you’re killing me with chemistry || priv.

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    (( shdidjdn same here

    like i know it should be a spur of the moment kind of thing because they’re still babies when it comes to dating and won’t know how to properly plan that stuff out but how their first kiss is gonna go exactly is something i can’t come up with ideas for

    all i know is they’re gonna be cute blushing boys who are gonna wanna kiss again but are really embarrassed from the first one and also don’t know how to ask

    also this is unrelated but i wanted to share, so you know how we planned ewen staying over eunjae’s house one night because of his parents fighting, so like they didn’t plan for it and ewen’s not gonna have any pajamas or anything so eunjae just offers some of his clothes for ewen to sleep in and eunjae’s poor gay little heart is gonna explode because of how cute and tiny ewen looks in his clothes and also like plus ten bonus points in eunjae’s heart if it’s his jersey or something ))


    upon hearing that ewen’s favorite movie was scream, eunjae couldn’t help but smile at the thought of ewen being scared; how cute he would be all curled up in a ball, not wanting to look at the screen but also not wanting to miss what was going on. and then when he found out why it was his favorite movies, all cute thoughts left his head and he could only think one thing: “skeet ulrich is hot.” okay so maybe that probably wasn’t the best thing to say in front of his new boyfriend, but once eunjae had his face in mind that’s all he could really think.


    he nodded excitedly as ewen essentially suggested that he come over soon, the idea of ewen coming to house and being in his room made his stomach fill with butterflies. there wasn’t even any sexual thoughts behind the idea of ewen being in his room, everything he was thinking was purely innocent. like how excited he was to show ewen around, and how cute his boyfriend and his cat would be together, things like that. his room was pretty much his safe haven, and having someone so important to him see it for the first time was exciting.


    “a chinchilla?” eunjae wished he could be as interesting as ewen was. he loved his cat, but they were pretty basic pets. everyone had one, chinchillas on the other hand weren’t as common of pets. if he had a chinchilla, he would probably seem way cooler in ewen’s eyes. “well you’re an adult now, and as soon as you’re done with college what could possibly be stopping you from getting a chinchilla? unless you’re like, allergic or something.”


    as they moved off the topic of pets and onto eating their pizza, eunjae couldn’t help but laugh a bit at how quickly ewen’s face turned pink all just because of one question. he was cute, really cute. eunjae couldn’t believe just how lucky he was, to get to call someone so cute their boyfriend was an honor. surely later on in their relationship, when he knew his boundaries and got a better feel for what a relationship was really like, he wouldn’t hold back on the compliments. he wanted ewen to know just how much he made his heart feel like it was about to explode all just because he was the cutest person ever.


    as ewen answered his question, he felt his chest start to tighten up. he didn’t know what he expected, but it surely wasn’t that. he felt bad, he barely knew who ewen was and ewen had had a crush on him for at least the past four years. he had no idea that his presence alone could make someone so happy, he thought he could only make the people he interacted with and knew feel things, but it was clear now that him just showing up to school everyday could make someone’s day. he didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to say something. he wanted to say thank you, but wasn’t that a bit strange, to thank someone for liking you? he wanted to tell him how much it meant to hear that and how he was sorry that he never talked to ewen before, even when they were in the same classes. he wanted to tell ewen that his answer wasn’t weird, that it was cute and different from what anyone else would say and he really loved that about ewen, but he couldn’t just say that. it wasn’t the right time to say any of it. thankfully though, ewen addded in what he originally thought the answer was going to be and he laughed, grateful that the conversation lightened up. “cute? c’mon can’t i get like... hot or something? i know i’m not a skeet ulrich, but i’m not cute. that’s you, you’re the cute one.” well there, he said it. and complimenting him was a lot easier than he thought, he just had to hold back on saying it every time he thought it.


    eunjae had gotten so used to the lighter questions at this point, that ewen’s next one took him by surprise. it wasn’t as if it was something he didn’t want to talk about or anything, it didn’t make him uncomfortable like stuff about his future did, it was just that he didn’t really know the answer. why was he popular? “i’m popular because...” he wanted to say that he just didn’t know, but that was a boring answer. and he didn’t want to give ewen something boring. besides, he had a slight idea what the answer could be. “i guess i just always knew the right people? like the people that everyone has always liked, and i was attractive at the right time, when looks meant everything. i mean they still do, but if i just started being attractive now, i wouldn’t be popular. it was crucial that i was attractive when most people were going through puberty, not looking the absolute best, you know? i guess that makes people jealous? they want to look like the attractive kids so they look up to them, talk about them a lot. and you know, i’m in sports so that helps people know you more. if people already liked you and now they look up to you on top of it all and talk about you, it makes you seem more important than everyone else. and isn’t that what popularity is?” he shrugged, taking a moment to try and get a clear idea on all the thoughts in his head. “and then at some point everyone who’s popular start being assholes, and who’s going to want to try and compete against assholes who most people love for popularity? we just, make the lives of people who aren’t obsessed with us hell, and we live off of the obsession people have with us. i mean look at my friends, if they didn’t have so many girls wanting to sleep with them then they wouldn’t have this idea they’re better than other guys at school. the girls are the same way, they sleep with popular guys so they’re better than the girls who can’t get in their pants. everyone wants to sleep with each other, get a chance in being with then popular kids, so they keep looking up to them, talking about them, going to their parties in hopes for a chance for it all to happen; it keeps us popular.” he shrugged again, unsure if what he said made any sense, if it was a sufficient answer.


    but he was quick to move on, not wanting to think about it too much. “i honestly haven’t read anything for fun in a while. but i remember absolutely loving harry potter. they’re fun books, easy to read and they’re unique. i think i even dressed up as harry one year for halloween as a kid. maybe i should read them again, this summer maybe when i’m not so busy with everything.” he continued to eat, his mind trailing back to his previous answer. it wasn’t really an answer to why he was popular; being attractive and being able to pick on the weaker people, sure that could keep your popularity; but how did he end up popular in the first place? it would always be a mystery to him. “and i read your diary recently too,” he laughed, swallowing down another slice of pizza. “guess that doesn’t count as a book though. you could write one though, the way you describe things is... it’s different. interesting. i just wanted to keep reading it, not because it was about me but because it was good, my guilt was the only thing that stopped me from reading more than a few pages. but i normally hate reading and you made me like reading, you could really be a writer you know.” he smiled gently at the other, hoping he took the compliment well. he wasn’t exactly sure yet if ewen was comfortable about compliments, ones about his writing anyways. he knew he personally got easily embarrassed over certain compliments, he didn’t want to be the person to embarrass ewen over a small comment.


    “speaking of your diary, you’re still gonna write in it, right? i don’t want you to stop just because i was nosy or anything. i think it’s good to write down everything. sometimes you gotta get stuff off your chest that you can’t really tell people, the diary is good for that.” if he had a diary he would write about how much he hated the idea of knowing he’d never be the kid his parents wanted. how he felt sick knowing he’d do anything to please his parents, like going through with the future they wanted him to live, despite the fact he would be miserable. he would write about how he hated the things his friends said about gay people, not knowing they had one at their sides at all times. how he felt gross around girls, when they were flirting with him and touching him, hoping to cross his name off on the list of people to sleep with before high school was over. he had a lot on his mind and no way to get it out, if only he had the same idea for a diary that ewen had.

