CARVED A SPECIAL PLACE TO HIDE MY PAIN | {OPEN, + RETURN}

ICHIGO KUROSAKI

Former Hawkclan leader - over sized cougar - roleplayed by sorrel

i don't fight because i want to win, i fight to win!

Ichigo knew from the very beginning that he wasn't someone to look up to. Yet no matter what he did, no matter where he went, there were creatures that would flock to him and think that he was the greatest role model. They knew nothing about it, but he was too scared to really push those creatures away from his grasp and just let them believe what they wanted to. Until they could see the horror behind the mask that would be waiting for them. The male had been through the clan's patterns year after year and they didn't really seem to change all that much. He had seen most things that others would hope that they would never see in their lifetime. He knew when he was younger he had made plenty of mistakes, and he still made mistakes to this day. The Death God also had to deal with the aspect of keeping two different worlds in check. He would never completely abandon those that he cared about, no matter how many times he did end up disappearing. Half of the time he didn't even really have control over what he did, as he had rules that he needed to follow. Traditions. He had a job to do, and it was a job that he had since he was younger when he was only a year old. Now he was almost six years old. Damn he felt really old. Either way, he had once thought that he would be fine without having any of the jobs that he currently has right now. They would be perfectly fine without having any of his powers as they brought nothing but trouble and death to his wake. That had been when he returned to Hawkclan for the third time in his life, the place that he was allowed to belong and faces that he sometimes knew. Except this time he didn't recognize any faces from a year ago, and instead he just saw strangers, but he wasn't about to let the clan die so he took over. He led the clan for the second time in his life, and he did a pretty damn good job of it. Until he realized exactly how weak he was compared to the rest of those that were in the clan. They trusted him to be able to protect him, but since his death and being reincarnated he had his powers stripped away from him, being reduced to nothing but a simple wildcat. Which wasn't enough to cut it when it came to the clans.

Everyone had powers, even if they were just small powers. If no one had powers, they were immediately considered weak, and with how many enemies he's made in the past, it simply means that he was going to be in trouble if he couldn't protect the few that were in the clans. He tried his best, but soon he started to break down, hallucinating again, which was a condition that never seemed to leave him ever since the times he had fought with the several different souls that were inside of his body. The male tried his best, before he sought help from someone that he didn't even know but tried to trust to get his powers back. In the end, he did get his powers back, becoming more powerful than he could ever be. He even had a change to his appearance, which wasn't something that happened all that often. Immediately after getting his powers back, the creature that helped him get his powers back immediately backstabbed him. Literally. If he didn't have his powers back, he would have died from the blood loss of being stabbed in the chest. Then those that he worked for decided that he had done good for the organization, and cut him some slack by breaking the rules to give him back his powers. He had allies in good places, even if they were in places that no one could really end up finding. He had been through a lost, having everything stripped from him for several years, and then gaining it all back again. Before having it ripped away from him all over again. One thing was certain, he wasn't going to let himself die like he did back in the day. He didn't want to make others afraid that he would never come back. Was there even a chance that he could come back now that he was a Shinigami again? Maybe, but he wasn't going to bet on something like that. However, something was definitely wrong with him. He didn't know what had happened when he was away on a mission, but the next thing he knew he was back in Blizzardclan. The Blizzardclan that he knew from Tama's reign. He had been hanging out with a group of different clans for a while now, so to find himself in a strange place where he had been knocked out was certainly a concern. His condition started to get worse, but he didn't know who to ask, as it was against the rules to tell those what he was. He kept his jaws shut and bared the pain like he had always done. Once he started seeing visions though, he knew that he was going to have to try and talk to someone. His powers didn't work all that well, but it was better than walking the entire damn time. The cougar had tried to teleport back to where he came from. He just wanted to go home to where he would hopefully would see more familiar faces.

