Grief. It was the only thing that filled you up, but left you empty inside.
Emptiness had resided in Nightgaze's heart ever since the death of Stygianfire. Sure, she carried on with normal activities, overseeing the clan and sending out patrols, but there was something missing, like part of her insides had been permanently torn away. She knew that the time of being broken was over. She had to get up off the ground and carry on, or she'd stay down forever. Time moved on without her. But as she continued down the path of life, she couldn't help but stop every so often and glance back at what was, and what could have been.
Sometimes, Nightgaze would leave camp in the dead of night, traveling out to the open fields in the center of RiverClan territory to gaze upon the stars. There, she meditated, breathing in and out as the autumn breeze stirred her long fur. She was the river and the stars, the owl and the crow, the forest and the moor. She was grounded in reality, alone, existing in the present for those few moments in time. In those moments, nothing else existed. It was her coping mechanism, and it had worked to put her restless soul at ease, so far.
Tonight was one of those nights. The deputy lay in the field, still and silent as a perched raven, golden gaze trained upon the distant glimmer of stars against the backdrop of darkness. The tall grasses gently rustled, occasionally stirred by the cool breeze. Moments passed by, and the grasses rustled again.
Except this time, there was no wind.
Nightgaze tilted her head to the side, intently focused on the patch of undergrowth that had just been moving only a second ago. Had it been a vole? Surely she would have detected its distinct scent long before now.
Another rustle.
She turned, this time focused on the spot behind her. For a moment, her eyes darted to the side, and a flash of pale, transparent white moved across her field of vision. A tail and whiskers snaked into view, revealing the nearly invisible figure of a feline. Nightgaze remained still, keen gaze resting on the entity before her. Was it real? Had she fallen asleep, was she dreaming?
The wind picked up behind her, nearly lifted her from the grasses. The howling and whistling between the steams slowly grew into a crescendo, drowning out her thoughts. Another second in time passed, and the figure was gone.
Maybe for a moment, she could believe. Believe he was somewhere.
She was running. Her paws carried her forth, traveling over windswept hill and bramble. The moonwashed field stretched ahead of her, rolling into eternity, infinity. She could chase and chase forever, but she would never catch him. He was gone.
Nightgaze began to slow down, steadying her breathing and coming to a halt at the base of the slope. He moved on, separated by a boundary that she could not physically cross. If he continued to exist beyond her reach or not was a question she could not answer, but now, she wanted to believe.
//this is just kinda for character development lol