my heart is made of cerulean tears . enjolras

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  • // I'm so sad bc I had been typing up a huge ass thing and my computer shut off. This was all the site saved on it so I just went with the bits that were saved than the OG post. I also made the text wider so it would be less of a pain to read. enjolras h.

    Their ship name is incredibly pretty tbh bc Alejandro has spanish accent to his + Enjolras so it makes it really nice. Ajolras & Enjandro. (Ahh - jore - lass) (Eh - n - han - drough)

    Tonight had been a good one for the gray and blue big cat. The party went well, he met some friendly faces, made some new friends and even rediscovered how to enjoy socializing. He wasn't one hundred percent okay with being alive again and his past still miserably hung over like a dreary crowd. Which brought the Bengals mind back to earlier events. The Dark Dynasty leader's wings had shocked depressing memories through his body. A sad expression painted like dark skies across his face and a painful impression to his brow as he struggled to push back the memories. "I love you Alejandro. So much..." Soft breaths brushed against his cheek like looking at a dream through pink lenses. Lashes fluttered delicately against his neck fur and a deep chuckle reverberated Al's heart. Gentle paws placed a fake rose between the crevice of his cranium and torn ear. Clenching his eyes shut and gritting his canines together Alej was slowly being absorbed by the past again. No, no, no. Please just let me have one day where I don't have to feel it all. Please. Like always the cruel void ignored him like a tick in a squirrels pelt. Insignificant, unnoticed, and unloved. As he had always been and always would be. Everyone Alejandro had ever learned to love left him or perished long, long ago. His father, brothers, sister, cousins, best friends, fiance, boyfriends, clanmates and his own self-worth.

    A familiar feeling of fire and emptiness dragged at his chest. Crawling like a fungus eating him from the inside out and wrapping around his throat like rose thorns came those ungodly painful emotions. Longing, anger, hatred, despair, loneliness, frustration, depression, missing, emptiness and confusion. It was verbatim to know why Alejandro was the way that he was but it was also complete chaos to recall it all. It was too much for his living brain to hold at full capacity. Slowly the tom hunched over as if his stomach were in pain. Shaking visibly with his ears pulled back and lips pushed by fangs clenching. Finally the tears came and the burning sensation amplified tenfold. Creasing along his tear line in thick wet drops that smeared the charred ground beneath his paws. I just wish I could forget or go back somehow. Why do I always have to be in limbo when I die and why am I forced to return. What did I do. What have I done for something to hate me this much! Then faces collided like burned video tapes. The scared cries and whimpers of the several prisoners he brutally executed. It was my job! I had no other choice! It was execute them or be executed... Guilt wasn't an unfamiliar emotion and it was rearing its ugly head alongside the typhoon of other twisting emotions. All their tear stained faces brimmed like an ocean dragging him down to the crushing depths of the waters stomach.

    Surrounding his every part and breaking him down to the molecular level. He wanted to take it all back to never have done it at all. Alej could've just run away, killed himself, faked his own death but no. The Tiger had been executed himself and he remembered the unimaginable pain of the iron rod shoved through his scruff. Holding Alejandro prisoner to the earth as he was unable to move from the gross hurt of his nerve ending dying and his organs shutting down. After five days he'd perished like a sick roadkill and his body had been tossed into the bay like fish food. Haven't I suffered enough for my sins? I have never killed again and I never intend to. Please put me to rest or at least make their cries stop! Alone the Bengal sat at the border where the jungles charred edges jabbed at his pad. Sitting there just tangled in his own web of misery, tears rapidly trailing down his cheeks, and over his nose as he shook pathetically.

  • ★ ★ ★ ooc. oH BIG RIP i'm sorry u had to rewrite all that but it's so good the plot is feeding my soul rn

    and yes omg their ship name is lovely! i'm a fan of enjandro tbh

    ic. Enjolras had only had one life (at least, as far as he knew), but it didn't seem to be shaping up to be all sunshine and rainbows as he'd hoped. Two failed relationships and he was already feeling older than his age. Alicante had left him with two children and Shocktherapy was a hazard to his clan, even though he knew nothing bad would ever happen to them. He felt that he'd had enough of love and life at this point, yet he pushed on. He was too young for this! Too young to give up. He had a clan to serve and friends to make, so the serval would heave a sigh and continue his sad trek through the jungle.

