try to talk refined -- ver

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  • For the first time in a very long time, Nadine decided to rise with the sun. She stretched languidly that morning, using the sun to warm herself and loosen her muscles. The lithe serval then stalked out of her room in the pyramids, listening the the way her claws clicked over the icy floors and transitioned the the more muffled thuds when she slipped outside. Not many creatures were up and about to see her fade into a dot on the horizon as she navigated around the Blood Nile and headed to the Pines of the Shadow Veil.


    She's not even that sure why it seems so urgent to see Ver. The canine lives in the Ruins part time now, practically her shadow, but her anger directs her to the shadowy trees to find her. It just seems more personal to confront her where Ver and her girlfriend live. Some part of her knows that she might not even be there, that she might be one of her other many groups, but the rest of her screams at that part to shut up. Nadine's on a mission.


    The imagine of the two Veilers embracing so affectionately at the boarder keeps playing over in her mind, super-imposed over the times they'd each flirted with her. Is she angry because Ver is with Nightstar? Because she isn't with her? Because she didn't even wait for these kits to be born before she started getting it on with someone else? She doesn't know. Fuck, she doesn't know why she has any right to be angry. It's not like Ver ever promised to stay with her; she promised to stay with the kids. Their whole thing was supposed to be purely physical, yet here she is, the mistress, running with a fury to confront her taken lover.


    Nadine looks around with a focused gaze as she stalks, eyes hunting for the dark form of the canine.


    // Ver Million


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  • Ver acted on her whims, more so than she usually did. She desired to much and her heart cried and cried to take it all without hesitation in a gluttonous loaf of excess. She’d been more emotional, less logical and it’d done her both good and bad. She made mistakes, many mistakes but it gave her the metaphorical balls to confess her feelings. It was the wrong time of course, she could’ve waited for this all to be over and she should’ve told Nightstar as a leader rather than as a lover about what she’d done. But she hadn’t and there was no way to change the past. Perhaps her haste to get with the woman was purely out of unadulterated love but she knew there was more to it. Nightstar was stable, she was older and distinguished and she didn’t need to worry about knocking her up nor did she worry about spending to much time away. They were both busy, and that worked completely in her favor.


    The only consequence was the pinkish eyes that sometimes rested on her, or the mutual flirting that went around the three. She hated to admit it, she hated to even give it thought but just seeing the Servals face curved into something that wasn’t a smile or laugh just made her want to drop to her knees and beg for repentance from the mother of her soon-to-be children.


    She’d been on patrol when her familiar scent bolstered into the air and she was quick to come to her. Head tilted and a small smile on her face one that’d fade with the expression see sees. Her heart pounds and she assumes something is horribly wrong. ”Nadine?” she woofs her name softly as she pads up to her side head leaning down she’d attempt to press her muzzle and nose against the fur on the Servals neck for a moment as some form of affectionate greeting. ”What’s wrong babe? Did something happen?” she figures this is about the kits or someone finding out somehow, she doesn’t even think it’d be directed at her.

    ”speech”tags

  • Her working legs are quick to still when she spots Ver, letting the canine close the distance between the two. As there always seems to be, there's a brief moment where things could be okay. Maybe she can just laugh this off - I missed you, hun. It'd be the easiest thing in the world to plaster a smile on her spotted face and accept the affection. Nadine could coo, flirt, seduce this visit into something other than the fury she intends it to be. But something in her needs to get this all out of her system, so she will.


    She's always been a fire.


    The serval does nothing to stop the greeting, her eyes closing as she resists the urge to lean into it. The scent of Ver, so strongly mixed and strange and intoxicating, is just this side of putting out that fire. And then she speaks and sparks it all anew. "Don't you babe me, hun." She snaps as she pulls her head back slightly, staring down her muzzle and up at the much larger canine. Nadine wants to cry and plead and bare her heart completely to Ver, but there's only so much she can do at once. And, seeing that unassuming face, she knows there's only room for anger in this moment.


    "Okay, I get that I was just meant to be a one night stand. That's great! That's right up my fucking ally. But I'm pregnant, and that makes things messy. I get that you're not hanging around the Ruins because you love me - I'm not dumb. You're there for the kits and your own fucking reputation," Nadine leaves no room for interjection, her rosy eyes alight with anger. "That's cool. What's not cool is continuing to flirt with me. Again, pregnant - these hormones are messing me up, and maybe I'm not just flirting because it's fun with you. And even less cool is showing up, flirting with me, and kissing your girlfriend."


    Nadine pauses, licks her lips, and looks back up at Ver. "You couldn't even wait for me to pop them out, huh? Do I mean anything to you, Ver?"


