you’re killing me with chemistry || priv.

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    (( do i sense a first kiss 👀 ))


    “you’re the worst!” eunjae laughed, attempting to cover his face so ewen couldn’t see just how bad he was blushing and so he couldn’t see his glasses anymore. but there was only so much he could do, after all he didn’t want to stop looking at ewen and he surely didn’t want to get any fingerprints on his glasses. it happened often enough and he wasn’t going to let it happen any more than it already did. “but you win, i’m cute, i’ll admit it.” he let out a heavy sigh, just as if he was admitting defeat.


    he gave it a few seconds for his face to go back to its normal color, hating how he could feel the fact that he was bright red. “you know why you’re seeing me with glasses right now? because if i kept my contacts in any longer my eyes would feel like they would dry up and fall right out of my skull, how cute, right?” he asked mokingly, staring up at ewen. it was the first time he realized how close they were, and he really enjoyed it.


    “but you’re wrong. what you said was wrong i mean. i don’t wear them to school because i look hideous in them. nobody would call me cute, trust me, i’d be getting anything but compliments. there would be mass petitions for the school to get rid of the ugly monster that suddenly showed up and pretended to be me.” he looked anywhere but at ewen as he spoke. there was something so intimate about admitting his insecurities, especially when he was pretty sure that ewen had the idea that he was this super confident guy in his head. he didn’t want to spoil the perfect image that ewen had of him, he didn’t really want to risk ewen not liking him anymore.


    he decided that he hated the air that his sudden negativity left around them, wanting to go back to making ewen blush and laugh with embarrassment whenever ewen pointed out the fact that he was blind and needed glasses. “i’m not going to call you cute anymore. besides, adorable fits you better. i mean, cats are cute. small things like babies, and especially you, are adorable.” he flashed ewen a bright smile, having no intentions of letting him win their little playful argument. “my tiny adorable boyfriend looking more adorable than usual in my clothes. even the way you threatened me before is adorable, what are you possibly going to do to me, huh? you’re too tiny to do any real damage, too adorable.” even if ewen was insecure about his height, he wasn’t saying anything in a bad way. just as he was insecure about his glasses, the teasing he received from ewen was in a playful way, not meant to actually hurt him.



    ( ;)))) )


    ewen's signature stupid smile showed up as soon as eunjae told him he'd won. now, he was sure he'd call eunjae cute a thousand times until he agreed to stop calling him cute. he let out a small laugh at eunjae's comment about his contacts. he was right, that was less cute than him with glasses. but still, ewen wouldn't stop calling him cute for wearing the glasses. he genuinely though eunjae was cute with the glasses on, it wasn't as if he was lying or anything. it was the same way as eunjae genuinely though he was cute.


    ewen slightly pouted as eunjae told him about the kids at school's possible reaction. as much as he wanted to deny it, they would probably make fun of him for it, that much was true. ewen would probably defend him to no end, though, even if that meant he would get made fun of, too. plus, then people would probably put two and two together and figure out that something was going on between the two of them. and ewen knew that eunjae didn't want that, and that they were probably both not ready for the consequences anyway. so, he'd have to keep quiet.


    he felt himself blush as eunjae started to call him adorable. he'd said what he said, now he had to go through with something. the idea that he had in his head made him blush even more. he wanted to go through with him, but he was hesitating. "you asked for it." ewen said, feeling himself blush even more. he hesitated for a moment before leaning down towards eunjae, pausing for a moment when their lips were but an inch apart. he then leaned down the rest of the way, pressing his lips against eunjae's.


    he hoped he was doing this right, he had never kissed anyone before. he let it last for a moment before pulling away, feeling himself blush even more as soon as he realized what he had just done. he wasn't sure if this was safe to do in his house. he wasn't even sure if eunjae wanted this. should he have asked for consent first? should he have let eunjae decide when to have their first kiss? he wanted to explain himself to eunjae, why he had done that in the moment. it just seemed like they were in the perfect position for him to do it. "um... i..." he tried thinking of something to say, but he just couldn't come up with anything.

    (( google, how do i stop crying over two characters ))


    eunjae was ready to laugh at whatever ewen did and call him cute again, but much to his surprise, ewen did something not so cute. he did something brave and something unexpected. ewen kissed him.


    when ewen pulled away, his hands instantly shot up to touch his lips, his whole face heating up again. there were so many things he wanted to say; tell ewen that it wasn’t fair, that he was supposed to be the one to initiate the first kiss. tell him that it was his first kiss and first kisses weren’t supposed to be that great. so many things, but ewen started talking before he had a chance to. it sounded a bit like ewen was to apologize, but he didn’t want ewen to apologize. instead he gently placed his hands on either side of ewen’s face and pulled him back down into another kiss. eunjae never really understood the obsession with kisses before, why they were this greatly desired thing. but now that he had finally been kissed, and by someone as good as ewen, he completely understood everything and he never wanted to stop kissing ewen.


    when he pulled away, he only let out a short laugh as he tried to catch his breath, eyes studying ewen’s face to try and see if he enjoyed it as much as he did. “first of all, you’re so unfair. i was supposed to kiss you first.” he wrapped his arms around ewen’s waist and sat up, making sure to keep the smaller boy secure in his arms and on his lap as he sat on the edge of his bed.


    “secondly, first kissed are not supposed to be that night. who have you been kissing that you’ve gotten that good at it?” he had heard plenty of horror stories from his friends about their first kisses, too much spit or tongue, sometimes a lip ended up bloody, there was even the rather disgusting case of ending up with gum in your mouth that certainly wasn’t there before. but his kiss was none of that, it was good. it was perfect. he was ready for ewen to ask him how it was his first kiss too, knowing that everyone that he hung out with had already had theirs, and knowing that ewen saw him as this hot popular kid, wasn’t it weird that he hadn’t kissed anyone until now? surely ewen would ask about it. and the answer was simple. sure he had plenty of opportunities for it to happen, ever since he found out that people didn’t have to be married to kiss, people have been wanting to kiss him. plenty of girls tried to make him kiss them, there were plenty of times that his friends tried to drag him into drunken games of spin the bottle with them at parties, plenty of things like that. some would call him an idiot for losing every opportunity, but the truth was he wanted his first kiss to be with someone he liked. someone like ewen. it wouldn’t have even mattered if it was boys instead of girls trying it before, it just wouldn’t have worked. he had been waiting for someone like ewen to kiss, that’s all. he was glad he finally had him. and his first kiss.


