INSIDE I'M FALLING ― open, joiner

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  • Things had not always been so bad. Such a thought is what he uses frequently to reassure himself, allowing the promise of a past that could become present once more to dominate his mind over any negativity. After all, even when there was so much uncertainty in the world, Charmeine would always have one constant that would never leave him even if he did lose his way. God. Loving and merciful God who had a plan for him, for all of them, and it had just been that he had been blind to such truths before in the naivety of his youth. Straying from the path of the light had never been his intentions and certainly, he was grateful for the efforts that had been put into his redemption. They cared about him, his mother and father and the staff too, they all cared deeply for him otherwise they would not have gone out of their way to show him everything that was wrong with him. Like the good little boy that he was, Charmeine had been the one to sit there and take it all in his stride, having already accepted his fate and allowing the well-intentioned reformations to occur. That was, of course, until someone else decided that they had had enough of the treatment that they were receiving.


    Corrinne. Catalyst for change in his mind because, she had been able to get away from the place which meant that he had the potential to do so. Wrong as it was of him to grow agitated by their methodology, it was that action of reckless valour on his sister's part that had prompted the idea within his mind that things did not need to remain the way that they were. One night, weeks after her own departure, it came to light that he had done something bad again and it was in that instance where his mind had been made up in a spontaneous rush of nervous energy. Following in her footsteps had never been his desire, especially not when he had been told by staff of how disgusting her behaviour had been, but he could not help but come to the realisation that he was not happy at all and something needed to change. Tears welling up, salty and stinging, in his eyes, he had lashed out with unsheathed claws. Clatter of metal against the ground and the slosh of water as it spilled in tsunami fashion over the edge of the container were the last things that he could remember hearing amongst the angry buzz of surprised yelling. Voices seemed to melt into one orchestral cacophony, too much for him to bear, and he was well aware of the fact that if he did not leave, the crimes that he had committed in that moment would be contorted into sins that he needed to atone for. He was done with atoning. So, he had fled.


    Out here, the air seems sweeter, more crisp and fresh as it materialised before him with his shallow breaths in a slight haze of early morning chill. Remorse has yet to set in within him which indicates that he has done the right thing, that God has not birthed sparks into his soul to set him ablaze in a pyre of guilt. He had stopped running desperately a long while back, primarily because his paws had started to ache from the over exertion but also since he felt that he had placed enough distance between himself and that place to feel that he deserves the ease of walking. Barely even registering in his mind, he slowly comes to realise that the sweet air seems to hold a different sort of taste to it, his brows furrowing at that. The stark difference in scents causes him to dig his paws into the earth in order to come to an abrupt halt, cautious golden eyes flicking back and forth in an attempt to scope out the area. Since he had lived his whole life surrounded by others that did what was best for him, it was incredibly difficult for him to adjust to the solitude that he had brought upon himself and he feared that he lacked the necessary techniques for survival. Still, instinct is what drives him in this moment, perceiving the changes in scent to be something purposeful and he can therefore not proceed any further, an invisible boundary, if you will. Contemplative hum rumbles from his throat, the boy stepping back as he moves to move along the apparent borders in an attempt to see whether walking around the region would be possible. The last thing that he wanted to do was inconvenience someone with his own presence on such a fine morning.

  • Julian resented the fact that others could remember their pasts. It filled him with such uncontrollable anger and sorrow, making his whole body tremble with the sheer pain of lacking memory. Amnesia ate away at his sanity gradually, and he was entirely aware that recent discoveries- the journal, namely, that cursed object which had only made him loathe himself even more than he already did- were pushing him closer and closer to losing his mind. Tearing his fur out in frustration. Ripping to pieces his cloak, and that eyepatch that he didn't dare take off. The ginger tabby was lost in the maze of his own mind as he patrolled, faintly catching the scent of a newcomer- joiner, he supposed, nothing new- and let a small smile curve his maw. Nothing like greeting a new person to tear his mind away from the thought that he may have killed Aster.


    His eyes befell a tomcat, a Maine coon, who was padding just on the outskirts of the border, likely having sensed the border line. As he approached, Julian dipped his head, smiling slightly and fixating his singular visible eye on the feline before him. "Hi there," he said, dipping his head. "What might your name be? And are you here for a reason?" he inquired, curling his tail around his paws as he sat, his cloak falling comfortably around his form.


    TAGS \ LISTEN TO THIS BEATING HEART

  • If Julian was resentful of people being able to remember their own pasts, then he and Sky were practically kindred spirits. Hell, Sky wasn't even sure what was real for him anymore. His memories were not his own. They were his best friend's. But why? Why was he seeing things from his point of view and not his own? What was hiding deep inside his mind? The headaches had been fizzling out as his memories returned to him, but trying to think of the more recent events still caused his head to pound. But there were plenty of people, new people, coming by nowadays who didn't know him. In that sense, he could re-establish himself. Letting Julian take control of the situation, Sky would come up behind him, keeping at a distance so as not to frighten the younger feline. There were a lot of young people coming by nowadays.


    SOME NIGHTS I STAY UP CASHING IN MY BAD LUCK & TAGS

  • Ironic, really. How these two wished to remember everything whereas he was more than willing to forget all that plagued him, or at least that would have been his mindset if he had not been manipulated into thinking that the life that he had lead was a good one. In his eyes, he had endured a perfect existence thus far, one that God had set out for him that he, the disgusting sinner, had ruined. It was his punishment to be able to recall his sins, his unholy crimes against those that loved him. If there was some way, he would have been more than glad to trade with these two. Blissful ignorance to him would have been much better than the painful truth of reality.


    Golden gaze only briefly flitters onto the man's face, lingering for less than a second to allow him to drink in both his expression and facial features before his eyes are fixed pointedly on the oh so interesting dirt beneath his paws. Unable to bring himself to stare for too long, this appears to be the best possible method of interaction, even if he did fear that it would make him come across as rude. Something had been asked of him and it was only right to display obedience in the fear that he would be punished for doing anything other than answer. "Charmeine." In that moment, his name appears to be all that he can get out in one go. Any other words or thoughts are clogged up painfully in his throat in the midst of his attempts to articulate an appropriate response to the queries asked of him. "I'm Charmeine." Squeezing his eyes shut, voice rasping slightly at the effort required to form words after not having to speak for days. He stays silent for a few moments to listen to his own rhythmic breathing in search of some form of salvation to calm his nerves while mulling over what has been asked.


    All that comes of his efforts is confusion however and he can not remain trapped in any makeshift solace forever, instead opting to croak out the main thought that has come to mind with confusion tinging his tone. "Here? Where is here?" Raising his head, he looks around once more, doing his best to not let his focus return to this man with the worry that actually seeing the stranger again would cause the lump in his throat to escalate into a flood of nervous tears which was the last thing that he wanted. At least if he perceives the stranger as some kind of disembodied voice apart from his real identity then it would be much easier for him to communicate in the few words that he felt comfortable uttering than not speaking at all.


    Nothing jumps out as familiar to him about the jungle setting that this male seems to call his home, this newfound sense of puzzlement crossing over clearly onto his features, creasing his brows into a frown which only deepens as he catches sight of another approaching. Distressed little hum bubbles up within him, shoulders tensing as his focus hones in once again on the ground. How could he be there for a reason if he did not even know where he was? Was he supposed to know where he was? Breathing a light yet rather noticeably shaky sigh, he figures that it would be better to state his predicament regardless of whether he knew where he was. It was better than just remaining clueless and perhaps he could receive the help that he sought here. "I'm lost, looking for somewhere to stay."