She told me that she loved me by the water fountain...

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

flaxensun was happy. He was the happiest he'd been in a long time, but this wasn't the happiest he'd ever been. The birth of his daughter, the nights he spent sleeping with Firedawn with their child curled between them...that was when he was most happy. When the world was most pure and perfect. It didn't take a prophet to know that that perfect night was far from where he was now, even while holding her in his arms.

It had been a struggle getting her alone. Everyone was happy to see him - and he they, of course, despite all the new faces. He enjoyed catching up but...he just wanted to be with her. So when he could, he snuck out into that secret spot of theirs after breathing in her ear a secret to meet him there. Two scandalous teenagers again sneaking off to get some alone time. Funny how the last time they did that Morningkit was brought into the world..time had gone by so fast...the world had changed so much.

Flaxensun would sit there, before the spot they had fallen in love and made love real. The bushes were withered, the ground hard and dry. There was no moss or leaves to make comfortable the ugly terrain but he didn't care, not really. He'd slept on surfaces much harsher than this. So Flaxenglare would lay down and wait for his beloved, his amber eyes dull as the rest of the greeting's joy faded into truthful sobriety. The world had changed...and so had she.

He knew it. Even after time apart - such long...long time apart...he knew her like the back of his paw and he knew...she wasn't truly happy to see him. He sensed it in the way her eyes slipped from his own, the way her laugh was caught in fish hooks and web. He pressed his chin into his paws, waiting for the fiery woman so beautiful and perfect to meet him. He wondered...if he had arrived home too late. If he was a corpse walking in her eyes - something she missed loving but didn't see as more than a funeral site. He pressed a paw into his face, dragging it down roughly.

What would he do if it was so?

Firedawn~

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

He wanted to believe he was paranoid. A man who'd seen so long a world without love that it had bled into his brain and tainted him with distrust. It was so easy to convince himself that he was an absolute idiot as he listened to the pitter patter of her paws and looked up to a face beaming with joy. His heart sped up, a goofy smile filled his maw. He felt in no less sense of the word wanted beneath those beautiful green eyes. He was an idiot for doubting her. Patting his stomach, he invited her to rest her head on his soft fur so she wouldn't have to sleep another moment on the unforgiving earth. As soon as she does, he'd proceed to groom her ears and shoulders, pulling out any rare knots in her silky coat. Dehydration as taken some of the shine from her fur and strength in her skin, but still she's radiant. "Of course I am, but it's changed so much" he tells her honestly. Honesty. When was the last time he was honest about his feelings with her? Told her truly and sincerely that he was sad, or angry, or scared? He groomed back up her neck, kissing her cheeks until she reaches her ears and whispers, "I love you" before playfully pinching the soft skin with gentle teeth, hoping to get her to giggle like they did when they were young. When miles of earth and time hadn't loosened what should never have been expected to be unbreakable. He thinks about that for a moment, then presses his forehead into hers, "I missed you" he says softly, in a voice that cracks with moons of loneliness etch like claws scraping against sturdy tree bark. Jagged scars worsened, not healed, by the passage of such uncaring time.

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

He closes his eyes as he feels her rough tongue scrape against his dirty, tainted fur. That was her talent, wasn't it? She could scrape away any soot and ash that permeated his fur, his soul. Her touch, her...belief in him. Oh, he missed that. He missed her. He feels her breath hitch against his skin, and his eyes blink open instantly, he looks over to her face, noting the wetness under her beautiful lashes. He reaches out a paw and then she speaks. He chokes back his own sudden rush of emotions - the grief he'd felt thinking never again would he see her, feel her, love her. He presses his nose into her cheek, kissing away her tears as he whispers to her, "You have brought me so much joy, firedawn. You've taught me what it truly means to be strong, to be kind. You kept me going when I thought...I wouldn't have survived without you, my firedawn, my love" he pulls away, resting his forehead on hers. He waits for her to open ehr eyes and meet his before he continues, "I wasn't good enough for you before Firedawn. I...I don't think I ever truly was. I was so...selfish since the very beginning and I kept you at a arms length for so long...Im sorry. Im so sorry it took this for me to finally realize it" tears slip from his eyes, his breath hitches for a brief moment. He finds strength when he kisses her nose, rubbing his cheek against hers, "im going to be the man you deserve, Firedawn. Im never going to disappear like that, never again. I promise you that" he licks her ear again whispering it close as if they're words for her and for her alone, forever a secret between them, "I love you, I always have and I always will"

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

And just as the "paranoia" ebbs...she does it again. That subtle little jolt, the way her eyes shift, glitter in a way that denotes she sees something dangerous that he doesn't over his shoulder. A danger he knows isn't there. She can't even hide the way her whiskers twitch nervously, like when she's about to tell him she's sorry for yelling at him but she knows they both know she isn't because he was acting stupid and deserved it.

But she feels bad, anyway.

His ears lower, and all at once he knows...he's not paranoid.

