old habits die hard :: amberlight

Cold blades of grass snake between his toes with every step, kissing the sensitive flesh that webbed around his paws. Biting down the urge to itch, he picks up the pace. Kicking off like a mustang, he sails between the bitter grip of two battle thorn bushes, the nettles clinging to his curls but tugging free as he hits the ground. ‌“ beat you, slowpoke ” the npc crows down from a limb, the edge of camp a few tails ahead, and Dustdevil accepts defeat with a bitter huff and roll of his ocean hues. His thoughts crumbled however, as he spots a familiar golden bengal moving around camp. Those unfamiliar feelings return, those faded memories brushed free of the gathering dust that blurred them. Dustdevil exhales finally, his lungs aching as he pulls himself forth. ❝ I’ll catch you later ❞ he dismisses himself with a wave of his curly-furred tail and he walks unsteadily toward Amberlight.

His tongue feels awkward in his muzzle, his chain feels tight around his throat. He’s not good at this. ❝ How ya feeling spots’? ❞ he distills the air with a quirky prod at humor and a teasing name. His smirk falls now and he shifts his shoulders uncomfortably ❝ look hey…. uh, I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk. not much we can talk about… here ❞ he lifts a suggestive brow. The familial secret dangling so heavily over his head, and the last thing he dared do was sabotage his little sister’s life with his big fat stupid mouth.

~Jadefeather~

curls, she fired back. His smile grows wider than the horizon itself, ❝ oh , you like my curls, eh?‌❞ he snorts back, an arrogant roll of his neck to parade and bounce his chaotic twists. ❝ my mom used to say I’m half cat, half tornado ❞ he laughs softly, a glint of sadness always following the mention of his mother.

Her demeanor shifted like the tide as he suggested a walk, he pondered what had warranted such a horrified shade to cast over her but she agreed nonetheless. He decided it best to pull himself from direct eye-contact, lest he dig too much into what that could have been. Her wounds, not entirely healed yet here she was, fixing up nests for the elders. ❝ wow. You’re practically shredded into kittypet food… doing apprentices jobs ❞ he noted with a slightly disapproving shake of his skull. ❝ you do a lot for people… I don’t get it ❞ he would say as he leads the way out of camp. ❝ people only take… y’know? least that’s from my experience…. everyone’s so greedy and… stupid ❞ he notes with an annoyed huff. Looking anywhere but at her.

❝ Spots… don’t ever let the world think you owe it anything… ❞ he sighed, almost mumbling his words to the wind. He experimentally brushes against Amberlight's shoulder, taking notice of a familiar emotion taking to her features. His nerves twisting as he does, this certainly wasn't his field of expertise.

He made his steps shallow, perhaps to prolong his thoughts, every few pawsteps seemed to eradicate any heavy thinking for him. Amberlight, he learned now, was a bit easier to talk to than most other-clanners. He didn’t quite feel the need to be as defensive nor rude as to ‘ hurt them before they hurt you ‘ instinct he often acted on. He bit on the inside of his cheek as he kept walking, taking in her words but never failing to snort in slight contempt when it came to being hailed as ‘kind’ . ❝ PFFT … Sandlily, she’s the kind one… nobody likes me, and if they do, it’s because of my baby sis… I’m a JERK…. and I’m proud of it ❞ he preaches with a broad smile, all he was would be hard empty smiles and pretty lashes, it was all a mask covering the hate and hurt beneath.

❝ I love my little sister…. ❞ his voice travels a bit now. ❝ When I found out … about… y’know… Pantherfrost…. I wanted to kill him… well … perhaps that’s not the right word… I still kinda wanna kill him ❞ he joked but the feelings were still raw. ❝ but you gotta know where I’m comin’ from… she’s my BABY sister y’know ? ❞ he sighed. ❝ I do love my little nieces though… oh man those little devils ❞ his eyes glittered and his cheeks nearly covered his eyes as he smiled so hard. ❝ you meet them yet? Urchin and Shore… they’re my favorite nieces so far ❞ he joked again, because levity made it easier to breath.

He wonders idly if staring too hard into the ground would burn a hole into it. He listens with pricked ears, releasing a chuckle at the mention of Urchinpaw, a beloved devil of the dangerous duo. ❝ that’s my girl! ❞ he praised his niece softly to himself, drawing his ears back to smile cruelly at the word before his nose. He listened quietly, chuckling and huffing when its due but wondering if he was genuinely having a good time. Dustdevil never laughed this honestly, not unless he was… could he be?‌ actually comfortable. The thought sent a trail of ice down his spine, and his barbed exterior raised cautiously.