Who were even around anymore? He had lost so many of those he considered family that he didn't even remotely try to get his hopes up. The Shinigami didn't arrive in Hawkclan though, and instead his powers ended up messing up, placing him in Riverclan where he saw several familiar faces presented in front of him. One of them being Shining. Lessa helped him get into a stable condition, and he stayed there for a couple of days, even if his condition wasn't getting better, it was better than trying to use his powers again and end up in an enemy territory that wouldn't even think twice in trying to take someone like him hostage. That was when the sound of splintering wood could be heard and a cry echoed through the Hawkclan camp. The crash sounded from the Leader's Tree House, and it almost sounded like something ended up falling through the floor of the place. Ichigo was lucky that he didn't have his super strength on when he hit the ground of the place, because if he did he would have plummeted to the ground. Dust covered the lobby of the leader's tree house, a hole all the way up to the ceiling to where creatures would be able to see the canopies of the redwood trees outside. The armored wildcat didn't move from his spot though, and it almost didn't seem like he was alive except for the tip of his tail twitching, but it seemed like every movement brought him pain. Ichigo didn't look like he did back in the day. He didn't seem strong and healthy at all. Patches of fur were missing, sores in that area from his constant scratching. Something was inside of him and he couldn't get it out, but that was far from what he was going through. The right half of the Shinigami's face seemed to be stark white with a red strike going down the middle of the white hue. He had his eyes closed so no one would be able to see the different colors in his eyes. The familiar armor adorned his body, and the sword on his back remained in position thanks to the metal like rope that was across his chest. A groaned escaped his jaws, as Ichigo wasn't even sure if he had landed in the same area. A white liquid leaked from the side of his mouth as his face expressed that he was in pain. He wanted to open his eyes, but he needed to catch his breath before he did anything. One thing was for sure, he did not look remotely well.

ICHIGO KUROSAKI

Former Hawkclan leader - over sized cougar - roleplayed by sorrel

i don't fight because i want to win, i fight to win!

He would never get used to seeing those that he cared about getting hurt. The goal that he had created for himself when he was young was to protect the innocent and those that deserved to be protected. Even if said creatures were at first enemies, he was known to sway his enemies to soon becoming his friends. Those relationships were strange to some creatures that didn't know about his backstory, but the wildcat held onto those bonds with care as he knew those bonds would never break. Unless of course said creature ended up dying, which was highly likely when it came to dealing with the Shinigami. Threats were practically attracted to him if he wasn't careful when he was using his power. He was considered one of the most powerful Death God's that had ever existed, and with a title like that, it simply meant that there were creatures out there that were willing to do anything to get to him. That's what happened to his children two years ago. He remembered when Little had asked him whether or not he had any children, and he had told her after several seconds that he didn't. Which was true at the time, and that was because the Shinigami had to watch as his children were slaughtered in front of him. They told him not to blame himself, but there was always that voice in the back of his damned head that told him he was wrong and that he could have done something to stop that from ever happening. While in reality there was nothing he could do during an ambush by the creatures that his job specifically told him that he was supposed to dispatch and kill. Those creatures being Hollows, which were more like spiritual type creatures that were capable of devouring the souls of the living. He was supposed to protect the living. It was the job that practically became his lifestyle, putting those that got close to someone as powerful as himself in danger since most creatures would know his name. If a Hollow somehow managed to get away from his grasp, it was easy for them to figure out who he was close to as he didn't bother to hide it.

Sure, he wasn't the type to openly show his emotions to others, and he wasn't about to tell anyone his history either because that would put them in more danger. As knowing too much wasn't the best aspect, and half the time he doubted that anyone would really be able to believe him. He could of course open a portal to Soul Society to try and prove himself, but he would prefer if it never really ended up coming to that. Hollows were a big aspect when it came to his life and he had a deep hatred toward them. They killed his sisters. They killed his adopted family. They killed his MOTHER. He took his anger out when it came to Hollows, but he wasn't really killing Hollows, as he was mostly just freeing the soul that had become corrupted when left alone in the world of the living instead of passing on. Ghosts turned into killing monsters that if no one had the power of the Sight, they wouldn't end up seeing anything. It was because of those damned things, that a couple of those that were close to him got dragged into his situation. Harrierstar being one of them, his adopted sister. The female getting attacked by a Hollow that she couldn't see, and he was in the area. There was no way he could come up with a excuse for the hot headed female to say that she was imagining something, and he was forced to tell her the truth. In total, he ended up only telling around 4 creatures in the entire span of his life. Harrier, Fraiser, Cambrian, Cytus, and Constentina. Most of them were already close to him to figure out what he was, and the other half had actually worked with him. But when he was put in charge of the organization that he worked for and served, he was too young to realize the dangers he put others through when he couldn't come up with the right orders to give them. Ichigo distinctly remembered the time that he sent the other Shinigami to go up against a rhino Hollow, only to have practically all of them nearly dead and then the other half infected like he was. It was his fault for not calling a retreat quick enough. Ichigo made mistakes, and he had constant guilt eating his body. He still even blamed himself to a certain degree about his mother's death, despite her spirit several years back saying that he shouldn't harbor that guilt on his shoulders. Ichigo was known for harboring everything on his shoulders, never asking for help unless he was on death's doorstep. Even then he never begged for anyone to help him, even with the serious injuries that he had managed to acquire over the years. His body was covered in scars, each of the scars he could remember like it was yesterday. Although there were some that were still covered by his armor.