He reaches a paw, rubbing her cheek softly. "You can tell me" he says softly, and he means it. He won't be angry - not again. He's done so much harm with that anger. He's hurt people he never meant to hurt, and he's hurt people that deserved it. But Firedawn...nothing she could do or say could ever make him angry with her.

He kisses her cheek softly, then asks her gently, "Who is it?" It's not meant to prod, nor to push. He just wants to know.

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

He'd be lying if he said it wasn't devastating to hear. He'd also be lying if he said an old familiar fire began to kindle in his gut. Valerianfire...why isn't he surprised? The other young man has always been so...so...

No, he's been nothing but himself, nothing but loyal. He wasn't some sleeze or some player, he wasn't a monster that had laid it wait for Flaxen to vanish so he could swoop in and take Firedawn away like a predatory hawk. He was just...around at the right time. He was around when Flaxensun hadn't been and...he only had himself to blame.

He couldn't hate Valerianfire he...he didn't want to. He didn't want to treat another person the way he did the cat that had hurt his love...the way he hurt his own mother.

Breathing in and out, he waits for the fire to die as he focuses on comforting his one true love. He says nothing for a long time, only striking her fiery red fur and brushing the tears out of her soft green eyes. She's...she's beautiful even when she sobs with guilt. Flaxenglare can't help but smile at the ridiculousness of that thought - even at a time where she is, or at least feels, like she's at her most ugliest...still his heart pounds with attraction. For within those tears are memories they share, just the two of them. Words spoken just between each other. Promises and vows, hearts beating as one.

"It's..." no, it wasn't ok. The pain it caused her, the agony it left him in - things weren't okay. Just as the marshland around them wasn't okay beneath the hot son and the abandonment of the rain. He'd disappeared, he caused this. Looking up to the sky, Flaxenglare says, "I get it, I understand. I...I was basically dead and you," he smiles apologetically as he says, "well you're strong, don't get me wrong, but your heart is meant to be shared. You did fall for an idiot like me too quickly, it's kinda obvious your a family girl" he purrs, wiping her cheek gently "you had to move on. For your sake, for morningpaw's..." he shivers as he imagines another man taking care of his one and only daughter. The though shakes him so hard he actually feels something lodge in his throat. Morningpaw was his everything, his hope and dreams and the little thing he managed to do right. To lose that...

He rubs his face, the realization of losing Morningpaw- losing Firedawn - to that time and space leaves him feeling so, so cold. Colder than those days he slept surrounded by screeching of the dying and howling of the tortured. To be so close and yet...so far....It's not...it is fair but...

"Ill fix things" he promises her, blinking away his own forming tears, "I wasn't good enough before...clearly!" a dry laugh - could it even be described as a laugh? Yeah, he always feared he wasn't good enough for her but clearly...he wasn't. He never had been. Not if moving on...He shakes his head, no- no, it was his fault this happened. His fault for not being strong enough. If he truly died he'd...well, he'd have wanted Firedawn to move on, to be happy.

Aw fuck no he wouldn't - damn it, being selfless was so hard! How did Firedawn do it? Truly, how did she know to put others before herself, other's happiness before herself every time?

How could he do that for her? How could he...?

He focuses back on her. He rubs her check softly, then kisses her nose, "what we can do is just keep loving each other. We'll...figure everything else out as we go. " He opens his mouth to tell her that she's his - the words he'd spoken so many times in place of 'i love you'. But the words die on his mouth because...what if she isn't his anymore? Should he ever have considered her his? He kisses her once more and says instead, "I love you"

He's quiet for a long moment, and then he whispers, "i'm yours"

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

But deep down, he knew it was impossible. He had the same thought, at the same time. It made their embrace feel suddenly so desperately cold. He had been hoping she'd respond with something more....certain, but he knew nothing she could say would still the envious snap in his heart. Her heart was his...but was it? He suddenly felt vulnerable, felt so...lost. How cruel was it to spend moons upon moons fantasizing about the day he came home only to discover...his home wasn't...she wasn't...

He blinks as she rolls onto her back. He blinks, and then smiles. It's soft at first, but then grows in mischief. Things don't feel...okay but...fake it till you make it, right? "You have no fox-dunged idea how long i've waited for this" he purrs, lunging forward and taking bite out of her neck. Nibbling through the soft fur, he tugs playfully at her skin, before tapping her nose a few times in a playful attack and then leaping away, out of danger. He's tired, he's beyond exhausted, but his tail waves playfully, beckoning her to dare try and risk challenging him. "I've been gone for moons and I bet i'm still more skilled than you" he teases, sounding to all the world like a mischievous kitten again.

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

It's hard but the stress melts away. The fears of a future no longer set in stone drift to the back of his mind. His eyes on her her, on the way her muscles ripple breathing life into the fire of her fur. The way the morning shine of her eyes becomes a burning sun that demands to not be ignored. He sucks in a breath - fox dung she's gorgeous. the heart palpitations that cheeky voice of hers causes is enough to drive him mad. He takes a step towards her, his tongue swiping across his lips in hunger. Damn he's missed this woman. She's so innocent yet within that sweet heart of hers burns such a nasty little ball of hot passion. Moons of suppression suddenly raise the stakes of this little wrestling match as Flaxensun barks a laugh, "That's because I let you temptress" he jeers lovingly. suddenly the candle's flame flickers before bursting into a wildfire - she's on him in an instant!

