a day like today [plotting]

amara jasmine shin-ae

—life's a dance you learn as you go. sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow—

nicknames. mari, jas, ice queen

age. eighteen

sex. female

gender. cis female

personality. amara, to put it nicely, is a very aloof and closed-off bitch. she isn't good at socializing with others, so she usually chooses to stay silent, and doesn't really care how she makes others feel. amara is sarcastic and sassy, she has absolutely no chill. she will tear into you like a savage without a second thought. this being said, she doesn't really think before she speaks and doesn't really pay attention to how her words affect others. despite what she went through and despite knowing what words can do to someone, she chooses not to care. amara doesn't trust her own mind, or her emotions, and she most certainly does not trust anyone else. amara is mature, though, and is quite intelligent and witty. she knows how to get things done and done well. she can be kind at times, amara isn't totally heartless or anything. she just finds it much more difficult to be kind to people. though, if you are her friend and she trusts you, she will treat you with more respect than anyone, she will love and cherish you. amara is a loyal friend, she would protect her friends, the very few she does have, with her life. amara would die for them, as extreme as that might be. having friends was never something amara was used to, so when she makes a friend and one that she truly cares for, she doesn't want to let them go and she doesn't want to drive them away.

she is still severely depressed, despite her best efforts to bottle it up, just as she bottles up almost every emotion. it's unlikely you'll see her cry or become angry or even see her smile [well, see a genuine smile. she often gives people sarcastic little half-smiles, so i'm not sure that counts as a 'genuine smile']. she can't really sleep, and can be found climbing things to distract her mind, or exercising. :0

when it comes to other people, as stated before she isn't very good at socializing or getting along with others, but in all honesty she needs to be around others. as much as she dislikes talking to people and trying to have a good attitude whilst around others, amara would rather be around others than be alone. she is terrified of being alone. amara is taking steps in the right direction, though, towards recovery. she just needs help to do so and she needs someone she trusts whom she can talk to and confide in when she's scared or having bad thoughts again. amara is unstable, she feels alone, and she doesn't know how to properly talk to people. she's easily agitated and doesn't really take into account how the things she says might affect other's. she's a trustworthy person, though, once you befriend her, despite having serious trust issues, she will open up a small bit.

amara is a very cold, distant, and aloof person and acts as though she wants nothing to do with other people. but, in reality, making friends is something that makes her happy. having people who she can call friends is something that she always wants. when she's around her friends, she is less hostile and having friends definitely softens her up.

as the roleplay continues, and once she's made a friend or two, it's very very likely her personality will start to change little by little and she'll end up kinder and not as aloof as when she first started. amara, as cliche as this is, does have a good side and being around people she cares about and spending time with them helps that side to come out into the light c:

her personality is confusing, and she's definitely a confusing person, but she'll become more stable as the roleplay pans out.

there are a lot of side-notes throughout this forum, but to start, amara is actually.... a major cuddle-whore. she can't get enough of cuddles and loves the feeling of being held by someone. the warmth helps her to relax and having arms around her makes her feel safe and secure; like she's protected. she also really really likes it when someone will trace patterns on her back with their fingertips or play with her hair.

honestly, the only way she's ever managed to fall asleep and stay asleep was when she was cuddling with her best friend [who is at this point deceased].

//this is just a rough description of her personality, i may add onto it later depending on my muse level and how i'm feeling. it is also a bit rambly, so i want to apologize for that. if i do end up editing, hopefully her personality will become a bit more stable, but then again amara isn't a very stable person so this sort of fits with her character. as the roleplay goes on, though, she will develop and change and grow as a character, and hopefully have a more stable personality overall ^_^

history. amara was born in bangkok, thailand two years after her older sister akiko. she and her family moved a year or so later. throughout her school years, amara was very closed off and stayed away from other kids. she spent her time alone and shut away from the rest of the world. she was diagnosed with insomnia at a very young age, and soon after was diagnosed with congenital insensitivity to pain when she fell out of a tree and split her head open. she had walked inside and told her mom that she had fallen and she wasn't crying, or saying it hurt. she felt nothing at all.

by the time she was twelve, she was already battling severe depression. she became an extreme danger to herself and couldn't be left alone. that was around the time her little sister lamai came along. the years ahead only got worse, and she resorted to self-harm. because she couldn't feel any of the pain, she almost killed herself a few too many times. her parents, though kind and loving, didn't believe in therapy and whatnot, which only made things worse. amara frequently told them how much she needed to talk to someone about the thoughts she was having, but they always refused, always telling her to 'bottle it up, put a cork on it, and throw it away. you'll feel better soon' which was probably the worst possible thing to say to her in that situation. but. because she loved and trusted her parents, a bit blindly in fact, amara did as she was told and simply bottled everything up. it was later, when she was fourteen, that she was sexually assaulted by someone she had trusted; her uncle. her trust after that event was completely shattered, and she never truly trusted anyone again after that, in fear something like that might happen again. she tried to tell her parents, but they insisted that he would never do something like that. amara never let up and it got to a point that her parents had enough of her so called 'lies' that they just didn't listen to her anymore. she fell into a deeper depression, still bottling her emotions and thoughts just as her parents had suggested those few years ago. it never went away, though, and the thoughts constantly haunted her and still do to this day, but when she's around other people she has something else to focus on, which is exactly why she can't really be left alone. she has healed a small bit, though, she's taken steps in the right direction, she just needs a bit of help with it.

