walk and talk // desperado

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  • ✦ ✧ ✦ Life before Blizzardclan had been difficult, it had been irritating, but it had been familiar. Despite being a prime predator hunger was something she knew well. Weather was at times impossible to avoid, whether it was unrelenting heat or painful cold. Living without a fixed home, without a roof over her head, had been a struggle. There was always something bigger to fight off, always a place without food and water. Which was why she was so thankful to find Blizzardclan. Everything was different. She could eat until full even if she didn't hunt that day, there was a safe place to be free of annoying weather, and she didn't have to always on be her toes. Unlike before she didn't have to fight to the death or keep one eye open. Thankful was too simple a word when it came to describing her feeling towards her new home.


    That didn't mean all was well though, certainly not. No matter where she went, unless she "died", Nesaphei would always have her troubles. Maybe it wasn't as dire. Actually her problem was like a gnat buzzing around or an aggravating background noise. Easy to get used to, but nonetheless a bother that wouldn't stop. Things were going good for her though. She was content.


    Walking along the main island Nesaphei didn't have any plans. She wasn't hunting or looking around for any newcomers, which apparently happened sometimes. No, she was simply stretching her legs after an especially lazy day. No matter what she always had to do something physical even if it was small. Otherwise she would get testy. Besides it was either now or never. The clouds were dark grey, almost black, and the wind had picked up. If she didn't walk now not only would she be irritated, but the energy in the air, most likely caused by soon to be lighting, would make her energetic. That combo was not a good one.


    It had began drizzling, but Nesaphei knew she still had a little bit until she'd have to head home.


    // DESPERADO

    I'm a little distracted so this may be extra nonsensical

    ☾*: I don't want to survive, i want to live

    blizzardclan / female / possessed by 2 spirits / inner conflict

  • [ its good bb thank you !! ]

    There was almost a bittersweet taste to having a place to call home, a place to return to when your bones were tired and your heart ached for something comforting and nostalgic. He knew that feeling almost painfully well, although it had started to feel more like a constant pain rather than anything remotely sweet. Home was a difficult word for him because, even now, he didn't feel like he had one. He didn't feel like he deserved one. Desperado's entire life was a struggle, and it was hard to get rid of habits when they had led your hand ever since you were a child. Much like Nesaphei he hadn't had it easy, his meals scarce and small in between, his form littered with scars both from outside forces and as a result of his own self hatred. He had a place to live, people to return to... but they weren't family, and that was the farthest thing from a home that Desperado ever had. It had been a shelter, nothing more, and after he had used up his usefulness it had become nothing short of a prison.


    They should have expected him to bite back, but he had been so complacent that they hadn't even seen it coming. He had always been good at acting.


    After that it had hardly gotten any better, although there were some small comforts in his lonely journey. Survival only got harder and it was a wonder he was even still alive, half of which he had Seagull to thank for. His sibling had done as much as they could to take care of him in those times, but life had a funny way of fucking him over whenever things started to look up. He had left them, knowing that he was a danger to everyone around him after the blood of those who had done nothing to wrong him had stained his claws one too many times, when the demons had gotten too loud and he had become nothing more than a passenger in his own body. That part of him hadn't reared it's ugly head in a while... but it was exactly why he didn't trust himself to stay in any place too long, and his life had become a never ending journey, wandering from one place to another and relying on the kindness of strangers that knew nothing of who he actually was.


    He didn't have the heart to tell them, but he could make up for what they didn't know, setting himself on fire to keep everyone else around him warm. He just hoped that he wouldn't end up setting the towns he stumbled upon on fire, too.


    It was why, even now, with actual shelter above his head and a place to return to whenever things got bad, that he still didn't trust himself to stay anywhere close to the Blizzardclanners he was slowly coming to view as something like a family. His cabin was far from the main camp, and although he occasionally wandered back into where everyone seemed to usually hang out, most of Desperado's time was spent wandering the lands, scouring the territories, and patrolling the borders with an almost psychotic meticulousness. It kept his thoughts away when he worked, though, and it made it much harder for memories he wanted to repress to rise up against him. He would take the exhaustion readily if it meant he could pass out at night without fear of dreaming, although he always made sure to take a sip of whatever alcohol he had on hand to guarantee it.


