Ciel, I’m Sorry (Black Butler Ciel x OC) (PAFP)

Lily received the letter around the time her mother died. She took a deep breath. She made an announcement. The funeral was planned. She bit her lip. She requested Ciels presence at the funeral. She stood next to the casket, an umbrella over her. It was raining. She had two guards around her. She was visibly sad, but she wasn’t crying. She was being strong.

Lily glanced to Ciel a few times. “Thank you for coming, Lord Phantomhive.” Despite her strong physical appearance, her voice was sad and weak. She looked to the casket. She bit her lip. She felt a tear but wiped it quickly. “She knew it was coming.. kept it from me until she couldn’t..” She sighed. She glanced to Ciel. “She had started a case for you..” She looked to Ciel. “Another reason I requested your presence..” She bit her lip. “I know it’s super soon.. but I cannot rest knowing my mother was concerned about something in England. I want her at peace, meaning whatever she was worried about. I need you to handle. Will you come to the castle? We can go over the letter she’d begun writing as well as a few case files she had attached..”

Lily nodded. “Thank you..” She whispered. She bit her lip. A few people coming and apologizing for the loss of the Queen, offering Lily condolences and other stuff. Lily was polite, even towards Lord Druitt who was making a larger scene then necessary. She took a breath, glancing to Ciel once most of the guests had left. “Ready to go?” She asked. She took a deep breath. She headed back towards her carriages, knowing Ciel would take his own. She got in hers, leaning back in her seat. She bit her lip, letting her tears flow now that she was alone. She gently hugged herself, but dried her tears upon arrival at the castle. She stepped out, a maid immediately asking if she needed anything. “Two cups of tea brought to my study, please..” She glanced to Ciel. “And a few snacks, no preference. Unless you have a specific one in mind, Lord Phantomhive?” She headed in after, straight to her study. Her desk was piled with work. She sat down, opening a drawer and retrieving the letter and files. She handed them to him. “You will need to contact Lau..” She started, though realized that Ciel had never mentioned him to her. Only the dream.. She sighed. “Anyway,” She glanced to the side, to the maid who had brought in their snacks and tea. “Thank you, dismissed..” She looked to Ciel again. “It seems there has been a few illegal drugs imported secretly into England. Whoever possesses them.. they are attempting to sell them. However, it seems once they have the money they kill whomever it is they’re after. A desperate cry for money?” She shook her head. “Scotland yard, worthless dogs... have no leads as usual.” She looked up to Ciel. “I trust that you’ll be able to handle this.” She looked up as a maid entered. “Sorry to interrupt..” She gulped. “Your highness, There’s a phone call from you, from France..” Lily’s eyes shot towards the phone. “Transfer it..” She sighed. She looked to Ciel. “Apologies..” She bit her lip, answering the phone with a polite greeting. The call was simply more condolences until somehow James was put on the phone. Her body language went from calm to frightened. Her eyes shifted towards the phone again. “Thank you, Prince James. I appreciate the thought, but I am very busy at this time.. a visit isn’t necessary. I wouldn’t have the proper time to entertain a guest. I apologize. I’m holding a meeting and I need to go. Have a good afternoon..” She hung up rather quickly. She reached for her tea and sipped it. She set it down. “I’m sorry.. we were discussing the case.” She looked to Ciel. “But I’m sure Lau would be useful.. he’s never failed..” She sighed. “The dream, if you’re wondering how I know about him..” She bit her lip. “And I know your other contacts.. you don’t have to tell me.” She took a breath. “I am prepared for when you..” She looked to the side. “And.. I trust you’ll be at the coronation?”

Lily bit her lip. “I don’t want to use those terms, but you may do as you please..” She sighed. “The term dog.. in your title irks me. But I cannot change it. I see how it fits, but I do not wish to order you around all the time.” She looked to Ciel. “Surely you haven’t forgotten how independent I once was, and am working on becoming once again. I shall only call if needed..” she looked to the side. “That means.. any personal calls will not happen, unless it is deemed an emergency and I decide you are valuable to the situation.” She looked to Ciel. “That’s what you wanted, yes? Me to not be so depending on you for every little move?” She sighed. “I do not wish to crowd you, Lord Phantomhive. You were once a friend.. but now as times have changed I merely see you as an acquaintance that does my dirty work when I need it dealt with.” She bit her lip. The words she spoke, while they were true a part of her wanted to hold on to the idea of never letting Ciel go, but as Her environment was changing, she had to adapt. “I won’t crowd you anymore. You probably won’t see much of me, anymore..” She bit her lip. “I won’t visit unless necessary, but I doubt..” Her voice trailed. She sighed. “I’m rambling, I must be tired.. you’re free to go, Lord Phantomhive. Thank you for coming by and.. coming for my mother’s funeral. My coronation letters will be sent out by tomorrow, expect an invitation.” She turned her attention to the window. She sighed, reaching for her tea. She looked to Ciel. “Would you like your tea?” she raised a brow. “If not, it won’t go to waste..” She rubbed her temple. She looked up at him. “Lord Phantomhive, one more thing..” She stood, cupping her hands behind her back. “Thank you.” She sighed. “While through some harsh words, you’ve made me realize I need to grow up. Without you.. I probably would be a mess..” She bit her lip. “I envy the restraint you have with self control. I am working towards it..” She took a breath. “I hope I don’t disappoint as Queen..” She opened the door for him. “You’re dismissed.” She looked to Ciel, a small smile barely showing. She was holding many emotions in, but to show self control.