    ( omg i thought that it should just be added in as a little thing during one of their dates and OH MY GOD i can just imagine both of them blushing so hard and oh my god

    i feel like if eunjae kissed ewen, ewen would like melt into a puddle

    and if ewen kissed eunjae, that would be enough to make my little dad heart cry ;;-;;

    OMG one of them asking "can i kiss you?" bc consent is important and the other one is just like crying like, "yeah, totally, go for it"

    ewen looking tiny in eunjae's football jersey is all i want to ever imagine for the rest of my life

    i have now decided that i will be happy for the rest of my life because of that image

    also, eunjae being pouty bc he wants to be cool in ewen's eyes is my favorite thing in the world

    OH MY GOD ewen hating being called cute and being pouty about it is also my favorite thing )


    skeet ulrich was, indeed, very hot. ewen wanted to agree with eunjae so bad, but he felt as though if he were going to say skeet ulrich is hot, he'd end up saying some very weird and possibly sexual things that probably wouldn't be a good idea to talk about on a first date. but, yes, skeet ulrich was hot.


    he didn't even think about the sexual aspect of it if he were to be in eunjae's room, sleeping on his bed, and...the thought didn't make him uncomfortable, it made him more like...nervous? the fact that he had a chance of sleeping in his boyfriend's bed with him was enough to make him feel like his stomach was going to disintegrate with how many butterflies were in it.


    the chinchilla idea was an idea he'd had for a long time. he'd asked his parents about it when they were still together, but his father had rejected the idea because of how chinchillas were "not" for him and his mother just didn't want to have to clean up after an animal in their house. so, the idea was completely rejected by both his parents, and he would never be able to get one unless he got his own home. which, to a certain extent, he was going to. "yeah. nothing's stopping me." he said, looking momentarily over through a window before looking back at eunjae.


    he hadn't thought that his little spiel about how eunjae made him feel happy was that nice. he was just saying the truth, even if the truth was a little weird. ewen was a weird guy with a lot of weird thoughts. eunjae would probably find that out if he decided that ewen was worthy enough to pursue more of a relationship with. the idea that eunjae would just consider him as a phase and would probably let him go because of their situation almost made ewen lose his appetite. however, he was sort of glad when the conversation moved on.


    "me? cute? i'm not cute." he said, despite having the hugest smile on his face. "no no no. i'm handsome, i'm not cute." the thought made him happy, that eunjae thought he was cute. but still, he didn't want to be seen as just someone who was cute. cute had feminine implications, and his father had enough of feminine traits in ewen. "just for that, i'm going to say you're cute." he let out a huff, leaning back in his seat and taking a big bite out of the piece of pizza he had in his hands. he still had the stupidest, biggest smile on his face, but he was trying to hide it as best as possible.


    eunjae's reply to ewen's first question was not one that was expected. he'd fully expected eunjae to say something like, "because i'm hot" or "because all the girls like me" or something like that, but what he had actually answered was almost completely different from that. he'd basically said all of that, but in a way that ewen didn't expect. he was going to make a joke about telling eunjae that he wasn't any better than the girls who wanted to sleep with him, but that would kind of make implications that he wanted to sleep with him, and that would be pretty weird, even if it was just a joke. the scenario of having told that joke played in ewen's head, and the fact that he'd probably said it in some alternate universe was enough to get him blushing like mad. "oh." he said, unsure really of what to say. "that's...weird?"


    when the conversation moved on to books and eunjae began talking about harry potter, ewen sighed a little. "everyone likes harry potter." he said, more in a way to validate eunjae's likes. eunjae going on to compliment ewen's style of writing, he felt himself blush even more. "it's not...that great..." he murmured, though he appreciated the compliment. "i kinda just, write what i see, y'know?" that was the truth. the way he was describing things was exactly how he saw them, in all of their complex, detailed glory. he always thought that it was kind of a weird thing about him, the way he described things. everyone always just used simple words to do what ewen used complex sentences to describe. "if you like my way of writing, you should try reading some poetic novels. like," he paused for a moment. "peach by emma glass. it's pretty poetic."


    the conversation moved onto whether or not ewen was going to keep writing in his diary. the simple answer to that was yes, he was. nothing would ever really stop him from writing. it wasn't something that he would mention to a lot of people, but it was something that was very important to him. it was sort of his escape from his life, writing it all down to pretend that it was just some novel he was writing rather than his own actual life. "i wrote in it today, after you gave it back to me." he said, his cheeks slightly rosy as he mentioned it. "so, yeah, i'm gonna keep writing." eunjae was pretty much the only good thing that ewen wrote about in his diary. there was a lot of information on his parents' divorce, on his deep, personal secrets that weren't just him being gay, and there was a lot on his biggest fears and insecurities. it was a lot of sensitive information that he'd never really planned on sharing with anyone.

    (( ahdidn ewen should totally kiss eunjae first! it would throw eunjae off because he thought he was supposed to be the one to initiate their first kiss and he’s so surprised and is blushing so much and he gets all pouty because it wasn’t supposed to go like this, but wow does he want to kiss ewen again and again

    eunjae expecting everyone to call him every name in the book except for cute and getting so red whenever ewen calls him cute, because there he is, all 6’+ of him getting called cute by his tiny boyfriend

    also this was rushed, so sorry about that!

    and if you wanted to time skip or anything go ahead, unless you have something planned !! ))


    eunjae had thought that he gave a decent enough answer until ewen’s slightly awkward reply came along and he wanted to sink into the floor, it was a dumb answer. the one time he really thought about something and it came out as dumb, he really tried to give a real answer, but maybe it was wrong. maybe he was supposed to say something witty or something about how he was attractive and had everyone crushing on him. but it was too late to turn back and change his answer now, what was said was said.


    he was glad they moved onto the topic of books though. he wasn’t the biggest reader, but he enjoyed books and he would honestly talk about anything to get his mind off of how terrible his answers to ewen’s questions were. he wanted to interject when ewen said his writing wasn’t good, tell him that he was an idiot for thinking so lowly about the things he wrote, but he decided against it. he found out that when people thought badly about themselves, it wasn’t an opinion that was easily changed. and he wasn’t going to persuade ewen to get more self love on their first date. and then came the title of a book, one that eunjae kept repeating in his head. he would buy it, read it cover to cover as many times as it took for him to understand and enjoy it. he wanted to experience the way that ewen did, explore his likes more. that’s what boyfriends did after all right? do things that they might not normally like, just because it makes their boyfriend happy.


    “i’m glad, i was worried that you’d stop because of me.” he finished up his pizza, allowing his eyes to slowly dance over ewen’s face, carefully admiring each of his features. “write about me tonight, okay? write about how we both want to get with skeet ulrich and how amazing this date was. because it was amazing, right?” the realization that their date would have to end, that he had to take ewen home made him feel a certain type of upset that he never felt before. their relationship wasn’t as easy as everyone else’s either, it wasn’t as if they would see one another the next morning in school and continue on like normal couples. they had to hide the fact they were dating, hide the fact that they even knew one another. “i promise i’ll save my money and take you somewhere nicer in the future, and that i don’t be so sweaty next time.” he laughed softly, allowing his elbow to rest on the table and his chin to rest in his hand. once ewen was done eating, he would have to take him home. eunjae wished the two of them could just stay in the pizza place forever and not be bothered by anything or anyone.


    “and you were wrong before you know. you are cute, you’re the cutest little thing i’ve ever seen in my whole life.” so there it was, he was finally being more open with his words. “i’m the handsome one, you’re the cute one, and don’t even deny it, because you know i’m right.”



