| winter wonderland |

  • ohh i was thinking collin takes a job that works around his schedule to pay for his own school o: that way, he also doesn’t have any time for alex. o assumed he would apply for grants and scholarships (you know, fancy essays and such) but it ultimately falls through and doesn’t work


    and he doesn’t tell alex that his tuition hasn’t been paid because he doesn’t want alex to worry


    and he stresses and develops a drinking problem AGAIN but still passes his classes lmao



    the creative juices are trying to flow lmao

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  • that would work. not all the money, just some. and i’m gonna work it out to where it isn’t enough for collin to keep the apartment he had. i don’t want him to be a full blown alcoholic but when alex finally does get to come visit him - at the home he’s now sharing with other people - he sees the collection of empty bottles all of them have


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  • yessssss but not enough to leave him xD alex has to realize he is a grown man and can handle a drink every now and then snap


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  • YES

    Alex is gonna be mad bc he is working his butt off to keep a roof over their heads and to help pay for whatever Collin needs, but it is just being wasted oof

    would you want to skip ahead or stay with this for now?))

  • ive kinda lost muse atm here lol so i can always skip, maybe to a week or two further, where they’ve gotten everything done and collin is getting ready to leave? he won’t be wasting all the money though, just some


    he’s gonna have a wad saved in a drawer


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  • The conversation on Thanksgiving day had been a long one. Alexander knew that Collin was a bit unsure about going off to culinary school. He really wanted for things to work for them. He wanted Collin to be happy like he was supposed to be. He knew that he could handle things here until the other male graduated. But that was a few weeks ago. The other male had managed to apply to a college and get quickly accepted. The only unfortunate part was that it was in Seattle. It was too far for him to make the commute back and forth every day. He had managed to find a decent apartment for him in the city near campus. He was just hoping that things wouldn’t fall apart for them.


    He woke up early the next morning to help get Collin packed the rest of the way. Normally he would’ve gone to help him move, but he had a lot of work to do. He shifted carefully away from the other male to go to the bathroom. He took a quick shower and moved to the kitchen then. He began to make the other male his favorite breakfast. While he had been excited for him to go to culinary school, he was terrified to be alone during the week. What if he didn’t get a chance to go and see Collin as much as he would like? What if this affected their wedding? After all, it was almost all the way planned. But what if they had to change the date again? His mind was racing through the nervous possibilities. He was trying not to act upset about it.

  • we’re always screwing them over c’:


    The subject of culinary school had not been dropped since it had been brought up at the table that thanksgiving day. Collin and Alex had spoken about it many times, weighed the pros and cons and even looked at the closest school. It was pricey and with the classes were set up, Collin had no choice but to move, if he did. It hadn’t taken long to make his decision and with Alex’s support, they had made the arrangements. They had gotten lucky. It wasn’t one of those programs that only started in the fall, where if you missed, you had to pick up the following year. It was flexible and they had been more than happy to add another student. It had been an incredibly busy week but the day had come to where Collin had to go. Part of him was excited for the next eight months - the program wasn’t long - but the other part dreaded it. For the second time in less than four months, he was moving counties again, only this time he would be alone. Alone and in a new place. Collin was nervous and almost to the point of second guessing their decision.


    Collin had had a restless sleep the entire night. He had tossed and turned and even when Alex got up, Collin wasn’t completely asleep. When his fiancé left showered and left the room, Collin drug himself up from the bed and did the same. There was a set of clothes he had left unpacked just for him to put on this morning. Everything else he needed was already stuffed into his car. Collin left the room and went straight to where Alex’s back was turned to him at the stove. “Mornin’...”, Collin mumbled quietly. He wrapped his arms securely around Alex’s waist and rested against him, his chin propped up on his shoulder. “I really wish you could come with me.” How many times had Collin said that over the past two weeks? He couldn’t even recall. It wasn’t possible though because someone had to take care of their home here. It was only for eight months and they would see each other on holiday break and weekends, right? Collin felt the familiar sad lump forming in his throat. Things has finally gotten settled for them and here he was, throwing everything into disarray again. “Alex, am I doing the right thing?” The smell of his favorite breakfast made his mouth water but Collin couldn’t say that he was hungry.


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  • we really are :’) ))


    Alexander felt the other male wrapping his arms around him. He immediately shifted to lean back against him. He had some tears come into his eyes at the thoughts he was having. He quickly blinked them away though. He didn’t want to worry Collin any. He knew that his fiancé was starting to have issues with their idea. He knew he was starting to second guess everything. He didn’t want for that to happen. He wanted for him to be confident with the decision and to be happy about it. “Good morning. Did you manage to get any sleep last night?” He asked softly. His sleep wasn’t the best, it he had managed to get some sleep. It would only be getting worse from now on without him there. He glanced to him, biting his bottom lip.


