments (optional): Hope this makes it! :)

Display More

Okay, it looks better, but I've noticed that you've got some random capitalizations. Letters should only be capitalized in words at the beginning of sentences or names and other proper nouns. :)

FROG!? wrote:

Character Name:
Raresteam

Character Age:
11 moons

Gender:
Tom

Alliance:
Thunderclan

Rank:
Warrior

Appearance (6 or more sentences):
A black smoke tom with vivid ice blue eyes, his pupils have small darker blue speckles surrounding the pupil, but they are so microscopic you can hardly see them. Raresmoke has a long bushy tail and his fur is long-haired, this is usually an disadvantage because his fur can get caught on the sticks and bramble that surround dens. If you want to know his cat type its Norweigen forest cat with a black smoke pelt just to make it clear with Light blue eyes.

Under his back, the belly is a lighter black so its kind of gray like color and since thats the weak part in cat fighting, i am going to make that bit soft and short-haired under there. So in battles, ambushes and all that kind of stuff. He would defiantly be an invisible cat to the world and have a better advantage then the most with white pelts and all that.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):
He is optimistic, that was a word when he was a small kit, super optimistic, it describes him alot friendly to clans, friendly to other cats of clans, But in battle contact this 'friendliness' just disapears and he will be nasty for his clan and family and friends. Infact lets move on to another describing word, Loyal, He is loyal. I know, i know he is friendly to other cats of clans. But, his clan is his heart and that is where it will stay until he dies, Loyal i mean, as in he protects his clan, defends and is particularly useful in ambushes and battles for the color of his pelt, See above.

Another describing word for Raresmoke is funny and hilarious. Get it right now someone who is friendly and loyal has just got to be funny, Alright? Raresmoke will comment and make jokes to lighten or brighten other cats moods. Usually it works but sometimes he will have to use his energy and paws to actually get away from the cats he talked to. Now, do you see what funny i mean?

---Likes (at least 3):
He likes Storms, of course. I mean, that is what Thunderclan is all about, right? He loves the rain, broken trees, falling down cliffs and thunder and lightning. The booms and noise that these make, let him rest in a peaceful sleep, because he loves it so much, He also loves Kits he is mad about them, Ever since he was little, he loved himself and others in the nursery. He absolutely loves sleeping, Okay, imagine this. He could sleep through a storm, a hurricane, through the apocalypse even! He is one sleeping machine!

--- Dislikes (at least 3):
He hates voles. Yucky things, Most cats just love it and are grateful for the fact that food was provided but he spat it out secretly and spent the whole night washing the bitter taste out of his mouth. He espically hates huge, huge animals. E.G: Cows, sheep and all that. He hates how they think there so powerful over the cats that survive without all that food provided. Stupid things and he also hates.....[DRUMROLL]....Kittypets. Striding around the place like they own it. But no, one day, when he leads the clans he'd get rid of them, exterminate them. Make sure every last one of them is dead.

---Strengths (No MORE than 5):
I would say Natural disasters, battles, Ambushes, deals and hunting. The main things clans want their cats to master over the apprentice years. Anyhow he is good with this stuff and all. You know what i mean he has lots of strengths that are improving each time he does it. Say they were in the middle of a battle and a fire was happening from a thunder strike, he would leap through the fire or at least try to and rescue any cat that suffocation or was suffocating in there.

---Weaknesses (At least 3):
He is weak with food, heat and fire. You see, he likes storms and all but heat and everything opposite to that is his weakness alright? Do not forget that, it is vital when it comes to his living style. Heat is making him groan and moan with agony but luckily, Thunderclan has pine trees that cast shadows on the ground where he can lounge when there is nothing to do.

History (8 or more sentences):
Well let say this, he had a dad, (like all cats do) But the thing was, that his dad ain't just some ordinarily one that is proud of them and usually dies in battle to save the kits. But his farther forced his mother, then one day she had kits. 2 parts of them died because their farther didn't want kits, so he killed them. But his mother hid Raresmoke in a tree hollow for three days, feeding him nothing but bits of tender mice and milk. Soon after, his Farther dissapeared and left the two to fend on their own. But the thing is, his Farther did not know that Raresmoke was still alive.

5 moons after, his mother died, and as a rouge he left the hollow where he used to hide and where he was raised, to Thunderclan. Two cats, who are now his best buddies, took him into the clan. He was almost banished, but the leader decided afew more paws would do some good and soon the cat was pronounced as a full member of the clan and then his true life of Thunderclan warrior started.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Raresmoke sank onto his haunches, tail wavering about in the air like an enchanting snake. Today was boiling, his eyes rolled as the sun boiled his pelt and the suns rays made his eyes shine. In luck though, lots of trees were around and that meant shade. Shade!, He thought, sighing with relief. His paws ran towards the tree, pine scent filled his nose glands. But to him, it was the everyday scent of home. Sighing, he layed on his backside, expiring his belly to the shade, and the half sun.

The black smokes claws unsheathed and sheathed while stretching them in the process. How come today was so peaceful, when all the other days were filled with battles?! Two kits passed him, mingled with each other, chattering about becoming the worlds greatest leaders ever. "Hey Raresmoke,"They mewed, turning to look at the tom lying down, a grin plastered on his face.

