DADDY ISSUES | OPEN, BIRTHING

//sneakily tracks this through my tears

i love the angst but it hurts so muc h

Dont go and help her, stay here. She doesn’t want you there. Thoughts would race past his head as he watched Littlestar run away from the training grounds and leave everyone in curiosity. It seemed like something was wrong with her, and as a kind boy like himself he desperately wanted to run to her side and help. But, if something was wrong with her wouldn’t she just call out on the battlefield we’re everybody is? Instead of running off. Although he didn’t do anything for minutes on end, his worries getting to him. She was pregnant after all. Although once hearing a dim voice of help, he moved faster then anybody and skidded to a stop when seeing Littlestar. It wasn’t the best sight to see, actually is was gross. By his leaders belly was five bundles of fur. Littlestar seemed helpless and in pain. Then he realize, she gave birth. "Oh Littlestar! You did it all alone! Your so strong, looo those are your children!" he tried not to focus on what the children actually looked like, with fear of throwing up. Although his eyes caught a small creature that was no with the rest. Like it was unwanted and thrown away, and wasn’t getting the warmth it needed to survive. His paw lightly touched it and carefully flipped the unmoving mass over. It was hard to make out any features on this pup, but he didn’t think that would be wrong as he has never seen newly borns yet. Although this pups face looked burnt and a truly bad injury left its place. A life killing injury for a kitten like this. Oh no no no. It’s dead. It’s dead. It’s dead. I just congratulated Littlestar and it’s dead. Anybody could feel the blame of a dead kitten, he felt guilty even though he knew it wasn’t his fault. He knew it wasn’t anybody’s fault really, just how the baby was born. Maybe if I came here faster though, it’s dwad. It’s dead. Tears welled up in his eyes, from joy or sadness he didn’t know. “Lit....Littlestar. Don’t- n-n-no. It—it’s d-dea”

Sometimes, sometimes it had been steaming hot, sometimes unbearably hot but it had been something the baby had grown accustomed to. Something she understood as natural. There was always a consistent thing in her life and was either warm or unbearable heat that made her recess almost into the depths of her developing mind. It hurt, pain was something she had always experienced in this place but whether she would remember it was yet to be seen. For most of her thoughts came and went within a blink of an eye, never staying on one thing for too long. But alas such things wouldn't stay the stay for too long and her concept of time was well tarnished anyway when things started moving. Shifting limbs and bodies that pressed against each other, then space, a lot of space before she was tumbling out. A strange feeling hit her, waves of cold that had not been before which shocked the little kit into silence. At first she was quite trying to process what was exactly going on and why she was feeling this new thing. This new thing shouldn't exist because it wasn't a constant in her life but here it was shaking her world. But then she started to cry out, scream really, for something to make it go away. A murmuring voice gave her pause to cease such strange vocal sounds from leaving her throat followed by shifting and moving, drooping ears trying to hear but the sounds were so muffled and she was so disorientated that she just continued screaming. Maybe it was the small sliver of pain she felt from the small burns that raced across her body, swallowed up by her thick fur, but the child was hard pressed to quiet down, even when nestled against her brother she wiggled and kicked, rolling over many times as she buried herself in her mother's fur.

But slowly she quieted down as more and more of her siblings were brought into the world and bundled up around her. Her tails were lengthy though hardly moved for the moment and she gave a soft sigh, a whisper of a breath as she laid her head on one of her siblings back. Trying to listen to what was going on. Things seemed strange, tense as if a string had been pulled much too tight before the muffled murmuring voice came again and though she didn't understand there was a sense of peace from the words, a sense of safety that made her small paws reach up to touch the muzzle that was so close before sh grew tired and settled down once more, falling asleep from everything that she had to go through today. Even the sudden other voice didn't rouse her from her sudden nap.

she is confused. for once the baby isn't hot, suffocating in an unbearable heat that bores bloody holes into her frame and singes her short multi color fur. instead she is... pleasantly cool, relishing a soft breeze that wafts over her trembling frame, easing the pain that radiates through her body. it is a strange sensation, but a nice one that the child greatly appreciates. the tiny femme had been so sure that she would have never escaped that heat... but she did! she is free! the child would have smiled and cheered if she knew how to, but instead she simply allowed herself to relax, stretching her tiny limbs and awkwardly opening her wings that appeared haphazardly attached to her body. after a few seconds of squirming and stretching she finally perked her tiny ears and allowed strange sounds to flood them, one sound in particular standing out to her. it comes from somewhere above her and is soft and kind, "audrey. perfect for you, i reckon." the child likes it and wants to hear more, but before she can the girl is disturbed by a... something, and is lifted off the ground.