    He was on one of his afternoon shifts that evening, even as the weather proved to be less than ideal. He was used to journeys in worse conditions, though, and the slight drizzle that the storm had started as did little more to him than cause him to don the cloak he otherwise kept in his cabin and puff up his water-resistant feathers to keep the rest of his fur dry enough to tolerate. He didn't think much of the weather even as it started to get marginally worse... until, seemingly out of nowhere, the skies decided to open up like Zeus himself was vehemently punishing the earth below him.


    Lightning struck around him, the sky rumbling with the aftershocks of thunder, but he knew he was too far away from both his cabin and the camp to safely make it to either on time to avoid the storm. It would take much longer, and the journey would be far more hazardous, and it took no longer than a second for the canine to decide that his best course of action would be to find some other shelter, perhaps to wait out the storm or, if possible, to use as a path back home. Of course he hadn't expected anyone else to be out at the same time he had been (he didn't often stumble across anyone but potential joiners or messengers from other clans), so, when he stumbled across the familiar yet equally unfamiliar face of Nesaphei, he halted next to her, spreading out a wing to attempt to shelter her from some of the rain, almost shouting over the downfall to speak to her.


    "What are you doing out here?" he didn't give her enough time to answer, however, the question mostly rhetorical, for soon he spoke once more. "Come on, we need to get somewhere dry."


  • ✦ ✧ ✦ Without warning the black clouds had canceled out the sun making the world dark grey. Her view worsened when the weather went from a light drizzle to sheets of rain and whipping wind. It must have transpired all within a couple seconds as Nesaphei had been caught off guard entirely. Blizzardclan, despite it's name, was not actually that bad when it came to weather, and while ironic it was true. The few cushy weeks she had spent in Blizzardclan left her confused in the face of such a nasty storm. Not enough to be debilitating, but certainly leaving her agape at first. The lightning, however, was something she never was accustomed to.


    As a streak of bright white not only lit up the sky, but the Earth, Nesa tensed to a painful degree. She could handle a million things, truly she could. Lightning and thunder though? That was one of her weak points. The deafening rain, the sharp wind, all coupled with the intimidating lightning left her beyond stressed. The irritation and dread came to a head when an unknown thing swept over her body. Not jumping, but instead preparing for a full out battle her head whipped to see a friend, or familiar person, rather than a foe.. In the rain she couldn't make out who, but she found he was actually protecting her from the rain.


    Crouching so that she fit her large from under his wings she thought to say thank you later when he could actually hear her. Get... where... Dry! Nesaphei squinted her eyes in concentration. The three words she had heard were her best guesses, but even then she didn't know if that was part of what he said at all. "What?" She yelled back before realizing that him repeating himself wouldn't matter. Dry, he wanted dry, that was something she could relate to. Bumping his shoulder with her own she leaned in very close to his ear and half-shouted, "follow me!"


    Chilled to the bone and only getting colder Nesaphei began running, though not bolting away entirely. From one of her recent walks she'd come across a cave. Neat, not spectacular, but something to keep in mind for sure and thankfully she had. Though her navigation was more than a bit skewed the hulking panther found the cave. How? By slamming into the lip of the cave head-on. Ignoring the sudden splitting headache she had gained Nesa turned to see if Desperado was behind her and dipped into the cave. Once inside she found it to be pitch black except for the time when the lightning struck, which would light the cave. The sound of the wind became far worse than the sound of the rain yet manageable. "Are you okay?" She said, voice still close to a yell, as she shook out her pelt.


    ☾*: I don't want to survive, i want to live

    blizzardclan / female / possessed by 2 spirits / inner conflict