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  • This was a long time coming but she never expected it to be from her. She backs up at the words brows furrowing in confusion, she bites down on her lip wings unfurling slightly in some semblance of shock. She opens her maw to question, to say her name and to make sense of this. To try and placate the anger but she can’t even if there was any room for her. It could be morbid curiosity or for once submission, but it’s likely a mix of the two that keeps her silent for the barrage.


    The accusation is harsh, and she wonders if there’s any truth to it. There is slightly but there’s more to it, she knew that from the beginning. Yes the kits changed things, they would never allow for them to have a normal friendship nor anything more. It was complicated, conflicted with everything she could ever say to Incarnadine to explain. She could yell back force an interjection even if Incarnadine is hellbent on continuing on but the Serval obviously needs this even if it’s entirely at Ver’s expense. She lets out a low whimper at what follows, eyes widening at the revelation. Why, why her? Hormones or not she’d can’t understand why the hell she’d view her as anything more than a childish horndog. She hadn’t realized she’d been doing anything horrible with her remarks, only that she was in a way cheating on her girlfriend.


    But the surprise fades and a low growl rumbles in her chest at her final insinuation. ”You really think I joined just for the kits! Are you kidding me? Why would I when Abbi’s constantly up your ass taking care of them! They’d wind up perfectly fine without me!” she snaps only to take a breath to calm herself down. She’s just going to make her hate her more and she can’t let that happen, she doesn’t want to be ripped apart. ”Yes I’ll admit I did join partially for the kits and and my own pride. But I joined for you Incarnadine can’t you not see that? I couldn’t bare to think of you on your own with an accident I made! I couldn’t live with myself if you faced this alone, and that’s not based solely on the kits. You’re not just a damn carrier... I know I caused this, I caused these stupid fucking feelings and I can’t help my own or even your own hormones! I didn’t mean for any of this to happen alright! I have no damn clue what I’m doing!” the final roar would fade and she couldn’t find it within herself to stare her in the eye. She forced her gaze away looking upwards before sighing. Taking a heavy breath and closing her eyes for a faint minute, letting her fur lay flat.


    ”I care about you way more than I should” she admits with a huff, it’s vague and spoken rawly. She’s really not thinking hard into what she’s saying or the connotations. She won’t leave Nightstar but she’s not going to roll onto her back and obey her whims. Her feelings are muddled in general, Incarnadine’s both a forcible-necessity and a faint desire at the same time and that scares her half to death.

    ”speech”tags

  • Her ears pin back as Ver begins her own line of fire, fur on the back of her neck prickling at the growl. She knows that after everything she just said the least she can do is sit back, muscles tensed, and weather the storm, but hearing the other side of the story hurts. Nadine had somehow assumed that her anger existed in a bubble and that, when popped, they could both laugh about it and go back to flirting and waiting things out. This reality of Ver having something to say in response isn't welcome and she doesn't like it.


    The harshness of the words pins her large ears to her skull reflexively. She manages to snap out "Back off," when Abbi is pulled in, as he always seems to be with her messes. The poor kid doesn't deserve the role in this that she handed him, and hearing it spun and used against him hurts in a whole different way. They both need the pause after that, her own chest heaving despite the fact that she's mostly containing her words now. Every fiber of her being is rigid with barely controlled emotion as she readies herself for the next blow.


    Even if Ver's saying that she didn't join just for the kids, Nadine can't help but hear that she thinks the Warlord is weak due to them. Tears gleam at the corners of her eyes at the suggestion that she needs protecting; that kind of provoke almost always lent itself to hits being traded, but her conflicting emotions keep her rooted.


    Evidence stacks up to heights of dizzying confusion - I joined for you, You’re not just a damn carrier, I caused these stupid fucking feelings and I can’t help my own, and, the damning final blow, I care about you way more than I should. Nadine's shoulders shake with each choppy breath as she stares up at the canine, blinking away the tears as much as she can. "Yeah, you shouldn't care about me. At all. I shouldn't give a fuck about you, but here we are. Here I am, feeling like shit for being a dumb bitch's mistress when your girlfriend flirts with me too. You guys are cruel, you know that? I can't blame her - she doesn't know about Loki - but you know I'm weak and it sucks to see the two of you together!


    "So tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you don't like me, that Night doesn't care about you two flirting with a slut because I don't matter. Because I don't want this stupid hope in my chest and it'll be easier without it." Nadine keeps her gaze level as much as she can, refusing to wipe away any tears that slip down to the angry line of her mouth. She needs this answer more than she could ever put into words - needs it so much it scares her. This is the closest to stability in a long while, and it's perilous.


