ive been sleepless in my head | o, birth
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//track owo
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/trackie if grandpops
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//Auntie track
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track
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Slatewing
Slatewing was bubbling with fury and guilt and stubborn anger and almost every negative emotion possible. They were vile feelings, that clung to her pelt like burrs. Her paws twitched even as she lay down to sleep. The blood in her veins was hot with indignant anger. Though most of the bitter resentment was aimed towards herself.
Lamb didn't deserve someone who yelled back at accusations instead of just diffusing the situation in a calmer manner. She deserved someone who actually thought before they spoke. She deserved.. someone just, better overall.
The oriental sighed sharply, irritated that she couldn't fall asleep. She was exhausted per usual, from perhaps one too many patrols. Her limbs were stiff and sore from walking. Every part of her body seemed to protest when the molly dragged herself out of her nest.
But she couldn't sleep. Guilt gnawed at her like fleas, and she couldn't shake the feeling, until she decided to finally slip out of the warrior den, where moonlight washed over her silvery pelt.
Slatewing slowed her walking, as she stopped in front of the leader's den. Her maw was parted, unsure of what to do. What was she thinking? Lambstar was probably sleeping. It was foolish of her to try to apologize right now.
The tabby swallowed hard, paw lingering in a step not yet taken, when a smaller shape of cotton and white stumbled out of the den first. It looks strangely frail, body shuddering and legs quivering.
Lambstar. What..? Oh god, jeez was that.. was that blood??
Slatewing sucked in a breath through her clenched teeth, quickly trotting forward.
Was she hurt? Or was she.. oh man. She wasn't going into labor, was she?
Slatewing swallowed hard. Oh, man. Not now..! This was the worst possible timing. She swallowed hard, almond eyes wide with alarm. Oh man, she was such an idiot..! Was bleeding normal with this stuff? Was Lambstar dying? Oh jeez, was she gonna lose a life? What if Slate was right and StarClan didn't really exist?
Lanky legs trembling, the panicked molly tried to quickly look around for Asphodelpaw. He was like an owl or something. Didn't sleep til real late. He had to be lingering around or something.
"God, hang on. I'm sorry" she mewed quickly, frantically caught between deciding to stay with Lamb or find Asp. "Let me get him, just.. hang on" the oriental bit out, bounding towards the medicine den. "Wake up!" she mewed sharply, too freaked out to worry about anything else at the moment. "Dude, come on, I think Lamb is going into labor and she's bleeding and I think she's stressed because of me and that might be bad for the babies and I don't know what to do??" the female mewed quickly, muscles tense and adrenaline rushing through her veins. "Just- come on" the warrior pleaded. That may have been the first time she'd ever begged anyone of anything, though she really didn't care at the moment.
(c)trexgirl
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ASPHODELPAW ;;
-----> Asphodelpaw was still shaken after Snow's birth. He did his best to wash her blood off his paws, but he could feel the too tony weight of her stillborn kittens on his shoulders. He sighed deeply, shaking his head. He really needed to learn to stop blaming himself for every little thing...But man, how could he not? If Lambstar or even Firefly had been there...
He suddenly wished Polypaw were here...
Asphodelpaw looked up when a shadow fell over his den entrance. He blinked, his own icy hues matching the tiredness he couldn't see in the stranger's. Before he could snap that they hurry up and blurt it out already, Slatewing was howling at him. Wake up - lamb -- bleeding -- stressed -- I don't know what to do??
Go figure, Asp didn't eaither.
He opened his mouth, again, to tell Slate to calm down and use her big girl words...
then he realized...
Slate was beging. Lamb - bleeding? Lamb but - she -
She was in labor.
Asphodelpaw let out a choked cry, before whirling around and retreating into his storage.
Starclan, starclan, starclan, don't let him mess this up too!