Especially the area around his neck, as the scars that would seem to be fatal were hidden between a metal component of his armor that wrapped around the back and side of his neck, protecting him from attacks. His head was ringing once he impacted the ground. His armor didn't cover most of his underbelly, but did cover a portion of his chest and that helped deal with the impact. A groan would escape his jaws as his long tail lashed behind him. From what he could gather, there were very few cougars when it came to the clans, so it wouldn't be extremely hard to recognize him. It was then that the voices started. He wasn't sure who the voices belonged to, but it sounded like his Hollow instead of Zangetsu, which was the name of the sword that was on his back. The Shinigami tried to drown out the whispers that never provided him with good enough information, but his powers weren't working. The abilities almost seemed to turn themselves on whenever they wanted. He was lucky that he hadn't covered himself in his fire elementals and burned where he was right now. His jaws parted as he started panting from the increase of temperature of his body. He was having another session, as the illness he had seemed to flare up occasionally, bringing pain and trauma. Luckily they only lasted a couple minutes, but each time they did happen, the pain seemed to last longer and longer. While the armored wildcat was laying there, he heard a voice that actually didn't sound like it was in his head. His rounded ears angled themselves in the direction that he was certain he heard the voice coming from. His senses were dulled though, so he didn't react immediately to what Littlestar said.

His body only seemed to react once he felt something touch him. He was lucky that it didn't feel like his body was on fire from the touch, and his brow furrowed as he slowly started to open his eyes. On look at his eyes though would immediately show that something was off with the Death God. The right side of his face that was white, the eye that was usually brown almost looked sickly. A yellow iris replacing the usual brown, the white part of his eye instead being black. His left eye was completely normal. It took several seconds before his eyes were able to focus. Ichigo didn't exactly look like he was there at the moment, confusion spread across his facial features until he took in the form of the creature that was wrapped around his arm. A look of shock spread across the former leader's features. The scars. The familiar jaw. The missing LEG. What the hell was all this? Was this the apprentice that he once considered to be his own daughter? A wave of guilt overcame him, but there wasn't a look of pity in his eyes just yet. He wasn't even entirely sure that this was the same female though. He could barely hear her after all. "P...Pipsqueak?" Ichigo would question, his voice almost coming out like a gurgle with the white liquid in the back of his throat. His eyes seemed to twitch in several different directions around Littlestar, as if actually trying to focus on her, it was hard when his eyes refused to do so.

ICHIGO KUROSAKI

Former Hawkclan leader - over sized cougar - roleplayed by sorrel

i don't fight because i want to win, i fight to win!

(He has sores and blisters on his left and right shoulders, scabs just on the back of his neck, malnourishment, running a high fever, slight dehydration, that's currently the only injuries that could be healed regularly ^.^, actions can be powerplayed as well!)