    "speech"

  • She spoke completely out of anger, making a jab at a boy who in all honesty didn’t deserve it. He was doing them both a great service by helping, he was being someone to Nadine that Ver just wasn’t capable of being. She wasn’t allowed to be a shoulder to cry on simply because she was the one to cry about. But it doesn’t make her take back her words on him either, he is not here and there’s better things to apologize about rather than on the behalf of a child who wasn’t here to hear her harsh words. He’d likely shun her or worse if he’d heard anyway.


    She forces her gaze back just for a moment, catching the light of forming tears which causes her to pause. She’s tempted to comfort, to act like nothing bad has happened just to wrap her wings around and try to sooth her but she can’t. It’ll make things worse and she’s still not with it completely. Still feeling the sting of each and every word she spat at her, as well as the guilt of her own. But the words continue there is no reconciliation no apologies or belated laughter and flirtatious remarks. They’re damned completely, there’s no avoiding what they’ve both presented to each other.


    I shouldn’t give a fuck about you” she shouldn’t and she knows it’d be easier but it hurts anyway even if she agrees. Her muzzle crinkles and a low whimper purses her lips hardly even audible. The mention of Loki is the nail in the coffin, she’s tempted to defend her actions but there is nothing to defend. Her actions spoke for themselves, rather she wanted to give thought to it or not Incarnadine was vulnerable to her. She was stable that night, capable of rationality while Incarnadine was grieving. She waits in silence watching listening to every word she utters her eyes glimpsing at every tear that stains her fur. Knowing full well there’s hardly a thing she can do to help. She barks suddenly wings splaying out ”Am I just supposed to agree, to say this was all to purposefully hurt you? Is that what you want? for me to lie? Would that be easier for you to play pretend to make me into something I’m not!.... That’s fine, completely fine to me! If that’s what’d make you feel better than so be it!” she hadn’t meant to go that far and instantly regrets it as her teeth click together.


    She forces herself to stay silent for just a second as she breathes one paw stepping forward to somewhat get rid of the distance. She’d lay her paw besides one one of the Servals own, staring down at her from her full height. Her face placates, growing weary and tired but much softer than the snarl it had been. ”Night knows Incarnadine but she didn’t before. Don’t hate her for something I did. She doesn’t deserve it, I don’t deserve either of you as it is... I can’t help but love her, I can’t stop just for you” she states but wouldn’t leave room for Incarnadine to say a word as she finished. ”But I cant help but love you too” it’s the worst possible thing to say. All an accumulation of the atmosphere and her previous feelings and intentions. She doubts its the same, doubts its the kind she feels for Nightstar. It’s possibly hormones and expectations for how she should feel towards the woman she slept with. But she doesn’t think it’s that simple.


    She sniffles lowly fighting every urge she has to let go.

    ”speech”tags

  • The serval listens to the outburst with a feverish kind of desperation. The rage of it all should scare her, on account of their size difference, but it just makes her more defensive. Ver agreeing with what she'd just said, that the flirtatious nature she and her girlfriend directed at her was null because Nadine doesn't matter, would make things so much easier for her. She's been clawing at hope and fighting her own internal guilt; someone else's executive decision on the matter would do wonders for her. Being able to put this behind her would be wonderful. Yet, the canine refuses to say just that, the two of them too involved in the atmosphere the serval created.


    "I WANT THE TRUTH!" She lunges forward at the same time Ver does, her whole body rife with anger. There's less keeping them apart now but it's just as tense. Nadine wants to keep talking and to explain what she really needs from this is an end to the torment of not knowing, to this mess between the two of them. The Veiler beats her to the punch, the softer tone somehow stinging more. Night knows. Cold rushes to fill her body as the blood drains from her face.


    There's a terrible disconnect between the one calling her Incarnadine and what the name means to her. To her, her full name had always been a capsule of her youth and the time before she lost herself to everything. To her, Ver is exactly the type of person who would've been there as her sense of self collapsed, one of the many eager to watch that slow destruction and fierce rebuilding. Nadine shakes her head, eyes closed, and tries to ignore the words that just keep spilling forth like a wave. It isn't right. She hasn't been Incarnadine for as long as she's been in this mess and it's wrong to ruin that name.


    She wants to tell Ver to get her name out of her canine mouth as if that would overrule everything. Her face breaks into a snarl at the first mention of love and her lungs fill at the notion that it can't be stopped for her sake alone. The paw lifts away from Ver's, and stops.