Grabbing a bundle of herbs, he searched frantically for a stick. He let out a groan of frustration, but ran back to Slatewing, "Go find a stick then meet me in the nursery," he ordered through his supply, before racing past her. He didn't need to look around to find Lambstar'. Following her wailing, Asphodelpaw appeared at her side.
Stay calm. Don't think about Snow or her kits. Stay calm. Stay calm!
"You're going to be ok," HE SAID THE SAME THING TO SNOW AND LOOK WHERE THAT HAD GOTTEN THEM! "Can you walk to the nursery?" he asked, his voice even despite the roiling panic stabbing him from the inside out.
(c)trexgirl
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「 just tell me that i can survive — in this cold world 」 Petalpaw was pacing around quietly between the apprentice den and the nursery, their chest feeling tight with worry over everything that was happening. First their mother had gone into an early labor and from what Petalpaw had gathered, only one of the three kits born had survived. On top of all that, Snow had bled a lot, and Blackstorm was still nearly memory-less and the strain was taking a toll on everyone in the Clan. Now, through their pacing, Petalpaw watched Slatewing rushing into the medicine den, catching the tail end of her rushed words. Lambstar was going into labor.
Oh StarClan not again. Petalpaw was terrified, but then trotted quickly up to Slatewing's side and looked between the two older cats. Their voice soft, Petalpaw stayed as calm as possible. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
speaking thoughts "every night inside me i quietly fight with myself."
TAGS -
— The night had been silent,the only noise was Lambstar's muffled cries of pain before suddenly the camp exploded into action. Slatewing was pressing into her side to alert the pregnant molly that she was there before bounding off to get Asphodelpaw. Lambstar was disoriented, everything around her was in tunnel-vision and blurred with the tears that her eyes were producing, teeth clenched in order to silence her screams. Her stomach felt like it was going to explode and then there came more blood, splattering on the ground with another sharp exhale from the leader as her legs began to shake even worse.
Petalpaw's voice cut through the chaos in Lambstar's brain, though the leader didn't seem to acknowledge her as she stumbled towards the nursery, but Lamb subconsciously glanced over to her to let the apprentice know that she had at least heard her. Lay down, lay down. Her instincts were yelling at her to push and to do something to ease the pain. Her breathing became labored and it felt like everything was aching and consumed in flames, her hazel eyes widening as she tried to catch her breath, sides heaving with the quick breathing and the contractions ripping through her body.
"Ca-n't...brea-the."
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「 just tell me that i can survive — in this cold world 」 Petalpaw, taking matters into their own paws, rushed to help ease Lambstar into a nest, finally helping the leader to lay down. There was blood all over and Petalpaw was certain that wasn't normal. They had flashbacks to earlier that day, listening to their mother screaming and the overwhelming stench of blood wafting from her soft white fur. Petalpaw growled softly and shook their head, the non-binary apprentice trembling slightly as they settled down by Lambstar's head and gently started to groom the fur around the molly's ears. They wanted to try and bring some kind of comfort to the leader, and this was all Petalpaw knew how to do.
speaking thoughts "every night inside me i quietly fight with myself."
TAGS -
Moonwatchers' ear flicked in sleep as the sound of their leaders cries invaded the camp. She sleepily picked up her head as she yawned, and rose from her nest in the warriors den to slip outside where a crowd was gathered near the nursey and the faint smell of blood from inside made the silver tabby frown. It would seem Lambstar was having her kits. Concern was present in the warriors eyes, but she kept her distance, only moving forward when Petalpaw tried to offer help. She rested her tail across the apprentices' shoulders as she smiled reassuringly at her, "You are kind to want to help, Petalpaw. But it would be best to give Lambstar and the others room to work. Why don't you go see if we have enough prey for when it's all over and if i not then we will go and hunt. ok?"