Swept goes his paws, thud goes his head. He hits the ground hard and is left dizzy with surprise and admiration. "You tricky vixen, you've been training!" he laughs, spitting away his wounded pride and wrapping his paws around her neck, battering her stomach with half-hearted kicks that wouldn't hurt anything. He then tries to use his weight while she's distracted and pull her down, cranning his neck to nip her paw so when she jerks it away she unbalances herself. If this works, he'd pull her into himself and then thrust her to the side, using both their weights to roll so he's on top.

Whether it works or not he'd say, "You're hot as a bottom" though the level of confidence and jest would depend on his position at the time of saying it.

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

He could believe things were okay. He believed things would be okay. As long as he had her...

Grinning from ear to ear, he leans in close, nibbling on her ear again as he whispers, "Dare I say, we just might be compatible" he purrs, "I have waited so long for you" he lowers himself down into a crouch, pressing heart against heart as he continues to play with her ear, whispering, kissing and biting. He nibbles a bit harder, just enough to see if he can hear her squeak that adorable squeak of hers, "You're delicious, y'know that?" be moves down and bites her neck, just beneath her cheekbone, "And i'm starving" He makes a move like he's going to continue his onslaught of nibbles, but instead he blows a breath of air into her ears, hard enough to surely surprise her before bursting into laughter. "dung you're fun to tease" he purrs, plopping down beside her. He batters at her ear with a soft paw, watching the way her little tufts bob beneath his attacks. She's so beautiful.

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

He smiles, ear tips growing hot as she spoke, but a bubble of excitement began to form in his chest. His eyes would most over though, thinking about the place he’d been. The horrible loss he’d seen, again and again. Reaching out a paw, he takes hers in his, feeling the way her calloused pad fit snuggly in his own. “Who says I want to be careful?" he says softly, looking up to meet her gaze. A flash fills his eyes and he partially gets up, looking down on his beloved with a twinkle in his petrified amber gaze, “im serious. When we had morningkit it had been an accident but...but I want the real deal with you. I love Mo with all my heart but I miss her being a little kitten, i want to raise more" and I want to be there throughout their lives this time. Maybe a family would even strengthen their bond again? He rests his head on his mate’s stomach, imagining Mo’s little heart beating just slightly off tune with Fire’s. “Whenever you’re ready...I’d like to raise another family again "

"Speech"

—— FLAXENSUN ——

Soon to be King

He listens to her condition, and can't help but frown. The last time he'd left her to her own devices...well...Flaxensun could still taste the loner's blood in his mouth, and it made him shiver with guilt and rage. Pressing his forehead against hers, he nodded, "As long as you stay safe and I can still keep an eye on you" he says with a playful smile. No nagging, got it, but he's not about to stop being protective!

Still...he can't help but feel that it wasn't just past mistakes that has him feeling shaken by her words. No forbidding her to do things, huh? He thinks about how desperately he wants to ask her to not spend anymore time with Valerianfire. Firedawn was his first love - not in the sense that she was the only cat he'd ever truly loved but...she was the only cat he'd ever had a crush on, period. He doesn't know what it means to be in love with someone unattainable, to have puppy crushes or longing for another's attention. But even he knows that love can't be ignored unless you physically put space between each other...

Kinda like what happened between him and her. With enough space and time apart...even the strongest of bonds break, it seems. His heart aches as he senses that asking her to not be ask close to Valerianfire isn't going to be something she'll accept, but he chews on his lips as he debates asking her anyway.

The moment of joy feels poisoned. Tainted by a mounting despair that...maybe it really is too late for him to get back the happiness he'd shared with her exclusively. Leaning close, he rests his chin on her shoulder, hiding his expression as he stares into the dried, mangled moorland he'd thought could never change. How much would he have to lose before things finally started going right?

He'd give up everything just to have her to himself. Was that so wrong of him?

"I..." he wants to tell her he loves her, but his mind fills with thoughts of Valerianfire, his hand on hers, his breath in her ear, him in this space that had once been promised to Flaxen and flaxen alone. He suddenly feels so achingly out of place. His very home remodeled and under a new name - a ghost wandering through a house that had once been his place of comfort. "I can't wait to start a family with you" he finishes, lovingly kissing her neck again.

To fight for her would be to lose her, he knows that. He doesn't want to imprison her, he doesn't want to hurt Valerianfire...But he's experienced loneliness so often in his life, fire burns in his chest as he's faced with the idea of having to go back into that darkness.

What else could a cornered animal do besides bite and scratch?

"Im thinking we name all of them after you this time" he chirps, squashing down his deppression with a lightening tone, "Think about it- a big litter of fire-themed names. I'm thinking Flamekit, Blazekit, Spark-kit, Kindlekit, maybe even a lightkit" he purrs, twining his tail around hers.

"Speech"