    The thoughts of his two previous lovers still continued to flood his mind, though. He would never be rid of them, and he knew it. He could only move on so much, but it seemed he was trapped. Like wading through tar, he sifted through the memories of love and life and all he never thought he could have again. His tail lashed and he shook his head to clear his mind. Crying. He wasn't crying, was he? He sure felt like it, but a swipe at his face confirmed that no tears had been shed yet. Then who was sad? A ghost of his conscious?

    With a curious frown, he decided to track down the source of the sorrow. After all, if someone was sad, maybe he could help them. He never liked being alone when he was sad, but aside from his brother he was loosing people who could go to. Enjolras rounded one of the few larger trees that were left standing and came to a surprised halt. Alejandro. Well, this was certainly unexpected. A breeze danced through the trees, hot and heavy and making the mood seem harsher than before. He coughed lightly to alert the other to his presence before speaking, his voice low and hesitant. "Er..Alejandro?" he questioned, accent stirring up the other's name and loosing it to the heat. "Are you...are you alright?" A dumb question; of course he wasn't alright. But what else was he going to say? It seemed only polite to give the other male the right to deny anything and ask to be left alone.


    enjolras harbringer . vf + bhr - emperor + rogue . male . ragdoll . biography

  • // It'll be good bc yo I got hella muse for this ngl THANK! also ditto! I prefer that name too. Enjandro it is!

    Crying was so suffocating to the point it was nearly impossible to breath unless in was through his jowels. Alej wanted to calm down so badly but there was no pacifier. No family. No lover. No children. No genuine items of memory. Yes he had his rose but it wasnt the same one as before and in his eyes it was nearly useless. Yet his mind sauntered on to more heartbreaking things. Children. That thought truly made his heart concave from the weight of it. Al hadn't ever really been the fatherly type but after having his litters it was like his heart had learned to beat again. It was awkward at first being a single father of six. Three from one clan, and three from another but he had loved them all the same. All he could see was his old friend Breaks soft smile as she nudged a little ball of fluff his way.

    Gently touching their floppy ears and hearing the pitiful yips coming from his newborn daughter at being taken from her mothers side. Alejandro knew what love had felt like, but never to that extreme. The Bengal had no idea what he had been getting himself into and the reasons may have been immoral - but he had still loved his children. Business litter or not he would never forget them and a hopeful part of him prayed they had lived good lives without him. Then I died. I left them all behind. I dont deserve to know if they're happy. A father should never die before his children... Especially not when they are so young. At this point he just wanted to dramatically collapse in a puddle of his own sorrow but something made him nearly bite his tongue with fright. Snarling as tears rushed down his chin Alej hurried to confront the sudden stranger.

    Standing up as quickly as his three legs allowed, and swinging around to meet face to face with the serval. Like that the furious flame had ceased and instead turned to humility. It's just Enjolras you moron. You really didn't sense him coming? He had infact heard the other speak but with the blood rushing through his ears Al was as good as deaf. Quickly sitting back down the Tiger bowed his head. Trying his best to hide his embarassment from the confused and concerned volarian. Albeit at this point it seemed uneccessary. Enjolras had already seen the tear treks, his pain glittered hideously across his bared fangs and how the shame colored his eyes a dark cerulean. Swallowing as best he could Al tried to patch the situation in a watery voice that was much unlike his usually cool tone. "... Yes, i-i'm okay." Even a deaf badger would've called him on that bullshit but whatever.

    He wanted to spare some of his humility. Coughing a tad he continued while flickering a stern glance to the serval. "Why are you here... Do you need me for something?"

