what am i doing wrong

  • sometimes i feel like there's something i do wrong that i'm not noticing, that things i do or say are offensive or weird in a way i don't notice and thus can't correct, and it means that people subtly avoid me. while i get along fine with others, there's something about me that's so flawed and irritating that repels people in a significant way, and I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS


    i am doing the best i can and i'm very aware of my flaws, and i'm trying so hard to be good and loving and kind, and i'm happy to do so because in many respects i'm a privileged person with a good life but i can't help but feel that there is something i'm doing wrong and it's driving me insane that i can't figure out what it is


    anyways this mostly applies to online interactions ^


    and idk why i wrote this, it's just ,,, a vent i guess

    ( when can i say i love you, and have it not be a lie? )

  • I'm almost relieved to have found this post, so I'm glad you wrote this Sam. <3


    I don't really mean to revive a thread that's months old, but this kind of explains what I'm feeling on this site a majority of the time.


    I feel like I'm slowly turning everybody I come into contact with away, especially with online interactions as you mentioned. I have had multiple instances in the past on this site where I use to roleplay or chat with someone and then they would simply stop talking to me altogether even though they would be online after the fact and I'm just like.. what did I do wrong?


    It's like... I'd rather someone tell me straight-up that I'm annoying them or something I said bothered them instead of having to guess at what I could have possibly done wrong. It's an ugly feeling and sometimes I almost think I'm destined to stay an introvert surrounded with acquaintances and very few friends.


    I try to be sociable -- admittedly it's not my forte and I think I'm partially to blame for not putting myself out there on the site more often, but I feel that I will end up reaching the same destination as I have before... inevitably turning others away. I'd love to know what it would feel like to have a community of people on here who I could speak to or roleplay with -- without having any sort of worry that others think I'm annoying or that things will eventually fall apart because of me. I think it would be great to be able to share stories, laugh, cry, sympathize, chat and just be able to enjoy the company of others on here. I'd really enjoy that.


    The people on this site seem to be really cool, fun, and interesting regardless of any flaws they have or think they have. Most everyone I've seen here seems to chat, goof around, roleplay, or make friends no problem -- but when I try it feels like I'm bound to screw it up. I've felt this way for a long time now and I think it was partially the reason why I had such a long hiatus from here before (2-3 years). I suppose it's a matter of feeling like I don't belong? Like, I want to be myself, but I also want to be able to fit in and enjoy spending time with everyone here.


    I don't know what to do. Perhaps I needed something to vent about as well, but you're absolutely not alone whenever you feel like people are starting to avoid you Sam. For whatever reasons it may be, I'm right there with you regardless. <3

    𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗢𝗡𝗟𝗬 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗪𝗜𝗡

    𝗜𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡

    () ——— () ——— ()

    AKA "LASTWARRIOR" HE/HIM AWKWARD DOOF TRAD RP

    © LastWarrior

  • I’m with you both as well. I think my situation is similar in a way, but a little different. I have a hard time connecting both online and in real life. We are all unique and different. The discord channels that are linked to this site, I have stopped commenting because nobody really responds to me and so I’ll just randomly post some art stuff and be done. I used to think people thought I was weird and annoying (both online and irl) and I got used to it. I became independent and have social anxiety. Since I have social anxiety, I am more comfortable making friends online than in person. It wasn’t a problem back then, but it’s a huge problem now. I’m starting to feel like I’m broken as a person and often misunderstood.


    I don’t have many friends now as it is as it is difficult for me to socialize. I feel like my one and only friend outside of this site is going to give up on me at some point because I literally fear going anywhere that I’ve never been to or be forced to meet new people/try to hook me up with a guy.


    I enjoy venting as it helps let out some steam. I am usually open to talk whenever and about whatever.

    Main Account:

    Spottedhead [Bloodclan]


    Subaccounts:

    Maskface [Riverclan]

    Mountainmist

    ~Hawkshadow~

    ~Shadestreak~

    Pumpkinpaw

    Carrotpaw

  • I apologize. I AM going to respond (I want to) -- it's just I really don't know how to feel right now. </3


    I'm actually really conflicted by the fact I responded to this thread yesterday because I probably should've ended up creating my own topic about this (and now I feel like I'm just bothering you Sam.. I'm sorry D:). Normally, I find that online it takes me awhile to put my thoughts down into the right words. That said, the way you worded your post really clicked with me Sam and I felt compelled to say something because I really couldn't figure out how to say it for myself right then.

    𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗢𝗡𝗟𝗬 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗪𝗜𝗡

    𝗜𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡

    () ——— () ——— ()

    AKA "LASTWARRIOR" HE/HIM AWKWARD DOOF TRAD RP

    © LastWarrior

  • double post oof


    I've been feeling better now. like the SONG sorry not sorry :3

    I hope life has been a bit better or something positive has happened lately to both of you. <3


    I have a hard time connecting both online and in real life.