the feeling of peace and cool air that the girl was relishing was suddenly gone, destroyed as she was placed somewhere new next to other small, trembling beings that the girl vaguely recognized. she doesn't like this at all. the breeze is no longer blanketing her aching body and she can't hear the sweet voice anymore; instead now there are other bodies around her, pressing against the scabs that litter her coat and uncomfortably pinning her large, bony wings against her sore body. the voice is gone too, replaced by a screech of strange noises that the child quickly decides to mimic. she wails along with the voice, tipping her tiny head back and crying out, her eyes still squeezed shut and ears now pinned back against her skull as she opens her mouth wide and emits piercing noises. she does not want to be here, but the girl is unable to escape. she is too tightly wedged between other bodies and her muscles are still too weak to help her stand. and so the child simply continues her wailing in hopes that the... furry thing that picked her up might come back and help her.

LESSA REN SOLO

hawkclan shaman & riverclan doctor | info | played by misty

Lessa had been keeping an eye on Lit. She had always done as much, but more so these days. She had watched her grow plumper, watched and waited anxiously. She knew the kits were due any day now. So when a commotion reached her ears, Lessa had not an ounce of wonder or confusion on her face. She had been expecting this day for a while now. She wished Lit had gone to her, so she could make sure things went smoothly, but from what she saw trotting over, she was alive... As were the little kittens... Save one. Oh. The petite pine marten took in a quiet breath, padding past her clanmates and to her leader's side.

She didn't think she and Lit would be good friends again for some time. No. They were too different. Lit was too harsh sometimes, too violent... Ever since the anti-clan status, Lessa had been growing father and farther away. She could not take watching her clan, her friends, the clanmates she called family, so willing to go against what they used to believe in. But she could be there for them. She always would be, no matter her heart. She would still be there to help, to offer her company.

Coagulations were in order, yet Lessa uttered none. Not when there was a lifeless child to mourn. "'m here Lit," she murmured. No apologies, what was the use in saying 'I'm sorry' here? It didn't bring the dead back to life. No, the best she could do was be present, to do her best to be a comfort of some kind.

The child understood very little about his surroundings. He knew that sometimes there was pain, a flash of heat that caused him to curl even tighter against the others around him. It was such a horrifying power that seemed only to sap his own strength, or what little he had to begin with.

By the time he was out into the world, it felt nearly freezing compared to his previous home. His paws stretched helplessly in front of him in wild uncertainty. Everything was so strange, so scary in its different aura. But as soon as he heard his first sound, his mother's soft call of Liquorwhip, a wave of calm overtook the kit. A pitiful squeak fell from his lips as he was ushered closer to his mother's warmth, just warm enough to take off the edge of the cold air.

He was a kit built of nervous fear even in his inability to understand more than the familiar forms around him providing some sense of safety. He couldn't understand that one of his siblings lay just steps away in molten decay, nor could he connect the reason for his mother's sudden shift in emotion. With her cries, Liquorkit let out another mewl as if in sympathy for her pain. His own voice was so small compared to hers, but it was filled with a mirrored heartbreak, already learning to feel from others. Already learning to take on their sadness as his own.

Dimitri didn't liked childbirth's everytime he thought about it the same image always returned back into his head. Even after all this years it still dared to come back and haunt him. So he had keept himself away pretending to not know what was going on although the smell of blood was so fresh in the air. Are you worried you will kill them too?.

Catherine had seated herself on a branch as her blue distant eyes glared down at him as he himself had placed himself under a tree to eat some candy that not helpt at all with his starvation. He was losing weight, feeling himself getting weaker in this body. Outside of it he couldn't feel hunger but swifting back and out was a to much trouble not really feeling it much either only that he was more tired then usual and lacked the same energi he usual had. Not to mention got restless over the smell of blood, frustrated even like having food right in front of your nose you not even could touch.