    “I wish I could come too. They are just giving me so much work now that I can’t. I can’t leave here either. I have to make sure you come back home to an actual house.” He reminded. The course had forced them to push back their wedding again. That had made him really upset. He was still just not trying to worry him any. “You are. You really are. You get to go to school for something you actually want to. You get to see the city and then become a chef. I will be here when you get home. I swear to you that I will.” He murmured. He pulled the food off of the burner and shifted to hug him. “I love you so much. You deserve this. I will always support you.” He whispered. Those tears were forming again. He couldn’t stop them falling this time.

  • <3


    Collin shook his head. “Not much.” His voice was quieter than before. He hadn’t slept good at all the previous night. Collin had rolled and turned for the better part of the night and when he had been able to close his eyes, it had been restless. “Not any, I guess. I couldn’t sleep. What about you?” He pressed closer to Alex when he felt him lean back. He knew that the decision to go back to to school was impacting them both and not the way he thought. Colin knew that Alex was happy for him and proud - he assumed he was - but like Collin himself, he was going to have a hard time with him actually leaving. Collin had grown so used to having Alex by his side every night and every morning, he really wasn’t sure if he could spend the next eight months only seeing him on the weekends. Collin knew Alex hadnt slept through best because he had felt him moving around more than usual. He tried his best to smile when Alex looked at him but there was no use. Collin wasn’t happy with any of it.


    I don’t want to go, Alex.” Collin chewed his own lip. That was a lie; he was aching to go get his hands into the real world of cooking. But Collin didn’t want to leave Alex. “The city is nothing compared to you.” The school was only forty five minutes away and Collin had been adamant on driving back and forth daily, just so he could stay home with Alex. But Alex had convinced him that the gas and wear and tear on his car wouldn’t be worth it in the long run. “What am I supposed to do without you?” Collin smiled a little. “I know I sound like you’re going to die tomorrow but i’m serious. What in the world am i supposed to do without you? You won’t be at the apartment when i leave school. I won’t come back to you. I can’t cook for anyone.” It was no fun cooking alone. “I would really rather just drive back and forth. It would save money having to pay for that tiny apartment.” Collin hated that Alex was going to have to pay for things here as well as his school. “I didn’t know it was going to be this expensive. Even with the grants i got, its almost not enough. Is it even worth it, Alex?” At this point, Collin was trying to get Alex to talk him out of it.


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  • wooo we won our game! it is so cold too omfg))


    Alexander was biting onto his bottom lip, trying to convince himself that they could really do this all. He was doubting it by that point. Collin was absolutely everything to him and now he was going to have to be without him for months. He was hoping he would be able to visit on weekends, but he didn’t know with how much work he was going to have to do to cover this all. “I didn’t get too much either. I couldn’t fall asleep for the longest time. I don’t know why it was so hard for me.” He whispered. He reached a hand up to wipe at his tears quickly. He shifted to look fully up at him. “I have no clue what I’m going to do without you. I’m so proud of you though. You deserve to go back to school and to get a degree in something you love. You know that, right?” He whispered again.


    “I know. The expenses of you staying there will balance out though. You would be so exhausted going back and forth everyday. The traffic would get to you too. I just want to try and do what is best for you.” He murmured. They had talked about this multiple times before. He took a few deep breaths then. He could tell he was having bad second thoughts about this all. “It is worth it. I know it will be. We can adjust. I will see you whenever I can. I-I am hoping I can visit every weekend. But I have to work at least fifty hours a week now to make sure we still have enough money. I-I want to warn you ahead of time. But I will call every day and we can FaceTime and text.” He rambled our. He was almost on the verge of telling him to not go.

  • that’s great!!! <3


    Because you know today is the day]/b].” Collin touched Alex’s cheek when he looked up at him. The sadness in his eyes was his fault and Collin knew that. Now he wished the idea of culinary school had never come up. They would cooking in the kitchen and then Collin would take a shower or lay around while Alex typed on his computer. Instead of crying “[b]I guess. I just wish there was one closer. Even ten minutes closer would be fine. I know you’re proud of me but.” He stopped and shook his head. Collin hated this feeling. At first he had been excited about it but seeing Alex’s face now as he stared up at him, Collin wasn’t so sure. He tried to tell himself that it wasn’t like they were cutting off all contact; it would he like when they first began dating when they didn’t see each other often. But this somehow felt different. Different and worse. Collin swallowed hard a few times. “Its just a few months”, he finally mumbled. “Im forty five minutes away from you and you from me.” It also did very little to console him.