  • ★ ★ ★ The love a parent had for their children was certainly never to be messed with. It could bring such joy and yet also be the heaviest thing to carry around. Being a good parent was hard, and he was already worried he wasn't doing things right. Looking at Alejandro, he got the sudden feeling that the tiger would understand this if he told him so. Yet he held his tongue. Some other time he would open up, right now didn't seem to be a good time.

    He backed up just a few steps as Alejandro whirled around to face him, anger in his gaze. It shocked Enjolras to see it, but it was gone as soon as recognition hit. Sympathy welled up inside his heart for the other and he took a seat along with him. His long tail absently ran along the ground behind him as he studied his clanmate. How was he to answer that question? He didn't want to pry, so saying 'No, you're not alright and I'm here to help,' was not an option. Should he lie and say he had just been passing by and not actively searching him out when he heard his tears?

    Words failed him now, as they seemed to be doing a lot lately. "I..." he trailed off, averting his gaze a little to the left of Alejandro. "...heard you crying...I wanted to make sure you were alright. Pardon, if I've bothered you." His muscles itched to get him on his feet and walking away, leaving the tiger to himself, but he forced himself to stay, only briefly making eye contact once more before glancing away again. Had he intruded too much now? He sure felt like it, but he couldn't turn back time. If only he could; there were so many things he'd change.


    enjolras harbringer . vf + bhr - emperor + rogue . male . ragdoll . biography

  • For as long as Ale had been in this new world he had felt utterly and completely alone. Refusing to seek comfort in anying except booze and wallowing in his own misery. Deep down he ached for that comfort - to have it back again in any form but he felt undeserving of it. Tonight was almost perfect but of course his mind got the best of him. It would most certainly haunt him in his dreams as well. In retrospect Al was a good fighter despite his disability, a wickedly intellectual diplomat, and he always got the job done cleanly. Unfortunately, Al was his own worst enemy and seemed to be his own downfall everytime. His old-world view also got the better of him sometimes and made the Tiger appear stuck-up or crotchety. Which in this case seemed to come across.

    The larger male still felt guilt lapping at the pit of his stomach for being so hostile. Enjolras hadn't ever gone out of his way to give him trouble or really anyone for that matter. To him the Serval was just a quiet bystander and so it was peculiar to Alejandro how easily he sat beside him. Al blinked in surprise. He's just... Gonna sit with me? From the outside looking in Al probably would appear block headed for such an internal retort - but to himself he wasn't used to patience from others. He was the patient one. He didn't deserve understanding. He had to be understanding of others. Hostility ebbed away and he settled down unsure of what to do with himself. When Enjolras answered the Bengal swore his face would look like a red blinker from how harshly he swelled from embarassment. Damn. Was I crying that loudly? I may as well address my misery to the entirety of Volary Flights!

    Discomfort radiated heavily from both of them it seemed. He should've gome ahead and replied by now but he was busy scurrying up some excuse as to why he was crying and that the company was okay. Ale just wasnt really sure how to form the words. Tears clearing up and airways becoming a little more breathable Alejandro finally gave a gentle response. Ears flattened and eyes peering at Enj with uncertainty. "U-um no, no you're fine Enjolras. I feel bad for being so obnoxious with my problems." Swallowing his emotions down a little further before continuing. "Thank you for coming to check on me... That's actually really kind of you." Finally he let the mask slip for a brief second and gave the other a grateful watery half-smile.

  • ★ ★ ★ He immediately felt bad for pointing out that he had heard Alejandro rather than stumbled across him. He could only imagine how awkward it would be to know how loud you were crying over something. There was no taking it back, though, and he felt satiated when the tiger showed appreciation for him coming around. Lately, Enjolras had been feeling more on edge with helping others. He never knew they were going to react, and it seemed that recently the decisions he was making were not sitting well with his clan mates.

    He let out a breath of relief through his nose and relaxed a little more. He opened his mouth to speak when he realized there was nothing to say. At least, nothing he felt was appropriate. It would be awkward for the both of them if he just got up and left, and even more awkward if they both sat in silence. Yet, he wasn't going to leave Alejandro alone. He'd expressed his appreciation, and Enjolras was going to help as much as he could. "I'm glad to help," he started, rolling his shoulders slightly. "I...don't want to pry, but do you need to talk?"

