★ ★ ★ TABOA this post is ass i'm sorry
silver spectacles glinted like the well-sharpened steel of a fine samurai blade, he would leave under the cover of dancing moonlight that filtered through the mansion's slats and shattered windows. perhaps it was a cowardly move, but it was also smart, something a survivor would have done. he'd be an idiot to announce his leave, where he would be going, and under full daylight under one hundred pairs of eyes and twice as many talons? it was the act of a mad man. he could see their sharp tongues flickering and swiping over their starved lips like pythons, moving and slinking in upon him, just waiting to tear their ragged claws down his ivory pelt, craving the hot blood and taste of tangy iron upon their tastebuds.
he was only looking for one before he would leave, he needed to say goodbye to her, to taboa. to not to would be cruel as though him leaving was bad enough, leaving without a word was worse. he would only twist the knife he was about to plunge. it would tell her he didn't care when in fact, he did very much. she had been the only remaining friend within bloodclan. a long time friend amongst a sea of those who rather disliked very much, those he didn't see himself in. he could no longer relate to bloodclan in the way that he used to. he had only loved one in his life time, kheima, and when she died it tore him apart from the inside out, his heart grew cold and his mind dark. he felt nothing but anger and guilt, and most of all regret. he abandoned their daughter in riverclan territory, not bearing to look at her nay longer for she was a living reminder of his greatest loss and greatest love.
his past haunted him every waking second of every day, he refused to let it destroy him any longer. he had always shied away from participating in bloodshed, that was why he was a healer other than the fact that he was skilled in his practice. he had plenty of mercy, he could reason, and find empathy despite the coldness that radiated from his frame. wolfsbane could kill with ease, he would kill for his clan and spill blood and he used to enjoy it as a smile would carve upon his features with such passion- the fact that he enjoyed it was disturbing. it was a distraction, however, he no longer could do it. bloodclan was good at desensitizing him, he could watch torture without batting an eye but would never participate and within he realized how broken these cats were, they were born into it, it was normal to them, all they ever knew since they were children. wolfsbane was born in the tribe, he was aloe of adders bite, he would always be from the north. this evil was not someone kheima would want him to be. violence ran through his blood but this wasn't his home anymore, he wasn't meant for this life.
"tab, where are you?" he growled under his breath, his tail lashing as the man's lean muscles powered him through the darkness.
"speech."
SOME LIKE IT VIOLENT