    I feel ya on this. For me, I think it stems from the fact that I'm a bit socially awkward. I'm not the best at carrying conversations (especially in real life) and resort to saying really cliche or bland phrases most of the time. I feel like this makes me socially anxious because I try to connect with people, but it ends up going NOWHERE haha. It's like how sometimes I'm convinced that I'm bound to turn people away or cause them to avoid me because I'm being annoying or boring or something...

    I used to think people thought I was weird and annoying (both online and irl) and I got used to it. I became independent and have social anxiety. Since I have social anxiety, I am more comfortable making friends online than in person. It wasn’t a problem back then, but it’s a huge problem now. I’m starting to feel like I’m broken as a person and often misunderstood.

    It kind of hurts how relatable this is for me. I perceived that people thought I was annoying and weird too. It's like product of your environment... adapting to what we thought people thought about us. This definitely didn't serve to help the anxiety very much -- I know especially for me.

    I committed to working in retail three years ago and although I believed it's helped me socially, it feels like it's really only helped to a certain point. Being a cashier and conversing with strangers rarely goes beyond small talk anyway, and in the rare case that it does -- it doesn't last very long.

    I don’t have many friends now as it is as it is difficult for me to socialize.

    If you don't mind me asking, what do you find most difficult about socializing?

    As I mentioned before, I have a hard time carrying on conversations and things tend to get awkward pretty fast because I don't know how to relate to people I guess? (this is mostly the case in real life but there have been some instances online for me too)

    I enjoy venting as it helps let out some steam. I am usually open to talk whenever and about whatever.

    Thank you for extending an offer for this. I agree that it's beneficial to talk or vent to someone.

    I would also like to extend the same offer to either of you. While we all have our own problems and experiences, I'm willing and open to listen. <3

    𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗢𝗡𝗟𝗬 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗪𝗜𝗡

    𝗜𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗟𝗘 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡

    () ——— () ——— ()

    AKA "LASTWARRIOR" HE/HIM AWKWARD DOOF TRAD RP

    © LastWarrior

  • If you don't mind me asking, what do you find most difficult about socializing?

    As I mentioned before, I have a hard time carrying on conversations and things tend to get awkward pretty fast because I don't know how to relate to people I guess? (this is mostly the case in real life but there have been some instances online for me too)

    Thank you for extending an offer for this. I agree that it's beneficial to talk or vent to someone.

    I would also like to extend the same offer to either of you. While we all have our own problems and experiences, I'm willing and open to listen. <3

    I’m not the best at carrying conversations either, in fact I’m bad at even starting one. I never know what to talk about and when I do, it’s like I stumble over the words that I say. It’s embarrassing to me. I’m one of those people that will tweedle their thumbs trying to think of something to say and I’m usually pretty quiet.


    Growing up, I rarely had friends over and I rarely went out anywhere (mainly due to income). Making friends while being in school was hard. The majority of them were underclassmen. When I got into the vet tech program in college, I made more friends there than anywhere before. So I feel like part of my past has somehow conflicted my social life now. I get so nervous meeting people, I fidget (leg bouncing, clicking pens, grind my teeth), I hate eye contact, I keep my hands and arms to myself, and most of all, I think of what they think of me. Thinking is very dangerous if you let it get that way. I hate going out in the public, I hate talking on the phone (I’d rather text), I hate scheduling appointments for myself and ordering thing so over the phone. I would rather be at home by myself sometimes. The few friends that I have now, I’m very comfortable with and sometimes don’t have a hard time having a conversation.


    When I worked at a hotel, I learned through the people I worked with and customers over the phone from what hey told me is that I’m very kind and soft spoken. And that means the world to me. I try very hard when I answer work phones on a daily basis now. But I agree, business talk isn’t the same as a conversation outside of work.


    So with me having social issues, I realized that I wanted to work with animals. I love them, they are almost always super sweet. But of course when you work in veterinary medicine, you’re going to be dealing with the public (which sucks).


    And nowadays I’m afraid that my social anxiety is going to affect my future relationships. Like I’m QUIET. And the thoughts that I make up in my head sometimes make me depressed and I feel like I’m a broken person. It’s kinda hard to describe how it feels. I’m not diagnosed with social anxiety, but sometimes I wish I would just figure out why I am the way I am. My friend has been trying to get me to go out to the lake and the bar so far, but when she goes to talk to people she knows, I don’t know what to do with myself and I panic. I get on my phone, I look around, I look for my friend, and then wish that I was home because that’s my safety zone.


    I hope that answered your questions. I feel like I’m going in circles with my words, heh.

    Main Account:

    Spottedhead [Bloodclan]


    Subaccounts:

    Maskface [Riverclan]

    Mountainmist

    ~Hawkshadow~

    ~Shadestreak~

    Pumpkinpaw

    Carrotpaw