i’ll have it all, even your heart [priv.]

yoon chanwook

chanwook found himself almost embarrassingly eager and excited once jungmin granted him the permission he needed to finally kiss him, but the giddiness died down just as quickly as it came when chanwook realized that jungmin was touching him. he shivered under his touch, despite his hands being much warmer than the cold water that surrounded them. there was just something about it all; being touched by such soft hands, being completely bare in front of jungmin, being very open with his desire to kiss him; it felt almost intimate, like they were never strangers or people that were supposed to hate eachother even without good reason. it felt like they had been friends for years, like they had been lovers for years. but obviously that wasn’t true, jungmin was just as new to his life as kissing a boy was, which he had never done before. jungmin was a new sensation, and he hoped that the younger male would be in his life for a long time after tonight.

the second that chanwook heard the word ‘please’ pass through jungmin’s lips so softly, he placed his hands on the younger male’s hips carefully; it was a habit of his, something that he always did when he kissed someone, and then pressed his lips to jungmin’s. chanwook had always imagined what kissing a boy would be like, he always imagined that it couldn’t be that different from kissing a girl, but now that he was doing it, it was a little different than kissing a girl. or, jungmin was different from the girls he usually kissed. the kiss was soft and innocent, not rushed with too much tongue and clashing of teeth like the kisses he usually shared with girls. and jungmin’s lips didn’t taste like cheap, heavily applied lipstick. they were actually sweet, almost like candy. and his lips weren’t as soft as a girls, they were a little chapped, but chanwook found himself preferring this over all the girls he ever kissed. he liked jungmin more than any girl he had ever kissed. though, it was probably because he only ever kissed girls he was hooking up with, it came with a much different feeling and intent than kissing jungmin, who he was kissing because he wanted to, because for some reason, jungmin made his heart flutter. he really liked jungmin.

as he pulled away from jungmin’s lips, he let out a little satisfied sigh. he pressed his forehead against jungmin’s, allowing his fingers to gently run across the skin of his hips, humming contently as he did so. but a second later, he realized what he was doing and stepped back, laughing and shaking his head. it wasn’t a mocking laugh or anything, it was more like he was laughing at himself for taking it that far when all he wanted was a kiss. his intentions were just to kiss him, not to fall in love for a moment and act like they were boyfriends.

“your girlfriend is gonna kill you if she ever finds out about this.” chanwook finally spoke up, slowly drifting back towards the dock. he was prepared for jungmin to grow furious at him, to regret ever kissing him or agreeing to come out here with him. he was ready for jungmin to really hate him and never want to see him again. he was expecting jungmin to demand him to take him back to the gala or just straight home. but he was really hoping that somehow, jungmin wasn’t mad at him, that he would want to stay out longer with him and maybe even kiss him again. “what’s her name anyways? why do you keep her a secret from everyone? everyone knows you have a girlfriend, there’s no point in being shy over who she is.”

yoon chanwook

chanwook stood there and stared at jungmin, completely frozen. had he heard him correctly? not only did jungmin not have a girlfriend, but he was also gay? “oh.” he felt so dumb for saying such a short and bland thing, especially when jungmin had just come out to him, but he didn’t know what else to say. still, despite being speechless, he knew he had to say something else so it didn’t sound like he was suddenly uncomfortable or disgusted with jungmin, sure they had kissed and it was probably obvious that he liked boys too, but there was a small chance that jungmin thought the kiss was just some spur of the moment urge that wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a little exploring done between two straight boys. “me too. i mean, i’m not gay, i like girls, but i like boys too.”

that felt like the right thing to say. it also felt a little weird, jungmin was the first person he had ever admitted something like that to. they were strangers, they barely knew eachother at all, and here they were coming out to eachother. although chanwook supposed that their growing friendship wasn’t anything like traditional friendships; they had seen eachother completely bare and kissed for longer than they had talked, they were far from the normal route, but chanwook didn’t care. he liked how things were going, it just seemed so unique to them, which made it feel more like their friendship would actually blossom and be long lasting.

“you’re a really good kisser.” chanwook slowly started to move back towards jungmin, a careful hand reaching out to gently trace jungmin’s lips with a shaky finger. “was that your first kiss?” chanwook was sure that someone as attractive as jungmin had kissed plenty of people before, but still, jungmin was far from what he originally thought and was full of surprises, so at this point, it wouldn’t be too unexpected if he found out that he was jungmin’s first kiss. “if it was, i hope you liked it too. everyone deserves a good first kiss.”

and then he was stepping away from the younger male again, heading back towards the dock. though this time it wasn’t because he was unsure and afraid of what jungmin would say or do, it was actually because the water was only getting colder as it got later and the wind started to pick up. he wanted to be back in his clothes and in his car, maybe he would even work up enough courage to hold jungmin’s hand and have actual meaningful conversations with him, because chanwook had decided; he wanted to be way more than just friends with jungmin. “c’mon, it’s getting too cold for us to be here like this.” chanwook had no idea where he would take jungmin next, but just as long as he was saving both of them from getting a nasty cold and was still able to be beside the younger boy, then chanwook really didn’t care where they ended up.