    ( yessssssss ewen should totally be the one to initiate the kiss ! i feel like even though he's super shy, he'd just be so confused like, "should i do it ???? is he gonna do it ???? is he expecting me to ????" and he's just stressing out and goes for it and gets super shy afterwards

    i'm cryingggggg all 5'3" inches of ewen calling 6'+ eunjae cute like having to look up at him and can't reach the top of his head with his hand and is just like, "you're so cute ~~"

    i went ahead and timeskipped to about a week later when ewen asks eunjae if he can come over bc his parents are fighting, i hope that's okay

    also, me imagining ewen coming out to his father actually made me emotional omg i'm way too invested in him )


    the past week had been just about the most heart palpitation-inducing week of his life. he'd spent nearly the entire week looking around for eunjae everywhere, getting late to his classes because he wanted so bad to run into eunjae. they'd spoken to each other, they'd even spent a couple hours together in the whole week. ewen's mother was kind of extra strict about him coming home on time because she wanted to prepare the house for his father's visit and she wanted him to clean the house with her. plus, he needed to do homework. even eunjae had priorities that were more important than him, as much as that upset him. but, since they were only teenagers, school, family, and any extracurricular activities would always have to come before any relationship. that much was pretty much the reality of things.


    ewen had figured that out pretty quickly with his mother. he hadn't told her about his relationship with eunjae, but he'd tested the waters with asking her if she wanted him to have a girlfriend, to which she responded that the one thing she and his father agreed on was that his education came first. so, ewen's hopes that maybe she would be open to his relationship were completely thrown out the window. his father would be even harder. especially if he knew it was with a boy. his mother and father fought constantly when he was a child. every night he'd always come home, hoping that he would be able to sit at the dinner table and not have to hear his mother and father scream at each other over nothing.


    that was what he wrote about a lot in his diary, the thing that he'd hoped eunjae hadn't read. however, most of his worries had gone away when eunjae mentioned that he'd only read a few pages, and hopefully those pages were just the ones where he talked about how great he was. either that or he didn't want to mention it to ewen. either way, he was happy that eunjae didn't try to talk to him about it. his parents had only stayed together until ewen was in high school because they didn't think he was old enough to handle a divorce. which, was kind of stupid, especially considering they had no problem yelling at each other in front of a kid who was four to fourteen years old. ewen never said anything, though.


    when his parents had told him during his first week of high school that they were getting a divorce, he'd taken it pretty hard. even though it probably had to be expected given their relationship, ewen couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. his father never admitted it to him, but his mother had told him before that he didn't even want children. his father's actions spoke against that, but knowing that he didn't even want him in the first place made him rethink everything that his father did with him. what kind of mother tells her own son that his father didn't want him, anyway? ewen tried not to think too hard about it, given the fact that his father actually tried to be a father, when he could easily just have gone through the divorce, left, and never contacted him again.


    his father would call him after work, ask to come see him on weekends or holidays, and even bought him things to make him happy. they'd fought a lot because of ewen's likes, how his father saw them as "too feminine" and he should be "more of a man." that was why he never thought he'd be able to openly admit to his father that he was gay, or that he was dating a boy. anything that ewen liked that his father considered "feminine," he rejected. that was also why he had to quit taking dancing classes, because his father wanted him to do something that a man would do. ewen refused completely to conform to his father's views. he was forbidden from taking dance classes, but he never stopped doing it, either going to the park to do it or in the privacy of his own home.


    his father was supposed to come over, for once. usually, he came, picked up ewen, and went back to his villa not two hours away. he wasn't sure what it was about this time that made him want to come over. his mother had probably seen that he seemed happier, or at least more eager to leave to school every morning. she'd probably suggested to his father that he come over and they try to figure out what has ewen so eager about going to school every morning. this was ewen's guess because that was exactly what they had tried to do. during dinner, his mother had brought up that he seemed like he was happier, more enthusiastic about school. his father had asked him why he was particularly happy about going to school every day.


    ewen said it was nothing. his mother said that he'd been spending more time away from the house. what was he doing? where was he going? ewen said that he wasn't doing anything. at this point, his father didn't seem to like his answers. what do you mean it's nothing? what are you hiding? his mother didn't like his tone. ewen was just being a teenager, there was nothing wrong with that. that was what resulted in the huge outburst that was his parents' new reason to argue. at this point, ewen had already slipped away, grabbing only his phone before heading out. that's why he was currently sitting on a bench at the park by himself, and why he had nowhere to go.


    he thought about crying, if that was the thing to do in this situation. however, he'd been in this situation so many times that he didn't think it was worth crying over anymore. he sat hugging his knees on the bench, staring at the water system do its thing. he looked momentarily at his phone, possibly awaiting a call from eunjae that he knew probably wouldn't happen. eunjae couldn't possibly guess that something was wrong. it was ewen's responsibility to call him if he wanted something. he'd considered not doing it, just sleeping on the bench. he didn't want to have to explain to eunjae why he was out after sundown, why he couldn't go back to his house. however, he evaluated if his privacy was worth sleeping out in the cold. he let out a soft sigh. he picked up his phone, looking through the contacts until it reached eunjae's name. he paused before pressing to call him, bringing the phone up to his ear. he waited a bit until he picked up, and he hesitated before speaking. "is it okay if i stay over at your house tonight?"

    (( eunjae totally being okay with ewen calling him cute purely because he thinks that makes ewen even cuter

    and yeah that’s okay! i honestly really can’t for ewen to see eunjae’s room, eunjae is gonna be so nervous like is my room clean enough, does is smell bad, what if my bed isn’t comfortable enough oh my god

    i’m so emotionally invested in these two and their relationship, eunjae is gonna be ready to throw hands if ewen’s dad doesn’t accept him and then he’ll see an upset ewen and he’ll be like oh no now i’m gonna cry, right after i beat this old man up what’s good mr. yoo ))


    for the first time in a long time, eunjae had felt excited to go to school. while he couldn’t be with or even see ewen every second, seeing him for just a few seconds in the hall or being able to see him laughing with his friends under the tree while he played football was enough to make his day. his parents took this random increase in positivity towards school as him growing more excited and determined to become a doctor, which he could only agree with, but behind closed doors he could only laugh at their theory. if only they knew that he was dating someone. and a boy on top of it all. they would surely have a heart attack over the news.


    but despite the fact that he had a boyfriend and wanted to spend as much time with him as he could, life still got in the way. they had school, eunjae had work and football to focus on. they were both busy, so they only got to hang out for a few hours after school. but even that was enough to make eunjae happy, and he decided that even if he spent every single second by ewen’s side, it still wouldn’t be long enough. he genuinely enjoyed being with ewen, and he could only hope that ewen felt the same about him.


    it was a pretty normal day, eunjae was sat on his bed, scrolling through his phone and switching between rolling his eyes and laughing at the things that his friends would post. well, normal except for the fact that he and ewen didn’t get to spend time together after school. ewen just said he had to be home earlier than usual. eunjae didn’t question it, it really wasn’t his business. besides, if ewen wanted to tell him the reason than he would have. they weren’t really at the time in their relationship where it was okay to ask stuff like that, and he didn’t really have a reason to be nosy anyways. that kind of reaction was saved for stuff like if ewen could be in possible danger or some far fetched thing like that.


    things started to get less normal when ewen called him. it wasn’t unusual for someone to call their boyfriend, but as such a late time, it was for the two of them. eunjae didn’t know about ewen’s family, but he thought he made it rather clear that his family members were as homophobic as they came, if they heard him talking on the phone with a boy so late at night, they would assume he was hiding something. and why would he hide a conversation with one of his usual friends? their conclusion would be he either had a friend that had a bad influence on them or he had a boyfriend. it was a stretch, but after he mistakenly almost said he didn’t want to marry a woman because he liked boys in an argument with his mom, he was sure they were suspicious. even after he tried to cover it up by saying he was going to say he didn’t want to marry a woman because he wanted to focus on his career. thankfully he had only gotten as far as ‘i don’t want to marry a woman because-‘ before he stopped himself, because he was sure if he continued any longer his parents would’ve quickly put two and two together and absolutely lost it.


    so why was ewen calling so late? he answered the phone after two rings, taking a second to see if ewen just had accidentally called the wrong person and was going to end the call. but he didn’t, so he picked it up with a soft ‘hello’ ,not wanting his parents to hear him talking. as soon as he greeted the other boy, he started speaking immediately. he wanted to stay over at his house. at first, eunjae thought it was a joke, but upon realizing that his tone sounded rather upset, he realized something was wrong. he knew his parents wouldn’t mind if someone came over on a school night, large groups of his friends had stayed over in the middle of the week plenty times before, so why would they care about one relatively quiet kid? but what was so wrong that ewen couldn’t stay at his own house?


    he sat up on his bed, nodding his head before realizing that ewen couldn’t actually see him. “yeah.” he stood up, pacing back and forth around his room. it was strange how much he could worry about someone he just met, but he could only imagine all the worst scenarios and his chest physically hurt. he didn’t even really have a reason to be worried, he didn’t know too much about ewen’s life at home. maybe ewen just missed him a lot and he was worrying for nothing. “you want me to pick you up somewhere or do you just want me to text you my address?” he glanced over at his car keys that sat on the desk, he had carelessly tossed them there at the same time he slid his backpack off by his door, the same routine he always did when he got home from school. “i don’t mind either way.” his parents would stop to ask him why he was leaving at such a late hour, but if he explained to them that he was just getting a new friend because they wanted to come over, they probably wouldn’t mind too much. besides, ewen would have to meet his parents sooner than later, especially if they ever planned for him coming over.