❝ Shorepaw.. ❞ he cleared his throat, refocusing his stare. ❝ She’s my little bodyguard, she’s alot like her mom. ❞ he’s vague now, only because he’s thinking. God knows the guy can’t multitask, he’s liable to fry his brain. Dustdevil shakes his skull, pulling himself from the rabbit-hole that were his chaotic thoughts. He finds his eyes tracing the striped gold of her features, catching her smile but its sad. He feels his cold heart shift in its soot-covered throne. The names of his nephews break the air though, shatter it, and he walks over it and god it feels like broken glass. He feels his jaws clench and hollow.

He feels the barbs in his soul curl and tear, he’s angry, but he has no right to be so he’s quiet for several steps. His brows furrow and his tailtip lashes. All he knows now is hurt, quip, and sharpen. His defense mechanism when he can’t admit it hurts him, he won’t speak on emotions. ❝ UGH…. what a waste of potential… ❞ he regards her Sharkpaw comment with a spicy remark of his own. ❝ Still don’t see what my little sister saw in that mutt… no offense, I know he’s your friend… ❞ he trails off. ❝ Smart? … Sandlily isn’t smart… she got knocked up by a Shadowclanner ❞ his words held venom, too potent and he flinches. He shakes his head, damn you Dustdevil.

❝ Sorry… ❞ he apologizes, because he’s being an ass. He is an ass though… why is he apologizing? he never apologizes. Something is wrong with him today. Maybe it’s the weather?…. or maybe its the selfless and incredibly wonderful woman he walks with now. He can’t compute shit like this, he’s too… dumb. ❝ m’ not good at… this ❞ he admits with a roll of his eyes.

He wasn’t used to such a forgiving personality, he found himself glancing at her slowly. Laughter expelling from her jaws, where he had expected a retort. Anything, to defend her former Shadowclanner allegiance and friend. Fake-mate, he wondered what it must’ve felt like to pretend. Dustdevil laughs at himself mentally, he’s a pretender himself. He pretends his laugh is that of amusement and not malice, he pretends he hurts people with his words because he wants to, he pretends he doesn’t care about anything. ❝ AH a sense of humor… well, I suppose anyone who lives in MUD would need a sense of humor… ❞ he perks up then. ❝ oh, new Shadowclanner joke… stick in the mud… classic ❞ he smirks, pleased with himself.

The aura shifts, suddenly its serious and the knuckles of his paws start to sweat. There’s something he needs to know, he clenches his jaws together because he’s not sure how he’ll handle anything that will tilt his temper. Hmm, he hums but its clipped and he’s quiet and letting her talk. Carefully, it unraveled. A deep secret brought to light, and he felt himself unclench a bit as she assures him she didn’t namedrop his sister. There were two things that crossed his line, his family, and his vulnerable past. Amberlight had not crossed that line yet still she apologizes, still she expects Dustdevil’s contempt.

The pain in her seafoam green hues pulled at something, a feeling he thought dead and vestigial within his soul. His own stare shifts from eye to eye, not sure what he’s looking for and feeling too much to talk. He lifts a limb, with hesitation. He pulls back slightly, but finally aimed to wrap his wrist over her shoulder and bring her face to the curve of his neck. His entire body tense, his muscles taut from the anxiety climbing his veins like vines. He only knew how to hold someone in comfort thanks to his mother, he missed her embrace as much as his lungs missed air in this paralyzing moment. ❝ Screw that jerk…. if he was really your friend… if he really loved you… he wouldn’t have tried to hurt you ❞ he barked with anger now. Angry at a no-name with a no-face, with teeth he couldn’t knock out. ❝ what kind of low-life breaks a family like that… I mean… it may not have been real but… I can imagine it…. worked?… I don’t know❞ he furrowed his brows because, he’s not good at this.

❝ why do you care what I think of you?… I’m just an ass ❞ he chuckles softly, ❝ I think.. you’re strong… I think you did something not many would have the guts to do…. ❞ he finishes. The mention of his nephews coming back full-force. ❝ Shadowclan better hand them over… what did they do to Pantherfrost when they found out?… if they hurt my nephews, they’ll have to kill me to stop me ❞ he swears, nails unsheathing and curling into the ground.

A dampness settled on his fur, a coldness following it. Dustdevil remembered the last time he cried, it was the day his anger-fueled father told him mom was never coming back. After that, it was just anger, cruel laughs, and in-genuine smiles. A shell of a cat, and he took it out on everyone, like a grenade destroying all in his wake. What makes him cry? he wonders if he’d rendered himself incapable of such an act. Feeling the sobs release from the person at his side was surreal, she pressed closer and he let himself hold her closer. Even if he didn’t understand, he knew what it felt like to need comfort. Even if he never accepted it.

