this is not wonderland | pumpkin

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    Thanks for the memories

    Even though they weren't so great — tags

    Lilypetal dragged herself into the centre of camp, blinking her eyes sleepily, struggling to keep them open. Usually she woke up full of energy, but since the recent death of her apprentice, she had found herself a lot more tired. The enthuasism that Lilypetal faced every day with was gone in a heartbeat, and she couldn't help but wonder how long it would take for her to return to her ordinary self. She knew that she had mourned her father's death for a while, but perhaps his passing hadn't been quite as painful as Brindlepaw's, simply as she didn't blame herself for his death. Lilypetal had been there when Brindlepaw had died - she had fallen from the gorge right in front of her during the middle of a training session. It had been her responsibility as a mentor to protect the child, but she had failed, and she didn't know how long it would take to forgive herself for that.


    Trying to push her negative thoughts away, though finding it impossible, Lilypetal glanced around the camp, wondering whether she should speak to someone. Her Clanmates had probably noticed that she had been considerably less sociable since Brindlepaw's death, and although she was sure that they understood why she was being so quiet, she had a feeling that they were waiting for the fun, cheerful Lilypetal to come back. Surely nobody wanted to be around a grieving cat.


    Her pretty blue gaze eventually rested upon Pumpkinstrut, ThunderClan's deputy. For several moments, the creamy furred warrior just watched her, before beginning to pad towards the calico. She didn't know Pumpkinstrut very well at all, but perhaps that was why she found herself approaching the ThunderClanner. Pumpkinstrut knew nothing of the loud, cheerful Lilypetal, for the two she cats had barely spoken. Lilypetal felt less pressure to act like her ordinary self, as Pumpkinstrut didn't know what she was usually like. Lilypetal thought that was probably for the best - after all, she didn't know when 'happy Lilypetal' was coming back.


    "Want to go hunting?" The slender warrior asked. She didn't add anything on to the question, leaving it as a simple yes or no. She wondered whether Pumpkinstrut had gotten the hang of catching WindClan prey yet. Lilypetal felt pretty sorry for her - it had to be hard, living in a new camp with different cats, and having to adjust to a new territory. It would probably take me moons to get used to hunting in ThunderClan territory - I'm not even all that good at hunting on WindClan land!


    PUMPKINSTAR.


    "Listen to me..."

    Unlike the other, while it usually took Pumpkinstrut back at home to wake up here? She was practically up before the sun rose... She felt homesick here, she felt in danger all the time with the lack of trees... and she found no comfort being among WindClan. Everyone was proving to be kind, they had let her in for starters but they weren't her family. They weren't her friends. They weren't ThunderClan. But she did her best to pull her weight around here, the last thing she wanted was for cats to look at her the way that she had looked at SkyClan when they resided in ThunderClan. She was useful! She would help.

    But with each day that passed the dread within her continued to grow.

    What if things didn't get better?

    What if she truly was no longer a ThunderClanner?

    This would be her home now...


    Just gotta try and find out whats wrong with Flamestar... help her... cure her... then go home. She reminds herself right before an unfamiliar cats voice sounds nearby her. A startled expression briefly plasters her face and she turns her head to look behind her, oh... Lilypetal. "Oh! Um..." She trails off, still trying to fully process the request as she had been lost in her own little world of fear only a moment prior. "...Sure. So long as you don't mind my um... sad to watch hunting skills." She tries to joke lightly as she rises up onto her paws. It hurt her pride a bit knowing how she probably looked to the WindClanner's, a ThunderClanner who could hardly hunt. She swore she was good at it! Just in ThunderClan though...

    Just another reason she'd never survive out on her own. It had been a few days and she still hadn't adapted much to her new environment. Pumpkinstrut slowly begins to make her way to the exit of their camp, half-expecting that Lilypetal would end up taking the lead once they were out. "Just to make sure... its Lilypetal? Right? I'm terrible with not mixing up names so before I make a fool of myself." The calico once again muses lightly with a forced chuckle. She wasn't trying to be rude but... being in WindClan and talking to strangers? She was completely out of her comfort zone.