    I can't help but love you too.


    Nadine feels like she's going to be sick. "What?" The snarl vanishes from her face but the tone remains in her words. "What the fuck, Ver? You can't say that kind of shit - you have a girlfriend. It's not fair on her." Her heart is pounding in her chest and even the Warlord can't tell if it's from fear or hope or some sick combination of the two. The paw that she had just lifted wipes at her eyes now, hating the way the tears feel there. "Or on me. Fuck, you can't say that kind of shit! Not when I like you too!"


    Her claws slip into the dark earth, rooting her as she fights to urge to flee or slap Ver. "Don't play around, Ver, because I'm sick of being your mistress. Does Night know you like me?" The word 'love' feels ugly in her mouth in this situation where it could so easily be spun around and thrown back in her face.


    "speech"

  • She was ashamed the thought of truly defending herslef came to mind, she dispelled it easily as every instinctive thought she'd had. It was clear from the beginning who was the strong one, she has physical prowess her size so overbearing compared to the lithe body she knows so well. But she's losing anyway, not just on the physical playing field, she's never argued never even fought to defend her honor much less that of another. Her yearning to submit never comes back, she's in to deep and snapping at unspoken promises and boundaries she should never get into. She always takes to much, indulges her sick yearning for the warmth of another and doesn't take into account the cruelty she'd dished out.


    She's close enough to grab, even when her paw raises back up. They're too close but Ver refuses to move back defiant and stuck in place both in shock and in sheer fear of what would happen if she walks away. The kits would be gone along with the Mother she'd sworn to keep safe, but who was she to speak about keeping her safe when she'd hurt her so bad already. All it takes is the mention of her girlfriend to bring the weight of what she said back, sending it crashing down. Her breath stills in her throat practically dropping into her stomach. She doesn't care to compose herself, her muzzle is crooked rippling with muscle as she fights off whatever is threatening to take over her. ”I know it's not fair! But I cant fucking help it!” her voice cracks unfiltered for once by the mask she places so finally onto her visage. But her anger subsides and she takes a backward step as her previous words a re reaffirmed much more blatantly. This wasn't meant to happen, they should've been fine just coexisting being parents and nothing more but reality never seems to work in that favor. Her heart lurches and she shakes her head, gulping once again as she searches for something to say.


    There's no joy to be had in the mutual shared emotion, even if the bitter moisture within her red hues tell a very different story. Her brows furrow and she doesn't take notice of her tail tucking as she takes a step forward again trying to split the distance. ”Nadine... Look at me” her face lowers down towards her, not caring much for personal space. If she wants to hit her, scream directly at her than well Ver's willing to take it. Her tone is stern, yet so tired and dryly gentle. She wants this to end but she doubts it'll ever go back to normal. They can't just be friends, they can't just raise these kids as nothing more than platonic partners. Either they figure shit out or tear each other and their kids apart. ”I'm not playing, this isn't some damn ruse to get in your bed. I'm being as serious as I can be... I don't know if Night know's i don't even know if s-she'd agree to it! But it doesn't change how I feel” there's a certain fear within her, because Nighstar is the one stable thing she has. But the woman had been acting strange towards other woman, not exactly as monogamous as Ver expected from her. Fuck she'd flirted blatantly to Incarnadine in front of her.


    ”I've fucked so many things in my life up, and I don't want you to be one of them” she forces her gaze to interlock again ”You deserve better than that, you deserve a better woman than me..” if Loki had been around she'd doubted she'd even give her so much as a second look. ”I don't know if you want to make this work... I don't know if you even want me in your life anymore” the pines feel so silent, their words are the only thing that fills the darkness. As if no one but them exist. ”I'm willing to change... I'm willing to start anew and if you want me gone than I guess i'll learn to live with that too.

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  • The Warlord forces herself to look Ver in the eyes, a slight shock of surprise running down her spine when she finds tears there to mirror her own. Their faces being so close together brings a lot of temptation to the table. The way they currently are, violence is completely within her reach. Though her eyes don't wonder, her mind strays to the horns atop the canine's head. They were such a compelling part of her initial attraction to her she was so drawn to them. She can see the red of them just inside her peripheral vision like warning signs that she's all too willing to ignore. Nadine is equally torn between carving a notch in them and caressing them and it's killing her.


    She ends up pulling her paws closer to her, practically sitting on them, in order to stop herself from lashing out. Hearing the exhaustion in Ver's voice hurts, doubly so when she remembers that she caused this. The serval had been so set on this confrontation this morning and had moved with all the grace of a woman on a mission. But now? Now that she's delivered her rage and dealing with the emotional fallout, she half wishes she hadn't. Maybe this could've been done with tact and cuddles and softer words, but it had seemed so important. The hearth can't be unlit, only put out.


