a long, long letter to the moon // reconnecting
-
-
Blizzardcry was surprisingly the bridge between the two. He had busied himself with his deputy duties, perhaps a part of him was avoiding his familial ties of being a father, but even then, his eldest living kit was doing that just fine. The fact didn’t even bother him because he couldn’t remember anyone. But it was hard to avoid the mother of his youngest kit. Even if her older litter disliked him, it was somewhat looked down upon that he had partaken in procreation and used an excuse of losing his memory to not be around. That was Blizzardcry’s accusation.
Blackstorm on the other paw, felt like he didn’t belong. Even if he promised to be there, there was a part of him that was afraid. The kit had barely survived, though now the little scrap of fur was still alive. Barely but still somehow fighting. He definitely had to give their child that as credit. Squeezing into the nursery, the large tom gave the white molly a small muzzle in greeting letting her stay curled around their kit. His pale green eye studied their child. The kit looked a lot like their mother, yet there was very faint markings that was unique to the bengals. Pale but definitely there, and would probably darken over time if ever they survived to that age. Sighing he nudged a waterfowl forward. Earlier that day he’d hunted near the river and saw the already injured avian dragging its wing. Being the hunter he was, of course he took it back, suffocating it with his powerful jaws. The feathers would definitely be used for nesting and the fat of the bird definitely nutritious for his mate.
“It’s taken me a couple days to come see you... apologies Snow.” He spoke softly, not wanting to wake the kitten who seemed to be sleeping. “Have you named the kit yet?” Blackstorm wasn’t sure if it was a male, female, or even non-binary. He was happy as long as they were still healthy. Whatever they chose.
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
-
「 feeling estranged in reality — the doctor asks me if i've {censored} 」 Snow looked up quickly at the gentle nuzzle from Blackstorm, her pale blue eyes sparking slightly with life at his presence and the bird that he brought her. Honestly, she had forgotten to eat yet that day, so the large meal was much appreciated. She easily shook away his apology, understanding that he was busy and was trying hard to find himself a place in the normal routines around camp in an attempt to understand his position again. It was nothing she could hold against the tom, even if it meant keeping his distance from her. Snow wouldn't deny that it hurt to be left alone, but there wasn't much she could do about it without sounding like a whining kit.
"Thank you, Blackstorm. I'm glad you could come to today. I haven't named the kit yet, just because I'm scared that once I do...StarClan will come for them. Once they're strong enough to move around easily on their own, I'll make sure to give them a name." Snow knew that the two kits that hadn't survived were now part of StarClan without names, which she knew wasn't fair. So she wanted badly to name this surviving kit, but also didn't want to become attached to a name that might end up being ripped away from her before the kit could even support it's own body weight easily.
Looking up at her mate, Snow's eyes glistened slightly with worry. "How have you been? And what about Moonbreeze? I haven't seen her around much lately."
"i answered without any hesitation that i have." speaking thoughts TAGS -
”For now they’ll be our little one I suppose.” He spoke softly as he began ripping out the delicate feathers and setting them aside for her nest. Once he was done he nudged it closer to the white molly. “Eat up. You need to keep healthy too. Although two didn’t survive, this one needs their mother to be strong for them to do so as well.” Blackstorm murmured, a gentle paw caressing the little kit curiously. To talk about Moonbreeze was a bit difficult really. He couldn’t remember anyone, much less her. Lately she wasn’t around much either. They both seemed to cross paths once in a while and neither tried to reconnect. Naturally he felt like he was drifting apart from her even more than he already was. For now, he wanted to focus solely on Snow. Wasn’t that the right thing to do? After all this was the mother of his blood. Weak as they look, he still believed that they were going to survive. They had to. Otherwise, Blackstorm was afraid Snow would die a little more inside. He could see the pain she was suffering. Feel it emanating from her small frame. “Would it be strange for me to ask how else do you remember me as? I mean, I know we talked a little about us. But what else did we do and talk about. Aside from you and Moonbreeze both being my mate.”
Curling around her, he absent-mindedly began to groom the back of her neck and shoulders.
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
-
「 feeling estranged in reality — the doctor asks me if i've {censored} 」 Snow couldn't help but melt into the gentle ministrations of Blackstorm's grooming, and she purred quietly. His question made her think, and she sat silently for a moment before replying. It was a little hard to bring up past memories when Blackstorm was unable to share them with her, but she knew that if she didn't, things would never get better.
"We sat by the river once, and we talked about our old mates, how they passed and how we felt about them. We promised each other that we would looked out for our new families, and then we ended up beginning to build one of our own." Snow purred quietly at the thought, glancing down at the little kit sleeping against her belly. "There were also those times when Slatewing would teasingly called you 'dad' and you would get so flustered. It was adorable."