    God, he sounded like some sort of therapist at this point, but he knew from experience that talking was often helpful when it came to managing emotions. When he was younger, he always turned to his brother, and recently he'd gone to Shock. Who would he go to now that Shock was no longer an option? Would Atlas understand? Would Angelkisses? Maybe not, and he would have to keep it all to himself. He would be here for anything Alejandro had to say, but there was no way he was going to force his own problems onto him in return. They weren't close that way, not yet at least. He wouldn't mind getting to know Alejandro better, and ironically this seemed like a very intimate way to go about it. Didn't people usually start with an awkward game of 20 questions? This encounter was definitely awkward, but maybe not heading in the direction he'd hoped for.


    enjolras harbringer . vf + bhr - emperor + rogue . male . ragdoll . biography

  • ★ ★ ★ small bump o w o i'm just super excited for this ship i'm sorry


    enjolras harbringer . vf + bhr - emperor + rogue . male . ragdoll . biography


    Did he need to talk? It was something he hadn't really thought about doing. Mainly due to his own stubborness of keeping it all in but even the toughest of bastards had a soft point. The taughtness that had knotted up his shoulders gradually loosened as he swallowed the last bit of rocking emotions down. It was time to settle before Al gave himself a nasty headache to feal with for the rest of the night. Talking. Something he was so very good at diplomatically but absoloutely horrible at emotionally. Quietly another sigh pressed through his lips and his ears almost had a cartoonish droop to them. For just a small minute more Alejandro's guard was down and he quietly confessed to Enjolras' listening ears. "Yes... I actually do need to let it out. Forgive me, but I feel its my age - spiritually - that eggs me on to ramble like an old owl." His voice was gaining its strength back but in truth his words were so fragile the slightest bit of a harsh look could shatter him. He thought for a moment longer before carefully answering again. "I'm not from this time period. I was born eons ago in a place called Boneclan... For some reason im just-just trapped! With no way out. Continuously dying, being re-born or stealing others bodies. Getting shoved into time frames in this universe that I know nothing about!" Before Alej realized it he was breaking into a sweat with his voice gradually rising. Shoving his anxities down he spoke with more control while his eyes stared a hole into the earth. "Enjolras, I am as good as a stranger to you... This is all far fetched I know, but I cannot express to you the mountains of grief I experience every day. The loss of so many that I have loved and I-" A sob boiled up and choked him yet again. His teeth gritting and his head turned from the serval in shame. Alej didnt know why he was pouring out at the seams to the other tom. Why his heart felt less heavy at the near strangers presence but it just... Did.

  • ★ ★ ★ ooc. aaaaaa it's fine don't worry about it!

    ic. Despite his original question, Enjolras hadn't been entirely prepared for actually having Alejandro open up to him. So when he did, the serval looked almost surprised, but quickly wiped the expression off his face. He softened for the older male as he listened, not entirely understanding Boneclan and times before, but understanding just how hard it must be to continue on in such a manner.

    He inched a little closer while the tiger spoke and laid his tail lightly on the other, brushing a shoulder to his. Silent support as he saw Ale continue to break down, not knowing just how deep his grief ran but knowing it must be hard to have to deal with it every single day. "C'est horrible," he murmured gently. "But you're stronger than you know. You've come this far, after all." The serval paused, studying Ale even as the tiger turned his gaze away. Something in him gathered, and later he would realize it was affection. Affection for his clan mate which was confiding in him all of the sudden.

