i was abused by a friend last year and cut him off at the beginning of this school year. we havent really spoken since then, except for when he accused me of turning our friends against him a week or so later. this entire year he's been acting like the victim in the situation, like im the bad guy, and i really just cant comprehend how he could ever see it that way when he's so obviously at fault. he's always been so manipulative and guilt-trippy so i dont know if hes just saying it to look like the good guy, or if he genuinely believes it since he's pretty thick-skulled and egotistical tbfh. but it just. really really pisses me off and i so wish i could tell him exactly how i feel about it and really let him know that im the victim and that i deserve an apology from him. 'cause i never really got to do that and the lack of closure always gets to me. im just really mad about it again and thinking about it during class rn so i just needed to get that off my chest i guess. i dont like bringing it up to my friends that much anymore because i feel like i annoy them by talking about it repeatedly, but ive been getting pretty worked up over it lately and writing it down in a journal instead of saying it out loud to someone (or posting about it on ff/tumblr because at least i know someone will see it) usually just leads to me wallowing in it and feeling sorry for myself
FIRST OFF, i follow you on tumblr so i (kind of) know what you're going through! it is an ABSOLUTELY horrible situation, and no person deserves it. i have experience in dealing with abusive relationships / friends, so if you ever need advice or someone to vent to, my pms are always open, both here and on tumblr! ily <3
thank you so so much for the kind words, i really appreciate it <33
ill be sure to come to you if i need any help or just an ear :")
hi, i know this is a bit late, but i just stumbled on this and thought i'd try to give u something, i'm not sure if ur looking for advice or just someone to hear u, maybe both, but i hate that ur feeling the way that u do so i feel the need to say something, take it all however u like
1) i wanna say that im rly sorry that uve been treated the way that u are, u mustve been through a lot
2) i don't understand ur situation completely bc i'm not u and i don't know everything, but i can totally understand how u'd feel upset over someone victimizing themselves when u feel like ur the one who's been mistreated, and u guys aren't on good terms, it totally makes sense
i don't know the answer to help u feel better completely but i hope knowing that the way u feel's totally ok makes u feel a little better, i hear u
i've dealt with manipulative/guilt-trippy people of my own in my personal life too, and it definitely sucks, and is hard when they don't really seem willing to put themselves in ur shoes, or they want to twist things, or make things difficult
what it sounds like there is if he's rly obviously at fault, maybe he doesn't want to admit it to himself, so he's pushing it on u
when ppl have a high opinion of themselves that they don't want to break that's definitely a reason to derange things weirdly, since u said he's kind of self-centered or egotistical
i hope i'm not going too deep into it but from me this is what i think
i see though that ur saying that u rly wanna get what u feel through to him, and ur rly mad, and u want him to make him see things from ur point of view cuz it's frustrating
i'd say that i'm all for resolving things if it's possible, but something tells me that u cut him off because he wasn't rly able to be reasoned with, or the way he treated u didn't change despite how it was affecting u in the past, (totally assuming i'm sry if it's wrong) i think if u rly want to do that, i think it's all about whether or not u think that he'll actually listen to what u have to say
something that's difficult that i definitely had to come to terms with is sometimes, no matter how messed up something is, sometimes things are just out of ur control to change, even with people and how you want them to react or be, but they
just aren't able, and it can definitely leave u annoyed but once u acknowledge that u have to just be like ok, this is how it is, and it sucks but i can move past it, i say this all hoping it can maybe help a little bit with ur frustration, and even if it's dumb and maybe u know it urself sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else maybe, i'd say go for it if u can but don't beat urself up if u can't
also smth i read that i think is really nice and true is that "the best revenge is moving on and being happy" in this case can be like, he's acting the way he is bc obviously he hasn't faced something within himself, and that isn't ur problem, and it can definitely affect u but i think for the most part it's awful how he's treated u and it's something he'll hopefully realize and look at himself about bc it's smth he can only truly deal with himself to change and stuff, and u don't deserve to spend all this energy letting someone who's treated u trash to make u upset u know, even if u being upset comes from a good place, ur like wHy cAnT hE sEe tHiS (probs im just guessing), but it's clearly having such a big affect on u that u can't stop worrying and stressing urself over it and it's totally easier said than done to allow urself to move past it but i hope this helped a little bit hopefully and it wasn't annoying all this stuff i just hope maybe it can put something at ease a little bit IM SORRY IF THIS WAS MUCH
but like overall since this was a couple days ago i hope ur alright and everything <3
thank you for this insightful response; all of your assumptions/inferences are pretty much spot on tbh, like wow. and for your condolences as well; im recovering, but these feelings of frustration and sadness just keep coming back repeatedly and it gets to be a lot. so i double appreciate your advice/kind words, as its been hitting me kinda hard these past few days :")
yeah, he's always had an issue with denial and with not taking responsibility for his flaws/mistakes; whenever i would call him out on things during our friendship, he would either start an argument or apologize and then go back to the harmful behavior less than a week later. i was never able to truly get through to him; even when it really seemed like i had, he would always revert back sooner or later. he really never could be effectively reasoned with because ultimately nothing would ever change.
i honestly feel like saying something to him/trying to make him understand would be pointless, and that it could cause even more drama/stress for me; lots of people have advised against confrontation or going public about it for that reason. i recognize that its not in my best interest/better for my mental health not to, but it can just be so frustrating knowing that he's sleeping easy while im stuck going to therapy, and he probably doesnt have any idea how terribly he's impacted me. im working on moving past this but its hard :")
my therapist has actually told me as well that the best way to throw this back in his face is to show him that i dont need him by being happy with other friends in his presence. ive been working on doing that lately (i used to kind of get in his face by interjecting myself into his conversations and ignoring him but chatting with the other people involved. it felt really good in the moment but i think it ultimately stressed me out further) and it really has had a positive impact on me, all the while giving me a similar sense of satisfaction.
thank you again, so so much. dw, you werent annoying at all!! i super appreciate it, actually; i like hearing other people's perspectives on my situation because it often helps me to see things differently and better understand myself/the situation. just talking about it at all really takes some of the burden off of me, which you did especially well haha, you really are very insightful and your concern/advice means a lot to me. <333
oh god,,,, yeah, this kind of thing never feels good. i've had friends call me toxic when they were the ones sitting and being all nasty and broadcasting how in the dumps they felt and pulling me down with them when i was genuinely trying to be friendly. i know how it feels to have other people's shit flipped back onto you, and while i don't have much advice on the matter, i just wanna let you know that i feel for you. i know that can help, sometimes.
i can say that if it gets physical, please tell someone who can deal with it within the law!
hope it gets better, anyways!
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ughgh yeah its LITERALLY the worst thing when ppl like that drag u into their bs and act like ur the bad person
i absolutely will, although i highly doubt it'll escalate; fortunately, he's been avoiding me since we stopped talking
& thank u <33