    Thanks for the memories

    Even though they weren't so great — tags

    Despite the terrible mood that Lilypetal had found herself in recently, she couldn't help but be a little bit amused by the brief startled expression upon the ThunderClan deputy's face, the smallest smile appearing upon her maw. It was a relief to the cream point when Pumpkinstrut accepted her offer. Now she could hang out with someone without the pressure of acting like 'normal' Lilypetal weighing down painfully on her shoulders. Perhaps soon she would return to her cheerful facade, but she couldn't do so quite yet - she simply didn't have the energy.


    "It's okay," she answered the calico, giving her a small shrug. "You're not used to hunting moor prey, after all." The pretty molly laughed gently, watching as the ThunderClanner headed towards the camp exit. As Pumpkinstrut had predicted, Lilypetal was quick to overtake her, feeling the smallest spark of energy in her chest. In a way, she felt more confident going for a hunt alongside Pumpkinstrut than beside her own Clanmates. Lilypetal was far from the greatest hunter, and generally missed more prey than she caught, but surely she had to be better at hunting on WindClan's territory than a ThunderClanner. For once, she wasn't worried about being judged, and she wasn't worried about maintaining a positive image of herself.


    From behind her, she heard Pumpkinstrut checking what her name was, and so the cream point gave her a quick nod. "Yeah, I'm Lilypetal," she reassured Pumpkinstrut. Lilypetal took it as a compliment that this ThunderClanner, who hadn't been residing in WindClan's camp for very long, knew her name. She supposed she was generally one of the more talkative WindClanners - it was a rarity that she stayed quiet for more than a few minutes usually. But recently she had been a lot quieter, overwhelmed with grief for her apprentice while her head was filled with worries about Brightstar and her odd behaviour. "And you're Pumpkinstrut, of course. Everyone knows who you are - you're ThunderClan's deputy." Lilypetal was used to speaking with cats who were highly ranked as her sister was WindClan's leader, though she remembered always getting very excited to talk to high positions in the Clan back when she was a young cat, thinking that it made her 'cooler.' As Lilypetal had gotten older, she had come to the conclusion that highly ranked cats were no better than ordinary warriors and apprentices, and that in some situations, they even became corrupted by the power that they held. Maybe that's what is happening with Brightstar right now - she was never so cruel back when she was deputy. I don't want to believe that the power she holds has gone to her head, though. I really don't...


    Lilypetal forced herself to snap out of her uneasy thoughts. Pumpkinstrut was here, and maybe, just maybe, the calico could distract her. Probably not, though. Even when Lilypetal had spoken to her friends recently, such as Coldpaw, she had still found her dark thoughts taking over her mind. She didn't know when she would start feeling better, if even her friends weren't helping. Maybe once Brightstar goes back to normal - that is, if she ever does...


    Upon leaving the camp, Lilypetal turned her head again, blue gaze resting upon Pumpkinstrut. "So, why did you leave ThunderClan anyway? I wasn't there when you first came to us, but I assumed that there was something wrong," spotting the shape of a small rabbit in the distance, she started to head towards the creature. "I mean, it's not everyday a Clan deputy leaves their Clan out of nowhere." Lilypetal couldn't imagine leaving WindClan - she loved her Clan. Although, perhaps the idea did sound a little more tempting than usual with the way that Brightstar was behaving.


    "Listen to me..."

    //sorry for taking a moment to reply to this ^^ also sorry this is kinda long dont feel like you've gotta match, mostly rambling.


    Despite the WindClanner's reassurance, she didn't feel any more confident that she wouldn't make a fool out of herself with hunting again. Pumpkinstrut was used to being an excellent hunter, being confident in her abilities and hoping she could be someone the aspiring hunters of the clan could look up to. But here? The exact thing she held pride in within ThunderClan was gone, she was a shit hunter... But yesterday at least she had gotten close to scraping her claws against a rabbit. "Yeah, I just hope I get better soon. I don't want to be a burden or anything." The multi-colored feline admits with a small gulp, slipping out of camp she slows down for a brief moment to allow for Lilypetal to take the lead. She'd know all the good hunting spots after all- or at least more likely than she would.


