LISTEN TO ME [open - visiting]
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It would always be in her mind. Finding Mercy's body had been as hard as finding her cousins body. Both completely different things, one was a murder and the other was a suicide, but they both gave her the empty feeling. Like her chest was merely a gaping cavity. It made her feel both sick and hopeless. And now she had kids. What would Mercy think, should she ever come back? She's not. She's never coming back. She's not a demon like Hestia. She's someone like me. And people like me don't magically come back from death. The brown eyes that Mercy had were constantly in her mind, watching her every move. Either they were judging her or they were worrying about her. Worry was such a Mercy thing to do. She had worried about other people all her life, hadn't she? And Littlestar never got the chance to return the favour because she was a stupid and selfish bastard. That privledge was.. was taken away by some fucking Bloodclanner. I'm going to hurt them. It was a promise she would keep to her grave. Just like she kept the promise to take care of the Cartel. I need to take a walk. Swollen with kids, the tabby limped outside. Exhaustion laced her golden eyes and by now Hawkclan was used to the sight of the preganant female so she just shrugged off her insecurities and headed out to the border.
She was glad she had. As soon as she saw Sekhmet sitting there, she felt something other then that gross emptiness. Recognition was the first. Second was curiosity; how was she taking it all? It seemed to have hit her worse then it had Little. So it was likely possible she still thought about it every day like Littlestar did. The dark grey tabby eyed up the Shadowclanner and then limped over. Briefly she was forgetting about her swollen belly and was instead studying her. "You.. what are you doing here?" Unlike normal, Littlestar didn't have an accusatory tone. She was actually curious. And empathetic. "Are you alright?" Tone was tired and she hid anything else she felt, whiskers twitching as she looked her over. I used to hate all Shadowclanners. But I just don't care as much anymore. She bit her lip and fidgeted with a blade of grass.
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✦ -- ✦ -- ✦ Ah, Sekhmet. He wondered if the news had reached her yet or if that Baskerville still was in Bloodclan and not had come back to Shadowclan yet to let them know about him being a dirty mother killer.
Of course he could tell her right here and now but it was more amusing for her to found out on her own. He did not owned her that information, to let her know one of her own clanmates had slaughtered Mercy. But she would found out, he know she would in someway and that was then the real fun begin. Dimitri was going to enjoy this, every single part of it. Not straight away he would act, wanting them to come for him, going to patient wait until then.Inu would slide up to stand beside Littlestar and the ears would fall backwards a bit as an uncertain look was so perfectly faked inside of this blue and red orbs. " H-Hello again... " Inu would feel guilt, to feel bad over what he had said back then. So obiviously he would let it be shown, even doing that little awkward shift with the paws. Clearing the throat would tiredly look up at the other vampire, his gaze looking exhuasted over the lack of blood he had drank for weeks now. Compared to turned vampires a pureblood could last longer without it, but even him had started to feel the after affects now. Dimitri needed to found a way to overcome it and he might have figured out a way. " I'm uhm, s-sorry for last time. I know it w-wasn't ya fault.. Mercy-san was ya f-friend too, so uhm, gomenasai."
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"I was going to ask you that same question. Well, the second one not the first one." The female spoke with a slow tone that pitched up a bit at the end. She was almost questioning why she as here. But she understood that Mercy and Litterstar had been close, closer than most and she respected that. Her eyes closed for a moment and she lifted a paw to rub at her face before she actually looked at Littlestar. Since the last time she had seen the female she didn't look this bloated. Was she eating more? People dying did strange things to the brain and she could be eating more to cope but she wasn't sure because it looked like more than that. "Ah, hang on. Okay, so I came here to check up on you. See how you were doing after everything." Frankly the Shadowclan vice leader hadn't been sleeping all too well. She was tired most days and with less sleep and less food her emotions were shifting and allowing the corruption in her veins to hold the reigns. Right now Windclan was feeling that but still she was trying her best to be herself, to be sane so that the haze didn't take her. "I also see you've um...blown up since I last saw you." She didn't know how to put it politely so she tired for a bit of a joke, forcing a humored smile onto her muzzle until that dog showed up. She would say that she didn't like Inu, not before and definitely not now. His apology almost made her sneer but she held it back for sake of not wanting anymore problems. Yet her head cocked to the side a bit at his words. "Mercy wasn't just my friend, she was the only family I had left." Half siblings be damned when she didn't know then and she didn't care to know them either. After all she'd killed their father and they were bound to be enemies because of that. "But I appreciate you clearing things up."
