Square Peg, Round Hole | leaving, open

His choices loomed above him, like a hawk ready to swoop down on a careless kit. The wrong choice, Pep was sure, would kill him. He wasn't safe here. The illusion of safety had crumbled the day Pep realised Windclan would support Wolfsbane over Flint. That still didn't make sense, but whenever Pep tried to look back, all he could recall was the blood rushing in his ears and a terrifying certainty that Windclan had decided Flint was in the wrong even though Wolfsbane had struck Petalkit. If they would allow him to hurt kits, what else would they allow? No, Pep wasn't safe here in Windclan. He had to leave. Now.

Rabbits were thin in leaf-bare, Pep reflected on his way to the Windclan border. Scrawny, more bones and fur than food. He watched one hop about, fur prickling with worry. If Windclan would defend cats who hurt kits, how could he know for certain they made sure kits ate properly? Pep took a deep breath, slowly. In... Out... Petalkit needed the fresh-kill, he decided. Dropping into a crouch, he stalked the rabbit - although truthfully, it was too thin to even be worthy of the name. It was a scrap of food, miraculously capable of movement. Only when he had it dangling from his jaws did Pep realise, for the first time, the mud wasn't bothering him anymore.

Rather than taking the rabbit to the fresh-kill pile, as Pep had learned he was supposed to, he took it straight to the nursery. He peered in, anxiously hoping for the sight of Petalkit, or her mother Mousenose.

Petalkit's fear-scent made Pep's eyes narrow, feeling oddly vindicated; he wasn't the only one afraid of Wolfsbane. How could Windclan insist Flint was in the wrong when Wolfsbane had terrified a kit so thoroughly? It didn't make sense. His tail lashed angrily, and only the thought that it might scare Petalkit could force it still again. He dropped the rabbit and nudged it into the nursery, then paused. What should he say? Would Petalkit even care that he was leaving? She had given him a flower. She must care.

"It's for you," Pep said, instead of explaining anything, "I didn't mean to scare you, Petalkit. I'm sorry."

Pep startled, his fur rising with his heartbeat. Why was Wolfsbane -

He smoothed down his fur, wishing he could wash his fear-scent away so easily. It was just Cowspots. Friendly, strange, but as predictable as Pep was used to cats being. Cowspots was okay. Nice. He liked Cowspots.

Pep turned away from the nursery, hoping that his exposed back would make Petalkit feel safer. "I, uh... Haha, you spooked me there! Good one, Cowspots! You're so amazing!" He replied, aiming to sound as just chipper and as fake as he always did.

Friends. Pep didn't have those. Maybe he could have had them, but he had never stayed in the one place long enough. He had always been on the move, first travelling with mama and later avoiding mama like she had the sickness that came from rats. Just staying in the same place only for only a few days left him feeling restless, no matter how often he hunted. Perhaps he would have had real friends in Windclan, if he stayed. He couldn't stay.

"I... I need to leave," Pep mumbled, looking down at his paws.

His claws sank uselessly into the mud, but they wouldn't have been much use even if they didn't. Pep was about as defenceless as a kit in a fight. Mama hadn't wanted him to learn to fight. Only stupid clan cats needed to know how to fight. "Wolfsbane... If I stay, I think he'll kill me. I need to leave, Cowspots."

He needed to leave the same way he needed to drink. He thirsted for many things - knowledge, safety, revenge - and Windclan wasn't going to quench all his thirsts. It was like trying to drink solely by licking the dew off the grass.

Pleased yet embarrassed by Petalkit's reaction, Pep shuffled his paws. She did care. That was much more vindicating than it should have been. He jumped ship from that train of thought, unwilling to search for the why. "Flint and Mousenose'll protect you, Petalkit. They're amazing! Much better than me. I'd be useless at protecting you, unless you want a meat shield." He offered weakly, and wondered if it was cruel to hope she felt as unsafe as he did.

Maybe she would come with him. Maybe the stars would descend from the sky to hail him the new leader of Windclan. He was a fool to have hoped, even for a second, she would come with him. "I don't know how to fight... Wolfsbane's a challenge for Flint! Flint! I - I need to leave, Morningfrost. He'll kill me." Pep finally answered the other cat, although he didn't dare look him in the eyes.

It was difficult to pack passion into his words when he was focusing on simply getting them out. Morningfrost made him go tongue tied, like the time he had been stupid enough to lick a frozen pole.