Blackbriar of Riverclan

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  • Character Name: Blackbriar


    Character Age: 12 moons


    Gender: Female


    Alliance: Riverclan


    Rank: Warrior


    Appearance (6 or more sentences): Silvery-gray eyes and a strong frame. She has a dark pelt with golden flecks in it. There are tan stripes over her dark fur. Blackbriar has three toes on one paw from an accident with her old twolegs. Her chest and underbelly are a beige color, and she has a white patch over her left eye. Her left eye is a bit clouded because she is blind in it.


    Personality (6 or more sentences--these sentences form their own section and do NOT count towards the 4 groups below. Those are additional requirements): Blackbriar loves her clanmates and if one of them is hurt she spends most of her day worrying about them. She likes to take charge though, and if she finds a problem she is determined to fix it! Blackbriar jumps to conclusions whenever something bad is happening, but she always tries to be on her best behavior. She treats all kits like she is their mother, even if she dislikes their parents. Blackbriar is far from a solitary cat and loves to share tongues. She is loyal, and prepared to do anything for Riverclan!
    ---Likes (at least 3): Kind and caring cats, Hunting, Fish
    --- Dislikes (at least 3): Cats that are full of themselves, Twolegs, Rabbits
    ---Strengths (No MORE than 5): Quick and strong.
    ---Weaknesses (At least 3): Always jumps right into things without planning. Her white patch stands out, making her more noticeable to enemies and prey. Blindness in her left eye.


    History (8 or more sentences):
    Blackbriar used to be owned by vicious twolegs. They abused her and forced her to use her claws against other cats. One cat she'd battle had ripped off a toe on her right paw. Another had cut her left eye making her blind in that eye. Finally, she'd escaped the twolegs. Thankfully, they had never given her a collar to worry about. She ran through the forest for a long time. Blackbriar had to teach herself how to hunt and fight. She wanted to survive. Somehow, she came across Riverclan territory, and pleaded for them to accept her into their clan. They did and now she is a loyal Riverclan warrior.


    Her mentor was very loving when I first ran into the clan. Blackbriar's mentor taught her better ways she could hunt and fight. Her mentor was one of her favorite cats. Soon, Blackbriar will be ready for her own apprentice.


    Roleplay Sample (Required for first advanced bio):
    Blackbriar leaned over the murky water, careful not to let her shadow touch it. She unsheathed her claws as she saw something moving underwater. Blackbriar plunged her paw into the water and felt her claws go through a fish. Pulling out her soaking paw, she let out a satisfied sigh at the fish. She dropped it onto the land, and raised her paw again to look for more.


    Comments (optional):
    Okay, so I hope this gets accepted. Let me know if there are any problems with it I need to fix. Thank you! :)

  • this bio looks great, but could you please lengthen the sentences in the appearance paragraph? Some of them are a bit choppy. You could join them up , or just add a little more information.



    thanks,
    random

  • It looks great! :D


    However, your appearance is still fairly choppy - by that, I mean most of your sentences are short and are fragments - they shouldn't really be sentences at all. ^^; Here, this is an example of how it should be (changes are italic and in green[:):


    She has silvery-gray eyes and a strong frame, along with a dark pelt that has golden flecks in it; there are tan stripes over her dark fur. Blackbriar has three toes on one paw from an accident with her old twolegs. Her chest and underbelly are a beige color, and she has a white patch over her left eye, left eye is also bit clouded because she is blind in it.


    See what I mean? ^^ Please bump this when you're done fixing your bio <3