    “thirdly, never stop kissing me, okay? and if calling you cute gets me kissed, then you’re going to be hearing it a whole lot more.” he carefully got up and unwrapped his arms from around ewen, helping him sit back down on the bed before heading over to his desk where the food and water he got them was. who would’ve known that kissing someone and getting so excited over it would make him so hungry? he took the opportunity of having his back towards ewen to run his tongue over his lips; was it weird that he enjoyed how it tasted? now that he thought about it, it was probably beyond weird. he was essentially enjoying how ewen’s mouth tasted. and it didn’t even taste like strawberries or anything like the songs always said, that was impossible unless you kissed them in the middle of eating which could end up as a gross situation. ewen just tasted like ewen. and yeah, the longer he thought about it the more he felt like a complete freak, and the more sure he was never going to admit what he just did to anybody. he would die with that secret.


    once he had the bottles of water and the bag of chips in hand he turned back to the bed and sat down beside ewen, placing the food between them and handing him one of the bottles of water. “you looked really happy when i got food for us so i’m assuming you’re hungry, plus i’m really hungry. so... let’s eat.” how was he ever supposed to act normal again in front of ewen after he kissed him? he was sure he would blush every time he thought about it, that he would constantly be asking ewen for little kisses here and there. things would never be the same after that. and who would’ve known a first kiss could come out of him being called cute for his glasses, something that he hated. suddenly, he started to like them a bit more. “but really,” he opened the chips and ate a handful befor continuing, “who was your first kiss?” it wasn’t surprising that ewen had his first kiss already, he was attractive and everything after all. eunjae was just more surprised that he had kissed someone or a bunch of someone’s enough to get that good at kissing.





    ( hey google, how do i lose all emotions and never have to deal with this ever again )


    ewen thought this was the end of his life, of his relationship, of everything. he was about to start apologizing to eunjae, explain himself away, say that he could leave if he wanted him to, everything that could possibly make the situation better. he thought that it was probably a really inappropriate time for something like that, that he shouldn't have done it, that eunjae would probably hate him for the rest of his life. however, much to ewen's shock, before he could say any of that, he felt eunjae's lips on his once more.


    he felt himself blush even more. he never thought he would ever be able to blush this much, but clearly eunjae had proven him wrong. on multiple things. he was too embarrassed to talk to eunjae any more now, he just wanted to hide somewhere, anywhere. he wanted to apologize, not for kissing him, but for being the one to initiate it, for probably picking the worst time, for choosing the wrong setting. he wanted desperately to explain that it was in the spur of the moment, it was a stupid idea that he got because he was really attracted to him, but he just couldn't bring himself to say any of that.


    he just felt like he was completely and utterly speechless. eunjae asked him who he had kissed before, but, truth be told, ewen had never kissed anyone before. youngmin had been the one to talk to him about kissing a lot, because the other was so excited for his first girlfriend and his first kiss. youngmin had given him a lot of advice on it, like to make it gentle and soft for the first time, not going too hard since it was, after all, the first of many, hopefully. youngmin had gotten with a lot of girls before, so he claimed to know a lot about how to please them and stuff like that, but ewen wasn't into girls. he was into boys. and one in particular. one that he had just surprised himself by kissing.


    eunjae seemed to have really enjoyed the kiss, and as much as ewen wanted to please him in other ways, too, he was probably going to be way too embarrassed to do anything further than kiss. besides, it was probably way too early in their relationship anyways. the thought made him blush even more. he quickly shook those thoughts out of his head as eunjae let him sit back on the bed, nervously playing with his fingers and staring down at them as he waited for eunjae to come back from his desk.


    he gladly took the bag of chips from eunjae, he was really starving. he opened the bag of chips, eating them one at a time because he didn't want to be seen as some kind of slob in front of eunjae, even though he was sure eunjae already labeled him as that when they'd gone to eat pizza. he was asked once more who he had kissed before, and ewen really didn't know how to answer him. he took a breath before turning his head to look at eunjae, only being able to look at his neck or anything lower than his face. "you're my first kiss." he said in a quiet and shy voice, putting another chip in his mouth. "i just got a lot of advice from a friend."

    (( ewen: i want to please him in other ways

    ewen, my boy! oh my god

    i have your back ewen i have an idea for you

    so they’re high school seniors, yeah? so there’s prom and whatever else and eunjae is totally going to want to go with ewen, but seeing as they’re not out yet he’s gonna he like let’s just make our own prom at one of our houses and y’all know what happens on prom night especially with eunjae seeing ewen dance he’s gonna go from the boy who was blushing over a kiss to a whole new guy real quick ))


    “you learned to kiss like that just from advice?” eunjae was now sure that he had died and gone to heaven, became an angel or something like that. because there was no way on earth that there was someone as perfect as ewen, someone so attractive paired up with a great personality, that could kiss like that on his first try. there was no way that eunjae was his first kiss, it seemed so impossible in his mind. “well here’s my advice, that friend is really smart and you better keep taking advice from them.”


    as he continued eating, the memory just kept replaying in his head. ewen was smooth, he’d give him that. he hadn’t even thought about how that was the perfect time and place to kiss somebody; they were so close and had being calling one another cute, it was the best timing ever and he hadn’t thought about it. but thankfully ewen did. “no one’s ever kissed you before? you go around looking like you all the time and nobody has ever kissed you? people are dumb. really dumb.”


    once he felt like he had eaten enough he let himself fall back onto the bed again, watching ewen. well, not so much watching him, he was actually checking him out. “even the way you eat is cute.” he mumbled with a smile, knowing that ewen would probably break his silence to scold him for calling him cute again. the laid there for a few moments, eyes never leaving ewen as he thought; he had a lot he wanted to say.


    “thank you.” he spoke softly, almost too embarrassed to actually say it. was it weird to thank someone, especially your own boyfriend, for kissing you? “for the kiss. i mean, i was always really scared for my first kiss. all my friends said that they’re all terrible. but it wasn’t. it was nice. thank you.” he didn’t realize just how much he could become embarrassed over himself. but it’s okay, as long as ewen knew that he was okay with the kiss, that he was beyond satisfied with the kiss, then he would deal with being embarrassed.


