Takin' Care of Business (p, Lightningpaw)

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    OOC:

    IC: Lightning's initial snark actually did make Foreststar wilt a little. She had been so sure moments before that Lightning was just talking out of frustration, but now she wasn't so sure. Was she really so upset at her? Did she really think so little of her to use that kind of language on her, usually reserved for...well, everyone else Lightning didn't like? Bother, what was going on in this apprentice's head. Did Foreststar have some sort of leaderly power to make cats be honest that no one was telling her about? Because she felt like she could really use it right about now. And here she'd thought she had gotten okay with being this youth's...well, adult figure. Talking out of frustration or not, now she wasn't even sure where to set mental boundaries.

    Lightning's next outburst confused her even more, and it probably showed. 'Take it back'? Wasn't that a little petty? She knew Lightning didn't like Cougar, but still. Then it clicked that this whole thing was probably petty, and she put on the best steely leader face she could muster in the moment. Well, the whole point of getting up to spend the whole day training was to teach Lightning until she was barely awake enough to be snarky in the first place, so this could certainly serve as their first harder lesson. "Make me," she replied simply, getting to her feet with a bit of 'your majesty' in her movements. For all she was playing a high and mighty warrior over an apprentice, she was all too aware that if Lightning took the bait, she might have to fight as if this were a real battle, though without claws. She didn't exactly feel like losing a life to a new scar on her throat. Though, now that she thought about it, that might get the lesson through even better. Backup plan, however. No more laying around camp this leaffall.


    ✧----~ Lightningpaw blinked, confused at the two =-word utterance that came from her leader. She hesitated, unsure how to approach this. She hadn't meant to get her THIS upset, but she refused to apologize (she was the one who accused Light of being one with bloodclan! Even if......she didn't........actually...........It still hurt and wasn't worth apologizing over!) but she also didn't want to seriously fight Foreststar. The whole flash back thing still spooked her, and for all her snark and sass she really didn't want to hurt Foreststar any further. But if she backed off, she'd be a coward, or fail in whatever test Foreststar had in store for her. Was it a test? She could never tell with Foreststar!

    Bitting her lip, she took a step back, tail flicking as her confusion inadvertently flipped back her anger switch.

    But then, of course, it flipped right back because being angry was easier than thinking.


    Crouching down, Lightningpaw smirked, "If you say so," before lunging forward, aiming to ram her head into foreststar's chest while at the same time grabbing at her front paws, hoping to trip her, or in the very least distract her so she could bite

    TAGS

    OOC: lol why am I not surprised you're still awake


    IC: Foreststar almost thought she had snapped Lightningpaw out of whatever was going through her head...and then she'd smirked, and Foreststar knew they were doing this the hard way. Again. Would Lightning ever learn the gentle way? Bother.

    The head-on charge was obvious from a mile away. After all, Lightning had apparently learned her basics from a loner of some sort. Was it possible Foreststar was sleep-teaching? She doubted it. She hoped not. Memory-dreams and light sleeping were enough to juggle. At least she'd been planning to just dance around Lightningpaw's blows, though she wondered how long Lightning would keep the dance up. Trying her best to keep the neutral, 'leaderly' look, Foreststar hopped aside to try to avoid the attack--though close enough to let Lightning brush the ends of her pelt, and admittedly hopefully frustrate Lightning with a show of experience. This was going to be fun. Yep.


    ✧----~ //;3

    Judging by the twitch in her mentor's jaw, Lightningpaw had failed the test. why did it always have to be tests with Foreststar? She just wanted to get better at fighting! She just wanted to spend time with her mentor for starclan's sake! Letting out a frustrated growl as her attack missed, the molly skidded on her paws and pushed off, aiming this time for forest's ears, front paws extended.



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    OOC:

    IC: Foreststar figured that a frustrated Lightning would just pounce again the moment they both whirled around, though where she would target was the question. And for such a quick decision, she would have to let her instincts steer for a moment. As Lightning launched her next pounce, Foreststar's impulse was to take a step back out of the way, but apparently her instincts caught the higher angle of the attack and made her duck and crouch a little to try to avoid it, hopefully letting her apprentice go soaring over her.