He cared little of the mess she made of his unruly twists, he realized something that scared him as she moved away. He cared about her, and that was fresh and painful at the touch. He watched her face now, tracing every curve, and the danger in this territory crept in fast.

they are apprentices now, of course, how could he be so stupid?‌ just because you weren’t there didn’t mean they stopped growing up. He sighed, shooting a glare to a nearby tree. His jaw tightening again but when his eyes found her face again, he softened, she wore a smile well and that scared him. Dustdevil wasn’t afraid of anything! well, emotions, he was terrified of those. However, he’d take-on a lion without so much as a blink. Feelings? he’d rather catch green-cough. Well… too late for that. Even if he couldn’t define what he felt, he still felt it. ❝ Well… I can assure you, my little sister doesn’t give half a rat’s ass what I think of her so… consider it part of the family perks, and welcome to the … messed up family ❞ he chuckled again, his cheeks raising and narrowing his eyes. Smile, when in doubt, it’s a defense mechanism.

❝ ugh, are you implying that we WORK‌? … and I thought we could be friends… such a shame ❞ he joked with a loud snore. ❝ alright then spots. but there aint’ no frogs out here. Our prey actually makes us work ❞ he teases.

She was so vulnerable, had released such a huge secret and she knew nothing about him other than his sister and name. He feels guilty. What does he tell her? He opens his jaws, taking in the scents around him. Stale rabbit?‌ not a chance, he’s built for swimming and climbing, he isn’t half-cheetah like those damn Windclanners. ❝ My birth-name was Billy ❞ he voiced, offering her something. It wasn’t a secret per-say but it was … something? ❝ Sand and I lived by the beach with uh… our low-life dad and my step-mom Mary ❞ he offered, it was weak but he threw the ball back. ❝ you always live in gator-land? ❞ he referred to Shadowclan in the most Dustdevil way possible.

The scent of the orchard licked his senses, the sweet taste of apple always watering his mouth for some strange reason. He had never tried the fruit, but he wondered idly in the silence what made the twolegs want to pick them and horde them as they did. It was a momentary thought however, Dustdevil could never stay on one topic at a time. They were liquid, and often detrimental to his focus.

He snorts as she fires back, eyeing her with a glimmer of amusement in his hurricane eyes. ❝ ew… sounds awful. ❞ he regards her homelife with distaste and sympathy. Catching her signal, he follows, but his footfalls are heavy due to his bulky frame and his inability to focus in this moment. He listened in carefully as she shined light on her past, her parents having been yin and yang with her, it seemed her troubles lie with her mother while he father brushed off the stepping stones of life for easier travel. Dustdevil released a ‘hmph’.

❝ Maybe yer’ mom thought she wasn’t perfect, so she tried to make you perfect ❞ he rolls his shoulders, not quite believing his own words. ❝ your dad sounds chill ❞ he adds, buttering the bread of conversation. ❝ My mom, she always… she had a way of making me feel…. better. She was always so sweet, so gentle… she taught me how to swim… ❞ he trailed off, sadness daring to rear her ugly head. ❝ My dad was just…. IS… trash ❞ it was all he said, he’d never admit his father beat him into submission, would never admit he was terrified of the man, would never speak much on it because it made his walls higher.

The scent of a lark swells in his senses, and her challenging words stroke his need to prove himself. A dangerously large ego. ❝ Watch and learn Spots Mcgee ❞ he winks, strutting forward but dropping back into a crouch as he passes her, heavy paws trace the ground with precise calculation. His chain chiming now as he shoots forward, leaping into the air, curling his hindlegs as he rolls sideways before kicking off the bark of a looming oak. His target pecking on the ground but quick to flutter in alarm as the heavy curly-furred feline made his attack. Unfortunately however, his paw curls in on his landing. He’s ass over head before he lands on his side with a loud umph.

His shoulder was definitely going to bruise, he realizes as he shifts onto his spine and bubbles in laughter at himself. ‘curls!’ the bengal seems, worried?‌ after a short inspection, and he assumes she deems him not dead. His brows raise and another bout of laughter cracks from his jaws as she jokes. ❝ oooo, man, who knew you could be so sarcastic? ❞ he sneezes as her tail brushes his nose, and he wipes his wrist against it with a teasing roll of his eyes. He pulls himself back to his paws, shaking out his curls, they fall into the same chaotic mess he usually sports.

She had a pretty smile, he notes, lingering on it for too long before he shakes his head. ❝ good luck frog-breath ❞ he jeers, padding behind her a few tail-lengths back so that she could actually hunt without his noisy intervention. Yet he loses sight of her, somehow, golden with stripes, how the hell do you lose that? He pauses, for several moments. Nearly jumping out of his fur as she drops down from god knows. He staggers a bit, but faces her, replacing his expression of shock with that of mild annoyance. A smile slid across his jaws though. ❝ beginners luck, spots. ❞ he snorts, tinged with a bit of jealousy and embarrassment. ❝ I’d out-fish you though. I’m an ocean cat for sure ❞ he smiles sadly now. His heart yearned desperately for the ocean. ❝ I miss it…. ❞ he adds quietly.

❝ Learning how to climb trees in Skyclan… as an adult? … heh, talk about embarrassing❞ he admits. ❝ Fighting…fishing…mess-talking… bout all I’m good at ❞ he sighs.