    "Who cares what I deserve - I want you in my life. You're fun and a little bit dangerous and it makes me smile to see you. But I can't just be your side chick, Ver, it's messing with my head." Nadine admits, tired. If she knew what the other woman was thinking, she'd probably be filled with shame. After all, Nadine had been the one to play along with Night's flirting even when Loki was alive and the two of them together. It'd only been one time, and she'd always told herself that checking other people out was fine as long as she stayed committed, but the fact remained - Nadine is a hypocrite.


    The serval exhales and lets their gaze break, the connection too overwhelming when she feels so vulnerable. "If you talk to Night and figure shit out, I'll try to make it work, but I won't be a side chick and I won't force you two apart. Fuck, I'll go with you to talk to her if that's what you need." She worries her lower lip in a nervous show of one of her old habits, maybe the only one that never did any bad. Nadine opens her mouth to add something more, but keeps it to herself. I don't need any more reason to be called a whore.


    "speech"

  • She half expects for the rage to light up again, for her to snap and walk away without anything more than spitting some last scratching statement. She’s done fighting an upwards battle, this battle of wills and emotions is to foreign and complicated for her. But the air calms, the tensions still there and it doesn’t stop the sting of her words or the things they’d both dragged out from the infernal depths of their emotions. She didn’t want to say she meant half of it but she’d spoken without a filter, giving abandon and releasing everything. If this was Incarnadine’s kind of therapy than it was a violent kind indeed.


    She doesn’t move but watches as she shifts wondering when those claws that once felt so gentle to wrap across her face. But they never come, never make contact to finalize what this has become. Another whimper croons from her at the exhaustion so evident in Nadine’s voice. She doesn’t know if she misses the yelling, if it’d be better to bring back out. She just feels so empty, so shattered. Side chick is no better than Whore in her opinion, both titles she’s unrightfully dubbed on herself. ”Nadine please stop, you’re not my side chick” she doesn’t want to turn this into a game of favoritism. She doesn’t want either to suffer just because of her own sick benefit. She’s objectified women enough in her life.


    She lifts her head back up almost as soon as she pulls away, head lifting up to blink the blossoming tears from her eyes. Finally allowing a chance of composure. The option to tell Nightstar is unavoidable, this isn’t something she can keep a secret. She’s loyal to Nightstar regardless of these feelings, she doesn’t deserve to learn from Abbi or anyone else. She doesn’t want her to think she’s not enough for her.


    ”Please come with me” it comes out weak and she didn’t really mean to blurt it. It’s almost desperate, Nightstar needs to learn both sides. Needs to see Incarnadine as she is not through shitty words that Ver can’t convey correctly. With a breathless word she’d look down at her again ”We’ll make this work” she promised.


    // Would you want me to make the follow up thread? :0

    ”speech”tags

  • Nadine sniffs at Ver's insistence that she isn't the side chick, silently wondering how the canine has any right to revoke the title. Isn't the Ruiner the little piece of action on the side, the one who, coincidentally, never met friends? Was never intimate with beyond words outside the comfortable shroud of night? Was the not-girlfriend of someone else's significant other? To the serval, side chick, mistress, whatever, fits her perfectly fine. It doesn't have the same vulgar ring as whore, that's for sure.


    "Whatever." She sighs in defeat, watching the way the other composes herself, noting the shift in name for her own personal satisfaction. It seems like a horrible juxtaposition, but she can't argue against progress at this point. Nadine's burnt out from the outburst and slightly fearful of where it now leads, but she won't put it at risk. Isn't this what she wanted?


    This whole thing feels just like the teenage melodrama she used to partake in and laugh at, everyone so sure that they're the starring role. Nadine wonders if everyone else involved in this mess she's created feels like they're different centers of the same story. Seeing this strong beast, this gentle lover, fall apart at the hands of her own fury, Nadine knows she does. Something tells her she could very easily become the bad guy, too.


    The Warlord nods a little stiffly at Ver's desperate request and even more desperate promise. Can she make this work? Even when she had been the sole lover of - Even when she didn't feel like there was a chance of romantic attention being split, Nadine had let her own insecurities become the silent third party in the relationship, slowly poisoning it from the inside out. She can't help but worry this'll be worse, though she knows not trying will hurt her more.


    But that's too much to try and covey with her throat so raw, so she simply says, "Okay," in a quiet voice and trails after Ver.


    //if you don't mind!!


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