    “hey.” he suddenly thought of something else, propping himself up on his elbows so he could get a better view of ewen. “what other kind of advice does your friend give you? I wanna know what else i should prepare myself for.”



    ( eunjae: my adorable, small ewen having impure thoughts? it's more likely than you think

    that sounds amazing omg

    i'm crying for these two honestly )


    ewen didn't know if he could handle being complimented this much over a kiss. he'd really just done it without thinking, doing what felt right to him. he had done it just because he wanted to, it felt right in the moment. he was kind of embarrassed about talking about it, he'd never really been told what to do if his partner wanted to talk about it. although he would still talk about it if eunjae wanted to. it was just a tad bit embarrassing for him.


    "people aren't attracted to small boys like me." ewen murmured, putting another chip in his mouth and softly chewing it. "you're literally the first person who's ever wanted to be more than friends with me." that much was the truth. nobody, boy or girl, ever really wanted to be his girlfriend or boyfriend. every girl saw him as just another girl, talking to him like he was just another girl, not that that ever bothered him. boys, on the other hand, also saw him as just another girl. not in the way he would have wanted, they saw him as some weak, feminine boy who wasn't "masculine enough" to be friends with them.


    that was the main reason he was cast out of so many boy friend groups, because he was too much like a girl. and then, because of that, he had become friends with mostly girls, who could now never see him as anything other than a friend. it was sort of sad, really. he decided that he wouldn't focus on that too long though. "what about you?" he said, turning so that he could see eunjae's face. he sat with his legs crossed, still taking chips out of his bag and eating them. "mr. every girl wants to get with me. it's impossible that i was your first kiss."


    eunjae was pretty much the most sought after boy in their entire school. everyone he knew, including even sunhee, liked him at some point in their lives. there was no way that ewen had the privilege of being his first kiss. "literally every girl i used to be best friends with would talk endlessly about you. i had so many girl friends trying to get me to be friends with you so that they could become your friend too." upon being called cute again, ewen gently pushed him with his leg, though a small smile was still evident on his features.


    ewen was kind of confused when eunjae thanked him for the kiss. he felt himself blush slightly, taking another chip out of the bag and putting it in his mouth. "it wasn't that amazing. i'm not that good at it." he murmured, looking in the chip bag and realizing there were no more chips. he crumpled up the bag and got up momentarily to throw away the bag before coming back to the bed and plopping back down on it. he was in the middle of licking any chip remains off his fingers when eunjae asked what other advice youngmin gave him. he stopped and thought for a moment. all of the other advice that youngmin had given him had been too much information on sex with females that ewen had stopped listening to. this memory made him blush a bit. "nothing really that would help me with you. why?"

    (( eunjae is such a sarcastic and dramatic boy sometimes i’m sorry about him ewen ))


    “what do you mean people aren’t attracted to small people like you? am i suddenly not a person?” eunjae looked at ewen, once again taking a minute just to check him out. there was no way that people didn’t like him just because of his size. it was stupid. but that didn’t really matter now, ewen now had a boyfriend that loved his size, that was attracted to him because of how short he was and much more. “i’m hurt, honestly.” he threw a hand over his chest dramatically, but he was snapped out of his act when he heard ewen ask ‘what about you?’. he knew what was coming.


    he quickly sat up and listened to everything ewen had to say, only replying with a shrug at first. “guess i’m just hard to get, what can i say? being this hot means i need my standards to be high.” he rolled his eyes at his own words and then shook his head. “but for real, aren’t you listening to what you’re saying? yeah girls want to get with me but that’s the problem, they’re girls. i know this might really surprise you ewen, but i like boys.” he gently poked ewen when he said ‘boys’ before falling back onto the bed.


    “i’m really glad you never really ended up talking to me before then.” eunjae couldn’t really remember ewen ever talking to him or even being closer than a few feet; his guess was that he never went through with those girls’ wishes and tried to be his friend. “i would have had to break those poor girls’ hearts and admit to everyone that i’m gay the second i saw you.” the truth of the matter was that eunjae was really attracted to ewen. even before he knew he was gay too, when all his friends would just point him out as the weird kid with a diary, he thought he was rather cute.


    eunjae listened as ewen admitted that he wasn’t that good of a kisser, which only made him laugh. “so you’re admitting that you are good? because i agree.” he decided to not stay on the topic of how good at ewen was at kissing though, because judging by the redness of ewen's face it wasn’t the most comfortable thing for him to talk about. and eunjae really didn’t want him to be embarrassed or anything.


    as ewen went on to say that his friends didn’t give him any advice that would help with him, he was fine with the answer. maybe kissing was the only type of romantic advice his friend gave him, maybe the rest of it was like, life advice or something. but the way he blushed made him feel like there was something he certainly wasn’t telling him. “ewen you’re thinking about something weird aren’t you?” he groaned softly, feeling himself start to blush just thinking about what ewen could be thinking about. “you are! ewen you’re gross.” he nudged his leg with his foot, hiding his face in his arms. “please someone tell me that my boyfriend, my tiny cutie boyfriend, was not just thinking about sex. please, i’m going to die.”

    ( everyone loves eunjae's dramatic ass here, including ewen

    also, i'm so sorry for ewen, just in general )


    "with those looks, there's no way you're human." ewen said matter-of-factly, as if he was dead serious about it. "no human exists to be perfect like you, so you have to be some kind of alien." he looked at eunjae with squinted eyes, leaning in closer as if to inspect his face. "i just exposed you, right? take me to your leader, weirdly hot alien man." after having said that, he opened his eyes wider and smiled, leaning back to turn his head to look elsewhere.


    upon being told about the very obvious fact that eunjae liked boys, ewen let out a dramatic gasp. "really? you like boys? i thought you only liked me because i have a weird resemblance to a fluffy mop. with this hair," ewen reached up and pulled a strand of his hair up. "i wouldn't blame you if you thought i was some sort of household cleaning item." he let go of his hair, lowering his hand back down and leaning back on both of his hands to keep himself up. "you could have liked both. i would never know."


    the truth of ewen never actually going up to eunjae and talking to him was that he had tried, just never directly. he had tried becoming friends with one of eunjae's friends who were in his class back in freshman year of high school, but that didn't necessarily go well, and ewen almost ended up being outed to the entire school. needless to say, he kind of avoided eunjae's friends after that, and that was the biggest reason why he wasn't questioning eunjae's want to be on the down-low with them too much. "we could be in a shakespearean drama." ewen leaned off of his hands, taking one of eunjae's hands in both of his. "oh sweet eunjae, two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, having some business, do entreat your eyes to twinkle in their spheres till they return." he grinned as soon as he finished speaking. he'd memorized that from romeo and juliet back in sophomore year.


    he pulled his hands from eunjae's, just as the other male was saying that he was thinking of something weird. ewen felt himself blush as red as hot lava. "i wasn't!" he proclaimed, gently smacking eunjae's thigh with his hand. however, as eunjae continued to insist that he was, which ewen knew, deep down, he was, but would never admit to eunjae, he felt himself grow even redder. "i really wasn't!" he whined, hitting the bed several times as he spoke this sentence.

