((and no it does not mean I wipe my butt with boys))
Have you ever gone to the bathroom, only to notice there's no toilet paper? So you pray. Dear God just let there be one piece of toilet paper. And you look. And there's two! And there's so much more than you expected and you're super happy. But then when you look, the stall has a full roll and you think, "Wow, I should have just waited and gone there..."
I just had this with boys. I just wanted to date around. I mean, freshman in college, all that. And I'm in this LARPing group that makes it easy to meet guys with alot of similar interests. And well, I'm not pretty, but apparently I have something the guys like cause I get alot of opportunities. So I just want to find one guy that's worth dating. And I do. He's awesome, attractive, a total secret nerd, Dark Lord of the Sith XD, ect. More than I expected; I was happy to just date him. So last Thursday (the 8th), we started "officially" dating. And Friday, at game, I had one of those moments. There was a new Padawan (I swear this sounds so lame as I type it) and he was just IT. Like everything I ever looked for in a guy. And we spent alot of time together since we had the same Master. And then the next day he started IMing me. We seriously spend 3+ hours a day on AIM together, just talking. The way we click is just amazing. So today, on AIM, he just flat out asked if I liked him. Now I know I'm an adult and blah blah blah, but when he asked I did the 'deer in the headlights' panic and freeze, combined with the 'log off AIM immediately.' So he keeps sending me FB messages asking me to forgive him and everything, so I go back online and: ((I'm Yaranna))
renon (12:45:12 AM):[Offline IM sent 5m ago] why did you run away?
yaranna (12:50:14 AM): I'm here
renon (12:50:27 AM): ...are you mad at me? >//<
renon (12:50:31 AM): [cowers]
yaranna (12:50:35 AM): no
yaranna (12:50:37 AM): not at all
yaranna (12:51:18 AM): sorry
yaranna (12:51:53 AM): don't run away
yaranna (12:51:57 AM): I'm so sorry
yaranna (12:52:00 AM): Don't hate me
renon (12:52:10 AM): so...let's lay out all our cards on the table...I find you very attractive, but I've tried to stay reserved because of the distance and the fact that you have a boyfriend who is not only a new friend whom i see on a regular basis, but one who intimidates me...>//<
renon (12:52:48 AM): and i think you're an amazing person...i'm very flattered that you find me similarly attractive, if that's what you were insinuating...
yaranna (12:53:18 AM): *damn it*
renon (12:54:08 AM): what?
renon (12:54:16 AM): >//<
renon (12:54:24 AM): did i misspeak again? >//<
yaranna (12:54:33 AM): no not at all
renon (12:56:01 AM): i'd love to pursue you romantically, as it were, but you can see where my fear lies...>//<
yaranna (12:56:19 AM): hence the "damn it" /sarcasm
renon (12:56:25 AM): i must say that my heart sank a bit when you said you and ricky were dating...>//<
yaranna (12:57:01 AM): I must say "God d**n it why didn't I meet you til Ricky and I were already dating!!!???"
renon (12:57:12 AM): >//< i'm sorry...
renon (12:57:31 AM): i feel like a terrible person...
renon (12:58:34 AM): but if you do want to try this, i need you to be honest with ricky...because i've had too many problems with a relationship built on lies and deceit, and it has made me very wary...
renon (12:58:37 AM): >//>
yaranna (12:58:54 AM): I need to think
yaranna (12:58:55 AM): alot
yaranna (12:59:02 AM): I never meant to tell you
renon (12:59:02 AM): [nods] i understand...
renon (12:59:06 AM): it's okay...
renon (1:02:56 AM): so...i have to know...what do you see in me?
yaranna (1:03:05 AM): *sigh*
yaranna (1:03:18 AM): you're like exactly my type
yaranna (1:03:19 AM): =P
renon (1:03:38 AM): ^//^ how's that?
yaranna (1:03:53 AM): freakin everything
renon (1:03:56 AM): XD
renon (1:04:03 AM): aww
yaranna (1:04:25 AM): d**n it
renon (1:05:04 AM): you know, you're my type, too ^//^ the tea, the video gaming...
renon (1:05:19 AM): [blushes] and i have a thing for girls who wear gloves ~_^ lol
yaranna (1:05:40 AM): aw...
yaranna (1:05:42 AM): lol
renon (1:06:46 AM): [hugs] sorry if this is leading you on too much, but like i said, i can't go into a relationship based on deceit of any kind...which means if you want to go out with me, you'll have to legitimately break up with ricky, to put it bluntly >///< and i'm sorry for saying that, but that's pretty much how it is...
yaranna (1:07:05 AM): I know
yaranna (1:07:11 AM): I would never do that to him
renon (1:07:18 AM): [hugs] i'll still be an affectionate friend until you do, if you do at all...
yaranna (1:07:20 AM): But I don't wanna hurt him
renon (1:07:23 AM): i understand
yaranna (1:07:25 AM): hence the cursing
renon (1:07:25 AM): it's hard
yaranna (1:07:27 AM): and punching
yaranna (1:07:30 AM): and crying
renon (1:07:31 AM): [hugs] it's not your fault
renon (1:08:04 AM): trust me, i'm crying, too...because i feel like if i'd just listened to star sooner and started star wars a few weeks earlier...
yaranna (1:08:25 AM): *sigh*
renon (1:08:30 AM): i could be with such a pretty and wonderful girl...
yaranna (1:08:37 AM): *sigh x 2*
renon (1:08:43 AM): [sighs, hugging you tight] i'm sorry >//<
yaranna (1:08:59 AM): *hugs*
renon (1:10:29 AM): so, to recap, we've opened up, we're attracted to each other, and nothing else has changed...you're not going to disappear on me?
yaranna (1:11:06 AM): no, now that I'm done freaking out
renon (1:11:22 AM): awww...[huggles close] i'm sorry...
yaranna (1:11:46 AM): I mean initial freakout
yaranna (1:11:57 AM): I'll still be having a panic attack for a few more hours
renon (1:12:03 AM): T_T
renon (1:24:16 AM): oh, and btw...
renon (1:24:49 AM): were you insinuating earlier with your toilet paper thing that you wipe your ass with guys like ricky and me?
renon (1:24:54 AM): lol
yaranna (1:24:56 AM): exactly
renon (1:25:00 AM): i resent that! XD
yaranna (1:25:04 AM): JK
renon (1:25:27 AM): [hugs] i know, lol
renon (1:25:37 AM): i love to lighten the mood ^//^
yaranna (1:25:58 AM): you're good at that
renon (1:26:21 AM): [blushes] thank you...
yaranna (1:29:37 AM): welcome
renon (1:31:13 AM): so, i propose that we both get some rest, sweetie [hugs] it's been interesting, and i'm extremely flattered, to say the very least, but i have a class at 8 AM >//<
renon (1:32:35 AM): sleep on the decision, talk it over with ricky if you need to and feel comfortable with it before deciding, and we can talk more tomorrow, okay? [hugs]
yaranna (1:38:28 AM): okay good night
yaranna (1:38:34 AM): *hugs*
yaranna (1:38:39 AM): talk to you tomorrow
renon (1:39:03 AM): good night, talk to you tomorrow [hugs] i hope i helped some...i don't want to be too much trouble for you >//<
So... I'm still in that panic attack stage, and wanted to type that all out...