    He'd felt affection before, he felt it all the time for his children. But this was different. Was this what it meant to be close to a clan mate? He certainly wouldn't know. Kira and him would probably never have a good relationship, and Olivia had passed before he'd gotten a chance to know her. Everyone else just seemed to pass him by recently, and he couldn't blame them. A lot was going on, so who really had time for socializing? He glanced away from Ale as well, but continued to speak. "'s not too bad...right? It means I got to have you as a clan mate." Following the statement was a surge of anxiety that caused him to stiffen slightly. It was true, he was glad to have Ale as a clan mate, but he wasn't sure if the tiger shared his sentiments or even wanted to hear something like that.


    enjolras harbringer . vf + bhr - emperor + rogue . male . ragdoll . biography

  • Clearing away the tears and the majority of the grossness that came with crying. Alej reluctantly glanced back. Enjolras' foreign words did not translate to him but he knew the Serval was sympathising from the look on his face alone. Soft and empathetic - strangely a beautiful look to see on the other male. Like the surprise of lightning his muscles jumped from the tail touch. There were no words to describe the sudden fire that tickled his chest at the others gentle caress. No past memories, former disasters, impending problems or current mistakes that could take away from the sudden pause in time. It was so incredibly calming and reassuring. If scenes of the mind could be painted by the heart and animated with the soul to perfectly match the sudden emotions that bloomed tightly in his chest - it would be dozens of rose bushes coiling around his heart. Protecting him from the onslaught of forgotten warmth he'd felt before. No, this isn't the time for that. Like a switch the feeling was gone but it lingered in a light purple haze near his head. Sniffiling softly as he forced his muscles to relax he was yet again struck with that forbidden feeling. '.. I got to have you as a clanmate.' Once more the world stood still. Cheeks flushed with humble humility. The stars blindingly bright as his heart rate was the only sound heard in his head. It's not what I think it is... H-he's just trying to comfort me. This just isn't appropriate right now. Gradually the tempo of the world caught back up and it left Al a awkward mess. For several minutes he had just sat there. Staring with a heavy intensity into Enj's eyes with his own sad watery one's. In complete silence. Blinking it all away the tom quickly replied in haste. "Ah... Y-yeah I guess so? It's not so bad, you're a really nice clanmate to have too Enjolras..." The retort was certainly lackluster in hindsite but Alej really didn't know what to say or do. He of course did the smart thing and dug himself a deeper hole. "Ahem, anyhow... Mind if we just, head back home now?" He wanted to run from this gorgeously tragic scene and bury these odd feelings. Despite the kindness the other showed his heavy thoughts far outweighed his gratitude.

  • ★ ★ ★ The sudden stiffening of the tiger beneath his tail caused Enj to retract it, scared he had somehow offended Ale with the touch. Had he gone too far is his want to comfort him? The idea hurt him more than he could understand, though he didn't have the time to analyze the real reason why it hurt so much. He had stiffened as well, yet he relaxed when he saw Ale doing the same. So that meant he hadn't crossed some boundaries, or if he did, he'd been forgiven.

    The silence was almost too much, too overwhelming, and just looking at Ale caused the serval to shift uncertainly. Was he wrong? He he really made a bad move, or said something off? Then, Ale seemed to catch back up and responded with a statement that soothed his heart. A small smile settled on his maw, a little timid and yet bright all at the same time. It faltered as Enjolras heard Ale's next words. Oh. Home. Away from their moment of solitude that felt so intimate yet right at the same time. Of course Ale would want to go back to the camp, to get away from Enj and deal with his thoughts however he saw fit.

    He quickly forced another smile. It didn't matter what Ale was really thinking right now; if he wanted Enj gone or not. The serval vowed to be a supportive friend, and if it meant letting go of this moment, then so be it. "Of course we can," he said, hoping his voice didn't betray any of his internal battle. He got to his feet a lot faster than he probably should've, and he hoped he didn't seem eager to get rid of the other male. That was honestly the exact opposite of what he wanted. He wanted to hold on to Ale and make sure he stayed in the Flights, but he would never force anything. If this was where their moment ended then there was nothing he could do about it.


    enjolras harbringer . vf + bhr - emperor + rogue . male . ragdoll . biography

  • // hey! I was thinking we should cut off here since so much time has passed. When you're back do you wanna make the next private thread? Or should we just re-use this thread and do a time jump?

  • yeah that’s fine!

    we can start a new one :0


    enjolras harbringer . vf + bhr - emperor + rogue . male . ragdoll . biography