    (( eunjae and i love ewen so much

    why do i love this character more than i love myself ))


    “you trying to hard to deny it just tells me that i’m right!” his eyes widened as ewen smacked his thigh, letting out a combination of a scream and a laugh. “look! you’re trying to get me to have sex with you right now!” he scooted to the other side of the bed, bringing his knees up to his chin and taking a minute to catch his breath, his face red from blushing and how hard he was laughing. “you were totally thinking about sex.” he giggled, resting his chin on top of his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs.


    “and that shakespeare quote earlier? do you know how much of a nerd you are?” he teased, wiping a few tears from his eyes that only fell because of how hard he had been laughing. “you’re probably a nerd that just thinks about sex all day, right? you probably didn’t want me looking through your diary because you have some erotic stuff written about me.” he let his legs fall straight onto the bed, reaching forward and pulling ewen to come sit beside him.


    “maybe you only like me because i’m hot, is that it?” once he was sure that ewen was comfortable sitting there, he laid down, letting his head fall into ewen’s lap, a content smile on his face as he looked up at him. “you said i was perfect earlier, you really think that highly of me?” he felt around the bed, grabbing one of ewen’s hands once he found it and brought it up to his head, hoping that ewen could play with his hair just like he did with his earlier.


    “because if you think i’m perfect, you’re wrong. you really don’t know what perfect means then, i would expect someone as smart as you to know the only perfect person around here is you.” he let out a relaxed sigh, letting his eyes fall close. “aside from the fact you’re a sex crazy pervert i think you’re perfect. actually, scratch that. i know you’re perfect.”

    ( same why do i love these two more than i love myself )


    ewen had never been more embarrassed in his life. he contemplated killing eunjae right then and there, surely if he hit hard enough, he could make him go unconscious. he was almost so embarrassed that he was going to cry, but he knew that that would make him look like a child, so he did his best to hold in the tears that desperately wanted to flow. he turned away from eunjae as the other male continued to go on, mostly because he was pouting and didn't want him to see him doing that either.


    all of that would just result in being called cute and adorable again, and ewen would probably be even more embarrassed if that happened again. he didn't say anything, didn't even try defending himself as eunjae continued to go on. he almost hit his hand away when he pulled him towards him, but decided that hitting him, no matter where or how gentle, wasn't the answer. he didn't look at him as he was pulled to where he was.


    ewen glared down at eunjae for a moment as he took his hand. he paused for a moment before turning his head away from eunjae and pulling his hand away as well. he was still pouting, and possibly even more so now. he kneed eunjae's head off of his lap and scooted to the other side of the bed, crossing his arms and looking everywhere else but at eunjae. maybe if he gave him the silent treatment, he would apologize and take back everything that he said.


    ewen wasn't necessarily mad at eunjae. he was more so mad at himself for getting himself into a situation where he could embarrass himself in front of his boyfriend, and actually getting to the point where he became embarrassed. and, okay, maybe he was a little mad at eunjae. it wasn't anything that a kiss and an apology couldn't fix though, not unless ewen wanted to drag it on for as long as possible to get as many reactions out of eunjae as possible.

    oh, so this was what happened when he teased ewen too much. eunjae let out a pathetic whine as he was kneed off of ewen and watched him go to the other side of the bed. “ewen.” he sighed, completely annoyed with himself. how couldn’t he tell that he took it too far earlier?


    he crawled over to the side of the bed at ewen was sitting on and nudged him with his shoulder gently, smiling at him. “i’m sorry.” he kissed the top of his head, waiting for ewen to say things were okay, that he was forgiven, before he touched him anymore. when he was mad the last thing he wanted was to be touched, especially by the person who made him mad, so he assumed ewen was he same way.


    “i’ll let you tease me about my glasses again if that makes you feel better.” he looked down at his lap where his hands rested, staring to play with his fingers to keep himself from touching ewen. “i think about sex sometimes too, you can tease me about it. i’ll get embarrassed too, i won’t even whine about it, i’ll just let you get back at me.”


    he looked up from his lap and at ewen, hoping to see him smiling again soon. “please don’t be mad. i just want you to play with my hair and keep kissing me. and we can talk about something else too, it’s your turn to ask me something anyways.” he had asked what else he could have been taught from his friend, and he thought that it was only fair that ewen got to ask him something too. “even if it’s weird or embarrassing i’ll answer it, and i promise not to embarrass you anymore.”

    ewen was holding his breath for a reason he couldn't figure out. as much as he didn't want to give in to eunjae so easily, he couldn't be mad at that cute face for long. he sort of melted under his kiss, though desperately tried to hold himself strong. he was still trying to look anywhere but at eunjae, though he was stealing glances out of the corner of his eye once in a while.


    he let eunjae go on, giving the apology he was waiting for and also give some information that he didn't really ask for but was not disappointed to hear. "unlike you, i'm not surprised that you think about sex." he began, lowering his arms so that he could play with his fingers. "with you, i always figured you were some kind of sex god with girls, and," he paused, still slightly embarrassed about what he was saying. "whatever."


    he turned towards eunjae and placed his hands on either side of his face, staring intently into his eyes. he examined them for a moment before letting out a heavy sigh, lowering his hands so that he could hold eunjae's. "okay, if you're really sorry, i guess i can let it go. but you have to do something for me in return." ewen thought for a moment. he didn't really know what he wanted eunjae to do, but he would figure it out eventually. "i don't actually know what you're going to do, but it's gonna be embarrassing for you and great for me."


    after that, ewen took eunjae's hand and dragged him to the center of the bed, where ewen put himself in a position where he could lean against the frame of the bed with his legs crossed. he led eunjae to put his head in his lap and started playing with his hair, making a unicorn horn out of it or wrapping it around his fingers. "i wanna know about your friends." ewen said as he was in the middle of trying to make hair curlers out of his fingers. "tell me about them."

    eunjae found it rather amusing that ewen thought he would be some sex god, thinking about how it was probably a common assumption about him made him laugh. especially if people thought he was one with girls. boy, was everyone really wrong about him.