    Relief washed over her at the confirmation she had gotten the molly's name right, she had been afraid for a moment she had gotten it wrong. That was always well- embarrassing to say the least. But an invisible brow raises, was that true? Did everyone actually know who she was? She knew cats looked at her at the gatherings- knew by appearance she was a deputy but the thought that a lot of them might actually know her by name made it a bit more scary... They didn't like- whisper about her or anything?

    If they did what did they say?


    It wasn't like her to usually care about what cats think, but since he had been placed into the role she got more aware that she was representing her clan. Her image had to be good so ThunderClan's was good. She almost wants to ask, but holds her tongue not wanting to come across as full of herself or anything of the sort. "Huh..." Is all she says on that topic for a couple moments. "I guess I'm um- flattered." She then finishes, clearly unsure of how to respond to the statement. Like Lilypetal she had the same stance for the most part on higher rankings of the clans, even now that she was one herself. At the end of the day she was nothing more than an ordinary warrior, hell it was still how she seen herself most of the time. To this very day she wondered what her mother seen in her that she picked her over someone like Briarheart or Crimsoncry.

    Anyways, point was- she was supposed to be one of the big boys now, but she still felt small. Like a warrior who wasn't supposed to be among them- but was.

    It was nice though when cats continued to treat her like she was like everyone else- because she was, and she heard that some leaders in the past have felt that their relationship with their clan shifts since they've gotten the role. And well- that happening to her scares her.


    Why did you leave ThunderClan anyway? The question startles her a bit, but that doesn't show as she keeps a stoic expression aside from the fur on her hackles slightly sticking up in alarm. Uh... well- it was a fair question. "I didn't leave." Pumpkin begins, well... she did. "I didn't want to at least. I was um..." She trails off for a few long moments, knowing very well what the first thoughts were to everyone she told. What had she done? Had she killed someone...? It spoiled all the pride she had within her. "Exiled. Flamestar has been being weird, and I spoke up against her kinda... Walked in on it and kicked me out."


    "I swear I did nothing wrong though... She just needs time to get better. I think shes sick, and once shes cured I'll go back."

    ✦ ✧ ✦

    //it's all good! Don't feel as though you have to match the length of this either - it's mainly just lily being angsty!


    Lilypetal couldn't blame Pumpkinstrut for worrying about being a burden - she herself often felt like a burden, and she was born in WindClan. She had no reason for her poor hunting skills, and yet she had always just struggled with hunting, ever since her first session as an apprentice. And it was a pity, really, that she was such a clumsy hunter - she had long, sharp claws, but she just didn't know how to use them effectively. "It's fine." A short response. Usually, Lilypetal would have been quick to fuss over Pumpkinstrut, to reassure her that everything was okay, but with everything that was happening in WindClan recently, it was hard for her to gain any enthusiasm. She'd said what needed to be said, and hopefully that was good enough.


    A slightly amused smile appeared on the creamy molly's face in response to another one of her statements. She supposed it would be quite flattering to be known throughout all of the Clans, but that was just what came with holding a high position. Lilypetal had always hoped that one day she would become the leader of her Clan, not only for the power she would hold in such a position, but because of the popularity it would hopefully bring her. Lilypetal wasn't necessarily an unpopular cat - she had friends in WindClan, and no one seemed to really dislike her, but it would always help to be more known. She didn't really have any friends in other Clans at all, which was something that Lilypetal wanted to change. She had nothing against the other Clans, and quite liked the idea of getting to know cats from other Clans better. Lilypetal was sure there were things she could learn from their experiences, WindClanner or not.