    Collin couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes Alex knew him better than he knew himself. Collin would get tired of getting up two hours earlier than he needed too. He would get tired of the hassling traffic in less than a week and the amount of money spend on gas wouldn’t even be worth the trip up there. That and Collin felt terrible that Alex was upping his workload just to help him. They had been fine before and Collin wasn’t keen on draining their savings. He had told Alex that if it became too much, tell him and he would come home. Collin hadn’t even left yet and already the situation of money was weighing heavily on his mind. What if it wasn’t enough, even with Alex helping? Collin could take a job but the most he could manage was part time and it would only provide so much. What if he couldn’t afford the apartment? Collin wouldn’t have the heart to tell Alex that he had failed. He would make ends meet his own way, if it came to that. Collin dropped his hands to Alex’s shoulders then and stared at him. “Alex. All you have to do it tell me that you don’t want me to go. I will stay right here with you. I don’t need a degree to work at a nice restaurant.”


    dammit i did it again!!!!! fucking bold text!

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  • <3

    LMAO no worries!))


    “I know that it is. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this all.” Alexander spoke truthfully. He didn’t know why he was having such troubles with it all. It had been two weeks since they originally brought it up. He had been so excited for the other male. Now he was regretting it all. “I know. We did so much research though and this one was the best. I want you to get a good education. You really deserve it.” He took a deep breath as he continued to gaze up at him. “Think if it this way. It is kind of going to be like when we first started dating in college. We didn’t get to see a lot of each other, but we still managed.” He added. He was just trying to reassure himself as much as he could right now. “We can work through it. I have a lot of faith in us.”


    He was just trying to ease both of their minds by that point. But the realization that the other male was leaving him was starting to hit harder and harder. He knew that he would be a mess when he left. He knew that he had to leave not long after breakfast either to miss most of the traffic. He didn’t plan on letting the other male know when it would be too much and when it would be too hard for him to keep working as much as he was. He wanted Collin to be able to get through this next chapter in his life. “I don’t want you to go, but you need to. You know that you have wanted to do this for a long time. You just never voiced it. Don’t stop because of me.” He whispered. He leaned up to give him a gentle kiss.

  • i literally wanted alex to tell him to stay


    then he could say no, i have to go


    i’m so conflicted xD but this is normal


    I guess it’s the same as us being in college. You just won’t be as close.” Collin sighed and laid his head against Alex’s. That would be the hardest part. School was easy, he wasn’t worried about that. Classes would not be hard and when it came to the actual cooking - he wasn’t sure if it would be similar to the clinical that nursing students did - he already knew that would be fine. It would be being away from Alex that would have him worried and distracted most of the time. “I’m gonna try my best to come see you in the weekends. If i have homework, i don’t think i will, i can just bring it home with me. You can help me write the papers if i have too. But i don’t think there will be much actual work.” He shrugged then and reached to touch Alex’s cheek again. It was comforting and familiar and Collin wasn’t ready to let it go. Over Alex’s shoulder, Collin reached and turned the stovetop off so the food that sizzled wouldn’t burn.


    Collin groaned loudly and rested his forehead against Alex’s. “Thats not what I wanted to hear.” He stared down before pulling away and looking past Alex once more. “But i’ll go. I’m telling you now though, if it gets to be too much, being away from you, then i’ll come home. I’ll drive back and forth and if i get the opportunity again, i won’t let you tell me no.” Collin smiled then and kissed Alex’s forehead. “Come on. Let’s quit this sad, sappy talk and enjoy breakfast and each other before I have to go.” Collin pulled away from Alex and reached up to pull two of their plates from the cabinets to the right of the stove. He sat them down then pulled two glasses from the cabinets opposite. He wanted tea and assumed some kind of juice. Collin took the pitcher of tea and the carton of juice out of the fridge and sat them on the counter. “Dont cry”, Collin added over his shoulder. He reached back briefly and took Alex’s hand to give it a tight squeeze.


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  • omg I was so tired I ddI t realize I’m sorry cx

    they are going to be such big messes. wait until we skip to later on when Alex visits for the first time since he couldn’t for months bc of work to see him living with those people and the bottles and all))


    “I know. We will figure it out though. You have no clue how much faith I have in us. I know we will be able to handle it. I love you. I know that we will figure it all out. Never forget that.” Alexander murmured. He was aware that Collin would not be able to forget it, but he wanted to say it anyways. He was just hoping that Collin enjoyed school and the classes. He didn’t want for him to be miserable. It would probably go cause an argument. “I would love that. I don’t know how much I will be able to get out of work. They already starting piling it onto me today. It is crazy.” He murmured. He leaned gently into his touch, trying to get himself to stop being upset. It was getting to be so hard though.


    “I’m sorry. I know you would want to stay and we both have to be strong.” His voice was beginning to shake. He swallowed hard after he did so, shifting around a little bit. “You have to leave right after breakfast babe. We have like thirty more minutes together. Of course I’m going to cry.” He mumbled. He reached a hand up to rub at his eyes again. He shifted to finish making the breakfast. He soon for it posted. He brought the plates to the table and moved to take a seat. He didn’t even get himself something to drink. He put his face in his hands. The tears were starting to fall faster then. His shoulders were shaking also, giving a clear indication he was crying.