    ✧----~ Letting out a furious hiss as she missed, she nearly forgot to focus on the upcoming impact of her paws on the ground. She tensed, absorbing the blow of her pads on hard soil, she twisted in the air so she was once more facing Foreststar even before her hind legs touched the surface. She launched herself after foreststar as soon as she was able, roaring angrily as she once more aimed to swipe at her mentor's chest and legs, frustration making her movements wild.



    TAGS

    OOC: I LIVE

    let's see if I can remember how to write Foreststar o3o


    IC: Foreststar noticed the growing frenzy of Lightningpaw's movements, and took a calm step back with each swipe to try to make the blows just barely miss. She wondered briefly if she should let one draw blood to snap Lightning out of it. But how many times would a trick like that work, really? For some reason she doubted Lightning would remain susceptible to sympathy, but something deeper down told her it was a part of her apprentice. The trick, Foreststar supposed, was how much she learned to use that part of her. But that was more overall; right now the trick was to wear Lightning down and hopefully teach her something.


    ✧----~ Lightningpaw continued to growl and gasp furiously as her swipes continued to miss. But she couldn't bring herself to stop, even as her breath came out more clipped with every beat she continued to charge, launch and pounce. Foreststar's irritatingly calm expression only made her push harder. She wasn't going to lose! Not this time! Not again!

    Snarling loudly, Lightningpaw surged forward once more after Foreststar pulled back, throwing her front paws out to hopefully tangle around Foreststar's leg while she also tried to bite into Foreststar's shoulder.



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    OOC:

    IC: The pounce was a surprisingly clanlike move, albeit fueled by rage. Between the familiarity and the proximity, Foreststar habitually started to rear up as Lightning caught onto her to try to shake her off. If that didn't work, she would soon realize just where Lightning was and try to crane her neck around to bite Lightningpaw's scruff--not hard enough to nip or draw blood, but hopefully firm enough to get the point across.


    ✧----~ Lightningpaw, sadly, was no powerhouse. After a leap and a charge and a pounce here, then there than here again, even a cat fueled by frustrated adrenaline couldn't keep it up for long. It didn't help that the satisfaction of finally landing a punch made her relax - even just slightly was enough. Letting out a grunt of rage as the bite to her neck immediately made Lightningpaw let go, the molly fought one last time to grip harder on Foreststar's shoulder before finally giving in.

    Letting go, the flame-point, exhausted from her hopping around, finally slid to the ground, panting. Perhaps if she hadn't been so focused on her anger, and frustration that she hadn't hit anything, she would have done a much better job. But for now, the young woman seethed on her spot on the floor, hating that she had lost.

    Again.




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    OOC:

    IC: Foreststar was finally starting to see that Lightningpaw probably needed lessons pointed out on top of demonstrated, or at least probably this one. So this time she did, though she tried not to sound scolding or demeaning. Advising, preferably. "Lightning, you cannot let your battles be fueled by emotion only," she started, stepping back and licking the spot that the apprentice had bitten, "or your actions. We'll call this lesson number one. Notice, you ran out of steam; you threw attacks blindly and, I would guess, without strategy." She crouched and laid down to try to get on the apprentice's eye level, rather than stand over her preaching. "Emotions are certainly important, both to a cat's health and to their morals. And any fight worth having needs a good reason behind it. But such drives need logic and planning behind them, to temper them into something actually productive. I knew you were young and you were attacking out of rage, and so I wore you down; you knew I would try to feign attacking at first, and so you sidestepped it." Bother, she'd talked too much, hadn't she? Lightning would probably just claw her muzzle instead of listen...


    ✧----~ But Lightningpaw kept her claws to herself and her ears angled towards her leader and mentor. Of course, the maturity ended there, as Light refused to get back up and spitefully looked away, pouting into the distant foliage at the edge of the training grounds. She hated losing. She hated that she was being explained WHY she had lost. She hated, even more, that she didn't quite know how to NOT lose using the knowledge given to her.

    She was never good at stamping down her emotions, after all.