Six years was a long time. Longer than what most creatures ended up reaching before they finally died within the clans. He had seen the patterns over and over again from the fights and wars that he fought in to protecting those that just joined the clans. Everyone he protected someone that just joined the clans, it was almost funny to watch their confused reaction. It was once just to be considered his job, but now it was his very livelihood that he adapted into his normal life. What could be considered normal. The several scars that spread across his pelt showed that he had been in several fights. Those that he knew him from back in the day also knew that he was prone to getting injured all the time. And yet, he always ended up coming back from terrible injuries, placing faults hope back in the day of his friends. Because once he did finally die, it made everyone tremble and grieve more than he probably would have liked. When he returned though, they always said that they should never leave them again like that, especially since when he did die, his corpse had been mangled, his limbs ripped off and a sword plunged into his chest. Either way, he was a tough creature when it came to trying to stop him from fighting. Someone would have to nearly kill him or simply knock him out too keep him from getting up. He was incredibly stubborn when it came to fighting, and he never really did like to lose. He did end up losing plenty of fights before, but he had learned his lessons from that fights and had bettered himself. There were more scars that were actually underneath the black metal and leather armor that he constantly wore. One can simply look at the armor and be able to tell how old the armor actually was. The metal platting starting to crack, the feathers that used to be on his armor gone, and the leather had several scratches marks on it as well. The black hue even started to fade in some places, which was Ichigo being terrible at trying to keep it in pristine condition.

He got his armor just after a couple months of living in Hawkclan for the first portion of his life. It was made by someone named Riptide, one of the higher positions in the clan at the time. Him and Ichigo didn't really see eye to eye to each other, but later on they just respected each other because of their experience with the clans. Riptide had offered to make other creatures armor in the clan, and Ichigo had been lucky enough to be part of it. His armor was the most extensive, one that was actually made for combat compared to the other pieces of armor that looked like accessories to the swordsman. Most of the injuries that he got before he ended up getting his armor, were made by those that had blades in their possessions. There were some that were actually made by larger creatures that had claws, one of them belonging to a tiger that had attacked him while he was in Bloodclan lost and trying to find his way around. The area that seemed to always be the extensively injured was his back left leg. Several different scars and what looked like muscle damage in that area. Ichigo would never forget the time that he actually got attacked by a crocodile in the old Hawkclan territory that was somewhat of an island near the ocean. He had been minding his own business, and the reptile had surprised him to where he wasn't able to get to his sword. If it hadn't been for his best friend Keylime, he would have most certainly died right there and there, the thing breaking his leg and ripping a good amount of flesh. The cougar was forced to heal for several weeks before he could even really start moving again. One thing was for certain, Ichigo never liked sitting around while he healed, so he was often seen walking around all bandaged up. The second area of his body that seemed to be the most scarred would be both of his shoulders. Since his armor only covered a couple portions of his body, most clanners were smart to attack areas that weren't covered by said armor. That being his shoulder areas and his flanks. He couldn't remember how many times creatures ended up attacking his shoulders, so that area was somewhat tough with all the accumulated scar tissue that was there. There was on scar on his right shoulder that was extremely extensive, although most of it was covered by his tawny fur.

It had been when he had gotten himself impaled by the horn of a rhino right through his shoulder. He was lucky that he wasn't completely mortal or he would have died from that injury. There were scars on the side of his neck that were obvious bite marks, both of which he had acquired from two of his friends. One being a former leader of Hawkclan, who he hadn't realized was a Vampire a the time, the lion doing some good damage to his neck when she latched herself onto him. Catching the Death God by surprise at the time, but he was able to kick her off without really injurying her. The other time had been when his best friend had been possessed by his Hollow, trying to gain control over it while he was inside of his mind, and he had to fight his friends body, and got somewhat injured from the fight. He never blamed Keylime for the injury though. There was even one scar that he had that he had given to himself. An accident of course, but he ended up falling off a ledge while fighting against a spirit, and landed on his own sword. Luckily, unlike now, his sword was just a katana back in the day instead of the massive sword he carried around. He was more than capable of changing the sword to that, but he only did it if he needed a little bit more power. The over sized cougar was having a hard time grasping what was right in front of him. It Littlepaw was here, did that mean that he was back in Hawkclan? He didn't want to get his hopes up since anyone was allowed to leave the clan and he wouldn't have blamed the female to start jumping around the clans to see what suited her best. Then was another creature that caught his attention, his heterochromatic eyes flickering over toward the caracal. At least he was barely able to tell the different species of the creatures that were approaching him. It was almost funny looking at the dark hued caracal, reminding him back in the day when he had a melanistic caracal body that he would use to spar with Hawkclanners that were smaller than him. A pained look spread across his face for a split second before returning to his neutral scowl. Wait. Did the other just say Littlestar? Or did he hear the other male wrong? Ichigo wasn't exactly sure how much he should trust his own hearing considering that it was hard for him to really focus on anything right now.

