it was a weird feeling knowing that you weren't technically the person you were before.
it wasn't like he had no recollection of his past life. it wouldn't be accurate to say that the reality was the opposite - because it just wasn't true. he remembered pretty much everything up until a certain point. for good reason too. you see, zaeed was quite a healthy, content serval once upon a time; and for a long time he remained like that. all of his memories came from that point in his life. hell, he had met vudphion when he was like this. he could remember her. the pregnancy. the children... but he couldn't remember what he was like as a father - and there was an explanation for that. he had always struggled with his mental health. if he were human, he would have most definitely been diagnosed as a schizophrenic. even from when he was young, he experienced auditory and visual hallucinations alongside many delusional feelings. yet because of the fact that he had just about always had it, he thought everyone had it. he thought it was normal. so when he rapidly deteriorated mere weeks after his children's births, he couldn't have predicted it. he got really mentally ill and began to view his kids as demons due to an 'angel' telling him that they were. he abused them. perhaps it was a psychotic episode which just kept on spiraling downwards. he wasn't a doctor - and he didn't know about it now anyway. it wasn't an excuse, but that wasn't him. having said that, that version of him was all his kids knew.
in this body he couldn't remember the schizophrenia. at all. even the hallucinations from when he was young. it was almost as though the memory had been purposely removed for him to not experience the grief he would be feeling if he knew what he had done. the jaguar did know names of his family. he hadn't searched for them though. heck, he didn't even know that his former mate was here. that would be fun.
he hummed as he came crashing out of his thoughts when the scent of the thunderlands' border hit him. relieved that he had made it after this much travelling, he practically flopped down to the ground before stretching; strong muscles rippling under his golden and black pelt.
and he'd wait. patiently.