we will try again | self improvement

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    Shadepaw loved his sister, but she had easily given him one of the crappiest weekly tasks that he had ever been given. Work on something? Improve yourself? Share it with others? The young cat wasn't stupid, he knew that he had faults, but he hated having to work on those faults, and he hated sharing them even more. But he was determined to carry out Ivorypaw's task - he wouldn't let her down, as much as he wanted to ignore that the stupid task had been given to him in the first place.


    And that was why the charcoal pelted tom found himself shooting up a tree, digging his claws powerfully into its bark, pursuing a squirrel. His heart was pounding faster and faster, his entire body felt hot and sweaty, and there was a buzzing noise in his ears. With every step that he took up the tree, he feared that he would fall and plummet onto the ground, perhaps even facing his demise, but he forced himself to ignore his fear. Shadepaw had two main weaknesses, or at least, two that he had recognized and wanted to work on. The first was his intelligence - he wasn't dumb, but he wasn't smart either, and that was something he wanted to work on. Secondly, he wanted to work on becoming braver, as the young tom was secretly rather cowardly. Hopefully today he would manage to make some progress one way or another.


    Shadepaw was good at climbing trees, and yet heights terrified him. Although he knew that he could easily reach the top, he couldn't help but fear the worst every time he had to climb one of these stupid things, and he was unable to stop the terror which clutched icily at his heart. He was glad that no one knew how much of a coward he really was - he couldn't imagine how embarrassing that would be. It was for the best that Shadepaw's Clanmates simply saw him for his strengths rather than his weaknesses.


    The ebony furred male realized he had become lost in thought, something that he did every so often, something that he needed to work on. He forced himself to focus, forced himself to banish any foolish, unnecessary, distracting thoughts from his mind. This was between him, the tree and the squirrel.


    At some point, the small cat managed to reach the top of the tree. There were two branches on an equal level, with the squirrel swerving on to the left one, its fluffy tail streaming out behind it. Shadepaw's impulsive side told him to immediately leap on to the branch and catch the squirrel, but his brain told him that he needed to be careful. The branch was thin, and if he wasn't carefully, it would snap. Shadepaw, perhaps for the first time in his life, was grateful for his small size. While heavier cats would easily snap the branch in half, he was significantly lighter.


    As long as I'm careful, everything should be fine.


    Taking a deep breath, the obsidian pelted apprentice stepped on to the branch. The branch lurched under his weight, and Shadepaw let out a gasp, shutting his eyes, expecting himself to immediately fall to the ground. But then the branch grew still again. After a few moments, the apprentice opened his eyes, and slowly, carefully, allowed the rest of his paws to settle on to the branch. He immediately sank his claws in, making sure that his grip was tight, and then focused on the squirrel.


    The squirrel stood by the end of the branch with nowhere else to go. "Stupid squirrel," Shadepaw snarled, slowly edging along the branch, watching his paws carefully, making sure that he walked straight, making sure that his weight was balanced. "You've gotten yourself trapped." All the squirrel could do was watch as the predator advanced closer and closer. Shadepaw still felt sick, he still felt as though he was going to fall off the branch at any moment, but he preserved. His sister had given him this task and he was determined to complete it not only for her, but for himself.


    Shadepaw was right by the squirrel now, his bright emerald eyes fixed on it. The squirrel was an average specimen - not especially small, not especially big, not especially thin, not especially fat. In any other situation, Shadepaw wouldn't have really had any feelings about catching it. But this? This was different. For this squirrel, he had faced his fears, and he had used his brain. This squirrel was special.


    The young cat sank his teeth into the squirrel's neck, feeling it go limp. Shadepaw felt triumph rush through him. "I caught it..." he whispered, his eyes shining. "I did it!" Looking down, he could see the ground far, far below him. It still scared him, but perhaps he felt a little less scared now. He was a good climber - maybe he hadn't had a real reason to be afraid in the first place.


    Maybe I really am improving after all.


    ❋ The small, woolly apprentice sat nearby among the undergrowth, watching the spectacle with her huge, starstruck mint green eyes. To her these were feats of glory and grandeur, and she was very easily impressed by anything the black tom did. She looked on in wordless admiration as he began his descent with his catch. She wanted to call out to him, say something clever, but she couldn't, of course she couldn't. Youre such a coward. Nobody will ever look twice at you if you cant even look them in the eye. "speech"


    Ivorypaw's tasks were certainly... unique to say the least. Her own had been quite enjoyable, if the tiniest bit odd... it was never a waste of time to spend time with not only her apprentice, but also someone she considered a friend from the other side of the ShadowClan border. Shadepaw's task though, wasn't something she envied. Self-improvement? Her own adventure of scrounging through twoleg debris seemed much more interesting now.
    But Briarheart was the slightest bit curious what Shadepaw had to improve on. He'd always struck the deputy as rather stuck-up... never engaging with others as if he were above them. But, perhaps over time he would overcome such a fallacy... especially under the tutelage of their new leader.