    “hey ewen, did something happen? you sound... upset.” even if he was worrying for nothing, he would like to know before he sat here the entire time it took ewen to get there. the feeling he got when thinking that something happened to ewen, his ewen, it was terrible. his chest hurt, his head was spinning, and he felt sick to his stomach. if anyone hurt ewen... he didn’t even want to think about it, let alone think about the things he would do to someone. “you can talk to me you know. i’m always here to listen.”

    ( imagine eunjae and ewen having a fight consisting of only, "you're cute!!" "no you're cute!!"

    ewen is gonna be so busy being sulky that he just plops down on eunjae's bed and that's it

    i think i'm actually gonna cry when it comes to the two of them coming out and revealing their relationship to their parents -

    also, i feel like my characters' want to keep quiet about their problems is a recurring theme -

    btw, sorry for the short post, this was rushed - )


    ewen had hoped he wouldn't ask questions. but, then again, if he was his boyfriend, obviously he'd ask questions. ewen knew that if he were in the situation eunjae was in, with him calling him and sounding upset, he would ask questions as well. it was only natural for a significant other to worry about their significant other, and ewen probably should have expected as much. "can you come pick me up? i'm at the park." he said. he didn't feel like walking. even though driving him would inconvenience eunjae. god, he just felt worse about the whole situation. "if it's an inconvenience, though, i can just walk."


    when eunjae asked him if everything was okay, and even offered a listening ear, ewen considered telling him what was going on. he thought it was too early in their relationship for ewen to tell him everything that was going on. but, then again, did he have a right to know? ewen was going to be staying at his house, was he expecting him to tell him what was wrong in exchange? he had no idea how these things worked, and as much as he thought that eunjae deserved to know, ewen just wasn't ready to tell him about his family.


    "my parents..." he trailed off, reconsidering actually telling eunjae. this was a rather embarrassing thing for him to admit, that his parents couldn't be in the same room without fighting. was he really ready to admit that to his boyfriend? "it's nothing. i'll see you in a bit." with that, he hung up the phone, not waiting for a reply from eunjae for that. he felt bad. here he was, asking eunjae to stay over at his house with no explanation, and just expecting him to help. well, he didn't really fully expect eunjae to help him. if he left him in the park, just waiting, he didn't blame him. all he could really do was wait.

    (( it’s okay!!

    but literally every idea possible for these characters makes me wanna cry i love the two of them so much ))


    his parents. yeah, that was an understandable thing to be upset over. there were plenty of times that he was upset because of his parents, if he had the chance to just stay somewhere else for a night after arguing with his parents he would too. he totally understood, and while he might not know all the details, it was okay. he could relate to the problem and hopefully be able to cheer ewen up, even just for the night.


    he grabbed his keys off of his desk and ran downstairs, feeling rather lucky and thankful that his parents didn’t even try to question it when he shouted a quick, “i’ll be back in a few minutes.” as he slipped on his shoes and took off out the door. thankfully for both him and ewen, the park wasn’t too far from his house. he didn’t want to leave ewen alone for too long, especially when he was upset. the last thing he wanted was for his boyfriend to be upset, he only wanted him to be happy. and that’s what all boyfriends wanted for one another, right?


    when he finally arrived at the park, he immediately spotted ewen, not that it was too hard of a task. the park was usually just about empty at this time of the night, which now that eunjae thought about it, he was glad he was able to get there so quickly; who knows what could happen to ewen in such an empty place. he honked the horn, figuring that instead of taking the time to get out and lead ewen over to his car, that ewen could just come over by himself. ewen knew what his car looked like anyways, so it wasn’t as if he could mistake him for some weird stranger. he figured that ewen wanted to get back to his house as soon as possible too, so it was best not to waste time.


    the ride back to his house was quiet; he wanted to say something but he wasn’t exactly sure what would be best. was he supposed to ask what was wrong, for him to clarify about what happened with his parents? was he supposed to act normal and joke around, like nothing happened? so the best answer in eunjae’s mind was to just stay quiet, he couldn’t say the wrong thing if he didn’t say anything at all.


    “my parents are going to want to meet you. i mean, they’ll probably assume you’re my friend and all, but they’re gonna want to know your name and whatever else.” he pulled into the driveway and glanced at his house, noticing that the kitchen light was still on. yeah, they were definitely still awake and waiting for him to come back home. “we don’t have to talk to them right away though,” he looked back over at ewen as he put the car in park, he didn’t want ewen to have to talk to his parents while he was upset. “i’ll tell them to give us a few minutes and we can just head right up to my room, okay?”


    he got out of the car and walked up to his house, glancing over his shoulder to make sure that ewen was following close behind. once the two of them were inside, he closed the door and slipped off his shoes, already noticing his parents heads peering out into the hall to see whoever he brought back home. “we’ll be down in a minute.” he quickly reached behind him and grabbed ewen’s wrist and gently led him up the stairs, quick to make their escape before his parents could tell them to just stay downstairs, that they wanted to meet his ‘new friend’.


    once they were in his room, he closed the door behind them and threw his keys back onto his desk. “uh, well here’s my room.” he suddenly felt nervous; he always assumed that the first time ewen came over that they would have planned it. he would have cleaned up a bit, maybe sprayed some febreeze so it didn’t smell so much like him, made it something he wasn’t so embarrassed to have ewen in. but it was too late to change anything now, so he just sat down on the edge of his bed, carefully watching ewen. he hoped he was okay. and as much as he hoped he didn’t start crying, he knew he could handle it if he did. he probably wouldn’t be the best at comforting him, but it was better than nothing.

    ( i feel so bad for eunjae because his boyfriend is sad so then he's sad and because eunjae's sad, ewen is gonna feel bad, and then it just becomes a huge cycle of feeling sad and bad )


    ewen hadn't expected anything. he figured if he set his standards too high, then he would surely be disappointed. so he set his standards as low as possible, thinking that eunjae wouldn't show up, he wouldn't let him stay over, and the next day at school, he would just ignore him for the rest of his life. maybe it was because ewen was in a bad mood, or maybe it was because he'd set his hopes too high in the past, but either way, he'd set his standards low. he'd spent about five minutes waiting before he heard a car honk from the side of the park. he turned his head and spotted eunjae's car, feeling his heart slightly warm at the sight of his boyfriend coming through for him. he made his way over to the car, quietly taking a seat.


    he stayed quiet during the entire ride back to eunjae's house, only staring out the window at everything they were passing by. he was sort of sulking in his seat, gently picking at his own fingers. his attention wasn't turned to eunjae until he began speaking, and ewen turned his head towards him. however, he didn't look directly at eunjae's face, or his eyes. he instead looked at his hands or his chest, though he still listened to what he had to say. he gently nodded to what eunjae said, getting out of the car as he got out.


    he quietly followed behind eunjae, staring down at his own hands as he followed behind eunjae. he didn't want himself to get too far from eunjae, but he didn't want to seem like he was following too close behind. as soon as they entered the house, ewen took off his shoes, staring at eunjae's back for a moment. he was reaching forward to try and grab hold of eunjae's shirt when eunjae took hold of his wrist and pulled him upstairs. he was sort of glad for the touch of their hands, that was what he felt like he needed most right now.


    once they were alone in eunjae's room, ewen looked around for a bit, but only a bit. his gaze turned towards the bed and he walked towards it, and eunjae. he walked around to the side that eunjae wasn't on and plopped down on the bed, his back facing eunjae. he remained quiet for a few moments, silently staring at the wall. "i'm sorry," he began, speaking quietly so that he wouldn't be too much of a disturbance. "if the first time i came to your house was supposed to be really fun and really exciting." he wasn't sure what he was saying anymore, but he knew he wanted to apologize to eunjae.