  • yessssss


    like collin is gonna get drunk literally one time and only one bottle is his. but alex thinks all of them are xD and he blows up then collin blows up then they make up and everything is okay until we decide to screw with them some more


    yep




    Babe.” Collin was watching him when he moved to take the plates to the table. A smile smile touched his lips. Discarding the glasses and drinks on the counter, he won’t and simply wrapped his arms around tightly around his fiancés waist. Collin pressed against him and littered the back of his neck with kisses. “You’re going to make me cry.” Collin’s gentle laugh broke on the last word. A tear rolled down his cheek and something like a sob worked its way from his throat. He couldn’t tell if it was him trembling or if it was Alex. Collin took him around the waist, turning him before dragging Alex to his chest. Crying would make them both feel better and he let them flow freely. I cant leave him. Collin kissed his head again before letting it rest down. “I love you so much, baby. you know that. and i wouldn’t be leaving if i didn’t believe this would be good for us.”


    Collin pulled back and wiped his hand across Alex’s cheek. He didn’t bother clearing his own face. “I may have thirty minutes but it’s half an hour longer that i have with you.” Reaching around Alex, he pulled the chair out. “Come on. Have breakfast with me before i have to leave. We’ll be okay baby, we’ll make it work.” Collin squeezed his hand tightly and tried to give him his best reassuring smile. Collin was confident that they were okay. The hard part was just getting in his car and driving out of the driveway knowing that if he were to look in his rear view mirror, he would see Alex standing there. And if he had the eyes of a hawk, he would be able to see the tears rolling down his face. Collin was not ready for that.


    //oh rushed i gotta plug my phone up x3


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  • Alex is gonna be so upset bc he will feel like he worked those extra hours for nothing and Collin didn’t communicate with him either oof I love angst cx

    No worries! <3))


    Alexander took deep breaths as the other male moved toward him. He could hear the break in Collin’s voice and that made him cry even more. He didn’t know why he was being such a mess right now. He didn’t need to act this way in front of the other male. He was sure that he felt enough pressure right now. “I’m sorry. I-I can’t help it any. I just feel so sad you are leaving, but so happy to know that you are going to be learning to cook in a professional setting and all.” He gushed. He leaned into him when he was pulled closer, pressing his face into his chest. His tears wet the other male’s shirt, but he couldn’t help it. “I love you so much too. I-I really do.”


    The other male wiping his tears away helped more than he could say. The gentle touch just seemed to make everything right. He lifted his gaze to Collin’s, vision a little blurry from the tears. “I know. I’m sorry.” He apologized again. He shifted to carefully sit back down at the table, lifting his fork. He began to slowly eat, his appetite mostly gone though. He kept glancing at the other male, hoping it wouldn’t affect him too badly. He managed to only eat half of what was on his plate. He pushed the rest away. He checked the time then, knowing it was almost there. He wasn’t prepared still for this all.

  • and the collin is gonna be like ‘i DIdnT WaNNA woRrY yOu ANd HaVE To TeLl yOU i faILeD’ and then cry


    because that’s what i would do lol



    I love you too.” Collin dropped his face into the top of Alex’s hair, settling in the soft mass. He inhaled the familiar scent and exhaled deeply. If he had known it would have been this hard for him to go - as well as expensive. he was worried but collin hadn’t said anything - Collin would have dropped the subject and never brought it up again. He could have gotten a job at any restaurant in town once they had seen the way he cooked. They would have taken him without a fancy degree and Collin knew it. But things hadn’t worked out that way and tuition was already paid, for now. “Hey, listen.” Collin tipped Alex’s chin up with his first finger and forced a smile. “Its not like we’re separating for good. I can see you on weekends, we don’t have any sort of class on friday, usually. I can come home for the holidays... it’ll be okay. If i have to get a job after school, or whatever they have me doing, then I will. So i can help you.”


    As Collin ate, he gave Alex the occasional glance, meeting his gaze every now and then. He tried to smile but ultimately forced himself to stare into his plate. He made himself finish it because he knew he wouldn’t be eating again until sometime later, after he had gotten situated and moved in. When he was finished Collin moved to slowly clean everything up in the kitchen without asking for Alex to help. It was the least he could do. When the last fish was dried and put up, Collin turned to lean his back against the counter, his hands dipping into his front pockets. “I guess i should get going...”, Collin finally mumbled. The dread of leaving Alex and their home was outweighing the excitement he had felt of being able to go to school to do what he loved. At this time, Collin didn’t even believe that it was worth it. It was only eight months, if he went by the scheduled program. It wasn’t mandatory- he could take whatever he wanted when he wanted, even it meant doubling up on classes - and Colin had intentions of doing so. He could eight months down to five or six, maybe.


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