he pulled himself back up onto the dock, silently cursing to himself about not having towels or anything really that they could dry off with. he didn’t linger too much on that thought though and quickly began pulling his clothes back on, hoping that he and jungmin could be back in the car and safe from the chilly breeze as soon as possible. “hey, where do you wanna go now? tonight is all about you, so you get to decide.”

yoon chanwook

chanwook was happy to hear that jungmin had actually enjoyed their kiss, especially since it was his first one. if he would’ve known that jungmin had never been kissed before than he would’ve made it a little more special for him, maybe after some romantic candlelit dinner or after confessing his true feelings for him, really anything would’ve been better than him having his first kiss in a lake, in the middle of the night and naked. still, jungmin liked it despite the timing, and that’s all that mattered.

“yeah of course, i’m starving.” he quickly replied to jungmin’s request to get something to eat, glad that he had requested that rather than to go on another little adventure. he would happily take him different places and do different things, but he wouldn’t be able to do that on an empty stomach, and chanwook was sure that he wasn’t exaggerating when he said he was starving. sure, there was food at the gala, but it wasn’t anything that was meant to be filling, and considering that he was a pretty big guy, it was just as if he hadn’t eaten at all. “but you’re not going to pay, you’re not allowed to. this is your night, i won’t let you pay for anything.”

chanwook quickly started heading to his car, wanting to be in the warmth that would surround him once he was inside and wanting to be heading out to get food as soon as possible. “but i guess if you really want to pay, you can pay me with kisses.” he looked over at jungmin with a smirk on his lips, slipping into the car and waiting for jungmin to join him so they could be off and getting as much food as they could fit in their stomachs. he figured that sometime tonight he should probably confess his feelings too, he didn’t want jungmin to think all this kissing and flirting was just some kind of cruel joke or a one night thing or even just an experiment, he wanted him to know that he flirted with him so easily because he liked him, that the reason he wanted to kiss him so badly was because he fantasized about it for forever. but his confession would only come after they ate, he couldn’t gather any confidence on an empty stomach.

when jungmin was in the car, chanwook waited for him to be all buckled up and ready, and then he pulled out and onto the road, heading back towards the city where a whole bunch of restaurants and fast food joints were. he wanted to make sure that jungmin had a wide selection to choose from, hell, he was even willing to go to multiple places for different things if that’s what jungmin wanted. “hey, what are you hungry for anyways? you still have some time to think about it if you don’t know yet, it’ll take a minute or two to actually get close to any places that sell decent food.”

yoon chanwook

“yeah, of course. mcdonald’s it is.” chanwook spoke softly, focusing on the road way more than his words. it was starting to get darker by the minute and he wanted to make sure that this was a safe trip; he was a good driver and never got into even the tiniest accident, not even when he was tipsy or high or anything like that, but he was still always sure to be careful. he didn’t want there to ever be a first accident, especially not with someone in the passenger seat. especially not with jungmin in the passenger seat.

“we’re just gonna go through the drive-thru though, is that okay with you?” normally, chanwook wouldn’t mind going inside to order and eat, but there were quite a few things stopping him from heading inside with jungmin. the first being that they were both wearing pretty expensive suits, they simply just wouldn’t fit in at all and would be stared at like zoo animals. the next reason being the time of night that it was, this was around the time that drunk guys and sleazy college kids came out from bars and parties to go fill their stomachs with some greasy food, chanwook really didn’t want jungmin to be around that type of people. and sure, chanwook was pretty much one of those people, but he was an exception. at least in his eyes he was.

“besides, maybe we can drive to somewhere really nice just to sit and talk while we eat?” they’d probably end up just pulling into the parking lot or even heading back to the gala and and sitting outside there before heading back in before anyone noticed their absence, but still, it was better than nothing. and really, chanwook didn’t care where he was or what he did when he was with jungmin, he was genuinely enjoying the time spent with him. “we gotta get back soon anyways, we don’t want anyone noticing that we’re not there. i really don’t want you getting in trouble.” chanwook stayed silent for a moment, then glanced over at jungmin with curious eyes. “would you want to hang out with me again?”

yoon chanwook

chanwook listened to jungmin, simply nodding at his words. he wanted to do more, actually say something in response, but he just couldn’t. the words made him feel funny; the idea of jungmin actually being comfortable around him and enjoying every moment they spend together made his heart pound a little faster and his stomach get swarmed with butterflies. he wanted to tell jungmin how he felt the same way, how he felt that being friends just wasn’t enough and that he wanted to be more, but he also felt like this wasn’t the right time to confess that sort of thing. not when their time was limited and they were about to choke down cheap and greasy food.

it might sound cheesy, but chanwook wanted his confession to be nice, something that jungmin wouldn’t be able to forget. and confessing in a car, hurrying back to the gala they had snuck away from all while filling their stomachs with food that would probably make them sick just wasn’t the perfect confession in chanwook’s opinion. hopefully the right time came soon because it was getting harder and harder for chanwook to hide his true feelings, though he was sure his rather sudden sounding interest in kissing jungmin earlier was a major hint at what he really felt, or at least he hoped that that’s how jungmin interpreted it.