    "if i'm a complete buzzkill, then i'm really sorry, i'll be out of your hair tomorrow morning before you wake up. i just don't want to be home right now." he still didn't turn towards eunjae, which he knew would probably be taken wrong, but he didn't want eunjae to see his eyes. he was about to cry because he felt so bad. he shouldn't have asked eunjae if he could come over, he probably should have just slept in the park or something. he let out a heavy sigh. he was so tired. "anyway, how was your day?"

    (( rip ewen and eunjae

    they both better start feeling better or i’m gonna feel bad ))


    eunjae let out a silent sigh at the sight in front of him. he felt horrible. he didn’t know what to do, what he could say to make ewen feel better, nothing. he felt like the worst boyfriend ever. “hey don’t talk like that.” he spoke softly, swinging his legs up onto the bed so he could sit more comfortably. “tonight can be fun still. just because you’re sad now doesn’t mean it’s impossible for me to cheer you up even a little bit, right?”


    he was really unsure if it was an appropriate time to touch ewen, he wanted to hold his hand or something small like that. part of him wanted to always ask permission before he did anything like that, but he decided that would ruin the mood of him trying to cheer the other up. instead he just let his hands fall into his lap. “you’re not a buzzkill either. there’s really nothing for you to be sorry for right now. you’re upset, it’s my job to be here for you.” did job hold a negative connotation behind it? most people hated their jobs and well, he didn’t hate being there for ewen at all. “i really like being here for you.” he hoped that didn’t sound weird, ewen was already upset and he didn’t want to make him feel creeped out on top of it. or maybe it wasn’t weird. eunjae was just confused as of what to do.


    “and hey, who said i want you to leave before i wake up?” he scooted a little closer to ewen, starting to feel a little bit more confident with his actions. he gently reached down, running his hands through ewen’s hair. he remembered how when he was younger whenever he was sick or upset his mother would do the same to him and it helped him feel better, he hoped that it had the same affect on ewen. “you think i wanna miss out on hearing your morning voice? i bet it’s cute. and you really don’t want to miss out on me making you breakfast, i make a really good bowl of cereal.” he laughed softly, hoping that just being away from his parents, being somewhere quiet and safe like his room, made ewen feel better.


    he then suddenly remembered that ewen asked him how his day was. “my day? it was good. not to be cheesy but it’s better now that you’re here. i really like talking to you and i hate that we don’t get to see each other too much during the week.” he looked down at the other, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend in his bed. it felt so exciting knowing that ewen was here. they could do whatever they want, talk about whatever they wanted. nobody could hear them or stop them. plus his room was always a rather private place for him, his getaway from the world. and there was no one that he wanted to invite in as much as ewen. “how about your day? was it any better earlier?” he really hoped it was, if ewen’s whole day was horrible because of other people then he had a whole list of people to fight. he just wanted ewen to be happy, to have good days.

    even if he had told his parents the two of them would be right back downstairs, he would risk getting scolded by his parents if it meant that he had taken as much time as needed for ewen to feel a bit better. it was worth it. for ewen, pretty much everything seemed worth it.

    ( rip i didn't get a notification for this thread -

    also, same

    i just want them to hug and make it all better

    sorry for the short post, it was kinda rushed )


    eunjae's words were comforting. maybe it was because ewen liked his voice so much, or maybe it was just because anything would sound comforting to him at this point, but it was comforting. it felt like he was going to be sad forever. every time he felt sad, it felt like that. but being with eunjae, surely it would make him feel better. it was much better being here with eunjae, having him tell him how he wanted to be there for him and support him, than it was being at his own house and having to listen to his parents fighting over the stupidest things.


    when eunjae began running his hands through ewen's hair, ewen felt like he could just fall asleep right there and then. his mother used to do the same thing when he would come home sad from a day of school. it reminded him a lot of the four years he spent alone with just his mother in their house. that wasn't necessarily a sad thought for ewen, since he hadn't had to hear his parents fight every day for years. in fact, it was much better being alone in the house with just his mother or father than it was being in the house with the both of them.


    but that wasn't ewen's focus right now. he no longer felt like he was going to cry, so he turned over so he could now see eunjae and was no longer staring at the wall. he smiled softly at eunjae's words about the morning. yeah, hearing eunjae's morning voice and eating food that he made, even if it was just cereal, sounded good. when eunjae went on to talk about his day, ewen felt like he could listen to him talk forever. his day was getting better now that he was with eunjae, as well.


    "my day was okay. i just went directly home after school to help my mom clean the house, so nothing really important happened." he paused, considering whether or not he was open to telling eunjae about what was going on at home. he was feeling a bit better now, so it would probably be easier for him to talk about it, but he wasn't sure whether or not eunjae wanted to hear about it. "do you want me to tell you what happened?"

    (( it’s okay, mine is rushed as well ! ))


    when ewen turned to face him, eunjae couldn’t help but smile. he was glad to see ewen earning up a bit to him, he was glad to see him not looking so upset. “if you want to tell me what happened, i’ll listen. but if you don’t want to talk about it, i won’t make you.” the last thing he wanted ewen to feel was pressured. pressured to say something that he didn’t want to, pressured to talk about something he didn’t want to, pressured to do something that he didn’t want to do. he never wanted ewen to feel that way. especially because of him.


    suddenly he remembered that he hadn’t exactly asked if it was okay for him to be touching his hair like this. sure ewen hadn’t said anything or tried to pull away, but maybe he was too nervous to do it or voice the fact that he didn’t like it. “hey,” he whispered, letting his hand fall still, but still kept his fingers gently laced between strands of his hair; just in case he liked it. he wanted to continue doing it if he liked it. “this is okay? you like this?” some people just didn’t like their hair being touched, some people weren’t okay with being so touchy so early in a relationship. and that was okay, eunjae just had to remember that everyone wasn’t like him.


    he didn’t want to hurt or scare away ewen. he knew that being in someone else’s room, especially for the first time could feel strange. and it could be hard to tell someone that you didn’t like something or that you didn’t want to talk about something when you were in their room. he wanted ewen to feel comfortable there. he wanted him to know that he could tell him anything or not tell him anything that he wanted. and he would be sure to always ask if certain things were okay and remind him about that.