    “how are you not surprised about that? didn’t you just see how excited i got over a kiss? my thoughts are probably clean compared to yours.” he huffed, but his annoyed face quickly turned happy once ewen pretty much forgave him for everything.


    he let out a satisfied sigh the second that ewen’s fingers came in contact with his hair, slightly leaning into his touch. if he could, he would stay like that forever. he wouldn’t ever get sick of it, he’d probably enjoy each second more than the last. but his relaxation was quickly interrupted when ewen asked him about his friends. it was a funny combination, being in complete bliss and being panicked at the same time. he wanted to protest and say that he would answer questions about anything else, but he did say he could ask him anything.


    “my friends.” he sighed softly, trying to think of a way to describe them. he didn’t want to describe them in a way that made them sound like the best people ever, because they really weren’t. he didn’t want to describe them as super terrible either, because they weren’t that either. he didn’t even want to be honest about them, he didn’t want to ruin the image that ewen had of him any more than he already did. “they’re cool i guess.”


    maybe the best way to tell ewen about them was to just describe each of them. “there’s minhyuk, he’s the reason i was late for class that day and bumped into you. he was trying to get this girls number, he’s been trying since the last year of middle school and he still doesn’t have it. all of our other friends have her number, even i have her number. i think she’s just playing hard to get, minhyuk turns into a complete angel around her, what girl wouldn’t want that?” he laughed softly, hoping that it didn’t sound as if he was attracted to minhyuk or anything.


    “then there’s seojoon, he’s pretty much the leader of our little group i guess. honestly he’s kind of an asshole to everyone, he’s mean to his girlfriend, to us; he randomly picks people out in the halls just to say something bad about them.” he rolled his eyes before continuing, “minho’s just like him, except for the fact that he can’t keep a girlfriend for more than a week maximum. jihoon is the only guy that i know that’s taller than me, he’s also the one that will turn on us just to impress a girl. woojin’s the nicest one out of all of them, he drinks a lot though. like a lot and he cries when he’s drunk and i always have to make sure he gets home safe. daesung is the one who usually makes fun of people the most, he’s called you plenty of names already. chanhyuk doesn’t even show up for school anymore, only when we have games. soohyuk and joohyuk are the twins, they’re terrible too. not even my cat likes them and she likes everyone, i swear they’re both the devil or something. and then there’s wooseok, he’s the one that we’re all afraid of. he’s always working out and he looks like he could kill someone just by looking at them.”


    he looked up at ewen to make sure he was still listening, thinking that everything he said was completely boring. “none of them are really nice people, but they’re my friends so i really shouldn’t say that, huh?” he let his eyes fall closed again, letting himself enjoy the way that ewen kept curling his hair around his fingers. “why’d you wanna know about them? you find any of them hot? did I weird you out that much already that you want to leave me?” he smiled up at ewen but still kept his eyes closed, not wanting the topic of his friends to bother him when he was trying to relax.

    ( oh my god what if when eunjae and ewen come out as a couple, one of eunjae's friends starts showing interest in ewen but like, masks it as him being friendly ? or something like that

    and/or ewen's friend could try to set him up with a girl before finding out that ewen and eunjae are together ?

    also, i'd absolutely love but hate at the same time if ewen's friend outed him to the whole school )


    ewen's little image of eunjae being a sex god was more like a nightmare than anything. he never even wanted to imagine himself with girls, much less the person he wanted to be with. even when he just saw him with girls on regular school days just talking, he felt like he was watching all of his dreams crash down in front of him.


    now that eunjae was actually his boyfriend, he had no idea if he should be more or less worried about him being with girls. he'd reassured him multiple times that he didn't like girls, but, really, there were a lot of pretty ones at their school. ewen was probably just being paranoid, though, eunjae wasn't the type of person to be with two people at the same time. but, really, there was no way for ewen to be sure all the time.


    he listened to eunjae's description of his friends. they sounded really different from his own friends, even though youngmin was just a less popular version of some of them. some of them were cute, ewen would admit it, but none of them caught his attention the way that eunjae did. the majority of the rest of them weren't as friendly, as cute, or as hot as eunjae. ewen felt like he was a girl talking about her high school crush, which, minus the girl part, he was.


    when eunjae called attention to why ewen wanted to know about his friends, he tugged lightly on his hair, though not enough to hurt him. "as if." he said, a small chuckle escaping his lips as he spoke. "i was just curious. all of your friends seem completely different from you and i was just wondering why you're friends with them if you're so different." truthfully, ewen had thought that eunjae was just like the rest of them at first. he thought that he liked to bully people, get all the girls, et cetera, just like the others.


    though it was other people's opinions about him that made ewen change his mind, and that was what made ewen really fall for him in the first place. even surrounded by people like that, he ended up being really nice, and a good person. ewen let out a huff. could he be any more perfect? it really wasn't fair. ewen didn't understand why a guy like him liked a guy like ewen. when he could have anyone else in the world, he decided to choose him over them. that just made ewen want to never let go of him.


    "okay, my turn to talk about my friends." he said as he was trying to make pigtails with eunjae's hair. "i only have youngmin and sunhee, so not five million like you, but they're good." ewen took a deep breath before going off on his tangent. "okay, so, youngmin is pretty much like your friends, except a less popular version. he likes girls, like, really likes girls, and he's always trying to find me a girlfriend, even though i've told him multiple times that i'm just not interested in dating right now. he's the one who gave me all that advice about kissing and stuff, and he always told me i'd need it, but i was like, 'nah you're crazy' and lo and behold, it served to be useful. i can't tell him that, though, he'd freak out if he knew i kissed someone and didn't immediately tell him about it. plus he'd ask a lot of questions and i don't think either of us are ready for that. he's still a nice guy, though, like he actually tries to be friendly even though he has kind of a weird way of showing friendship."