“it’s not strange.” chanwook finally spoke, keeping his eyes on the road, mainly just so he didn’t have to look at jungmin. he felt like if he looked at him, he would just crack and confess right then and there. “i feel the same way about you.” finally, they got to the drive-thru and chanwook let out a soft sigh of relief. for now, they could talk about what food they would be ordering and where they could go and eat it before they sadly had to make their return to the gala. the less time he spoke about how he felt with jungmin, the better.

“you’ve never been here, right?” he asked, eyes scanning over the menu. he already knew what he was going to order, he just didn’t want to look at jungmin, because as he said earlier, the longer he looked at him, the more he realized how perfect jungmin was, and the more he wanted to confess. “you can get whatever you want just to try it. i’m paying and everything is cheap, so you can’t possibly have any complaints about me wanting to pay for us, right? this won’t even put a dent in my wallet.” chanwook let out an airy laugh, then finally looked over at the younger male for the first time in a good few minutes. “just tell me whatever you want and i’ll get it for you.”

yoon chanwook

chanwook didn’t mind waiting for jungmin to decide what he wanted, he knew he probably took just as long the first time he came across the menu. it was surprisingly a much larger selection than he was ever offered, so he assumed it was the same way for jungmin. after all, as much as their families liked to believe that they were so different from one another and that one family was better than the other, they were actually pretty similar.

once jungmin had decided on what he wanted, chanwook ordered for them; he had ordered the same exact thing as jungmin, surprisingly with as many times as he had come here with his friends, he had never tried a big mac yet. they were both getting eachother to try things they didn’t normally do, jungmin was getting him to order something different and he had gotten jungmin to go out and explore. and chanwook was sure they would both be glad they had listened to the other.

he had been looking down at his wallet, digging around to pull out the rare dollar bills and coins that he had stored in there for moments like this, when he felt a soft kiss pressing against his cheek. chanwook should have seen it coming, especially since he had been the one to propose the idea, but it still surprised him.

“oh, yeah. i did.” chanwook nodded dumbly, a rather obvious blush spreading across his face and down his neck. considering their kiss earlier, a simple kiss on the cheek should have been nothing. and considering how flirty chanwook usually was, how much experience he had with others, it really should’ve been something that felt like nothing. but for some reason, since it came from jungmin, it managed to make him turn into a bashful mess. despite this, he was still feeling rather bold, as per usual. “but i don’t think just one is enough to pay me back, don’t you agree?”

pulling up towards the window, chanwook quickly paid and received their bag of food, handing it over to jungmin so the other boy could hold it while he drove. “maybe next time we hang out, you can finish your payment.” he looked over at jungmin and scrunched up his nose playfully, then turned his attention back to the road, driving off in hopes of getting back to the gala rather quickly. it wasn’t as if he was eager to get away from jungmin, truthfully he never wanted to leave his side again, but the harsh reality was that they weren’t allowed to spend time together like this, they weren’t allowed to leave events set up by their parents as they pleased. if anyone noticed they were gone, they were definetly in trouble. and if anyone noticed that they had disappeared together? well, they might as well kiss their lives goodbye.

“what about this weekend, are you free on friday night? maybe you can lie to your parents and tell them you’re going to one of your friends’ house to study. and i’m a pro at sneaking out so i don’t need an excuse or anything. then we have the whole night to just... do whatever we want.” chanwook smiled widely, sneaking the occasional glance over at the other to see what he thought about the proposition. in chanwook’s mind, it sounded perfect, but he just wanted to make sure that jungmin thought the same thing. “and maybe you could plan something for us to do, tell me some things you’ve never done before so i can help you do them.”

as soon as they reached the parking lot of the gala, chanwook parked in the same spot he had been parked in earlier, letting out a sigh of relief as he noticed his parents’ car was still parked in the same spot as well. it meant that they hadn’t gone out to look for him, which hopefully meant that they hadn’t noticed his absence yet. “i really like spending time with you. i really like you.” he finally admitted, voice soft and cheeks turning red again. he quickly pulled his food out of the bag, hoping that it would distract the other male from how nervous he was to say something like that. “anyways, try your food, tell me if you like it.”