    ( it's fine !!

    i think everyone needs a person like eunjae in their lives ;;-;; )


    ewen wasn't feeling pressured, per se. eunjae wasn't forcing him to talk about it, he wasn't asking about it, he was just letting ewen talk and responding to what he had to say. it was comforting to hear eunjae say that he didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to, but he actually wanted to talk about it with him. he'd barely mentioned it to youngmin and sunhee when his parents got divorced, they didn't find out until six months after it happened. ewen thought that this shouldn't be such a sensitive subject for him to talk about, it did happen four years ago, after all. normally, or so he thought, that would be plenty of time for someone to get over their parents' divorce. but, even four years later, when he became an adult, it was sensitive subject matter for him. he felt kind of pathetic, honestly.


    his thoughts were moved from that when he heard eunjae asked him if touching his hair was okay. he gave a soft nod, murmuring a, "yeah." touch was actually comforting for ewen. most people didn't like being touched, even by family or friends, but ewen was pretty much the opposite. he was comfortable holding hands with complete strangers, he was comfortable with complete strangers touching his hair, and he was comfortable with complete strangers touching his face, as well. his parents and friends were completely bewildered by that, saying that he didn't know what they had touched before, and even less what their intentions were. maybe ewen was a little naive, but he didn't think that someone who wanted to interact with him could have ill intentions with him. he thought that everyone who gathered up the courage to speak to him had good intentions in mind.


    so, naturally, he wasn't opposed to eunjae's touch. besides, even if he was uncomfortable with touch, touch from his boyfriend should have been something that he felt he should be comfortable with, even if they were only a little bit into their relationship. ewen let out a small sigh, puffing up his cheeks momentarily. he was preparing himself to tell the story, but not hesitating. "so, when i was a kid," he began, averting his gaze to anywhere else in the room other than eunjae. "my parents used to fight all the time. like, all the time. about the stupidest things, too, like, they once fought over buying me certain types of shoes, or another time they fought over how to place my dresser in my room. just the stupidest things, and all the time." that much was true. they would fight over the littlest things, no matter how small or insignificant they were.


    "they never got divorced because they thought i was too young to deal with divorce, so they kinda just made me live in the same house as the both of them, having to hear them fight over everything, because apparently that was so much better than separating while i was, like eight years old." the thought made ewen exhale loudly. he still didn't understand their train of thought, why they thought that having a kid deal with his parents constantly fighting was better than having him deal with them getting a divorce. "but when i was, like, thirteen or fourteen, they got a divorce. a week into my first year of high school, they sat me down and told me that they were getting a divorce, and that i probably wouldn't ever live with the two of them in the same house again."


    he paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. "at first, i was kinda happy, not because my parents were separating, but because i wouldn't have to hear their dumb arguments anymore. so my mom got custody of me in the divorce because of some bullshit reason she made up for the judge, and my dad was only allowed to see me during weekends or holidays." ewen let out another sigh. "and normally, they would just stay out of each other's way and trade me whenever it was time for me to go, but, for some reason, last week, my mom told me that my dad was coming to visit at the house." ewen paused a second time, fixing his gaze on the leg of the chair sat by eunjae's desk. "and i was like, 'no, bad idea, terrible idea' but my mom didn't want to listen to me because apparently they had something super important that they wanted to talk to me about."


    ewen turned himself in the bed so that he was on his back, switching his gaze to the ceiling of the room. "lo and behold, i was right, and it was a terrible idea." he bit his lip, mostly to stop himself from crying. hopefully it wasn't too obvious to eunjae that all the emotions were coming back to him. "they started fighting about something so stupid, and they just started yelling at each other, like all of a sudden hell on earth had begun." ewen turned his head away from eunjae as he bit his lip once more, closing his eyes momentarily to try and stop tears from flowing. once he had made sure that he was okay and would be able to keep talking, he turned his head back so he could stare at the ceiling. "so i just left the house. and went to the park. and that's when i called you."

    (( as i write eunjae i’m like how can i make him even more perfect

    but then i remember i need him to have flaws and stuff too so he seems more human, that’s the only thing keeping him away from being perfect ))


    when ewen said it was okay for him to keep playing with his hair, eunjae’s fingers automatically went back to slowly moving through it. he usually only experienced this as the one who was getting his hair played with, and he really enjoyed that. and now that he was the one doing it, he enjoyed it almost just as much. though he was sure any physical contact he could possibly have with ewen would make him happy.


    as ewen went on to tell him everything, eunjae listened in silence. truth be told, hearing about everything made him so mad. who would think that screaming in front of a kid was any better than getting a divorce? and then to end up getting divorced anyways weeks later, during the hardest part of a child’s life? eunjae couldn’t make sense of it, it was as if they really never thought about how ewen felt or how it would affect him. eunjae knew he didn’t have room to judge or crituque, he was barely an adult himself and obviously not a parent, but he was still human. and any human could see that all of those decisions were just dumb, harmful to the person that should’ve been most important in their relationship. ewen.


    it probably wasn’t all of that stuff that had eunjae so mad. ewen had said it wasn’t a good idea for his dad to come over, and nobody listened. if they really had something important to talk about wouldn’t it be logical to talk somewhere like a restaurant? somewhere where most people would be too embarrassed away, somewhere away from home that way when they did start feeling the desire to argue they could just get up and go home. but maybe it was easier said than done. maybe, but that didn’t make eunjae any less angry with the situation.


    he realized he had been silent for some time, but truthfully he didn’t know what to say to ewen. what could make him feel better? he agreed that it was a bad idea, agreed that it was good that he left and didn’t stick around. but none of that was comforting. what could he possibly say to make ewen feel any better?


    eunjae had always had a pretty decent life. he never went without things; if he wanted something then he got it. his parents were still together. his parents rarely argued in front of him, and when they did it was usually resolved within seconds. he had been given one of the happiest childhoods ever, his parents always gave him love and attention and never let him feel unloved. sure, they didn’t really listen to him now and were pushing their dreams on him but it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. that didn’t take away from the fact that his home life was better than a lot of peoples. he had no idea how to make ewen feel better because he couldn’t relate to the situation in any way, he couldn’t think of what he would want to be told if he were in the same situation.


    “well i’m glad you came over.” he finally spoke, gently pushing ewen’s hair back into place before pulling his hand away. “if that ever happens again, you can come over, okay? you don’t even have to ask, just text me to come pick you up and i’ll be there as soon as i can.” he smiled a bit as another idea came to mind. “maybe i can even have a key made for you, you can just come in whenever.” he laughed softly, wondering if their relationship would ever come to that point of trust and comfort while they were both still here, before they both left for college. “plus it’s really good to see you.”


    eunjae stood up after a second of silence, deciding it was best to get introducing ewen to his parents out of the way. “we should go introduce you to my parents now. let them make sure you’re not an ax murderer or anything.” he slowly made his way towards the door, looking over at ewen as he spoke. “we’ll tell them you’re a new friend, that you’re staying the night. they won’t question why or anything so you don’t have to worry about that.”


    once he reached the door he let one hand rest on the doorknob, the other held out behind him in hopes that ewen would take it. they could probably hold hands until they were halfway down the stairs, before his parents could see and question it. “if you want anything to drink or eat, there’s plenty of stuff. we can get whatever when we’re down there. and when we come back upstairs i’ll show you where the bathroom is and everything. i’ll find something for you to wear tonight too. then we can talk or do whatever you want until you wanna sleep, sound good?”



    ( i'm gonna search up on wikihow: how to get a boyfriend just like eunjae

    it's ok, we all love him even with his flaws )


    ewen didn't know what he wanted to hear. he wasn't even sure he wanted to hear anything. he'd been holding in everything since his first year of high school, not even telling youngmin and sunhee how he felt about it. when he had explained the situation to them, he'd explained it very minimally, with just, "they fought, they got a divorce" and nothing else. he wasn't sure why he was saying so much more to eunjae, when they had only met recently, and only started going out at the same time. whatever it was that led him to be more open with eunjae, but he was glad that it did. maybe telling him immediately about the divorce wasn't a really good idea, but if ewen trusted eunjae enough to tell him about something deep and dark like that, surely he could talk to him about a lot of other things, too.


    although he was still afraid that some of his darker secrets would scare eunjae away. there was one that he wasn't sure he'd ever confess to eunjae, as it was too dark to talk to anyone about. plus, it was really embarrassing. ewen didn't blame eunjae for not really knowing what to say, although his words had become comfort for him. he would have gladly accepted the invite to come anytime to his house, but since he didn't live alone, he'd have to cut back on that quite some bit. when eunjae suggested that ewen go meet his parents, he couldn't help but feel a tinge of nervousness in his chest. in any other "adult" relationship, the two of them would have held back on meeting each other's parents until they were very into the relationship.