"i answered without any hesitation that i have." speaking thoughts TAGS -
Blackstorm had talked to her about mates he now could not remember? Blizzardcry didn’t speak to him much about those he lost as much. He apparently did not tell him about the deaths of his previous mates. That was okay. Blackstorm felt nothing towards them except the fact they’ve already left this world. Although Snow was a different story. Blackstorm could feel his heart reaching out to her more as they spent time together. Wasn’t this what he wanted? A family? Even Slatewing as a young apprentice had joked calling him ‘dad’. That though felt quite weird though. Would it mean Lambstar would do the same? No... he didn’t mind being a fatherly figure to them though. It was just something he’d need to get used to.
Momentarily stopping his grooming, he responded to her. “I think that the family we’ve begun is worth it. Despite the pain i’ve caused you with however that fight happened, I think this is what has pulled me through. My injuries were severe enough I nearly didn’t wake up. That is the truth.” He quietly continued his grooming. Hoping she got what he also meant to say. That he was grateful for her staying beside him despite the difficulties. It was just something associated with love he wasn’t sure of scared him at this point. Yet, deeper in his heart, something was forming. "i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
-
「 feeling estranged in reality — the doctor asks me if i've {censored} 」 Snow's purring quietened a bit with the reminder of Blackstorm's near death experience. She shifted slightly, settling a little more against the tom and sighing quietly. She felt as if he were trying to thank her for her presence beside him during his recovery, but was unsure of how to say it. Even with all the changes Blackstorm had gone through, he was still the tom that Snow knew how to read easily. She shook her head slightly, humming softly.
"You have nothing to apologize for. Those wounds and the memory loss were not your fault. None of this was something you could have helped or prevented. Just focus on recovering well, that's all I can ask for." Glancing down at the little kit nestled against her belly, Snow's purr got a little louder again, thinking of how she might be able to salvage the family she had worked so hard to build.
"i answered without any hesitation that i have." speaking thoughts TAGS -
“I have been getting stronger everyday. You and Asphodelpaw nagging me to take my time and keep checking on thebwoumds I had got me to this point if you think about it. Not that I mind. Others would treat me as an invalid, while you are there supporting and rooting for my well-being. More than anything, I believe that mattered a lot in my recovery.” He chuckled. Although lately he had been quick to anger and dislike the coddling because he felt too weak, Blackstorm still had that innate gentleness that did not truly go away despite his memories being lost. Blackstorm was true to his nature all along. It was just the way of the world that formed him as he had been.
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
-
「 feeling estranged in reality — the doctor asks me if i've {censored} 」 Snow nodded, understanding where Blackstorm was coming from. She herself was not a fighter nor a hunter. She was a mother above all else, but when she was injured, she hated to be coddled. It made her feel more useless than she already did. But Snow never said that to anyone, because she didn't want to upset anyone. Glancing up at her mate, Snow's pale gaze was soft as she purred quietly. "Why don't you say hello to our kit? I think it would be nice if they got to know your scent."
"i answered without any hesitation that i have." speaking thoughts TAGS -
For some reason Blackstorm wasn't sure. Would the kit know and understand their bond as blood? It felt new and strange to be a parent he supposed. Inching forward to give the tiny squirming ball of fluff a chance to be close to his scent, he gave them a gentle nuzzle as well. "Hey there little one..."
//so sleepy lol sorry for such a short post xD
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
-
「 feeling estranged in reality — the doctor asks me if i've {censored} 」 //lol it's fine I totally understand
The little kit mewled shrilly when Blackstorm nuzzled it, face turning towards the tom curiously with it's eyes still closed. Snow had said that the little furball had only opened their eyes a few times so far, mostly sleeping the days away as it gained strength. But now, it blinked, eyelids peeling back to reveal pale green eyes set against it's striped pale grey fur. In all honesty, the kit looked like a muted mixture of both Snow and Blackstorm's appearances, blending them perfectly into one.
As it blinked at it's father, the kit lifted one minuscule, shaky paw and prodded curiously at Blackstorm's maw. Mewling again, the kit released a tiny noise, sounding almost like an attempt at a purr if not for the unsteady rhythm to it. Snow watched on with fondness blooming in the hollowness that had taken over her chest. Her mate and kit were finally interacting, and the kit seemed entirely unafraid and unbothered by Blackstorm's presence. In fact, Snow would go so far as to say that the kit was thoroughly enjoying having Blackstorm this close.Releasing a purr of her own at the sweet interaction, Snow leaned forward to nuzzle Blackstorm's cheek with her nose. "I told you it would be nice."
"i answered without any hesitation that i have." speaking thoughts TAGS -
//this is the kit's sub account!! just for reference
speaking thoughts
-
The kit’s sudden prodding May his muzzle surprised him and in response, pulled away temporarily. But in hopes to not scare his child, he quickly returned and gave the kit a gentle nuzzle of affection. To him, being a parent felt strange. He knew he had a son who was busy being an apprentice, but that child was grown and quite distant. And his memory also failed Blackstorm, so there was little he could do to build that relationship if the younger did not talk to him as much. Yet, he appreciated his now youngest one. They were strong and would probably grow up quite well if nurtured carefully.