    After a bit of huffing, the molly finally rolled her shoulders, then sighed heavily, letting them fall limply. She hesitated just one second, then she allowed just one wall to fall as she glanced back at her leader. She felt her cheeks redden with shame, knowing she was about to be a whiny little vulnerable piece of trash, but she needed to know or else she'd never be able to focus on this training session. So, sucking in a breath, she met Foreststar's gaze with an not-very-well supressed look of hurt? Fear? in her eyes, before looking away quickly and mumbling into the dirt -


    "Am I really like Cougar?"



    TAGS

    OOC: where did this come from o3o

    IC: Foreststar almost kicked herself for hurting Lightning's pride--apparently she didn't know her apprentice so well after all?--but then she muttered about Cougar, and the snowy molly was simultaneously relieved and confused. She paused, slightly gaping, trying to figure out where Lightningpaw was coming from. Did she mean Cougar as a Bloodclanner? Cougar as a murderer? Cougar as an outsider? Foreststar compared them as people herself; they were both strong willed cats with potent emotions that made their paths wind like rivers. But something told her Lightningpaw didn't see it so positively, or even in shades of realistic gray. What was she thinking, then??

    Foreststar's tail tip curled anxiously as she fished for what to say, hesitating for just a moment. The last thing she needed was for Lightningpaw to take her the wrong way. Soon, though, she simply sighed and stepped over to sit at her apprentice's side.

    "I think you and Cougar are alike in that you both have powerful emotions that make your paths more rocky than the average clan cat's," she started, opting for honesty. "And I don't think that such emotions are necessarily a bad thing. Before she fell down a dark path, Cougar was a strong leader. She'd even been willing to take her clan to battle against me and Thunderclan for what she'd thought was the best path for Riverclan. I don't know what exactly happened to her after that, but she's obviously been making an effort to be the cat she wants to be, despite odds and fear in herself and others, and I've seen you do that too. But I don't think you mean like that."

    Foreststar sighed sympathetically and curled her tail around Lightning, though she was half expecting to have to move it again. Starclan, she hoped she wasn't being a windbag. Was it getting worse with age? "If you mean are you like her when she was with Bloodclan...honestly, Lightningpaw, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to say." Her ears flattened for a split second and swiveled back up again. That sounded awful, and this next bit of honesty was embarrassing to admit. "I don't know if you've just been...secretive, lately, or if we've just been busy, or what. But I just...feel like we haven't been around each other much lately. And from what I have seen of you, I feel like something has...gotten clouded." The snowy leader's ears flattened back and stayed back, the frustration and embarrassment and worry becoming hard to hide. "But I've always felt something good in you, and I'm always rooting for it."


    ✧----~ Cougar, the cat who killed Foreststar.

    When Foreststar had looked at her, in the beginning of all this fighting, with such fear, it has scared the molly. It had, and not the good kind of fear, either. The kind that made you exited right after, that pumped you up for more danger - to conqure that danger! This was the kind of fear that made you want to hide and cover your eyes until it was gone, disappeared, forgotten. But Lightningpaw wasn't very good at forgetting. And even if she was, how could she in this incident? Lightningpaw had made Foreststar scared. She had brought on a bad memory. A bad experience.

    If Lightningpaw did that, then who's to say Forest would stick around?


    Chin still digging into the dirt, she looked up as Foreststar spoke. The moment of hesitance had made Lightningpaw want to cave in on herself. Both regretting her show of weakness, and terrified for her answer. But fearful as she was, she listened. She wanted to know. She wanted to change. She liked making cats scared, but not when they were Foreststar.

    Everyone could go jump off a cliff for all she cared.


    Lightningpaw made no attempt to brush away Foreststar's tail. and instead leaned towards it. She was a bit embarrassed to admit it, but she liked it when Foreststar acted like this. Like a mom. And like a good daughter, Lightning soaked up Foreststar's wisdom, and mauled over it thoughtfully, staring at the dirt ground stretching before her.

    Finally, she pushed off from the floor and sat up straighter. Though her gaze remained on the ground, Lightningpaw sighed heavily. She felt like a completely different cat when she was around Foreststar. She didn't need to be tough, or impress her. She could trust her, with everything behind the walls. And so, of course, she did.


