Turn this path around {private] wipe your dirty hands clean

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    ✧----~ //when your muse was shot for a week but you still got some juice left for the angst


    Lightningpaw flinched when Foreststar pounced on her. For a split second, she wondered if this was it. If foreststar had finally had enough of Lightningpaw. That, if she weren't to parish beneath Forest's righteous claws - for righteous she would be, vanquishing Lightningpaw - she would give her a few warning blows before chasing Lightningpaw off. For good. For ever.

    But no, she just held her down. Lightningpaw held her breath, then exhaled slowly, almost grudgingly. She let herself fall limp beneath Foreststar's imposing paw, refusing to meet the older molly's conopy-green eyes. She didn't think she could bear seeing what she knew she'd see. Shame, anger, frustration. She wanted to gig her claws into the rock beneath her paws, but she feared her leader would take that as a sign of agression. So, instead, she forced herself to listen.

    She was surprised, to say the least, when Pumpkinpatch stood her ground. She refused to look up past her flaming paws, but she felt a bit of respect bubble up. Or she would, if she wasn't too busy cringing. Aw man, Pumpkin was asking for it now! Still, though. more shame burned through her when she thought about the point Pumpkinpatch made. How many of Foreststar's stressors had been Lightningpaw? Was Light truly the cause of so much of Foreststar's issues? Grief?

    She continued to lay mutely, saying nothing though her ears twitched and her gaze flickered. She wondered what Foreststar would say. What she would do.

    Perhaps two ginger cats were going to be banished instead of just one.


    TAGS

    OOC: ooo thanks for the bump actually ouo

    the prose is kinda quick and dirty bc I wanted to get to the good stuff~


    IC: Foreststar was initially shocked at Pumpkinpatch’s aggressive words. But then she paused, and breathed the initial anger at being questioned as leader away, and focused on picking Pumpkin’s points apart. And a bit her own anger--she had never liked when leaders had pulled rank in the past, but Starclan, this was a bit of a serious situation! Couldn’t Pumpkin have picked literally any other moment to question her?

    “I’ll admit I needed to calm down,” she started, choosing her words carefully, “but you really can’t blame me when the two of your were at each other’s throats, metaphorically and physically.” She gave her pelt a light shake to quell the prickling fur and squared her shoulders.

    “I do not scold her in private. I try to help her work through her problems, because if you haven’t noticed, she has no one to help her think them through. I try to do it in private so that no one will be hurt by her outbursts but me. Maybe I do pity her--what cat knows their own heart perfectly?--but if I do, it’s because I see myself in her. Parentless, twisted up inside. If I had not become leader, and had instead been left as a warrior to mentor Lightning or any hurting apprentice throughout life and help her get herself on track, I would have been fully satisfied in life to help support the next generation with the lessons I’ve learned through my own hardship. Especially to support the next generation of the clans that gave everything back to me.

    “Lightning’s problems are not so much a clanwide issue. They could be, but neither she nor the clan want to support each other. For the clan to want to support her, Lightning couldn’t lash out at everyone anymore. For that to heal, Lightning’s problems of inadequacy need to heal. For that to heal, Lightning needs to come to terms with herself about her parents’ effect on her life. For that, Lightning needed a new guide through life. Not every cat suffers so much at such a young age--in fact I would expect you yourself to understand that, Pumpkinpatch, and to understand how much extra attention a cat like that would need growing up. And I would also expect you to understand a youth’s privacy, and not make me have to spell out every little thing I plan to one warrior.

    “I did pick a deputy--Blackcanary, not too long ago, and then she vanished and Cougar was sent to rescue her and Peachmoon. It has barely been a moon since then. In fact, I had been considering new deputies if they did not return within the next few days. I’d had you on my mind as a possible candidate, but I’m not so sure anymore after this ruckus.

    “Of course I’m worried for the clan and doing everything I can--leafbare is coming, and the clan has barely recovered their strength. Yes, I stretch myself too thin sometimes. And I have been trying not to the past few moons. But when the wellbeing of the clan rests on me, can you blame me?

    “And, Pumpkinpatch, if you had something to say to me so vehemently, you could have asked to talk to me anytime, and we could have discussed this more orderly. As you said, I should be able to trust my own clanmates, and that includes being honest. And if you’re going to expect me to wear my heart on my tail, then I should expect the same of you. Now, if you actually respect me as leader, I’m going to ask that you let me talk to my daughter in private so that we might possibly help her not verbally bully her clanmates anymore so that she can become a warrior for her clan. And no, considering the way everyone just watched her bully someone and the way you’ve just snapped at the both of us, I don’t think it’s an issue that requires the whole clan’s presence. And no, I’m not going to exile you for this. I may, however, ask another clan’s medicine cat to speak with you when I ask them to mentor us a new medicine cat. ”

    Oh, Starclan, she had just accepted Lightning as her daughter, hadn’t she? Sure, why not. And she seemed to have just renewed her vows as leader, in a sense. Sure, why not too.


    (omg why does this website hate indenting)