    his other friend was sunhee, who was a little more tame than youngmin, but still pretty crazy in her own way. "then there's sunhee. she's the only one in my life apart from you that knows i'm gay, and she kinda took it as if it was some kind of secret that she had to let everyone know she was keeping, which is pretty stupid, if you think about it, and she's almost outed me to not only youngmin, but her other girl friends too. i can't even tell her that we're dating because she'd freak out about some 'girl code' or whatever, even though i'm a boy. she used to have the biggest crush on you in sophomore year. like, the biggest crush. i don't even know if she ever got over you, like, she told me that she was done with boys one day after something happened with you that she didn't even tell me about, and then i never heard your name out of her mouth ever again. she once told me that girl code applies to gays as well, so i have to follow it for her. but like, as far as i know, girl code says you can't date your best friend's ex-boyfriend, and unless the both of you aren't telling me something, then that doesn't apply to this situation. plus, if i told her i was dating you, she'd completely freak out for me and probably tell the whole school. so, pretty bad idea to tell her. she's really nice, though, you'd love her."


    that was it, that was the two friends he had. they were good people, ewen wasn't trying to mask them as if they weren't, but that was the best way ewen could describe them. youngmin and sunhee were pretty crazy in their own way, and youngmin was homophobic and sunhee wasn't good at keeping secrets, but they were still his friends, and he still loved them.

    (( i honestly love both those ideas!

    and when youngmin gets ewen to break up with eunjae by saying eunjae is cheating, eunjae will be like who could I possibly have cheated on you with i’m gay and i’m pretty sure we’re the only gay kids in school and then ewen is just like oh yeah what about your friend

    plus i don’t know about you but i was thinking them coming out as a couple comes after their little at home prom, like ewen’s just like we shouldn’t have to hide like this so eunjae’s just like alright i’ll tell everyone tomorrow and then he does lmao ))


    why was he friends with them if they were so different? ewen probably wasn’t even asking to receive an answer, because there probably really wasn’t an answer. but he still wanted to give one anyways. not even just for ewen, but for himself. almost as if he had to justify his friendships with a reason, because truthfully the more he thought about it the less in common he had with any of them, his friendships just didn’t make sense. “i’ve just been friends with them since elementary, before i knew what kind of people they would turn into. and they’ve never done anything wrong to me personally, so if i stopped being friends with them wouldn’t that make me the bad guy? just ending friendships because we’re different. people can be friends even if they have nothing in common, right?”


    he took a second to let out a sigh of relief, glad that ewen didn’t even try and mention one of his friends being hot or attractive or anything like that. ewen probably thought it, because as much as he wasn’t personally attracted to them, he knew they were still attractive people. but if ewen ever even hinted at finding them attractive he would probably explode, it was one thing to think it and another thing to actually say it to him. “i’m glad you’re not into any of them though. even if they were gay, they wouldn’t treat you right.”


    he listened to ewen talk about his friends, slapping his thigh playfully when he said that he had five million. “shut up, it’s not my fault everyone wants to be my friend.” he relaxed again as he continued to listen, opening his eyes when he got onto sunhee and said how she used to have a crush on him. “what do you mean used to? did i just suddenly wake up one day and i wasn’t attractive anymore?” he quickly shook his head when ewen started talking about how maybe him and sunhee didn’t tell him something, hinting at the fact that they dated and never told anyone. “i’ve never dated a girl before. i’ve never dated anyone before. you’re my first, doesn’t that make you feel special?” he readjusted his head in ewen’s lap, trying to get a little more comfortable. “the closest i’ve gotten to a girl is when siyeon pinned me down and tried to kiss me in junior year at wooseok’s birthday party. girls are scary.”


    he stayed quite for a moment, before sitting up and looking at ewen. “why does only sunhee know that you’re gay? if you told youngmin then he wouldn’t keep trying to find you a girlfriend.” he scooted to a spot on the bed so he was sitting directly across from ewen, before realization hit him. “oh, okay so he’s homophobic. then we just make sure your friends don’t find out about us, okay? then youngmin can’t do or say anything to hurt you and sunhee won’t let the entire country know.”


    he paused for a second, realizing he should specify why they couldn’t let his friends know either, why they had to keep their relationship such a secret. “if my friends found out about us they’d surely make your life a living hell, they’d blame you for like turning me gay or something. and i’d for sure not be allowed to hang out with them anymore, they’d probably get me kicked off the football team too by telling the coach because i’m gay i was trying to mess around with them in the showers or something like that. they just wouldn’t take it well, and i care less about the parts including me, what i’m worried about is you. i don’t want them doing anything to you.”


    he then let out a sigh, wanting to move on from the conversation. he wanted to have fun with his boyfriend not talk about their homophobic friends and whatever else that wasn’t so positive. “we should get to bed soon, i don’t want you being tired for school tomorrow because i kept you up all night. would you um,” he cut himself off, feeling his cheeks start to heat up. why was he blushing over such a simple question? “would it be okay if we both slept in my bed? together. like we could cuddle and whatever. i’m sure i’d be a great big spoon, considering how much bigger i am then you and plus i just-” he cut himself off again, frustrated with how much he was blushing over a simple question. “just say yes or no before i die of embarrassment.”

    ( yeah, and maybe the reason youngmin tries to tell ewen that eunjae is cheating is because a girl tries to make a move on him and youngmin sees and kinda blows it out of proportion ?

    and yeah, that sounds good. i want these two to have a lot of fun times together before they have to deal with the shitty part of everything )


    ewen wasn't sure he wanted to talk about their friends too long. he had asked about them in the first place because he was a little curious, but he didn't necessarily mind all the information that eunjae had given him about his friends. ewen, himself, had probably given a lot of information on his friends. he'd been friends with youngmin and sunhee since he was in middle school, only knowing them a bit later than eunjae knew his friends. but, still, they both had equal bonds with their friends, and that was all that really mattered.


    when eunjae mentioned that his friends wouldn't treat ewen right if they were together, ewen couldn't help but chuckle at that. "of course, you're the only right one for me anyway." he said with a small smile. when eunjae went on to talk about sunhee and her 'used-to-be' crush, then he felt himself smile a bit less. "she just came to me one day and said she was done with boys. i don't know if anything happened, she didn't tell me." truth be told, knowing sunhee, it was probably something completely stupid, like she talked to another girl who was interested in him or something small like that. either way, ewen didn't know whether or not she was still into him, and if she was, that would be kind of a problem for the two of them.


