god must be a lonely man — private

once upon a time, she'd been a girl, with a family, joining a clan. she'd been small and timid, named starry for the way her fur seemed to glow in just the right light. once upon a time, she'd been young and innocent and naive to the cruelty of the world.

her mind clouded most of the memories. naturally, she tried to suppress the memories of her father, of the pain inflicted upon her and her siblings. she tried not to remember the way he'd tossed her half dead body on top of her brothers, buried beneath her little sister, in the makeshift grave. he's though he'd killed them, thought he'd gotten rid of them. but humans came and unburied their little bodies and starry was whisked away, taken in by kind humans who fed her real meat and pampered her. still, she held that curious heart, wanting something more, and abandoned her comfortable life.

so many months later, eleanor tried not to remember her beginnings. she was grown now, nearly twenty four months old, a proper adult. she was not little or frail, she was not to be easily broken. she was strong, and even when she was breaking, she held to it. she held her pride and grace and never resorted to childish begging.

but, pride be damned, eleanor was hungry. she hadn't eaten in days, and her delicate frame was starting to look more fragile. she was mindful of borders, she stayed out of clan territory when trying to hunt, but, it wasn't as though it made much difference. grown up as she might be, pretty as she might be, age and pearly smiles didn't catch food.

believing she was alone, and not really caring if she wasn't, eleanor lie on the border, just a tree-length beyond the windclan scent line, staring at the sky, at little clouds that looked like tasty rabbits. she was starving, and had half a mind to go clan-to-clan begging. but the feline had far too much pride for that, and she knew that clan's were not often going around, giving food to poor loners who didn't know how to feed themselves.

Jasper..  

[ eleanor rn ]

eleanor had been fantasizing about some nice plump rabbit, half the size of her, big enough to feed her for a full day, when she heard a voice, caught a scent. a windclanner - oh, joyous. he seemed friendly enough, not ready to scold her for lounging near the barrier.

with a bit of effort, the fem rolled onto her stomach, propping herself in a sitting position, head level and facing the male. this was one windclanner she hadn't met yet. she wondered if he was a warrior, or perhaps a medicine cat. weren't the healers supposed to be especially friendly? he seemed friendly enough.

wait, no, he was a -star. he was the leader. pert of her hissed that she ought to sit up and smooth down that ivory fur and look half presentable. but she was tired and hungry and a little hot, and no leader was worth that much effort, not on a day like this.

"eleanor. charmed, jasperstar." she introduced herself with a friendly enough smile, hoping she hadn't lost that little bit of charisma that she'd possessed in her kithood. "dreaming about food. i'm afraid i've learned that i'm a poor hunter." she said with a chuckle, rolling her neck on her shoulders in a lazy sort of stretch.

her eyes widened when the leader himself offered to feed her. she was proud, and didn't want to accept charity, but wasn't refusing a gift rude? at least, that was the logic the ivory fem used to justify letting that smile widen.

"the windclan leader himself? oh my, i'd be honored. and very greatful." she said, sitting up a little straighter, giving her chest fur a few quick licks, those her fur was most always in good order. if he was going to help, she could at least look presentable, right? it was only good manners.

"i knew that windclan would be a good place to hang around for a while. i'm sure some dirty shadowclanner would've skinned me for my hide by now." she said, feeling almost obligated to say something nice of the male's people. "i bet it's all the sunlight you guys get, out here on the moors. bet it makes you guys, like, saner. happier." she nodded her head a little at this, talking herself into her own made up science.

eleanor smiled further, delighted that the male was, in fact, genuinely kind. "i used to know how to hunt, as a kid. but i'm afraid i've, er, forgotten." she explained, hoping he wouldn't think her entirely dumb, running off with no skills. she'd only been too confident in years old skills.

she was surprised that he offered to let her come. glancing over her shoulder, as if for onlookers, she eyed the border, a few feet away. "on, uh, on what side?" she asked, hesitant. she didn't want him causing trouble for himself, wandering about in loner land - and she didn't want to cause trouble for him, marching around in windclan territory.

after another moment's hesitation, the fem nodded, staying quiet as she picked her way across the border, wary as to not to disrupt the neat scent line with her own foreign smell. she stayed quiet when turning her gaze to the leader, ready to follow but not wanting to spook any prey.

[rushed!!]

eleanor followed a few paces behind the leader, eyes wide and observant. she did her best to pick up the scents of prey, but all she tasted in the air was windclan. she froze when he motioned for her to still, and felt her heart speed up with the excitement, the thrill of the hunt, that she wasn't participating in. she held her breath as he stalked, and for a moment, it felt like the world had stilled.

then he pounced and made the kill.

"wow!" she breathed, eyes wide with excitement. "that's so cool! i forgot how exciting hunting is, and not just for, like, eating. the thrill of the hunt, the stalking, the pouncing - it's amazing!" she said, growing increasingly excited at the events that had passed, eyes wide and a grin plastered on her face.

smiling at the offer, the loner nodded. "any help would be appreciated - i don't know what i'm going wrong." she confessed with a small chuckle.

manners to the wind, eleanor went to town, taking a few sizeable bites before pausing- "d'you want some?" she offered after swallowing, clearly embarrassed at her poor manners. damn hunger.