What he was able to hear though was that the other thought he had rabies. He really wished that was the case, but something was never that easy for Ichigo when it came to life in general. The former Hawkclan leader maneuvered his back legs under himself as it seemed like he was about to try and get up. "Not... rabies." Ichigo would gurgle out again. Everything that was happening to him couldn't be healed with herbs. That much he could figure out, but exactly what was happening to him, he didn't even know anymore. His gaze then turned to what seemed to look like a hybrid, a young one at that. A child. His different colored eyes immediately flickered from Littlestar to the young child. Did the kid just say mom? He wasn't sure if he was hearing that right either. A hiss would escape his jaws as he was able to move his right paw that wasn't being held by Littlestar and pushed it to his temple. Another creature that he didn't recognize made her way over at the same time. Did he know her? He wasn't sure if he could quite remember exactly, as his memories were all fuzzy after being knocked out for who knows how long. "Kurosaki.... Ichigo." The Shinigami would introduce himself, even if it didn't mean all that much. Maybe his name would be enough, but he still didn't know where he was. "W..Where am I? Is this Hawkclan?" It obviously wasn't enemy territory at least, because if it was they would have probably started dragging him to torture information out of the former leader.

ICHIGO KUROSAKI

Former Hawkclan leader - over sized cougar - roleplayed by sorrel

i don't fight because i want to win, i fight to win!

(omg the feels are too much help me)

The days after he actually lost his powers he considered the scariest days he had ever lived. He had arrived in Blizzardclan originally, which seemed to be a pattern when it came to him coming back to these set of clans. He didn't know where he was, but he was in a younger body and he didn't have any of his armor. He also realized that he couldn't turn on any of his powers, all of his powers being stripped away after he died, which was exactly what would happen to other Shinigami as well. He tried to be calm, as he felt like he had only been dead for a couple of minutes before being reincarnated again. It was when he got to Blizzardclan though that he asked them what year it was. And of course to his shock it was a couple years after he passed away. Meaning that those that he would probably think would be back in Hawkclan would either be dead or missing. He had left all of his friends, not exactly how he wanted to die but he did die. Ichigo was starting to get used to the new body of his at the time, and decided to stay in Blizzardclan to rest up before making the trek back to Hawkclan. It was during this time though that his hallucinations from his previous trauma's were played out in front of his head. Reminding him the death of all of his friends, the death of his mate, everything. All of them would pop up into his mind and he would hear their disembodied voices over and over again telling them how useless he was in trying to protect them. It worked, and he originally thought that it was his Hollow that came back and was starting to mess with him again. To weaken his mind so that he could completely his mission in taking over his body. This wasn't the case though as he was a complete mortal this time, no Hollow inside of his body. He was just going through a period where his sanity often slipped, as he always held the guilt to himself. The cougar didn't stay in Blizzardclan all that long before traveling to where he remembered Hawkclan territory to be from where Blizzardclan was at the time. When he returned to the tree houses, he realized that no one was there anymore. There were still remnants of the battle that he did in the ship graveyard several miles away, but he didn't bother really checking that place out. He needed to find his gear after all, even if he couldn't use his sword as he wasn't a Death God anymore. He felt some form of relief knowing that he didn't have to worry about his job anymore, but he wasn't completely relaxed until he was able to find his home. The cougar had to look around, and ended up finding his own grave. Seeing the state of his body made him want to vomit, and he noticed that his gear wasn't even on his body. So he pretty much dug up his own body without really needing to. He guessed that they buried his actual gear in the building that was for the leaders and meetings. Ichigo went there, able to find his leather and metal armor, covered in dust from old age, the color actually starting to fade from the lack of care.