    Verdant green eyes latched onto Lightpaw first, staring wide-eyed at something. Quietly, Briarheart made her way over to the apprentice, eyes narrowed, searching for whatever she was so intent on... she almost missed Shadepaw's descent from the tree, squirrel in tow. The fearful, self-depreciating look on Lightpaw's face was testament enough to the way she was currently feeling... and so Briarheart took it upon herself to give her a small nudge. A single forepaw in an effort to coax her forward. "Not bad, Shadepaw! I missed the chase, but if you're coming down from that there tree I'd say you did pretty well!" As much of a praise as Briarheart felt capable giving. She shot a quick glance to Lightpaw as if to say: See? That wasn't so hard.

    And really... it wasn't a bad catch. Chasing squirrels up trees was something every ThunderClanner would eventually learn... just as WindClan was taught to chase their rabbits rather than stalk them. Briarheart would give up her dinner if it meant she could watch a WindClanner try to hunt in her territory! The thought alone was laughable. An approving nod, cordial, friendly enough, before meandering back to camp herself. Shadepaw didn't need an audience... and that would leave Lightpaw to deal with her shyness without the barrier of the deputies body.


    BRIARHEART [06.23.2020


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    He spotted Lightpaw first. It seemed that he and the light ginger molly seemed to run into each other a lot. It didn't surprise him that she was staying quiet, simply watching him with wide eyes. Shadepaw assumed that she was impressed, which made him feel a little bit more confident - just a little.


    But he could still feel his heart pounding.


    Briarheart appeared next. Though she was the Clan deputy now, Shadepaw felt as though he had still never really gotten to know her all that well. She was okay, though - he got why Pumpkinstrut had chosen her as deputy, and he certainly didn't mind hearing her praise. It was unlikely either of the two she cats in the audience had any idea how petrified he had been while climbing up that tree, how sick he had felt, how terrified he had been of falling.


    "Thanks!" He called out in a muffled voice to Briarheart just before the small tortoiseshell left the scene. Maybe he didn't know her well, maybe he didn't care for her, but... he was grateful for her support.


    Now he just had to focus on climbing down from this tree. The sight of the ground lurching towards him as he climbed downwards made him feel sick, his belly flipping over and over. Occasionally, he would look towards Lightpaw, aware that the other apprentice was still present. If he climbed down well, he would be able to impress her, but if he panicked and embarrassed himself, he would look like an idiot, and that was the last thing that he wanted. Although perhaps it didn't seem like it, Shadepaw truly did care about what other cats thought of him. And Lightpaw... while he wouldn't say that he knew her well, he was aware that he did care for her, and he was aware that he cared about her opinion of him. He didn't want to look like an idiot in front of her, even though she was probably the last cat who would judge him.


    The ground was getting closer and closer, and Shadepaw was starting to gain momentum. If you fall, you'll land on your paws. It was a reassuring thought, but one that was quickly tainted by the memory of Shellfire falling out of a tree and certainly not landing on her paws. For a moment, the young male froze up, remembering how badly hurt his friend had been.


    Then he looked at Lightpaw, and reminded himself that he had the reputation of a brave and confident cat to uphold. He had to carry on. The obsidian furred apprentice continued to climb down the tree, soon reaching the bottom. He felt relief rush through him as his paws hit the ground. For a brief moment, there was a hint of fear on his face, narrow rims of white around his eyes, his expression uneasy.


    Shadepaw breathed in and out, getting rid of any signs of fear from his face before dropping the squirrel on the ground and greeting Lightpaw. "Hey, Lightpaw," he rested his tail on the she cat's shoulder. "Just doing some hunting. Ivorypaw gave me a task to work on something, to do some self improvement, so I thought I would just practice hunting and climbing trees. I mean, I'm already good at both of those things but," he paused, running a paw through his fur, making sure that it lay flat. "I'm better at fighting, so I thought hunting and climbing trees was better to focus on." He kept quiet about what he had really been working on - facing his fears and becoming smarter. He didn't need to share that humiliating shit with anybody.

    ❋ Lightpaw had been as terrified as Shadepaw felt, watching her friend descend precariously from the tree and anticipating his fall to the ground. She was both relieved and impressed when he landed seemingly effortlessly on all 4 paws. "Oh, I'm sure you're good at just about everything." She purred, all gooey eyed and starstruck as ever. She was more than happy to inflate the black Tom's ego.