    when eunjae mentioned that girl, siyeon, and what she tried to do, any sign of ewen's smile was gone. he shouldn't have been surprised that at least one girl tried something like that, after all, eunjae was popular and pretty hot, but still, nobody had any right to try to force themselves onto him like that. "next time a girl tries that, tell them they'll have to go through me first." he said, a small smile coming to his lips as he said that. him and his whole small body could take a girl who was probably both taller and stronger than him, right?


    eunjae seemed to understand the reason why ewen couldn't tell youngmin about him being gay and couldn't tell sunhee about their relationship. as much as ewen would love to have someone who he could go to and swoon over his boyfriend and everything he did for him, there was no one who he could really confide in. youngmin, even if he was okay with ewen being gay, wouldn't want to hear about a boyfriend, and sunhee would probably get jealous because of her previous attraction to him. any other girl would probably get jealous too. it just wasn't right for him to talk about eunjae in the boyfriend way to anybody. what he could settle for was his diary.


    he understood eunjae's want to keep ewen safe, especially if his friends would be as cruel to him as eunjae said. as much as ewen would like to say that he could handle whatever was thrown at him for their relationship, he knew himself that he wasn't as strong of a person as he wanted to tell eunjae he was, and eunjae seemed to be really convinced that his friends would do something bad to him. so, ewen just remained quiet on that subject, merely nodding to agree with what eunjae was saying.


    ewen noticed eunjae's red cheeks as he asked if they could sleep in the same bed. ewen smiled at that, feeling himself blush a little bit, too. he would have taken this opportunity to make fun of eunjae for "trying to have sex with him now," but given how ewen had reacted to his saying of that, ewen didn't want to risk getting eunjae mad at him either. he simply nodded, letting out a small, cute, "mhm." he looked down at the bed, quickly getting under the covers and peeking out from below. "what if i want to be the big spoon? what will you do then?"

    (( yeah, that sounds good !!

    and i know i want to avoid all the bad stuff with them for as long as possible i love them and love seeing them be happy ))


    eunjae couldn’t help but blush even more as ewen got under the covers. something about his boyfriend sleeping in the same bed as him just sounded so perfect, and the sight of someone as small as ewen in his bed was almost too good to be true; he looked absolutely adorable.


    eunjae was in the middle of getting under the covers when ewen asked what he would do if he wanted to be a big spoon. he simply shrugged as he got comfortable under the covers, turning on his side and resting his elbow on the mattress so he could hold his head up as he looked at ewen. “then i’ll let you be the tiniest big spoon ever.” he laughed softly, using his free hand to run his fingers through ewen’s hair. “you’re so pretty.”


    it was way too soon in their relationship to say that he loved ewen, he wasn’t even entirely sure what romantic love was supposed to feel like. but there was one thing he was sure of, and it was that he liked ewen a whole lot. maybe it was just because he was just so happy to finally have a boyfriend, maybe it was because ewen was the first person he could fully be himself around, but whatever the reason was he just knew that he was thankful for it. it felt good. liking ewen and knowing ewen liked him back felt good.


    he finally blinked back to reality, realizing that even though he really wanted to, he couldn’t lay there and check out and compliment ewen forever. “but really if you want to be the big spoon i don’t mind, i just assumed since i’m bigger that it would work out better if i was the big spoon, but we can make anything work. whatever you’re comfortable with.” he knew he was lucky to even have a boyfriend, to have one that came over and would be spending the night, to have one that agreed to sharing his bed with him, he didn’t want to lose out on all that by forcing him to be uncomfortable.



    ( i just want them to be a happy little couple and live happily ever after ;;-;;

    feel free to timeskip after this )


    once eunjae got under the covers with him, ewen turned on his side so that he could face him. he felt like he just stare at him forever, like he could just stay in this position for the rest of eternity. it still didn't seem like reality to him, the fact that someone as amazing as eunjae would be interested in someone like him. that was a question that ewen desperately wanted to ask him: why me? but he wasn't sure if eunjae had the answer to it.


    when eunjae ran a hand through his hair and complimented him, ewen felt like he was going to melt right into the mattress under eunjae's touch. it made him want to say something that was probably really stupid, but he just felt like saying it. it was a lot to handle, though, saying it, so he held back on it. "you're really pretty, too." he murmured, bringing his hands up under the covers so he take gently hold of eunjae's shirt in one hand.


    eunjae said that he didn't mind being the little spoon while cuddling, but ewen could tell he wanted to be the big spoon. it wasn't a desire that was overwhelming, since he was willing to give it up for ewen, but what boy or man really liked being the little spoon? ewen let out a huff of air, letting go of eunjae's shirt.


    he turned around to face the other side of the bed, scooting his back so that he was right up close with eunjae, and took eunjae's hand and put it over his waist. "you can be the big spoon if you want tonight." he said, closing his eyes and adjusting his head so that he was comfortable. he occasionally opened one eye to try and sneak a glance at eunjae because, admittedly, he loved looking at him.

    (( just thinking about any bumps in their relationship makes me wanna cry they only deserve the absolute best ))


    eunjae was sure that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. how could he when his hand was so close to ewen’s waist? how could he when his boyfriend was pressed right up against him? he was sure he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep because he was already in a dream. but somewhere during him wondering how he was going to fall asleep, he fell asleep.


    the next morning he woke up the way he always did, the same annoying alarm blaring from his phone. any other day he would have just let it play and see how long he could sleep through it, desperate to be able to get five more minutes of sleep and warmth under the blankets. but there was an extra warmth, something way too big to be his cat. then he suddenly remembered that ewen slept over.


    he quickly sat up, turning the alarm off and then settling back down into bed. he wasn’t going to fall back to sleep, he couldn’t. not when he had ewen right there, he wasn’t even sure how he fell asleep the night before. just seeing him there in his bed made him feel nervous. did he hold ewen too tight the previous night? was he a snorer and kept ewen up? he sure hoped not, he hoped that the night went well and that ewen would want to come over to sleep a lot more in the future.


    he laid there, trying to keep quiet as best as he could. he knew he would have to wake ewen up eventually, he couldn’t afford to be late or miss and he really didn’t want ewen to be late or miss because he was being a creep and watching him while he slept. but for the time being, that’s what he did, just admiring how cute and peaceful he looked.