Lily closed the door behind her, a second rattle of the door hitting the frame happened after. It wasn’t loud, but noticeable. She had leaned against the door, a sigh escaping her lips. She was stressed about all this, but due to her dream she didn’t want to burden Ciel at all. It was better this way. She stood, walking to the desk and sitting down. She was up most of the night with paper work, six cups of tea later she decided to retreat to bed. Though, her maid had made the executive decision to have her see a doctor that next morning when she woke. Lily wasn’t happy about it, but complied. “I’m fine.” She repeated several times to the doctor. “Your highness, you barely eat and all you’ve been drinking is tea. And too much of it!” The maid protested. Lily sighed. “I’m fine.” She looked to the doctor who nodded. “Physically your fine yes, but you need to take a break. You need a few days of rest.” He frowned. “You’re stressed, your highness. You need to rest.” “I don’t want to rest. I have things to do! A country to run.” She stood up. “Enough of this..” She hurried out of the infirmary. She went to her study and started working again. She had meetings and other things, a coronation to plan. Invitiations were sent out, the day would be in three days from the time the letter was received.

The day of her coronation, Lily had to wear makeup for the first time. Her once picture perfect skin was ruined by dark circles under the eyes, that even with the makeup was still showing. As the ceremony commenced, many whispers spread about the crowd and her eyes. She looked exhausted, which presumably a lot of people were thinking she was stressed. As they crowned Lily Queen, she smiled to the crowd and waved. Of course, everyone cheered and a party began after. Lily made her rounds, saving Ciel for last. “Lord Phantomhive,” She greeted. “Thank you for coming.” She hummed. She was exhausted, having not slept long the night prior. She took a breath, hiding a yawn within her breath. “Are you going to stay for the party?” She asked, but also made a concerned face. You don’t have to.

Lily simply nodded her head. “You don’t have to stay.” She mumbled, barely audible. She shrugged. “I understand if you have work to do. I can up security if you need to go.” She hummed. She pushed a stray hair behind her ear. She was holding back many emotions, a few key motions were giving that away. She took a deep breath, stopping a waiter. “Can you fetch me a cup of earl grey?” She waved a hand and returned her glance to Ciel. “How are things since we last spoke?”

Lily took the hint. She bit her lip. “I have to go..” She uttered and turned and walked away. She rubbed her right arm with her left. Another nervous tick she had learned. Something was definitely off. Lily was trying to be strong but after the loss of her mother things had been really hard. She sat at her throne and sipped her tea. She requested something for her head, a few patrons noticing. They began to gossip. “She must be so stressed.” “She must be grieving still, we all are.” “Poor Queen Lily..” A pity party had started amongst the guests. Lily didn’t keep the party going long. After a while she couldn’t take all the socializing. The party ended early, the guards spoke that the newly crowned Queen needed rest. Before the guests left Lily had already gone to the garden. To the white roses. She started making flower crowns, but tears rushed down her face. Even doing things differently than the dream, things have just been more stressful. I don’t know that I can do this. I don’t know how to live without Ciel. How pathetic.. she got angry with herself, a frustrated scream erupting from her suddenly. She covered her mouth, knowing the guests were still leaving. “Idiot..” She muttered. She sat down. Her leg bouncing rapidly, her hands gripping the bench she sat on. She was angry with herself. She had realized she couldn’t focus or do things right without Ciel in her life. What was she to do? He was going to die. She picked up the crown she’d made and threw it again. She sighed. “I’m being a child. That’s what he’d say..” She mumbled to herself. “And he’s right.. but what am I to do? I can’t live like this..”

//idk why I have Lily being so sad over ciel. But it’s fitting I guess. She’s spent her whole life obsessed with the man, now she’s come to realize - and this is at least for now, she’s gonna fuck it up anyway she goes about it. She’s trying to live without him but it’s only making it worse.
now that Ciel is starting to care about her, would he be jealous if she tried courting? Maybe Lily would think it best if she tried to court to get her mind off Ciel?

Hmm.. maybe Lizzy calls everything off? For another reason other than Ciel’s happiness? Perhaps she realizes Ciel isn’t serious about everything so she calls it off? Then... Lily begins to have genuine interest in this other guy? But she would run to Ciel if he ever showed jealousy..

Ughhh.. okay. Maybe... maybe Lily play’s ciels game? She drops her feelings, or well... so it seems but she stops being a nervous wreck around him. So she genuinely lets him go it looks like, and she orders him around like the dog he is... something he wants. Maybe.. then Lizzy thinks Ciel is too busy so she calls it off? Then... Lily does find a suitor, and to play the game she actually endures this and not like fakes it and complains to Ciel about it? So then the jealousy arises? Maybe Lily plays hard to get? For once?

I can edit my reply if you want, make her begin playing his game.