    however, the two of them had been dating for barely a week, and ewen was already meeting eunjae's parents. he wasn't doubtful that they were nice people, and that they would treat him just like his mother would treat any guest at home, but the fact that he knew something that they didn't made him really nervous. ewen wasn't good at keeping secrets, especially if he was around the people he had to keep those secrets from. the guilt of keeping a secret that might be detrimental to the relationship between parent and son was a lot, and he would have to work hard to resist the urge to just blurt it out. he knew if he did, eunjae would probably kill him, and not only that, but his parents as well.


    the idea that he would have to look his parents in the eye and tell them he was just a friend was almost too much to bear for him alone. he agreed on not talking to any of his friends, or not telling them, but meeting his parents and having to tell them that yes, he was just a friend from school, that was a lot to ask for someone like ewen. as much as he wished that the world would just accept a relationship like theirs, he knew that they wouldn't, especially if they were young and, as older ones would say, stupid. if being with eunjae made him stupid or naive, then ewen would gladly accept those two labels for the rest of his life.


    there was nothing he could do about the situation at hand though. he had to follow eunjae and follow what he was saying, pretending that they had nothing going on between the two of them. they hadn't even kissed yet, never said 'i love you' to each other, they were far from it, and ewen was taking it to heart. he had to resist his dejected look as he stood up from the bed, nodding slightly to what eunjae was saying. "sounds good." he murmured, looking momentarily at eunjae's hand before softly reaching forward and grasping it, tilting his head downwards, but his eyes upwards at eunjae. he wasn't sure if the despondency in his soul was evident by the way he was looking at him, but he hoped that it just looked like he was still sad from his parents' argument rather than something completely different.

    (( wikihow: look like ewen, act like ewen, sound like ewen, be ewen ))


    eunjae would be lying if he said that ewen’s short answer didn’t bother him just a bit. did he really do that bad of a job of comforting him? he decided not to let it bother him too much though, especially after ewen started to hold his hand. he wouldn’t do that if he was really upset, right? so he opened his door and led ewen down the stairs, flashing the shorter male an apologetic look as he let go of his hand once they neared the bottom of the staircase.


    ewen meeting his parents was something he had to mentally prepare himself for, and he thought it would be weeks, probably months, until ewen came over for the first time. but here he was, neither of them expecting it and making eunjae only have a few seconds to prepare himself to lie to his parents about yet another thing. he took a deep breath, leading ewen into the kitchen and smiling innocently at his parents when he saw them sitting at the table, probably waiting for them.


    “mom, dad, this is ewen.” he gently pushed ewen a little bit ahead of him, knowing his parents would want a better look at him. “ewen, this is my mom and dad.” he looked over at ewen, hoping that he was doing better. now wasn’t the time or place to start feeling bad again. “i met ewen at school, he’s a new friend and he’s staying the night.” he made his way over to the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water for him and ewen. even if the other hadn’t voiced that he was thirsty or anything, he wanted to just be prepared. his parents tended to stay up late, just sitting in the kitchen and talking, and he really wanted to avoid having to see them for the rest of the night. he wanted to focus on ewen. he grabbed a bag of chips for the two of them to eat in case they got hungry before walking towards his parents, allowing them both to place a kiss on his forehead; it had been their routine for as long as eunjae could remember. and while most boys his age would probably refuse to do something like that, he didn’t want to break tradition, and besides, it was kind of comforting to him. “goodnight, i love you.”


    and just as quickly as they had entered the kitchen, eunjae was taking ewen back up to his room. he knew he should have let his parents actually meet him, ask him some questions and really get to know him, but he wanted to be alone with ewen. he was his boyfriend after all, and he didn’t want to spend his night listening to his parents ask his boyfriend silly questions while they pretended that they weren’t boyfriends. he wanted to sit in his room and talk to him, make sure he wasn’t sad anymore and play with his hair again. that’s all he wanted for the night.


    once they were halfway up the stairs, he shoved the bottles of water and the bag of chips into one arm, reaching back with his free hand and taking a hold of ewen’s hand. “bathrooms down the hall, the only door on the left.” he nodded towards said door as they reached the top of the stairs, quickly pulling ewen into his room once they finally reached his bedroom door. he sat their food and drinks down on his desk, closing the door afterwards and then looking back at ewen. “i had an idea.” he admitted, finally dropping ewen’s hand so he could go over to his closet. “i couldn’t wait to see it. plus i didn’t want my parents questioning everything. like how we met and what you’re doing with your future.” he rolled his eyes as he searched through his closet, face lighting up once he finally found what he was looking for.


    he pulled the fabric off the hanger it was neatly placed on, tossing it over to ewen. “it’s one of my old jersey’s. you can wear it to bed tonight.” the idea of his boyfriend wearing one of his jerseys was always something that eunjae wanted to see, ever since he discovered that he liked boys. there was something just so exciting about seeing someone so important to you wear your clothes. and then something that had your name on it? it just made the whole idea so much better, further proof that that person was really yours. it would be proof that ewen was really his.


    plus ewen was so small. or maybe he was average height and eunjae was just a giant. but either way, they had a whole foot of height difference between them, a shirt that fit him just right would absolutely swallow up ewen. and just the idea of that made him so excited. he wasn’t sure why, but it did. “you’ll look cu- i mean, you’ll look handsome in it.” ewen didn’t like being called cute, or at least he preferred being called handsome. eunjae remembered. “go ahead, put it on. i have to go to the bathroom anyways to get ready for bed.”


    and with that he gathered up clothes for himself to wear for the night and slipped out of the room, hoping to come back to an ewen wearing his jersey. once he reached the bathroom he got out of his clothes, slipping on the grey sweatpants and t-shirt that he picked out for himself. there was also the rather unfortunate task of taking out his contacts and putting on glasses, something that he hoped ewen wouldn’t tease him for. and once he was all ready, he walked back to his bedroom, making sure to knock in case ewen wasn’t ready for him to come in yet.



    ( how to: have an ideal relationship like that of eunjae and ewen )


    it started and ended just as fast as ewen wanted. he didn't want to have to fake a smile for very long, nor did he want to pretend that his boyfriend was just a friend. however, as fast as eunjae introduced them and got everything they needed, ewen couldn't have been happier. he had forgotten to say that he had barely eaten anything for dinner and was absolutely starving, but he was glad that eunjae thought of grabbing some food and water before going back upstairs. he was very quick to silently greet eunjae's parents and then follow eunjae back to the stairs and back upstairs to his room.


    he let out a small sigh of relief as they were walking back upstairs, making sure to grab eunjae's hand at the same time as he grabbed his. he quietly followed eunjae back into the room, only quietly entering the room after him. he hadn't planned on staying the night at anyone's house, so he hadn't brought anything to sleep in. he sure as hell wasn't going to sleep in the jeans and long sleeve shirt that he was in right now, those were some of his day clothes, not night clothes.


    he simply nodded as eunjae took out a jersey for him to wear to sleep, taking the jersey in his hands and examining it for a moment. he was just about to suggest that he go to the bathroom to get changed, but it seemed eunjae beat him to it. he didn't say anything as the taller male left the room. he held the jersey in his hands, examining it for a moment before turning to eunjae's closet. he didn't have any pants to wear, and although the jersey would go down to his knees, he was embarrassed about showing any sort of skin to eunjae. he contemplated whether it was right morally to go through someone's closet without their permission, but ewen knew he didn't have much time.


    he found a pair of sweatpants that looked like they weren't at all his waist size, but would fit if he were to tie them really tight, and grabbed them. he quickly changed out of his clothing, changing into eunjae's clothing as quickly as he could. as he had imagined, the sweatpants were a bit too big for his waist, but he settled for tying them really tight so that they somewhat fit his waist and wouldn't fall right off of him. the jersey was, also as he had predicted, also too big for him, but a shirt that was too big was much easier to deal with than pants that were too big.


    the jersey went down to just about his knees, and he only then realized just how much taller eunjae was than him. he hadn't really realized until recently that he was a short boy, and that was all because eunjae was a giant. it was sort of embarrassing. he was a boy, and even a lot of girls were either his height or taller than him. he wasn't sure what it was about his genetics that made him so short, but he wished that he had been born with better height genes than the ones he'd been given.


    at that moment, he heard eunjae knock at the door. "come in." he said, standing in the middle of the room where eunjae could see him. as soon as eunjae walked in, ewen looked down at himself and held out his arms to his side. "it's big." he said, almost in a child-like voice. "bigger than me." he felt himself slightly blush at what he was saying. that was probably eunjae's intentions, to see little ewen in something big. if he dared say anything about him being cute, which he surely would, ewen would probably ignore him for the rest of the night. ewen felt himself blush even more, knowing that eunjae probably wanted to call him cute a thousand times because of how small he looked in his jersey.