yoon chanwook

chanwook really couldn’t help but smile at the idea of spending time with jungmin again, especially as soon as friday night. it felt a bit weird, just a few hours ago they were strangers, it could even go as far as saying they seemed to hate eachother, but now here they were, sharing cheap food and blushing over chaste kisses, eagerly planning the next time they could spend time together. and chanwook really wouldn’t have it any other way. “friday night it is then.”

when they were parked again and chanwook was confessing, he felt his stomach explode with butterflies. he had been able to charm so many girls before, but confessing to his crush seemed nearly impossible. was that weird? even if it was, that’s just the way things were.

luckily, topics quickly changed and the redness of his cheeks died down as they went on to eat their food. he glanced over at jungmin as he finally took his first bite, tilting his head curiously as he went on to take another. when jungmin finally spoke up, chanwook couldn’t help but laugh. did jungmin have any idea just how impossibly adorable he was? “i’m glad you like it. i’ll buy you food whenever you want, just as long as you always pay me back with kisses.”

it didn’t take too long for them to finish their food, which meant it quickly became time for them to head back inside and continue their usual schedule of being shown off by their parents. and as much as chanwook didn’t want to go back inside and leave jungmin, he knew they had to go their separate ways or things wouldn’t end well for them. “i’ll see you friday.” he mumbled, pressing one last kiss against jungmin’s lips, before they both made their way back inside, his stomach now full and heart fluttering from the night he had just spent with jungmin. the rest of the night continued surprisingly well, neither of their families noticed their absence and things went on as they usually did.

(( sorry this was so short, but you can skip to friday if you want !! ))

yoon chanwook

after chanwook and jungmin parted ways and went back to their respective families at the gala, things continued as usual. it was almost as if they hadn’t ever met up, talked, and snuck out. chanwook’s parents didn’t even realize that he had been gone for a good amount of time, and judging by the fact that there wasn’t any outburst and questioning from jungmin’s family, he figured that his family didn’t realize it either. which wasn’t only a huge relief because they didn’t get caught, but because that meant they were pretty in the clear to hang out on friday, just as planned.

school went on as usual for the week too, they were a little more friendly than usual, but it wasn’t enough for there to be a noticeable change. they had began to exchange text messages too, but it wasn’t anything too crazy. as much as chanwook wanted to be flirty and be open with his feelings or just talk to jungmin like a close friend, they just weren’t at that point yet, so really, not much had changed from the way things were before the gala. just now they texted a bit and shared a few friendly smiles and crimson cheeks in the hallways at school.

when friday finally rolled around, chanwook realized he was much more excited than he thought he was for the chance to see jungmin again. all week, his stomach had been slowly filling with butterflies over the idea of spending time alone with jungmin again, but on friday morning it really felt like he was just going to burst and a whole storm of butterflies would leave his body. getting a text from him that morning was probably what really did it for him though, it put a huge smile on his face and he just couldn’t help but fantasize about the things they could do together and dream about actually confessing how he felt, actually kissing him with meaning behind it rather than a ‘let’s just kiss because we can’ kind of kiss. ‘good morning !! of course, how about i pick you up somewhere after school? how about the library? you can just tell your parents you’re going there to work on a project or something if they ask about it !!’ he replied to jungmin, sending the message with a smile on his face, hoping that their plan worked out just fine.

the school day ticked by slowly and he hadn’t really seen the other boy too much in the halls, so it really felt like torture. when school finally ended, chanwook rushed home so he could get changed into something more comfortable, something that would be a little more flattering than a school uniform. it wasn’t like he was trying too hard to impress jungmin, he already knew that they had a mutual attraction to eachother, or at least he hoped so, because that was really the only logical explaination to why they were both comfortable with kissing eachother. really, he just wanted to look decent while he spent time with jungmin, just like he wanted to look presentable with anyone he spent time with.

once he was ready, chanwook headed out the door and got into his car, heading off to the library where they decided was a good place for them to meet up. chanwook really didn’t need an excuse to tell his parents, the friday after a gala was really the one time he didn’t need to lie to his parents about where he was going. in their eyes, as long as he behaved well at a gala and they were able to impress other important people and ceo’s, he could go and do what he wanted, just as long as he was back before dark and it didn’t ruin their families reputation. the second one, he could promise wasn’t going to happen, but he couldn’t really promise that he could be back before dark, especially with all the things he wanted to do with jungmin. not that his parents had to know any of that though.

when chanwook finally arrived at the library, he parked and waited in front of the large building, waiting for jungmin to arrive so they could start their afternoon of spending time together, something that chanwook was almost embarrassingly excited for. ‘hey, i’m here !! i’m parked right outside, you can just get in my car then and we can go wherever you want !!’ and with that, he tucked his phone back into his pocket, nervously tapping his fingers against the steering wheel.

(( it’s okay, take as much time as you need to reply! i hope school is going better for you, besides you being so busy with it !! ))