    "Im not very good at being...well, good, but I don't want to be evil, either," she admitted, still flushed with how vulnerable she was acting. Starclan, it was cringe worthy! But she swallowed and pushed onward, wanting one cat - Foreststar - to understand. Trusting that she would. "I don't want to scare you like that. Not you." she shuffled her feet, frustrated as she tried to find the words to explain herself. "But I don't want to be passive, either. I want to be strong - I want to be that version of Cougar that made the bad guys, the enemies, scared. I dont - I just - I can't..."

    Pressing a paw to her face, she felt her shoulders hunched, "I keep messing up! Everytime I think things are finally turning out okay, that maybe ill finally be okay, someone else slips under my paws again! Creambounce, and peachmoon...If we don't bring Peach back, than what am I supposed to do?"

    "and it just makes me so angry! I hate this! I hate being so useless and weak and pitiful all the d*mn time! I couldn't beat the fire, I couldn't beat nightstar or the bloodclanners, I can't beat off two-legs - so how am I supposed to defend the cats I care about?"

    She looked at Foreststar, her single blue ocular bright with the promise of tears, "how am I supposed to make sure you don't leave, too, if all I ever do is the wrong thing...?"



    //woops dishing out the sad haha

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    OOC:


    IC: Foreststar's worry was momentarily surprised away as Lightning began. She'd been expecting the apprentice to tease or yowl about the obvious worry and embarrassment--but not only did she get anything but that, but she also got a lot of honesty from Lightningpaw. Were they both asleep, by chance? Had Foreststar actually slept in today? No, this moment was much too vivid to be a dream. She pushed the awe away and focused on Lightning's rare moment of openness with all those emotions that made her path wind like the river. She figured she owed her troubled apprentice that much.

    Though, to be honest, she probably wouldn't have been able to find the words to interrupt anyway. To any other cat, a lot of Lightningpaw's worries would seem petty, but Foreststar--tentatively--thought she knew her apprentice well enough to see where she was coming from. A young cat wanting to be just like those big strong warriors she'd seen from the nursery door. Forced to muscle through more in her apprenticeship than most cats felt in their whole lives. Fiery and eager to be a hero. Why then did she act like a villain? Maybe even she wasn't sure.

    At least, that was Foreststar's guess. She'd been wrong before.

    As Lightningpaw turned to her, clearly bearing her heart in her one, lefftover eye, Foreststar hesitated for just a moment. Again. Bother. She didn't want to say the wrong thing, she wanted to find the right words to assuage the fiery youth's worries. And frankly, this much honesty emotion from a usually angry cat was a lot to feel for. Eventually she pulled herself together with a small sigh and gave Lightningpaw a sympathetic lick between the ears.

    "I don't think I could ever just leave you like that, Lightningpaw," she started quietly. "I don't think I have that in me. I don't think I'll ever have to find out if I do, either; you've saved countless cats before, and done your duties as an apprentice even when your training was slowed to a crawl. In times of hardship, a clan needs every paw, for hunting if not for moral support as a family." Bother, she was slipping between mentorship and honesty. "You've attacked kits and come out of battles looking worse than your opponent, but you've also helped Pumpkinpatch's kits survive the fire and hunted for your clan despite droughts and fires and floods. Honestly, no apprentice should have to feel like they are the first line of defense for their clan, their family. Apprentices are supposed to learn--about the world, about themselves, about how to be there for their clan as a warrior." Ugh, she was doing it again. Thank Starclan she wasn't a queen!

    Bother, what had she even been saying? "Cougar...when she was out to scare her 'enemies'...she was in a lot of pain." Don't ask how she knew without Cougs telling her firsthand. She could just kinda...tell. That was a thing you could do after staring despair in the face every time you took a drink for how many moons. "I don't know precisely from what, but that much is obvious to me. That kind of pain does strange things to a cat--including warp their sense of who they want to be. A warrior...a cat, shouldn't have to scare people to get a point across. I, at least, have never seen it make a conversation easier or make a speaker more eloquent. I have seen it keep kits safe, though, and dogs quivering with fear. But I think that's a mistake we all make sometimes." Leaders sure did, and she certainly wasn't exempt. Her grumpy eye was probably well known throughout the clans by now.