    (( this is rushed sorry!

    damn i wish we knew the answer to that ))


    giving ewen his clothes to wear was the best idea eunjae ever had and he was sure nothing would ever top that. he let out the happiest laugh he ever had in his entire life and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around ewen and resting his chin on the top of his head. “mine.” he mumbled, giving himself a moment to allow his heart to calm down. because quite honestly it felt like it was going to burst right from his chest. that’s just how cute ewen looked.


    he eventually pulled away, though he wasn’t really happy about it, and sat on the edge of his bed, looking ewen up and down. he felt like the luckiest boy to ever live. surely anyone that came across ewen felt lucky, but here he was, the one lucky enough to call ewen his. “i have to say it. just once.” he held up his finger as he said once, signifying that he really had to say it just one time. “you’re really cute. i mean you look so small and you’re blushing and ugh, cute. you’re cute ewen, nothing you can do about it.” he scooted back further on the bed and held his arms out as he did so, wanting to hold ewen. he planned on doing other stuff besides cuddling, but seeing ewen like that made him just want to hold him for a few minutes. “c’mere.”


    the night seemed to be going well so far; ewen seemed happier, he looked cute as hell in his clothes, and most importantly, he didn’t instantly laugh at seeing eunjae in his glasses. which, was his biggest worry when it came to the idea of having a boyfriend, not that he would ever admit it. he just hoped that ewen didn’t point it out, or he would be the one blushing and being cute.


    “i just wanna hold you for a few minutes. i really missed you.” it had only been a few hours since school had ended and they last saw eachother, and he should have been used to the schedule by now, but he really wasn’t. and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be over ewen not being at his side every second of every day. “and I wanna play with your hair again, it’s really soft you know.”

    ( it's fine, no worries ! ^^

    mine was a little short as well )


    ewen felt himself blush even more as eunjae hugged him and claimed him. this was so embarrassing for him, eunjae probably had no idea. he didn't want him to see him blushing even more, so he would have much preferred that they stay in a position where eunjae wouldn't be able to see his face. however, much to ewen's dismay, eunjae pulled away from him. ewen took hold of eunjae's hand as he went to sit on the bed. he felt even more embarrassed when eunjae started looking him up and down. he looked at himself momentarily, pouting slightly as he heard what eunjae had to say next.


    "i'm not cute." ewen whined, walking closer to eunjae before collapsing into his lap. he took a fistful each of eunjae's shirt, burying his face in his shoulder to try and hide as much as possible from him. if there was one thing ewen hated, it was being called cute, and clearly, eunjae really thought he was cute. he absolutely hated it. he didn't even want to show his face to eunjae anymore, just in case he thought his excessive blushing was "cute." he was going to point out eunjae's glasses to get back at him, but since he didn't wear them to school, ewen could safely assume that he was pretty insecure about it.


    then again, ewen had made it very clear that he was insecure about his feminine appearance and looking "cute." so ewen let out a huff and pulled his head from eunjae's shoulder, trying his best to suppress his red cheeks. "what about you?" he said, sounding rather accusatory though clearly he was just trying to avert the attention from himself. "you and your glasses. you think i'm cute? take a look in a mirror, because you know what's cute? you. you're cute. not me." he could tell his cheeks were still red, but hopefully his comment would avert eunjae's attention from that.


    truthfully, he did think that eunjae wearing glasses was cute. usually at school, he was this cool, hot guy who played football and got all the girls, but right now, he was wearing glasses, which ewen was sure would get him made fun of at school by his friends. even ewen's own friends would probably make remarks about the hottest and most popular guy in school wearing glasses. ewen was sort of happy that he got to see something from eunjae that nobody else got to see. it made him feel special.

    (( i never thought i would type cute this many times at once oh god ))


    as soon as ewen sat on his lap, he automatically wrapped his arms around him, enjoying the feeling of having him close. he was sure that he had won, that he had gotten away with calling him cute and things would be fine. he was even ready to call him cute again, how couldn’t he with how red his cheeks were and the way he was trying to hide his face? even the way he held onto his shirt was cute, his hands were cute too. everything about him just screamed cute, even if ewen hated it, he couldn’t change it. eunjae wouldn’t say it all the time, but he would still be cute all the time.


    but before he could tell him how cute he was again, ewen made a comment that made his entire face burn a bright red. “oh my god.” he wanted so desperately to hide his face somewhere, but he had nowhere to go. besides, his stupid glasses that ewen just had to comment on, would get in the way of him completely shielding himself away from ewen’s gaze. “stop.” he let out an embarrassed laugh, falling back onto the bed and taking ewen down with him since his arms were wrapped so tightly around him.


    the best he could do was just to get back at ewen, right? right. “even the way you talk is cute, you know that? did you really think you wouldn’t get called cute earlier? ‘bigger than me’.” he playfully mocked the other, giving him a loving squeeze as he did so just so the other knew there wasn’t any bad intentions out of it. in fact, if he were being honest, he liked the idea of him and ewen having an argument full of compliments, about who was cuter. and even if it was rather embarrassing, he didn’t exactly want ewen to stop commenting about his glasses. it actually made him feel better, less embarrassed because he thought he looked ugly and more embarrassed because he was being complimented. “just admit it, you’re a cutie.”

    ( ideal date: having an argument over who's cuter )


    clearly he wanted a war. that was what ewen was getting from this conversation. calling ewen cute that many times in a single sentence could only mean war with him. any other compliment, he would have let go. handsome, good-looking, pretty, gorgeous, he would have let that all go. but, of course, eunjae just had to pick the one word that just didn't sit well with ewen. though, admittedly, he was kind of enjoying it. not that he would ever admit that out loud to eunjae, but he enjoyed their little argument over who was cuter.


    as he was pulled down onto the bed, ewen suddenly felt himself blush even harder at the position they were in. he pushed himself up so that his hands were on either side of eunjae, and he could do nothing but just stare at his face. they were incredibly close right now, something that could only end one way, if ewen played his cards right. he felt himself blush even more as eunjae continued to talk about how cute he was.


    "yeah, well, your face is cuter. and-" he stopped himself as he realized he had nothing else to hold against eunjae for being cute. the only things that ewen could think up were things about him that were hot, the glasses were the only cute thing about him. maybe if he pushed the glasses thing enough, he would win this argument, which he was absolutely determined to do.


    there was no way he would lose to eunjae for something like this. "no one else has seen you with glasses, right? just me? i know why you don't wear them to school. it's because you would only get comments about how cute you are with them, because, yeah, you're cute." ewen let out a huff, almost as if he were being some kid having a temper tantrum. he could see exactly why eunjae was calling him cute, and he absolutely hated it. he thought of something in a quick moment, feeling himself blush even harder at the idea he had just had. "call me cute one more time, see what happens." that sounded more like a threat than ewen meant it to be.