    Pumpkinstrut's response to her question caught her off guard, and surprise flickered in her eyes, especially at Pumpkinstrut's final statement. "I think she's sick, and once she's cured she'll go back." Pumpkinstrut's description reminded her very strongly of Brightstar, who was also acting strangely. Perhaps she wasn't meant to share such information with a cat from another Clan, but as Pumpkinstrut had spoken about Flamestar, she saw no reason why she couldn't speak about Brightstar. Lowering her voice a little, as though frightened of another cat overhearing her, the cream point answered, "Brightstar's... been acting weird too. She just keeps acting like a foxheart towards everyone in the Clan, and it just seems so weird because she's usually so... nice..." Lilypetal really wanted to believe that Pumpkinstrut was right, and that Flamestar would go back to normal once she was cured, because maybe that meant there was a chance that Brightstar could go back to normal too. She desperately wanted to believe that - she couldn't bear the thought of her sister remaining such a cruel and cold cat for the rest of her nine lives.


    "And I believe you," she added quickly. "Y'know, about doing nothing wrong. If she's acting anything like how Brightstar is acting, she's probably doing whatever she wants, just to be nasty," a shiver ran through the pretty molly's pelt. "I don't know why Brightstar is acting the way that she's acting, but... I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't even care whether she's my sister or not," perhaps that wasn't entirely true. Lilypetal still loved Brightstar, she just hated the way that she was acting. But right now, Lilypetal was just too angry at Brightstar to even consider the affection that she felt towards her. "How do you think they could be cured? Flamestar and Brightstar, I mean? Do you think they'd have to spend time with a medicine cat or something?" Maybe the two leaders were just stressed - surely a lot of pressure was put on them after all, considering the immense amount of power they held over their Clans, and the responsibilities which lay upon their shoulders.


    //sorry again for how long this has taken, would you maybe like an open thread where she comes to the border and the two talk? for some reasons privates are really draining muse wise for me ;;


    Brightstar had been acting weird? Wasn't she usually rather... cheerful? The WindClan molly had seemed cheerful enough when she welcomed her in to her clan at the border. This was news to her, and something that kind of began to put her on edge... Was she really right? Was this really a strange sickness that only spread to leaders? It seemed silly and unrealistic but with the stars gone and all this StarClan stuff she easily believed it. "Really...?" She murmurs with a shocked tone laced in her voice. "Its so odd... that only leaders have been getting it isn't it?" Pumpkinstrut continues on, continuing off her sickness theory. Was it a punishment sent by StarClan...? Oh stars but why would they punish her mother? Surely she was loyal to them and the code, or did she have some sort of secret she was hiding?

    No... her mother would never. And from what she knew based off Brightstar she didn't seem like the type to keep secrets or do things StarClan wouldn't be pleased with. Right? ...Right?


    "Maybe the medicine cats should start looking for a cure or something... I wish I could help find a way but I'm as mouse-brained as rocks when it comes to this type of stuff. I don't even know where to begin." The feline then goes quiet in contemplation... it felt weird to be so open about Flamestar with a WindClanner but...

    She supposed if things didn't go back to normal, she would be a WindClanner. Her clan-mate.

    Though the reason was not because she disliked them, but... she just hoped it wouldn't come to that. She had always been ThunderClan, and without her clan and the cats within it back home she was lost.


    Relief washes over her, good! Lily wasn't going to distrust her or... think of her badly.

    "Thank you." She murmurs with a dip of her head before listening to the warriors words about her leader and Flamestar. She was probably right- it had just been done to make a point. To be cold. But it still shook her... it wasn't every day a cat got exiled by their own mother- and up until then Flamestar had been nothing but a kind and caring mom to her. Even when she went through her "I hate you" phase toward the flame coated she-cat. But an invisible brow raises, Lilypetal was Brightstar's sister...?

    She never would've gotten the hint!

    Admittedly she felt a bit guilty for it, but it was kind of... nice to know someone else was going through something similar to her. Seeing kin, someone you were close to just suddenly warp into the opposite of themselves. "I get what you mean- and how you feel. I think." Pumpkinstrut wanted her mom to stop, but out of shock in ThunderClan she couldn't seem to put her whole clan first before her kin. Until it was too late and she was exiled at least...


    "And I don't know... do you think- well... with everything going on..." She trails off once more for a few moments, clearly hesitant on if this idea was mouse-brained or not. "That this is some type of... punishment from StarClan? I don't think my mother did anything wrong- and well I don't know Brightstar but she doesn't seem the type to wrong them either."