Weeks had passed by now since he had joined the ranks of the Renegades; They felt like years. Every second a minute, minute a hour, every hour a day. Raphael was in his bed, staring at the ceiling. Watching time pass through the shadows and lights gleaming from his slit of a window. The basement was warm, and his pile of canvas and ripped couch cushions felt like a queen mattress. The bed he used to own was a grand mattress, with drapes hanging all over the frame. He snapped his eyes closed, held his breath, ignoring the woody dustiness of the room he dwelled in. He needed to remember the scent of home, the smell of carpets and moss, not cement. He needed to see his painted walls, the scene of sunsets and skies painted in his massive room.
Raphael opened his eyes again, turning to face his new mural, a replicate of his first piece. This one had browns and greys, one dripping sun of mustard gas hung in the sky like a pendulum. It looked like a dust bowl era painting, depicting hopelessness and hot blazing skies. It made his room seem so empty of feeling, he hated it. Raphael wanted to slather the walls with baby blue and hot pinks, red flowers and a bright yellow sun. He couldn’t find the pigments, they were hidden somewhere he knew it, but he was so scared to explore alone.
When he was young, he would drag Icenine out to look around with him, sniffing every corner of the territory until he uncovered every secret. Then when he was less afraid, he would explore alone, in caves and places he never dared to go before. All that shattered, his limp made him afraid of not being able to defend himself, while the new territory he resided in made him incomparably scared. What was out there, watching him as he walked in between trees and rocks. When it got dark what would be there to eat him the second he decided to take a rest. A shiver passed through his pelt.
He wished his friends were here, he could drag them along like rag dolls. No choice in the matter or they would be faced with a very dissapointed Raphael. He didn’t yet have friends here, or anyone he considered close enough. He had plenty of aqquantances but no true friendships, he was sure even the leaders of their clan felt disdainful towards him. He was staring off into space again, racking his brain for anyone who would be willing to babysit him while he scurried around searching for any sort of dried flowers or rocks that would give him the bold shades he needed.
‘No one cares.’ Raphael grit his teeth, dragging himself out of his nesting. Taking a few moments to groom himself, and a few seconds to stretch out whatever limbs were stuck in folded positions. ‘No one cares about the person that doesn’t care about others.’
He was wandering the hallways, his daily routine of thinking and smiling at the few people he passed. That’s when he saw it, Lavender’s cell. No use in trying? The saying didn’t seem remotely like himself, the original Raphael would be eager to make a new friend. This pretender was fearful of talking, though he longed for conversation, affection, praise. A knot in his stomach was growing by the second, but his paws were dragging him to the entrance. A fight between his instinct and his common sense, and currently the former was winning.
He stood at the front, shifting paw to paw, glancing to see if the other was even residing there currently. After Lav’s recent injury, he wouldn’t be surprised if they moved the feline to a medical ward of some kind. This elicited even more guilt, wanting to drag a weakened party into the wilderness with him.
“Lavender?” Was it too soon to use a nickname? So many questions unanswered.
[ tags ] Kyomi A.H.