I've been thinking about this a lot lately tbh and I've felt really stupid for even being upset over it but I've felt this way for a while now and truthfully, I feel kind of embarrassed that it bothers me so much because I'm an adult but idk I just kind of want to get it off my chest. I even thought about using a different account from my main because I'm so embarrassed about it because I feel like I'm just blowing it all out of proportion.
So ever since I rejoined last August or September I've been feeling kind of ignored. I feel like people don't really like me or my characters much and maybe I'm just over thinking it all but nobody ever really wants to plot with me and a lot of times I've been ignored in chatting threads or discord servers. Most of the time I've just been ignoring it and passing it off as people have been busy and forget to respond but lately I feel like it's just me. Another thing is that people have all these squads of certain people and they all give each other badges about how much they love each other and what good friends they are and that cool, I get that, but it might feel kind of excluding towards newer members.
I guess why I'm posting this is because what just recently happened. I had just become the leader of a trad. clan and it didn't even last for a month before everyone decided to icly dethrone him. I get that Ic actions get Ic consequences but the way that everyone went about it didn't really feel like it was entirely Ic opinions and really it felt like ooc opinions because even in that clan people sometimes ignored me in the discord. Everyone was always saying how much they loved him but I don't really get that feeling. I just feel like icly kicking someone out of their position is something someone had to think a lot about oocly because they really don't like that character. It's not even that he got kicked out it's because of how hurtful it was. He was my favorite character I feel like everyone was putting in genuine effort to get rid of him. I felt like one of them was actually attacking me icly and oocly. But like I said before maybe I'm just sensitive and blowing it all out of proportion. It just really hurt my feelings and makes me feel like I really was doing a shitty job. A few people apologized afterwards and I really appreciated it a lot but I still feel like I'm the bad guy in the situation.
I already feel like a jackass for writing this whole thing. But I wrote it so I might as well go the whole mile and post it. Again, probably just being a sensitive little bish and just taking it to heart but I feel like I wasted so much time on that clan and all the effort I put into it was useless. Oh well, I'll probably get over it because in the end it's just a website about a bunch of imaginary characters.