ready as i'll ever be [open; injured] TW for minor self-harm

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    IN YOUR EYES, NOT A THING, DEMISE — aloekit — riverclan — tags


    pain. the sharp stabbing pain in her paw was a surprise to aloe, and she'd blink twice, slowly lifting her foot to reveal the sharp thorn she'd stepped on. peering at it curiously, she'd poke at it with her other paw, barely even wincing as it dug deeper into her soft pad, the pain sharper and a drop of blood smearing. pain, such an interesting feeling. it was so much nicer than the dull nothingness she foten felt, so much nicer than the sadness and indifference that usually clouded her mind. so she'd stand there, prodding and poking it, until the thorn was burried deeper and she now had a small cut from where it'd been tugged sideways. blood was pretty.


    "speech."


    "H-H-HEY! Stop that! Y-Y-You're h-hurting y-yourself o-on purpose." Chasingpaw had the movements of a drunken horse, wobbly and strange, yet surprisingly quick. He found himself in a state of confusion as he arrived, wondering exactly what had been going through the kittens head as he witnessed her hurting herself. He both understood it and refused to, thinking of it was lowly and unnecessary. She was a child, a young one at that, what in Starclan's name gave her the right to believe she was purposely numb forever? Or at least this is what he was taught about. Of course, he couldn't be for sure, but he did know that harming your body was a cry for help emotional, mentally, or physically. One could only hope she wasn't crazy, in this day in age it seemed like they were coming out that way. "G-Give m-me your p-paw." He sat beside her, holding out his own towards her.



    description | "speaking" | thoughts

    the sharp tang of blood was heavy upon her tongue as the metallic rusty scent caused the young woman's gaze to narrow. blue optics sharpening as obsidian prowled over her surroundings, chasingpaw's voice dragging her forward upon fragile paws. aloekit. she was so young. too young. she watched for a moment before turning away towards the medicine den to gather some things and then returned.


    silence consumed the former medicine cat as she approached gently, her jaws clutching moss, cobwebs, chervil and marigold, the scent of herbs clinging upon her fur. eyes softening a bit as she knew what the other was up to, what she felt. she still felt that numbness within her mind, it was silent and yet deafening at the same time. sirentide remembered running for moons, trying to reach riverclan and she wouldn't stop even when her paws bled and her muscled had given way, until she was wheezing. she would continue running until her body had given way and her trembling limbs could no longer work. she ran and ran because she felt something and pain and extreme exhaustion had been just that, a distraction until she broke herself over and over again each day. until pain had been numb itself, until she barely recognized she'd been wounded. "aloe..." she breathed softly, unsure of what to say as eyes traced over the child, "next time you want to hurt yourself you can come to me if you want, i can distract you. now let me heal it," she said softly, eyes tracing over her paws as she dropped the herbs.

    Honeypaw frowned in deep concern. Oh no... Trotting over and forcing herself to overcome her shyness for a more nobler reason, she came to Aloekit's side, nervous about potentially overwhelming her. Honeypaws normally bright tangerine luminaries clouded over in concern as she watched over the kit. Tentatively, she yielded by Chasingpaw's side. "Um... So... Aloekit, do you understand why what you did was bad?" The mostly black tortie femme furrowed her brows as she spoke in a gentle tone. Perhaps the kit was just... curious and experimenting. "It's never good to hurt yourself." The femme paused, musing over her next words carefully. "You see... we all really love you. You are very special and important to all of us. You matter a lot. And it hurts us to see you do things that could hurt you." The abnormally tall she-cat smiled softly, trying to gently touch the kit's back with her tail in a soothing gesture. "Even if it didn't physically hurt, when you do things like that, it tells others that you are in a very sad place. And that you don't really care what happens to you. Sometimes, people hurt themselves because they think it will block out other forms of pain." Honeypaw was afraid she was lecturing at this point, but continued. "When you do those things... it never solves the real problem on hand. Would you like to talk about why you felt you needed to do that, Aloekit? About why your heart is hurting? We are all your friends. We just want to see you smiling and ok."

    IN YOUR EYES, NOT A THING, DEMISE — aloekit — riverclan — tags


    tipping her head to the side as she just held her paw out to be healed, she'd stare blankly at each of them as they took turns speaking. "it felt funny when i stepped on it. so ikept playing with it." she'd say simply, as if the explaination was the simplest thing in the world, like nothing wrong had occured at all. but then again, pain was her very first memory, so how was she suppsoed to know it was bad? pain was something she still - even now - associated with love and family more than she did the words 'mother' or 'father' or 'siblings' or 'friends.


    or perhaps it was because they were fish and otters and she was a plant that they didn't understand that pain was fine, that it wasn't all that bad. it wasn't as if it would kill her, honestly it probably wouldn't even get infected. so why were the stupid fur-fish so freaked out? she didn't like being talkked to so condescendingly, she wasn't a stupid bird-brain! anoyance and dull disinterest already replacing the feelings of pain, she'd tip her head to the side, dull eyes blinking slowly. "you guys are weird fish-cats." and then she'd sit down, staring at her paw and humming softly, payng them no mind.


    "speech."


    Chase gazed at Honeypaw, shaking his head softly in annoyance. "S-Stop t-talking d-d-down at her l-l-like that, s-she's not s-stupid." Chase snorted, looking down at the herbs and hoping that the moss would be wet, rather than dry. Though there was cobwebs, so that would do. The male soaked up the blood and tossed it aside, chewing the marigold and skipping the chervil, replacing it with wild garlic. He wasn't overstepping anyone, so for the first time he felt okay with doing this himself as he used the moss as a wrap for her paw. "U-Uh, I'm C-C-Chasingpaw by the w-way... I don't r-r-remember sh'eeing you in the n-nursery."



    description | "speaking" | thoughts

    Honeypaw visibly flinched. She had been a little too preachy. It was a mistake for her to have come here. She just... wanted to help. This was a sensitive topic and clearly, the child still didn’t fully understand what she did or why. Honeypaw was only trying to reassure her. Clearly, she was unwanted. Seeing as Aloekit was in good hands, the apprentice simply nodded and walked off.

    IN YOUR EYES, NOT A THING, DEMISE — aloekit — riverclan — tags


    glancing at chase, she s=wondered how he had yet to notice her for this long. "been here for a while. parents didn't want me," she said simply, shrugging. "you have a really long name, mr fish-cat."


    "speech."