backtracking to when she was sixteen, her older sister had been battling depression as well and the two often confided in each other. akiko was amara's best, and only, friend. amara loved her sister more than anything in the world. akiko was eighteen when she committed suicide. amara remembers this just as vividly as anything else, and frequently has nightmares about it when she does manage to get some sleep [which is rare]. akiko had said she wasn't feeling well and requested to stay home. amara wanted to stay back with her to take care of her because their parents were at work and lamai was at daycare, but akiko insisted she would be fine and that she should go to school. amara doubted it, and as soon as she got to school nearly broke down. she just wasn't feeling well, is what she said, but amara had wanted to be there for her just as akiko had been there for her every time she fell ill. amara felt terrible and wanted to apologize, despite it being something so trivial.

when amara arrived home later that day, her parents had yet to get home and lamai was still at daycare. amara went straight to her room first to put her stuff away, exhausted from the days events. when she got to her room, however, she noticed something on her desk.

it was akiko's blue butterfly locket that held inside a family photo. herself, akiko, lamai, boonsri, jasper, and their two german shepherds, rogue and belle. there had been a note as well, and a backpack filled with things from her older sister. the note said to put the locket on, and to never take it off, so amara followed the directions and latched it around her neck. the note continued on the back, though, and it said how much akiko loved amara and that she would always love her, even when she was gone. panic quickly set in after reading this, and amara knew something was wrong. so, she ran to her sister's room and tried to open the door. it was locked, as she expected, and amara just started to slam into the door until her arm was black and blue. she wasn't nearly strong enough with her upper body, so she resorted to kicking the door open and that seemed to work much better.

upon kicking the door open, amara found the body of her older sister. akiko had hung herself, and amara had been the one who had found her.

amara was devastated and she cried for nearly two weeks, she barely left her room, and barely ate.

of course, amara knew akiko and had a feeling she wouldn't want her to dwell on this and to make sure to take care of herself, as best as she could.

and the rest is history.

lately she's been doing a bit better, though, despite everything going on in her head. amara is, in her own weird way, trying to heal herself but is still struggling to do so. she would ask for help, but she's much too stubborn to.

as for her friends, she has such a hard time getting along with people at first, but if she talks to them enough, amara will kind of soften up which is something that she actually likes. she likes being a softie, she likes being around people she cares for. it makes her feel better. c:

family. boonsri shin-ae [mother; zombie], jasper avery [father; zombie], akiko shin-ae [older sister; deceased], and lamai shin-ae [little sister; status unknown]

weapon of choice. she prefers daggers, knives; really any kind of blade, and is often found with many blades hidden in her boots and such. she has a thigh sheath she rarely ever removes[okay well she does remove it but really prefers not to] with her favourite dagger, one of the nicest ones she could find given the current situation. she carries one gun, a pistol, and usually has it holstered on her hip.

physical strengths. speed; amara is fast on her feet and can run for miles if she paces herself properly

hand-to-hand combat; it's her favourite way to fight and she's quite good at it, though she continues to practice because she want to get even better.

silent/stealthy; she is like a ghost. amara could walk up behind you and you wouldn't know unless she made her presence known[or someone else points it out, and after a minute or so most people notice anyway it isn't as if she's a literal ghost]. she is a very quiet girl and doesn't have a problem keeping herself hidden in the shadows [an old friend of hers often called her 'ghost brat' due to her uncanny ability to move around while barely making a sound, and sort of as a joke] this is very helpful when she is out scavenging.

flexible; essentially, when most see her get into the zone and do her weird flexibility shit, and her weird tricks, they are often frightened. the reason being how damn flexible she actually is. she's much like a contortionist and doesn't have a problem bending herself in half.

climbing; given how flexible she is, agility is no problem for her, so it makes climbing quite easy. if anything, climbing is her favourite thing to do. you will most likely find her in a high up place at any given moment. she can't sit still very well, and that usually results in her climbing anything and everything.

strength; she is relatively strong seeing how much she climbs, and how much she exercises. she is a restless child and can't stay still for extended periods of time; she always has to be doing something. she trains every chance she gets and usually has to be told to stop or else she'd just keep at it.

on a completely unrelated note, amara can't stand being unhygenic and is very careful to stay as clean as she can. she has the scent of vanilla clinging to her skin almost all the time.

physical weaknesses. swimming; honestly, if you tried to get her to swim she'd drown. she never learned to swim due to an accident that happened when she was a child. ever since then she's been much to terrified

congenital insensitivity to pain; essentially what this is, is the inability to feel any pain. she can't feel any sort of physical pain, so she might have an awful gash on her leg and she simply won't feel it. you could probably cut off one of her fingers and she would be almost completely unfazed by it. most might consider it a good thing, but it isn't. that's why amara tends to get into so much trouble and gets hurt so often; she just doesn't realize it and ends up putting herself in danger because of it.

i'm not sure if this could be considered a physical weakness, but she honestly can't be left alone; when amara is left alone with her thoughts, bad things happen. she is very violent towards herself and becomes a danger to herself when she is alone. she is very self-destructive.

skinny; she's quite thin, made up mostly of muscle due to her frequent training and such. this being said, she doesn't eat often which results in dizzy spells and just overall feeling incredibly weak. this is never a good thing, especially not for someone who is going out scavenging outside the refuge daily.

insomnia; amara doesn't sleep much, so to distract herself, as stated many times beforehand, she will train or just climb whatever she can. she'll stargaze and look for different constellations; anything to keep her mind from going to its dark place like it so frequently does whenever she's alone. not getting sleep, however, paired with her mental illnesses, barely eating[mostly because she forgets], self-destructive tendencies, and very frequent exercising, just doesn't add up to anything good.

additional weaknesses i don't have a specific name for; despite being very strong, due to her other health issues it can quite often falter and result in episodes where amara may be unable to lift something or other. she doesn't have a lot of energy, and always needs to be reminded to eat or to try and sleep.

role. scavenger

home. she's in one of the five houses [definitely open to having housemates]

sexuality. pansexual

relationship status. single

crush. may develop, open for plotting

friends. none, open for plotting, though

enemies. she's pretty good at making enemies