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「 just tell me that i can survive — in this cold world 」 Petalpaw looked up at Moonwatcher and simply shrugged off the elder's tail and stood silently, stalking quickly from the den to try and ignore the burn in their chest at the clear dismissal. "If you didn't want me around, just tell me. You don't have to sugarcoat it." Guilt immediately pierced Petalpaw's chest at how rude they were being, but they didn't stop to apologize or take the harsh words back. It wasn't fair to Moonwatcher, because it wasn't her fault. Petalpaw was just so tired of being shoved to the side, of being ignored and forgotten and useless that the simple comment from their adoptive sister just pushed the apprentice over the edge.
speaking thoughts "every night inside me i quietly fight with myself."
TAGS -
ASPHODELPAW ;;
-----> Lambstar's choking words sent a burst of panic through him. fighting against the wave of his own fear, he focused on Lambstar, turning her face to his so she couldn't ignore him. "Then focus" he urged. To demonstrate, he sucked in a deep breath, held it in for two seconds, then let it out again in four. "Count with me, Lambstar. i know it hurts, and I know sometimes you jsut want to give up - but life doesn't work that way, alright? Your stronger than you think you are. You can do this - I know you can," he sucked in a breath, two seconds, let it out, four. "Count" Count the seconds. Count on me. Count on yourself.
He wasn't going to fail her. He wasn't!
Looking up when Petalpaw and Moonwatcher had a spat, Asphodelpaw shook his head, "You two, it's ok," he was saying that too much, wasn't it? Ignoring his feverish thoughts, he nodded to both mollies, "Moonwatcher's right, right now too many people around can be a distraction. But your not useless" he was wasting time talking to them. He needed to focus on Lambstar. Oh jeeze he was scared out of his mind. But he could do this. He could help Lamb and his clan-mates. He could be selfless. He could!
He breathed in for two, breathed out for four.
He let himself thing of the river. Of an eager face waiting for him, eyes shinning despite all the fox-dung that had been thrown at her.
The best medicine cat apprentice ever.
He could do this.
Opening his eyes, they now flashed with certainty. "Both of you, gather as much moss as you can hold - soak it in water. If Slate isn't back with a stick, then grab one too. Also cobwebs. And I want you two to wait outside the nursery in case I need more help or anyone else tries to barge in," he ordered, strong and firm, powerful even with his claws sheathed.
Focusing back on Lambstar, he nudged forward strengthening herbs. "Eat Lambstar, but keep breathing" pressing his paw on her belly, it was his turn to count. Each second until another contraction rolled through her. They would get shorter and shorter, until it was time.
(c)trexgirl
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Moonwatchers ears flattened slightly at her step sisters words but Asphodelpaw snapped her out of it. She met his gaze as he gave her and Petalpaw instructions and she nodded seriously, "Got it. We'll be back." She motioned with her tail for Petalpaw to join her and she hurried out of camp. They stopped at a patch of moss and the silver tabby warrior gathered as much as she could in her jaws and waited for Petalpaw to grab her own before finding water to soak it in.
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Track
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「 just tell me that i can survive — in this cold world 」 Petalpaw reluctantly brought back moss with Moonwatcher before depositing the bundle near Asphodelpaw and immediately leaving the den again. Not only that, but they turned and left the camp, feeling suffocated and scared and so so lonely that they couldn't stand it. Petalpaw felt selfish and horrible and murky, and they couldn't stand it, so Petalpaw left camp and found a secluded spot in the woods to mourn.
speaking thoughts "every night inside me i quietly fight with myself."
TAGS -
Moonwatcher waited until Petalpaw was gone before sighing. One sister issue at the time, if the universe didn't mind. The silver tabbys' tail lashed softly in irritation but remained loyally at the nursery entrance, alert in case Asphodelpaw or Lambstar needed her. She would listen to what was going on inside the den, concern glowing in her pale yellow eyes. She hoped that Lambstar would make it through the ordeal, if anything but to keep Slatewing from fully slipping off the edge.
