I smile before I want to | therapy session

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    Thanks for the memories

    Even though they weren't so great — tags

    Honestly, it had surprised Lilypetal that Blacknight of all cats had suggested that she hold a therapy session, but hey, it seemed that WindClan's grumpy tom was quite a surprising individual anyway, considering that he had offered to give out tasks in the first place.


    Lilypetal didn't know the first thing about giving 'therapy,' and she wasn't as great when talking about feelings as she wanted to admit, but what Lilypetal did know was that she wanted to make her Clanmates happy. Hopefully just sitting some of them down to talk about their feelings, whether related to Duckstar's death or not, would help them to deal with how they felt, and would cheer them up. That was Lilypetal's goal, anyway.


    She didn't even know how she was meant to go about inviting cats to talk. Did she hide her therapy session under the guise of her wanting to have a casual conversation, or did she choose to be open about it? This is actually a little awkward...


    "Hey, uh," she called out, her voice a little softer than usual. "I was wondering if anybody wanted to talk about Duckstar, or, like, get anything else off their chest. If so, come over here!" The cream point sat down calmly in the corner of camp, allowing a gentle smile to spread across her face. If her presence appeared warm and comforting enough, she suspected that at least a few of her Clanmates would be ready to talk about their feelings. She hoped so.


    "Listen to me..."

    ✦ ✧ ✦


    You didn't have to tell Coldpaw twice to talk about her problems! She felt as though she needed to keep some things to herself, but when she was told she didn't have to, she was the first one to spill her guts. Today was one of those times. While Duckstar's death had hurt her, other things also had. Duckstar had just been the icing to the awful cake that had been the past two moons of her life. Up until now, that was. She enjoyed being a medicine cat apprentice, don't get her wrong, but she often thought about how she could've been training to be a warrior right now. Who knows, maybe even Duckstar could've been her mentor if he were still around. Even though she had only really talked to him once, he had been so nice and had encouraged all her silly games. She missed that about him most. His encouragement.


    The alabaster female would follow her nose to where Lilypetal was before she would lay down to put her head on her paws as she spoke through a slight mumble. The member mention of the dead leader near brought her to tears. She still couldn't forget the cries of others as the barn had burned down. "I miss Duckstar." the apprentice announced, her ears flattened to her head ever so slightly. "He was really nice to me. He even let me play leader in a game once... I just feel so weird knowing he's not around." the girl said, jumping straight into her feelings before anything else. "And he would be so embarrassed of me... 'Cause, ya know, I ran off and got hurt and now I can never be leader like I told him I would be. I bet he's angry at me for leaving camp up there in the stars." she whispered.

    "lilypetal! lilypetal!" cottonkit came rushing over to the warrior in a flurry, tripping over herself and rolling to a stop next to her tail. she squeezed herself underneath lilypetal's stomach and popped her head out from between her legs, the tips of her ears brushing against the older cat's chest. "howdy!" she grinned toothily, clueless as to what this was about. ever since leaving to go on her adventure, cottonkit had been largely out of the loop of current events in windclan. she had seen many new faces around and subtle changes, but she did notice that there was the strange absence of duckstar. cottonkit assumed the tom had just gone on an adventure like her, but coldkit was talking weirdly about him, which was really confusing! "wha' happened to duckstar? n' what does 'get anything else off their chest mean?' i don't have anything stuck on me!"

    Thanks for the memories

    Even though they weren't so great — tags

    Coldpaw was the first to appear, the warm smile upon the creamy furred warrior's face becoming a little wider at the sight of the medicine cat apprentice. The young cat had been through a lot, but Lilypetal felt that she had handled it amazingly, and was incredibly proud of her. Her heart ached as the younger molly spoke about Duckstar, and about how guilty she felt for running off and getting herself hurt.


    "Coldpaw," she gently touched her tail tip to the apprentice's shoulder. "I can promise you one thing. There is no way Duckstar is embarrassed of you. He's proud, I know that he is. What you went through was... horrible..." a shiver ran down the pretty she cat's spine as she remembered what Coldpaw had looked like when Lilypetal, along with a few others, had found her after the dog attack. Coldpaw had been through hell and back, and at such a young age, too. "And yet you've handled it so well. For one, you survived, which shows just how tough you really are, and as well as that, you're training as a medicine cat! You're gonna save the lives of so many cats, Coldpaw - saving them from sicknesses, and injuries, oh, and you'll get to have a special connection to StarClan too!" was she saying the right thing? Hopefully. "Trust me, Duckstar is super, super proud." She gently pressed her shoulder against Coldpaw, looking down at the apprentice with affectionate blue eyes. She really was so brave.


    Cottonkit was the next to arrive at the scene, as chaotic and full of energy as ever. Lilypetal couldn't hold back a purr despite the seriousness of her discussion with Coldpaw as the kitten squeezed underneath her stomach, her head popping out from between the cream point's legs. "Howdy Cottonkit!" she giggled, her mood instantly improved thanks to the mere presence of the child. Unfortunately, her lifted mood didn't last long as Cottonkit bombarded her with questions, one of which was very difficult for her to answer. "Getting something off of your chest is like... if you have something you really want to say, but it's kinda difficult to say it. Like, something personal!" now, to explain what had happened to Duckstar. This was going to be fun. Leaning down to touch her muzzle to the kitten's head, she spoke softly. "Duckstar... isn't in WindClan anymore," she explained, each word getting caught in her throat like a rotten piece of freshkill. "He got really badly hurt in a fire, too badly hurt to stay with us... so he's gone to StarClan now. We're not going to see him for a long time," this was very difficult to talk about to anyone, especially a kit! "But he's happy there! He gets to be with all of his friends and family, and he gets to eat as much prey as he likes! And the weather is always nice, too! He's happy." She repeated the final words almost as a reassurance to herself. Did she trust that Duckstar was happy in StarClan? Maybe. Sometimes she liked StarClan, sometimes she didn't. She had always looked up to them in the past, but she was starting to wonder whether they might be a little unreliable. He had better be happy!


    "Listen to me..."

    ✦ ✧ ✦


    Sometimes, she wished Lilypetal had been her mom. She always seemed how to know how to comfort Coldpaw at her absolute worst of times. When she had lost her sight and her tail, the warrior had been right there at her side making her feel safe and warm as well as loved. It made her wish she had her mother with her today. She wondered what she would have been like. Would she have been as kind and caring as Lilypetal? Would she have made Coldpaw feel as good and as safe as the warrior did? Maybe that wasn't relevant- but it's all that could come to the apprentices mind as Lilypetal spoke to her. She was just so good at making her feel good. "You really think that?" Coldpaw asked, an eyebrow raising ever so slightly as she would lift her head up from where it had laid in her paws. "I dunno… I think I'll be an okay medicine cat but Birdbones is so smart and I don't think I'll ever be half as good as her. What if I can't see where someone's hurt? And they die on my watch. Starclan could've made a mistake... Maybe they just felt bad for me being blind so they had to give me some kinda job." she inquired, her shoulders lifting up in aa light shrug as she spoke. Coldpaw didn't often think that, and most of the time was happy go lucky! But as long as she was in a sad atmosphere, and she was allowed to speak what was on her mind- she was going to do it! That's what Lilypetal had wanted anyways.


    Then she would turn to Cottonkit. She didn't know? Well- she had been gone for a while... And she'd missed out on a lot. "Is weird isn't it?" Coldpaw said to Cottonkit, offering the kit some kind of half smile in attempts to uplift the mood. "You go to Starclan and get all the prey you want! Almost makes you wanna go up there just to visit and catch some mice!" Coldpaw purred. She hated feeling sad, and she was hoping Cottonkit wouldn't be sad either. She didn't know how to handle it.

    tornadopaw would snort at the idea. grieving and talking about what was wrong did absolutely nothing. it was stupid, in the Tom's opinions, but he could not stop them from wanting to do that. his ears twitched back, as he began to pace back and forth. duckstar was a good leader, sure, but he did not have time to grief. he didnt want to talk, in general, so what made them think he wanted to talk about his feelings? his uncle may of been an unhinged idiot, but one thing he did learn from him, was that feelings were a waste. he didn't need them. and he practically lived by that. his eyes would land on the blind apprentice. though her life was unfortunate, he was glad she never got to see his ugliness. he was glad she was spared, and she still shined like the sun with her personality. good to see, but less good to hear. stars, she was a loud kitten.

           

    🌪

    one could argue that it was not her place to speak up about coldpaw's problems, but cottonkit's unrestrained voice was something that was largely a part of her. so she spoke her mind, regardless if it was necessary or not. "then you jus' gotta become the bestest medicine cat no matter!" she shrugged matter-of-factly, not understanding why coldpaw was even insecure in the first place. she had been chosen for a reason, cottonkit was sure of it! "yer ain't gonna get anythin' done by bein' a worrywart!"


    cottonkit glanced back at lilypetal, lost. something that was hard to say? why would people struggle with saying something? "huh!" cottonkit said after a moment of very visible confusion, still not quite getting it. "do yer have somethin' personal yer want to say, lilypetal?" she closed her eyes upon feeling the warrior touch her head, straining her head to meet her with a soft giggle.


    after listening to lilypetal's words and her discussion with coldpaw, something finally seemed to click in her head about duckstar. "oh. so he's dead," she declared casually, as if having a simple discussion about the weather. why didn't lilypetal just say that instead of beating around the bush? cottonkit didn't know how to feel about duckstar's death. she didn't feel good when she was sad, so she always just tried to smile and be happy like her ma told her to! the concept of starclan was new to her however, and she seemed delighted at the descriptions of it. the kit had always known death to be cold and lonely, but the thought of happiness and comfort coming afterwards made her feel strangely relieved. "that sounds nice! does everyone get ta go there?"


    "it sounds kinda funny," cottonkit agreed distractedly with coldpaw, eyes glazing over as she daydreamed about a field of never ending freshkill. the image suddenly reminded her of maggots and she was yanked cruelly to the present, feeling as if she had just fallen out of a swing spiraling towards nonexistence. voice shaky and confused, she added shakily, "i wanna go visit starclan wit' my ma."


    noticing tornadopaw nearby, the kit would stumble out from lilypetal's legs and stand on his toes to get his attention. the tom had a particularly unpleasant look in his eyes, which made cottonkit wonder if he had 'something to get off of his chest' too. "hey, what do yer think?"

    Thanks for the memories

    Even though they weren't so great — tags

    Lilypetal could tell that Coldpaw was still feeling insecure about her new role, and so the cream point attempted to comfort her. "It's true, cats die, and cats are gonna die under your care but, that doesn't mean that you'll be to blame. If a cat is dying, the best thing you can do is make them comfortable, talk to them, make them feel safe," she added, a reassuring smile upon her face, "And you're the best at being nice to other cats and making them happy!"


    Tornadopaw had appeared, but hadn't said anything. Lilypetal couldn't be certain, but he didn't look too happy. She wasn't going to force him to talk, but, maybe he would like to? Perhaps he just felt too nervous to share his feelings, what did she know? "Tornadopaw?" She tipped her head to the side, her blue gaze resting on the apprentice for a moment. The slender warrior gently tapped the ground with a paw, giving Tornadopaw a small nod, intending to convey through the gesture that he should join if he wanted to.


    Cottonkit seemed pretty unfazed by Duckstar's death, which surprised Lilypetal a lot - it didn't feel right, but maybe kits just saw things differently? Lilypetal wasn't going to tell Cottonkit how to feel, even though her reaction seemed quite weird. "Yeah, he's dead, but he's safe in StarClan now," at least she hoped to, but honestly, nobody had a clue what StarClan was doing. Regarding another one of the child's questions about StarClan, she answered, "To get into StarClan, you have to be a good cat." She didn't really know what else to say, because truthfully, Lilypetal didn't know who went to StarClan and who didn't - perhaps StarClan were lenient, perhaps they were not, but Lilypetal wasn't going to lie to Cottonkit. She didn't really know what StarClan defined as good. The cream point decided against mentioning the Dark Forest - while Cottonkit had been rather calm about Duckstar's death, she felt as though telling the kit about a shadowy forest with no prey, where a cat would be forced to stay forever, might be going a little too far.


    Cottonkit had also asked her whether she had anything personal to say, to which the older molly responded, "Yeah, I do, actually," Lilypetal felt as though she should say something, though she wasn't entirely sure what. Forcing herself to think quickly, the pretty she cat began to speak. "I... have to be honest - I didn't know Duckstar very well. We didn't speak much and I wouldn't say that we were close. But what I do know was that he was a great leader," she closed her eyes briefly, imagining the tom standing before his Clan, before wondering what he was doing now. Opening her eyes again, Lilypetal continued, "He was always there for us and he cared for all of us, and we all cared for him. I hope that he's having good hunting in StarClan, that he's eating tons of prey and getting plenty of rest," she then concluded, "And while we may miss him, I think it's also important that we carry on with our lives just as we did when he was here. I think... it's what Duckstar would want."


    It had been difficult for Lilypetal to say all that - it had felt quite awkward, even. But perhaps she had said something that at least one of these cats needed to hear. She hoped so.


    "Listen to me..."

    RAINSWEPTHEART | WINDCLAN WARRIOR | BIO


    She and the late leader hadn't had any interpersonal relationship, no bridge to link the two together in fellowship - to him, perhaps, she existed simply as another feline hustling within the crowd of his clan, another star among Silverpelt's glittering hide. Yet she tlhe gravity of the situation tugged at her heartstrings with light apparition's touch, the earth beckoning and shackling her. It weighed down upon the spirits of her clanmates - as if a suffocating smoke infested their lungs, laughing upon each breath, heavier than stone itself. Duckstar gifted her her warrior name, after all, her tempestuous soul and her stormcloud ambitions fitted such a moniker. He had almost been present for most of her apprenticeship, almost as a beacon of light even in her darkest days. And she thanked him tenfold for the opportunity to stay within Windclan, forever gracious. Her usually light gait held a brevity to it, as if chained down and hobbling, a brief and almost stuttering splutter. A storm of emotion threatened to overtake her sky-clarent gaze... But she took great care to never let up her mask, to never reveal such feelings... "I'm... sorry for everyone's loss. Duckstar was a great cat, and the type I aspire to be." A flat tone, monotone, the dreary winter morning sky. She would offer her condolences, but nothing more - no further words found themselves worthy of his passing.

    ✦ ✧ ✦


    "I wonder who I would find in starclan! I bet I got some family up there, maybe a mom or dad. Who knows!" the she-cat said, her ears perking up a little as she would rise back to her paws to sniff those who were entering around her. Wow, this therapy stuff really seemed to work! And now they were talking about all sorts of things, she didn't mind it, really! She almost wished she could do this more often. "I hope when I die, I go and get to meet everyone that ever knew me. I think it would be cool!" she purred.