He read the plaque that was above the gear, and it made his throat swell up. They believed that he wasn't going to come back, and he didn't blame them. The wildcat would have thought the same thing, but life and death worked in strange ways when it came to the clans. After all, he remembered Lacey going back and forth between dying and returning the next day. He had lost count to how many times she ended up dying, and he became slightly numb to seeing her corpses in the territory. This doesn't mean he never cared about her in the past, as he did and wanted her to be happy. Ichigo grabbed his gear, and was going to have to ask around to where the actual Hawkclan territory was at. It took him quite a while because the group had become so small since he was last leader, but he managed to find them in a smaller territory. Probably the smallest territory that he would ever see at the time. The leader being Splitsecond, he didn't know the female but he never got to chance when she suddenly disappeared while there was a takeover going on from the group called The Puppeteers. Ichigo fought against them, and made a note to Blizzardclan asking for their help, which was a long shot since he doubted Hawkclan had been interacting with their allies all that much with everything going on. He fought them off, and soon he became leader again. He wasn't sure how to feel about the aspect of leading a clan that he had died in a couple years ago, but he knew that this was the best option. He never wanted to see his clan in a sorry state again. Then came more problems with the Exiles and the Cartel once he became leader .The group of anti-clans targetting them to try and make them useless when it came to battle. That was the part that scared him the most, as he knew that without his powers there was only so much he could do as an armored cougar anyway. Powers won the battles, which he was quick to learn when he was younger when he fought in the different wars. Hawkclan was able to fend them off though, as their raids were incredibly disorganized and they were quick to surround them. If Cytus hadn't joined up soon after he returned, he doubted that they would have won the fight since the other was a hybrid after all. Taking other clans out of the picture though, Ichigo had to worry about the aspect of Hollows. The being that used to live inside of him, and now that he could no longer see spirits, there was a chance that he could be targetted by one of them. Having no sword and his Shinigami powers meant that he would be a sitting duck, just waiting for himself to get devoured and have his soul absorbed. Aurorapaw had been the first creature to get attacked by a Hollow, although she wasn't sure what she saw. After that though, the Hollow didn't really seem to return, which he was happy about as he would have no way to be able to tell where the damn thing was since they are invisible to most creatures that don't have the power of the Sight.

The over sized cougar was trying to find familiarity while he was laying there. His tail was twitching behind him when he noticed that there was a white domestic cat making their way toward him. What? He of course had met the famous Bill Cipher, the creature that ran the Cartel back in the day. Ichigo was pretty sure that the other got the shit beat out of him during one of their raids, and never really considered him all that much of a threat once Hawkclan had showed their strength once coming back together. His heterochromatic eyes starred at the yellow hued domestic cat for what seemed like a couple moments, although he realized that this wasn't Bill Cipher. At least he thought that considering that the body was female and the physique was slightly different as well. He also doubted that the actual Bill Cipher would smile at him to. Ichigo would offer a pained grin back to Hestia before turning back his attention toward Littlestar. He felt his heart clench when the former apprentice stated that it was indeed her. His gaze seemed to soften slightly at her confirming that it was her, and her light touches did register to him. He never really was the touchy feeling kind of wildcat, but when it came to Lit, that never really seemed to play any parts in that. Ichigo would never let himself admit just how much he cared for the female. He let his body relax when it was confirmed he was back in Hawkclan. So where the hell did he end up landing then? He turned his head slightly to take in the environment, and recognized a lobby that he used to give meetings in. Oh. He landed in the Leader's tree house. He was probably going to have to repair that but those were thoughts for later. The Shinigami opens his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closes it when he feels bile rising in his throat. Snapping his jaws shut, he lets out a low groan for his jaws. He knows that if it escapes his mouth it isn't going to look normal. So, he does the most logical thing and swallows the thick liquid down as best as he could, before opening his mouth again to start panting. Next thing he knows, Lit is slightly in his face, he knows that his symptoms would never really be considered contagious since they were otherwordly, so he isn't afraid of her being close to him. The longer he starred at her though, the more obvious it was his two different colored eyes were becoming glazed over. A choking sob seemed to escape his throat, as he struggled to find the words. He knew what he did didn't deserve to be forgiven. What kind of friend was he? It was his job to protect EVERYBODY. And yet here she was, scarred up and injured from past battles because he hadn't been there to protect her. "P-Pipsqueak. I- god I'm so...sorry. I sh-hould have never left. I fai-iled. G...Gomen.." In his usual condition, he probably would have wailed the words, but this time he wasn't in any condition to do so. Instead, his words came out in a rasp as tears brimmed in his eyes. Little had obviously been through hell, and that wasn't something anyone should go through. The wildcat would move himself so that he was slightly sitting up, long enough as he aimed to use one of his large tawny paws to give Littlestar a hug and cling her to his frail chest.