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Blackstorm grimaced. He heard the commotion and despite him grieving for the kits he had lost, he wasn’t about to let Lambstar nor Slatewing feel that pain. “Asphodelpaw! I brought some borage, iris petals, and raspberry leaves... have Lambstar take these and don’t forget to crush the iris petals. These three will help with the bleeding and have her milk come.” He called from outside. He couldn’t go in. Seeing Snow again and the lone kit that survived stabbed his very being to the core. This was probably the best he could do at this point... he was useless.
"i wait for the morning."
♚ ･ﾟ: when you feel alone it can change your mind — TAGS
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— There was so much blood and so much confusion as Lambstar tried her best to keep herself from passing out. Somebody...Moonwatcher, maybe, and Petalpaw too. Asphodelpaw was shoving herbs in her face and she tried to choke them down, her throat tightening as she did so. Ugh, she had forgotten that some of these herbs were disgustingly bitter and gross. The pain was still coming and the medicine cat's paw was tight on her belly, earning a whimper of agony from the pregnant molly as she feebly swiped at Asphodel to get his paw off her tender, swollen stomach. Before she could realize it, she couldn't breathe. Her entire body stiffened and three kittens were brought into the world before she could even blink.
A replica of Lamb was the first one to enter the world, quickly followed by another female who was strikingly white and full of curly fur. The last was a male with tawny fur, all three of them squealing as they were met the cold air of the nursery. Lambstar was disoriented but trying her best, trying to get them warm and clean before she suddenly started to choke up again, her vision going black and fuzzy at the edges.
She was losing a life. The blood kept coming as the curly-furred molly stiffened once more before slumping in her nest, her eyes fading into glassy brown pools as death came to greet her. Lambstar had lost a life, but it was like she was dying. She was cold and no longer breathing, no movement or anything from the once perky leader.
// Whitewater. ming. -SUGARKIT- you can all begin posting! <3
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ASPHODELPAW ;;
-----> Asphodelpaw glanced up when Blackstorm approached. "I've already got the borage and raspberry, but I didn't think of iris petals - thank you," he said, surprised the amnesiac deputy remembered herbs so much. He turned his attention back on Lamb,making sure she ate her herbs without issue. He mercifully released his paw from her stomach when Lamb batted at it - but only because the contractions had spaced themselves very close. Focusing on her end, he helped pull free three bundles into the world.
Nipping the sacks, he called over his shoulder, "Blackstorm! Moonwatcher! Help me clean this kits and get them going!" he demanded. He would monitor each kits' progress as Moon and black got to work on them, but he'd keep his eyes on his own charge. Grooming the wet fur dry and clean, nudging the kitten until it mewled for the first time.
Just like before, Asp felt a bubble of warmth fill his chest. Life. He'd brought life into this world. This kitten was alive and they'd live and prosper and become stong warriors - maybe even a leader! But he did it - THEY did it. the little bugger - they survived!
"Good job little one, good job," he whispered into it's folded ear, before picking it up gently and placing it at Lambstar's stomach.
But then the blood soaked his paws.
And it kept coming. And coming. Asphodelpaw tried to soak it up with moss, but then Lambstar was stiffening.
Wait - wait wait -
"Lambstar? Lambstar - don't- " and Asphodelpaw was rubbing her sides, then he was pressing down on them. Pumping and pumpkin, but the woman wasn't breathing. she'd told him! She told him she couldn't breath! "Lambstar - " but then she slumped.
And then she was dead.
Ashodelpaw was frozen.
There was blood on his paws.
And he knew - he KNEW - that Lambstar had eight more lives.
But she was dead.
And her blood soaked his paws.
Her blood. His paws.
Oh dear Starclan.
"B-blackstorm," he whispered, his eyes never leaving Lambstar's faze. Her not breathing face. Her cold, glaze-eyed face. "What do I do?"
Asphodel had messed up again.
//also whoever wants to be the kit that Asp personally tended to, be prepared for Asp to be especially fond of them so ;3
(c)trexgirl