    it didn’t take too long for him to feel like a total creep though, how could ewen even react if he knew that eunjae just sat there and stared at him? he decided to just wake ewen up, he really wanted to talk to him anyways. plus they had to get ready for school, even if he wanted to just stay home and talk to ewen all day. at school they couldn’t be together, they even had to be careful in public in case someone from school saw them, but at their houses they could act however they wanted. he let out a soft sigh, gently placing a hand on ewen’s shoulder and shaking him.


    truthfully it would probably be easier to just start talking to him, the sound of his voice would probably be a lot more effective in waking him up then just barely shaking him, but he was a bit embarrassed of how his voice sounded. even if he had told ewen that he wanted him to stay the night so he could hear his morning voice, it was more of a way of trying to convince ewen that it was okay to stay over than an actual thing he was okay with. he didn’t want ewen to hear how his voice sounded in the morning, he knew he couldn’t avoid it forever but he would avoid it the best he could.


    it wasn’t like it was anything to really be embarrassed about, it was most likely just a stupid insecurity like the one he had with his glasses. it was just that his voice sounded so different. so much deeper, a little bit rougher. while most guys would probably find that attractive in a boyfriend, eunjae had the embarrassing event of his mother thinking he was sick the first time his voice started sounding like that when he was going through puberty. ever since then whenever he heard his own voice in the morning it made him think of that, and while ewen probably wouldn’t because he couldn’t possibly have the same memory, he didn’t want to risk ewen thinking similarly to his mother.


    after a few seconds of contimplation, he just decided to get it done and over with. ewen would have to hear his morning voice eventually, so it was better to just get his worries out of the way instead of harboring them and risking them getting any worse. “ewen, wake up.” he rolled over, putting his glasses back on and sighing. there really wasn’t any way he could just easily pretend that he wasn’t dating ewen at school, not after having spent more time with him and having him sleep over. luckily for them it was their senior year, they wouldn’t have to hide anything for much longer. once graduation came, what could any of their high school friends say? eunjae didn’t know about ewen, but he didn’t really see himself staying friends with his current friends; maybe minhyuk and woojin but that was about it. after high school what could anyone really say or do to him or ewen that would matter?


    he got up, stretching his arms as he headed over to his closet. he’d have to find something for ewen to wear, seeing as he didn’t actually plan on staying the night and didn’t have anything to wear last night, it was rather obvious that he wouldn’t have anything to wear today. the only problem was finding something that would fit ewen and wasn’t obviously his. if ewen showed up to school wearing something everyone else knew belonged to him, then it was just a matter of time before people realized they were dating. he found a hoodie that was small on him, so hopefully it wasn’t too big on ewen, and a pair of sweatpants since the ones that ewen was currently wearing seemed to fit him pretty alright. he tossed them on the end of the bed, picked out an outfit for himself, then walked back over to the bed and knelt down beside where ewen was laying.


    “hey, i got you stuff to wear.” he nodded towards the end of the bed, then gently ran his fingers through ewen’s hair. “i’m going to go to the bathroom to get ready, i’ll get us something to eat for breakfast then when i’m done. do you need me to make you lunch for today or anything? there’s plenty of stuff here so i don’t mind.”



    ( i want them to have like ten sleepovers per week because it's so adorable omg

    also, i had a really cute idea that ewen pulls eunjae into like a supply closet or something and is like, "i know you said to be lowkey about us but i just saw you and i really wanted to kiss you" and it's up to you how eunjae would react to that )


    ewen couldn't remember when he'd fallen asleep either. he guessed that it was a combination of eunjae's warmth against him and the feeling of eunjae's arm around his waist, but it also might have been because he was tired. whatever it was that lulled him to sleep, he hadn't noticed it. the entire night he'd been in deep sleep, possibly even making little noises while he was asleep which were quieter than snoring. he was always insecure about the little noises he'd make while sleeping, because all of the friends he'd had sleepovers with before always said how cute it was.


    he didn't really think too hard about eunjae hearing it, though, because either way, he'd always call him cute. ewen knew he'd have to get used to being called that by eunjae. his mind had woken up before the rest of his body, so for several moments, he was just silently sleeping, not really noticing anything around him. over the duration of the night, he'd gotten used to the warmth of eunjae's body against his, so it wasn't until the other male slipped away from him that he really began waking up.


    he slowly moved in the bed, stretching his body out and pulling the covers closer to him to try and substitute for the warmth of eunjae's body. he had heard eunjae say something to him a little bit before, but he hadn't heard what he said so he just ignored it. he had been trying to fall back asleep when he heard eunjae's voice again, but this time he could hear and understand what he was saying.


    the sound of eunjae's voice was soothing, almost like he had been sent by the angels to lull him back into reality. ewen slowly opened his eyes, only to be met with the image of his boyfriend. that was enough for ewen to decide that waking up wasn't such a bad idea, and he reached up to eunjae's hand that was on his head and intertwined his hand with his. "good morning." he murmured, his voice sounding like it had more gravel to it than deepness. his morning voice was not necessarily deep. ewen didn't naturally have a deep voice, so it was natural that his morning voice wasn't that deep either.


    he remembered what eunjae said to him just before and he slowly nodded. "yeah, if you could make me lunch, that'd be really nice of you." he murmured, then letting go of eunjae's hand. it took him a moment to actually convince himself to get up out of eunjae's bed, and by the time he did, eunjae was already out the door to go to the bathroom. ewen took this opportunity to change into the clothes that eunjae had laid out for him.


    the sweatpants fit him snug, they weren't too wide at the waist. the hoodie made ewen feel like he was wearing his boyfriend's hoodie, which, well, he was, but it also had the feeling. it wasn't too big on him, though still loose, and ewen could comfortably keep his hands inside the sleeves since they were longer than his own arms. eunjae had longer arms than him, so this would only make sense, but ewen even had shorter arms than the average man his age. he was shorter than average in every possible aspect of himself.


    ewen first went to check his phone, which he had left by the pile of clothes he had worn the day before and then never looked at. all of his attention had been on eunjae, so he hadn't had time to look at his phone. when he picked up his phone, the first thing he saw was a lot of missed calls and texts from his parents. obviously. he hadn't let them know where he went and he hadn't even replied to any of their texts after he left. he quickly texted an apology and let his parents know that he was safe, going to school, and had just stayed over at a friend's house. he put his phone in his pocket and sat on the bed, patiently waiting for eunjae to return.