Catherine words would release a snart from the shiba inu though, ears twitched themself backwards not much in the mood to listen to anything she had to say this days. He often decided to ignore her but her words was a bit unsettling. " She sounds to be in pain, maybe all of them are dead?. It will be your fault then after all you are the mistfortune. Inu grapt a chocolate and put it inside of his mouth and turned his head around to the angel and sticked his tounge out at her like a childish annoyence before simple standing up to walk away from her with head hold a bit lower then usual as eyes was fixed down at the ground.

"Help me, please, somebody.. anybody."

The words.... Something, something was off. He remembered them, or image that had been what Catherine had tried to say that day. If only he had been at time he could have saved them - both of them. The paws moved themself on thier own and as he appeared up to the place Littlestar had given birth on had got the air stuck up inside of the throat. It was difficult to breathe - why was it difficult to breath?. The eyes fallen instantly down at the cubs and saw all of them were alive and for a moment he felt the chest lessen up but then - then he saw it. The burned body, the lifeless corpse of a child how had died before getting to see the day light. You killed it, Liam this is all your fault.

Trauma. The world spinned around and vision got a bit blurry not knowing for how long but for a brief moment he simple stood there while the rest shared words with Littlestar. " Förlåt, förlåt. " he mumbled to himself in a bare whisper,

Snap out from it.

Blinking his eyes the world come back to him again. Facing the reality of this situation and not the trauma from his past he wished he could forget all about. A soft smile would then appear on the shiba inu lips, putting back on the mask and the previous emotions like blown away. " Lii-chan..." he called out her name before approaching and would slide down to lay beside her but on the side there the cubs wasn't laying to respect the private space between her and this new born lives. " I'm here. " He said as he tried to comfort her lose from the one child how hadn't made it, the rest though?. " Ya d-did good Lii-chan. Ya got f-five lovely kids. "

Poe had sort of taken to following either Broken or Lessa around, the two being a calming presence. That was how he came across Littlestar, after following the two to where the leader lay, weak and panting, surrounded by five kittens. Poe had known she was pregnant, but didn't know by whom. The sight of the small babies- save one- wriggling about made him gasp a little. New life. Littlestar's kids. Honestly, they were probably going to be a handful. But they would definitely be loved.

His eyes briefly landed on the dead kit and he closed his eyes in respect. Then he opened them again and smiled at the sight of the others, and of his leader. She was so strong. Although he couldn't say anything, he hoped his smile could tell her that. The pilot took a step off to the side to let more important people have space, but he remained nearby.

Extreme temperatures. Hot to cold. It was refreshing at first, the brisk autumn air on his slick pelt, however it didn't take long for the newborn to miss the heat. It was familiar and comforting after all despite the fact that his little paws were mildly burnt. His hearing was foggy but he managed to pick up sounds, words, his mother speaking to him. His name? He didn't register it, the silver catsune was too young for that concept. All he knew of was hunger.

Feeling a gentle paw pull him closer towards the soft warmth of his mother's exterior body, not as heated as the womb, the child would let out a slight odd and gruff sounding growl. It wasn't a normal sound that kittens made, and in due time, it would be very evident that his father's demon nature ran true through his blood stream. Anyhow, the oldest of the five was blissfully ignorant to the world, unaware that the sixth sibling did not make it. For now, it was good new for him, his mother's belly would not be crowded, and the silver colored youngster would find out shortly enough as he wriggled against Littlestar, searching for sustenance. But in hindsight, it was totally fucked. But of course, he was young, he was ignorant. Perhaps it should stay that way.

ARIZONA;;

The white feline didn't make her way over till she heard that one of the kits had died, then she had to go over. She made her way through the small crowd till she was close to the leader. Her brown eyes looked at the brunt kit before looking at the living ones, how did it get brunt so badly? Arizona knew better than to actually ask that, so she moved away for those who were more close to her to get near Littlestar. Her heart ached for the dead child, knowing that Lit was probably feeling a thousand times worse. But life was like this and she would make sure that Littlestar took good care of those kids. ""

(c)trexgirl

Life. What a wonderful mystery. How a jumble of cells became something as complicated as a being such as him--what a marvel. No such thoughts ran through the child's mind at the moment. Nathanael, he was named, though he had no understandings of the sounds that came through his ears. Hushed whispers died into the background as he shifted slightly, trying to find a spot against the warmth of his siblings. Hunger primeval instinctively pushed him towards the belly of mother, seeking milk. All he cared about was not his life, his new situation, or the dead child next to him, but the idea of sating his hunger.