Comments (optional): Hope this makes it! :)

Display More

FROG!? wrote:

Display Spoiler

Character Name:
Raresteam

Character Age:
11 moons

Gender:
Tom

Alliance:
Thunderclan

Rank:
Warrior

Appearance (6 or more sentences):
A black smoke tom with vivid ice blue eyes, his pupils have small darker blue speckles surrounding the pupil, but they are so microscopic you can hardly see them. Raresmoke has a long bushy tail and his fur is long-haired, this is usually an disadvantage because his fur can get caught on the sticks and bramble that surround dens. If you want to know his cat type its Norweigen forest cat with a black smoke pelt just to make it clear with Light blue eyes.

Under his back, the belly is a lighter black so its kind of gray like color and since thats the weak part in cat fighting, I am going to make that bit soft and short-haired under there. So in battles, ambushes and all that kind of stuff. He would defiantly be an invisible cat to the world and have a better advantage then the most with white pelts and all that.

Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements):
He is optimistic, that was a word when he was a small kit, super optimistic, it describes him alot friendly to clans, friendly to other cats of clans, But in battle contact this 'friendliness' just disapears and he will be nasty for his clan and family and friends. Infact lets move on to another describing word, Loyal, He is loyal. I know, I know he is friendly to other cats of clans. But, his clan is his heart and that is where it will stay until he dies, Loyal I mean, as in he protects his clan, defends and is particularly useful in ambushes and battles for the color of his pelt, See above.

Another describing word for Raresmoke is funny and hilarious. Get it right now someone who is friendly and loyal has just got to be funny, Alright? Raresmoke will comment and make jokes to lighten or brighten other cats moods. Usually it works but sometimes he will have to use his energy and paws to actually get away from the cats he talked to. Now, do you see what funny I mean?

---Likes (at least 3):
He likes Storms, of course. I mean, that is what Thunderclan is all about, right? He loves the rain, broken trees, falling down cliffs and thunder and lightning. The booms and noise that these make, let him rest in a peaceful sleep, because he loves it so much, He also loves Kits he is mad about them, Ever since he was little, he loved himself and others in the nursery. He absolutely loves sleeping, Okay, imagine this. He could sleep through a storm, a hurricane, through the apocalypse even! He is one sleeping machine!

--- Dislikes (at least 3):
He hates voles. Yucky things, Most cats just love it and are grateful for the fact that food was provided but he spat it out secretly and spent the whole night washing the bitter taste out of his mouth. He espically hates huge, huge animals. E.G: Cows, sheep and all that. He hates how they think there so powerful over the cats that survive without all that food provided. Stupid things and he also hates.....[DRUMROLL]....Kittypets. Striding around the place like they own it. But no, one day, when he leads the clans he'd get rid of them, exterminate them. Make sure every last one of them is dead.

---Strengths (No MORE than 5):
I would say Natural disasters, battles, Ambushes, deals and hunting. The main things clans want their cats to master over the apprentice years. Anyhow he is good with this stuff and all. You know what I mean he has lots of strengths that are improving each time he does it. Say they were in the middle of a battle and a fire was happening from a thunder strike, he would leap through the fire or at least try to and rescue any cat that suffocation or was suffocating in there.

---Weaknesses (At least 3):
He is weak with food, heat and fire. You see, he likes storms and all but heat and everything opposite to that is his weakness alright? Do not forget that, it is vital when it comes to his living style. Heat is making him groan and moan with agony but luckily, Thunderclan has pine trees that cast shadows on the ground where he can lounge when there is nothing to do.

History (8 or more sentences):
Well let say this, he had a dad, (like all cats do) But the thing was, that his dad ain't just some ordinarily one that is proud of them and usually dies in battle to save the kits. But his farther forced his mother, then one day she had kits. 2 parts of them died because their farther didn't want kits, so he killed them. But his mother hid Raresmoke in a tree hollow for three days, feeding him nothing but bits of tender mice and milk. Soon after, his Farther dissapeared and left the two to fend on their own. But the thing is, his Farther did not know that Raresmoke was still alive.

5 moons after, his mother died, and as a rouge he left the hollow where he used to hide and where he was raised, to Thunderclan. Two cats, who are now his best buddies, took him into the clan. He was almost banished, but the leader decided afew more paws would do some good and soon the cat was pronounced as a full member of the clan and then his true life of Thunderclan warrior started.

Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
Raresmoke sank onto his haunches, tail wavering about in the air like an enchanting snake. Today was boiling, his eyes rolled as the sun boiled his pelt and the suns rays made his eyes shine. In luck though, lots of trees were around and that meant shade. Shade!, He thought, sighing with relief. His paws ran towards the tree, pine scent filled his nose glands. But to him, it was the everyday scent of home. Sighing, he layed on his backside, expiring his belly to the shade, and the half sun.

The black smokes claws unsheathed and sheathed while stretching them in the process. How come today was so peaceful, when all the other days were filled with battles?! Two kits passed him, mingled with each other, chattering about becoming the worlds greatest leaders ever. "Hey Raresmoke,"They mewed, turning to look at the tom lying down, a grin plastered on his face.

Comments (optional): Hope this makes it! :)

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