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You were? Littlestar wasn't quite sure where to look when Sekhmet admitted that and ended up looking off to the side at some random trees, golden eyes thinking. She wanted to know why. Sekhmet was an enemy. Surely she didn't care. Surely she only wanted pain for Littlestar- then again, I should be wanting the same thing for her too. I mean, she's an enemy. She's a ShadowClanner. Remember what they did to you? She tries, she really does. But nothing comes, just little embers in her belly that do nothing to hinder her mental state. "Oh. That's... different." The Monarch says in response, finally letting her golden eyes slide back to the Shaderunner, torn ears perked. "I also see you've um...blown up since I last saw you." Fuck. Heat swells in her cheeks and she lifts a paw, applying it to one side of her face. Littlestar coughs and realizes that Sekhmet is probably friends with Luca. Well, it's not like she has to say who the father is, right? Gnawing her lip, the charcoal furred tabby turns her embarrassment into annoyance despite the amused smile lacing the hybrids maw. "Yeah. 'Cos I'm pregnant." Littlestar says gruffly, lowering her voice despite knowing everyone in HawkClan knew that already. Inwardly the feline is cringing because she can only imagine the words running through the others head- slut, whore, far too young. I don't care about all that. They can think what they motherfucking want.
Thankfully the attention is briefly snatched by Inu who sidles up to her and apologizes for blowing up at Sekhmet the last time she was here. Truth be told, she didn't blame him for it. She was more surprised she didn't yell at Sekhmet herself. Anger, after all, was her main emotion. But no, she'd felt nothing. Just sadness. That gruelling emptiness. The only family Sek had. The Monarch lowers her head and expels a breath of air, whiskers twitching. Emotions were running high in the air right now and it was a little frightening how electric it was getting. Although the Shadowclanner decided to remain civil. "You answer my question first though. How are you doing?"
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Yeah, it was different. Enemies usually never cared about one another but for her she'd never had any bad blood with Hawkclan. Never wanted to cause them any pain or injustice so why go making enemies when she didn't need to. That being said she merely gave a half smile at the comment, shifting her shoulders a bit to try and relieve the tension growing in her muscles. It'd been a long day and she sighed a bit before the next words came forth from Littlestar. Pregnant!? Her eyes slightly widened a bit and she looked at the female who was younger than her, but then again everyone was younger than her in some way or another because of her entrapment. She felt so much older and her soul probably was if she still had one. Though Little would be wrong in thinking she'd think of her as a whore, or a slut. Hell, those words were best left being aimed at herself for how many creatures she had slept with as a means of coping and wild abandon when she had finally gotten her freedom. "Congratulations, ah. This may be a bit more than I deserve but um..." She cringed a bit at her own hesitance before sighing a bit and shaking her head a little. It wasn't like they were close but she...couldn't get pregnant and seeing kids was something she liked to do from time to time. She was old enough to be a mother herself but that life would never come unless she was not herself. "Would you mind if I came to see the children when they are born? Ah, who's the father by the way?" There was just a measure of curiosity in her tone before she perked up a bit more.
She wanted to know how she was doing first and she chuckled lightly, a bit of a rasp to the tone of it. "I'm just trying to live, hon. It's not easy anymore like it used to be but I'm trying." She wouldn't tell of her destructive streak, breaking her ribs, staring up fights and feuds. That was something she'd keep to to herself and she gave a light shake of her head before curling her thick tail against herself. "Now, it's your turn."
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Littlestar lowered her eyes when Sekhmets eyes widened at the news. Yeah, she knew it was shocking. Littlestar had freshly come out of apprenticeship and could remember being called 'Littlekit' quite easily. Still... she was pregnant. And there was no changing it. At Sekhmets change in tone, she perked back up, golden eyes curious, ears angled forwards. What could Sekhmet possibly be asking? She had no guesses. Oh! She wanted to see the kids? That idea both surprised Littlestar and.. made her think of Mercy. She and Sekhmet were related so in some way.. it was as if... no, don't think of it like that. It'll hurt if you do. ".. Of course." Her voice briefly slips up and it's for a split second that the smoke stops rolling off her body and the golden glow is gone only to reveal a anxious girl but it's back after the next question and she exhales, stub tail flickering. Dear god. She's either gonna hate it or love it. The tabby gnaws the inside of her mouth, trying to think. Answer honestly. It's all that you can do now. "Before I tell you, just know I didn't want t- that sounds bad, I just didn't.. I was really fucking drunk and I didn't mean for it to happen.. it was Luca. Luca Kagamine." She winces at the word. It was the first time she had told anyone so she lowered her voice a hell of a lot. HawkClan wasn't about to know what she'd done, no fucking way. It was shameful.
