oh hey look at me || p, mottle

The maine coon spent most of her time inside the nursery, only going outside from time to time to talk with the adult clan members. She never thought she'd enjoy the company of kits so much, but their small paws and excitement always seemed to bring new life to the older cat. She never thought of herself as old (she's not even six years in human years, c'mon), and she didn't seem to lose much stamina or anything, not like she ever had much, but she had a portion of her life behind her already and was at the point when memories were clashing with the present. But she wasn't to go all elder and live in the past, no. She could still make her decisions, she could still help others and make friends and make new memories.

So when Larkkit came for her to talk, with a curious tilt of the head, she watched her sigh sadly. Sadness? So early? At her age she was already getting brushed with premium shampoo, not remembering anything from her parents other than warm licks and white pelts. But in the clans there was something worse about parents being separated from kits, because in the wild, death was the ruler. The normally enthusiastic kitten was weighed down by something, and Mottlewish has always been a good listener. And friend.

She used to have so many friends, tenths of friends. Too bad all of them were... gone. Sometimes she wished she stayed a deputy and became a leader, just in order for them to all look into her eyes one more time and be real as they were back on Earth. But time can't be taken back and, well, the first grief she carried the first time around caused her to become one mess of a mother. You can't let it take over you like that. There was a looming sadness at the back of her head, knowing she might've been the only person to remember some of them. Brave leaders, introverted medicine cats, kind bloodclanners, grieving loners, she even missed Ebonyrose and that was one hell of a surprise. She missed the way she always looked like she wanted to throw her back out and let her die alone. She missed how she added to her neverending depression and anxiety and self-doubt.

She missed all of them.

She curled her big, fluffy tail around the kit. It reminded her back when she curled it around... around the kit, the kit who was grieving after his lost brother. Harekit? Swankit? She couldn't remember. It also made her recall how Sunfeather lost her tail in the wolf fight, the wolf fight that... She had to stop herself in order to focus on the present and with a soft smile she replied: "I am doing quite well so far, Larkkit. Tell me, what's with that look? Is something weighing you down?" Her warm, smooth fur with the silkiness of an exposition cat, well groomed, shone in the sunlight that was coming through the entrance. If the kit needed to talk about more serious subjects, she was sure she had more answers than most of the young warriors she knew.

//i swear the nostalgia's hitting me hard, have mercy with me ,o.o,

The bigger cat let her speak, brown eyes attentively scanning hers, until she got out what she needwd to. Then she gave her a kind, a bit sad smile.

"Hey," Mottlewish said softly, head at the height of the sitting kit as she laid down, tips of her long fur laying in the dust, "I see what you're going through. Your life should've gone in one way, but it's going in another. I know that feeling. Thank you for telling me, you are a very brave kit. It's not wrong you're upset, you have reasons to be."

She made a short break before continuing, to let the words settle in.

"I'm sure your mom is in StarClan with other cats who were kind but it was their time to go. She's certainly proud of you. And I know you want her here- and I know no one and nothing can replace her- but when you become apprentice, I promise I will be standing there in the crowd, smiling at you and congratulating you. I promise."

She gently nudged the kit's head and licked her cheeks where it's gotten a little dirty.

"I'm sure you'll do great, Larkkit."

Mottlewish thought a bit about the questions. Yes, there were legends and myths about that sort of things. She’s heard them a lot. And Adrien himself told her some back in the days. “Well,” she started, “that’s an interesting question. You know, sometimes StarClan comes down to help us. Like when they’re giving warnings, prophecies. But generally they leave us to go through the trouble ourselves, because it makes us stronger and better cats. I’m sure you’ll see your mom someday, maybe even earlier than when your time comes. I wish some cats could visit me too, but visits like that might not be allowed often, and they can’t be regular, so maybe it’s for your own good you learn to live without her. But she does care about you for sure, and although she won’t probably fight with us, she will always fight with you, in you, you know?”