ICHIGO KUROSAKI

Former Hawkclan leader - over sized cougar - roleplayed by sorrel

i don't fight because i want to win, i fight to win!

Ichigo had done plenty of wrongs in his life. Every time he tried to right them, everything usually just ended up going to sh*t. It was certainly something that he had never expected to happen when he joined the clans. It was almost ironic that he used to think that joining the clans would make his job easier and that he wouldn't have to worry as much about it. That's at least what Kisuke had told him at the time, and as his teacher and mentor he had believed him. Then he realized just how hard life could actually get with the clans. There was constant fighting between each other, mostly just about how different they were compared to one another. In Ichigo's mind at the time, it was stupid to start wars for that reason, and he still felt that as being a reason to never start wars with other clans. The only reason why Ichigo attacked other clans was simply because of the fact that they had done something to his clan, whether it would mean attacking it first or torturing one of the members. That would be a quick way to get onto Ichigo's bad side, something that he never wanted to have to treat others that way. He believed in equality, and still did, and believed that even enemies could be made into friends. To an extent. Having been betrayed over and over again, the cougar wasn't exactly sure what to believe anymore. He wanted to have the mindset he had when he was younger, but now that was almost impossible. He had been through far too much and had been able to identify the patterns when it came to the clans. Rarely anything happy seemed to happen with the clans, as most of it just consisted of death and even more death as he would have to watch his clanmates die over and over again. He lost count to how many friends he ended up losing, or how many corpses he found on the border as means of war. He didn't understand what could motivate someone to do such things when they were all just trying to survive in the clans and nothing else. They just wanted to live, and that should be enough to be able to work together. He guessed that survival wasn't all that hard anymore if they could waste time with each other, spouting insults and threats over each other's shoulders. It was ridiculous, and he made sure that once he was made leader that something like that would never happen again. The Shinigami had enough on his plate at the time anyway, being that he had an organization to run, and another group to run. Not really run though, as he gave everyone an option to decline what he asked them to do. He never forced anyone to do anything, and acted more like a comrade than a leader anyway. He still didn't understand why creatures sometimes even looked up to him. Ichigo had never been really good when it came to dealing with kids. The wildcat usually had been too blunt with those that he encountered, and no one ever wanted their child to know so much at such a young age.

They wanted them to be able to learn from their own mistakes and be hidden from the harsh acts of the world. Ichigo didn't do that though, he was better when it came to apprenticed age creatures as he had sisters when he was younger and protected them. Even his life with his sisters didn't last all that long though and Ichigo practically became feral in order to sustain himself. The armored creature had to teach himself what it would be like to socialize with other creatures after being a lone cougar for an entire year of his life before entering the clans. Everyone thought that he could be fairly comforting when it came to those that were children once they got to know him a little bit better. Ichigo didn't even notice it half the time himself. Ichigo had been there the first time that Littlestar even had a nightmare, which at the time was when he was struggling with his own mental health. He never liked seeing others sad. Ichigo felt the female's paws wrap around his neck, and almost seemed to clutch her closer. He didn't really seem to be bother to hold his strength back, but he did make sure that he wasn't going to crush her or cause her any pain. "I-I tried to g..get here s..sooner, but when I tried to t-teleport, I ended up i..n Riv-erclan." Ichigo tried to explain, but his voice obviously showed that he wasn't tried to make an excuse. He was more just telling her what had happened in the past week that he was trying to even get to Hawkclan. His powers always seemed to go out of control when there was something internally wrong with him. The armored wildcat didn't have the right to tell others exactly what he was happening to his body, and would probably just have to be able to deal with illness and hope that it would go away in the end. "I....I promise n-not to disappear again" Ichigo finally choked out, a tear dripping from his left eye and being absorbed into her fur. The Shinigami's attention was slightly drawn away though with the sound of heavy footsteps coming toward them. His heterochromatic gaze shifted for a second to look at what seemed to be.... a dinosaur. Nothing really surprised him when it came to the clans anymore. He offered the dinosaur a flick of his ear, acknowledging the others presence.