Trying. Yeah. It was the same for Littlestar. Except her trying was not working as well. She studied Sekhmet up until she nodded at her. "I am working it out, slowly. I know this is weird but I'm just more empty then angry. It's the first time I've ever properly felt that after a murder. My first thought wasn't immediately to kill whoever had done it but to weep." She had revealed way too much. Her eyes close and she attempts to backpedal. "But yeah. It's fine. BloodClan is gonna get what they deserve."
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Really she had thought she was going to be turned down. Besides she was a Shadowclanner and they weren't all to be trusted though her home was rather mellow as of late. So she held her own nerves at bay, wondering what she could be thinking right now. God, sometimes she hated having all of these conflicting emotions, ones she had never even known she was possible of having. True love, pain, attachments. They all made her crazy to an extent and she kept thinking of Fragilepast these days. She hated to admit it but she was terrified that the Thunderlands leader wouldn't allow them to be together. She didn't want to have to sneak around to see him and already she knew she wouldn't do it. She'd boldly walk to their border if she had to to see him. Though she as even more scared of him turning on her, breaking this bond that they have for the Thunderlands. She focused on Littlestar, halting her thoughts as she saw the anxious look upon her face, she was so young and with the world mounted on her shoulders. But she was more shocked that she had said she could see the kids. Her thick forked tail started to waver back and forth as she gave a light smile, one with warmth in it. "Thank you. I appreciate the sentiment." She breathed out, letting out a deeper breath since she had been holding it. Though she was interested in the fact that her voice had changed when she spoke and smoke stopped billowing from her body. Was this...normal her?
She couldn't question it for long since her attention was grabbed by more words. As she let out a bark of a laugh that she really hadn't meant to. "Luca?! As in my leader?" That bastard got the Hawkclan leader pregnant? That was some news but she wouldn't tell anyone else and she grinned then before shaking her head a bit. "Those kids are going to be a handful then. Don't worry, I have a feeling you didn't mean for this to happen but shit does happen. Some say for a reason and others don't think so much. If you ever need help with the kids, just call on me and I'll give a helping hand." Besides the hybrid had plenty of time on her hands, a lot more than she needed because thoughts plagued her often that she didn't want to think about. Life in Shadowclan was anything but boring for her and she lifted a paw to lightly press it against her muzzle. "Oh, you should have a baby shower. I should make gifts for them. There is a lot that we could do. Children are something to celebrate despite the circumstances." But she simmered away from that topic to glance up at the trees as Littlestar talked about how she was doing. Feeling empty, and cold. Lonely. She had felt that way and she still felt that way at times but she was trying to move it. Still it was difficult and she understood. "It's the first time I've felt like that too. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to lash out at Bloodclan but...I can't." Alliances dictated everything around here. "Ah, but if you need someone, you know, to talk to....." She trailed off not really knowing how to exactly phrase it but sh was here.
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TAGS ✦ ✧ ✦ — You'd think Littlestar would be more concerned about it all- letting a ShadowClanner come visit her kids when they were born. Truth was, she didn't believe Sekhmet would ever try and kill them. It was odd to say the least. Whilst this didn't amount to her fully trusting the hybrid, it did indeed mean there was some sort of trust. Her fathers voice rang in her mind, telling her to "never let her guard down". Littlestar nodded to herself. She wouldn't, ever. But this wasn't letting her guard down. This was her trying.
The barking laughter that erupted from Sekhmets muzzle was a little unexpected after the name reveal. She expected more shock then amusement and perhaps she was surprised but Littlestar was glad it wasn't pity or anything of a kind. She hated pity. "Yeah." Was all she said, shrugging a little. Sekhmet continued, unwaveringly, to offer support. Now that surprised Littlestar. Why did she want to help her all of a sudden? The tabby nodded though because she knew she'd need all the help she could get and she wasn't about to turn one away especially not one of Mercy's relatives. A baby shower?! "No way. I don't want everyone in the whole fuckin' world knowing I have kids." The Monarch scoffed, stub tail lashing. Imagine.. imagine what it would feel like. She didn't want to celebrate the children. She didn't want to have them in the first place, even if Sekhmet thought differently. Her golden eyes lifted back to the others face when she began to talk about how she felt too. The same? Oh yeah, BloodClan and ShadowClan were allies. That must.. really suck. "You can disguise yourself as someone else and participate in a raid against them, if ya want." It was mostly a joke but Littlestar wouldn't disagree if she actually wanted to do that. At the last sentence, she simply shrugged. "Same goes for you. Just come over here and.. I dunno, we can have some food and talk, whatever." Littlestar never expected this to be the outcome of today but, well, there you go.