The pale green eyes that matched his own was captivating his heart. An unbreakable bond between father and child fully forming and coming to completion as they connected. “I see what you mean Snow. Thank you really.” There was a lot he wanted to say but words didn’t amount at all. There was no describing it really. “I’m afraid though. That I could hurt this beautiful kit that’s ours.”
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
-
「 feeling estranged in reality — the doctor asks me if i've {censored} 」 Snow's pale blue eyes softened as she leaned forward to again to lick Blackstorm's cheek fondly while he was stooped to bond with their kit. She knew the feeling of being afraid that being a parent would be harmful to the new life that depended so heavily on you for survival. But she had also gotten through it and knew that she could help Blackstorm through it as well. As long as they were together, they would make it.
"I know it's terrifying," Snow kept her voice soft and quiet. "But you have nothing to be afraid of. Our daughter trusts you, and so do I. In fact, I think it's time we name our little one. I was thinking of perhaps Laurelkit. Where I come from, the laurels symbolized perseverance and ambition. I think it's suiting for our little fighter, don't you?"
"i answered without any hesitation that i have." speaking thoughts TAGS -
Mewling at the feeling of her father's muzzle against her tiny body, the newly named Laurelkit's pale green eyes stared up at Blackstorm. She couldn't exactly see him, her new eyes registering more of a massive, blurry, figure than anything; but she knew that scent for some reason. It smelled safe. Pawing curiously at his muzzle, Laurelkit squeaked again. She could sense her mother's belly not too far from her, so she was content with exploring a little, reassured on a primal level that everything around her was safe for the time being.
speaking thoughts
-
“She is a fighter.” Blackstorm purred. He was truly pleased. Despite her curious pawing at his muzzle he was grooming her slightly messy fur. “Laurelkit is a lovely name.” The half blind deputy studied Snow for a moment. He wondered what she thought about him and their kit now. Was it alright? He understood that fear he had was because of his confusion of his feelings and memories.
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
-
「 feeling estranged in reality — the doctor asks me if i've {censored} 」 Taking one look at her mate's gaze trained on her, Snow fixed a soft look on his half-blind gaze and tipped her head slightly to the side. She knew him well enough by this point - or she liked to think she still did - that Snow could tell he had a question on his mind. "What is it, my love? You have something you want to say, I can tell. Just ask me." Snow shifted slightly, glancing down at Laurelkit and purring quietly at her slightly messy fur from Blackstorm's uneven grooming due to their daughter's squirming.
"i answered without any hesitation that i have." speaking thoughts TAGS -
“This. Us, it can be considered as restarting can it?” He promised he’d be there for her as a friend and now just to be next to her. But his feelings were something he was confused about. Were they rushing into things? Was he afraid of more than just the feelings he had and was developing? It was strange how hesitant he was. It didn’t feel right to him. Stopping his grooming and sighed looking down at their kit. To others he had everything. A family, a job as the deputy and following his path to protect those he desired to protect. What more could he want? What more was missing? Blackstorm didn’t know at all. “It’s alright...”
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
-
「 feeling estranged in reality — the doctor asks me if i've {censored} 」 Understanding Blackstorm's anxiety, Snow softened again and leaned forward to lick his cheek, reassuring. "It can be whatever you need it to be, my love. We can take things slowly if you desire, or start over, or pick up where we left off. All I ask is that you're around for Laurelkit. She'll need you, and since you have no memories of her to forget, you have no expectations to meet with her. Just be there for your daughter." Snow gazed up at her mate with kind pale blue eyes, wanting him to understand that she was willing to wait for him, to meet him halfway or anywhere he needed her. She needed him as much as he might need her, and they were going to get through this together somehow.
"i answered without any hesitation that i have." speaking thoughts TAGS -
There wa ano doubt that he wanted to be therefor his kit. That was sure. But he did feel a bit guilty that he was going back and forth with the emotions he had concerning Snow. She definitely deserved better than him who couldn’t make up his mind and decide firmly about who they were together. Blackstorm knew he cared about the white tabby, just not to what extent. “I’m sorry Snow. You must be frustrated at how long i’ve been taking. My heart is somewhere I guess. Just not where I think and want it. It may take some time and I don’t want you waiting for a tom like me. As much as you love me. I know your feelings and feel it, but I don’t know myself at this point. Despite us being mates.” Sighing he lifted his head up and pressed his forehead against hers. “I ask you to let me go if that time comes my presence hurts you more than my heart not deciding. It’s not fair to you. Please tell me if ever that time comes.”
//dun dun duuuunnn.
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS