we're not speaking — private

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    [i'm not a huge taylor swift fan, but i'm just imagining their relationship as like 'the story of us' from jay's pov. idk, i'm trash.]


    fate was a wicked, cruel woman.


    for nearly three seasons, she'd done so well. she'd kept jayflight out of her sight, out of her mind. she focused on fixing everything they'd fucked up, and now, nine months later, she'd almost forgotten him. forgotten the way he'd made her feel, the way he looked against the moonli-


    she didn't love him. she knew better than to love, she knew what it could do to you. love was dangerous; it was a flame hovering too close to the underbrush, threatening to burn down her psyche like a wildfire.


    aspenheart clung to her sanity by a thread, and he could make it snap so easily.


    and yet, here she was, waiting for him, for a two person patrol. she couldn't have refused it - it'd oust the secret she so desperately clung to for so very long. she couldn't tell anyone that he'd be the end of her one day. no, no - aspenheart upheld that calm composure that she always held. however, there was a nervousness, a discomfort, in them when she waited just outside of camp for him.


    hopefully, she'd survive this patrol.


    ( oaksand )  


    jayflight

    // id never listened to that song before but it suits SO well for this lmao

    especially the part where they walk over and just say nothing he


    Jayflight had always been told he was lucky. Handsome looks, a solid fighter and a killer smile making a very well-oiled machine of a cat. Well to those who called him lucky he wants to tell them now to shove that lie right where the sun don't shine. For real? A patrol with his ex? Could life get much shittier? His relationship - if you could even call it that - with Aspenheart had always been strained and forced conversations only when necessary. It all came from a brief meeting they'd had where she had said 1. She was pregnant with his kits and that 2. He should have nothing to do with them.


    Now his kits were all grown up and all he could do was watch them from afar with a growing ache in his heart. Of course he respects her boundaries for her family, and solely her family, but that doesnt make it any easier. Especially when his heart still twinges painfully at the sight of her. Her beauty was one that made all other cats in the area dim in importance, he's always felt. Your attention just gets drawn straight to her like a moth to a flame.


    And just like that dumb moth flying into the fire, Jayflight makes his way over to Aspenheart for their patrol. A few feet away the siamese has no idea what to do, tail twitching expectantly. Other femmes or toms he's as smooth as could be, but it was hard to be smooth around a cat who clearly wanted nothing to do with him.


    "Alright," He drawls with a small grin in Aspenhearts general direction. "Lets get this show on the road."




    tags

    maybe, once upon a time, they could have been good. no, great. her mother always encouraged them to find good mates, smart and strong, people with good genetics, people going places. and that was jayflight. he was a good match, especially for her - she hadn't any doubt that, if they'd waited just a little longer, her mother would have encouraged the relationship. not love, never love - but she would have approved of aspenheart's choice in a father for her children.


    even still, their litter was wonderful. a perfect bled of their intelligence, strength, and attractive features. if they'd been a little older, maybe they could have been happy, a good little family.


    but they weren't. at the end of the day, aspenheart knew her mother would now disapprove of anyone she was involved with. lavenderfur ever knew it was jayflight, she'd be angry tenfold. the warrior knew her mother was controlling, quick to temper, but she was a lose canon - and aspenheart couldn't say with absolute certainty that her mother wouldn't do something very bad to punish jayflight for his actions.


    punish him for their action, just as she'd been punished for hers.


    when the siamese approached, aspenheart was all business, playing the good warrior that she played every single day. standing with perfect posture, each step long and easy, she began walking, figuring he'd keep up. figuring she didn't have the sanity to look at him and exchange pleasantries.


    "i figured we'd take a quick tour of the loner border." she said, her tone cool, calm - not showing the anxiety she felt inside. she was good at that.

    Startling at her sudden motion, it takes Jay a moment to catch up to her. All that training must have paid off. It was a memory that tainted his mind, seated in the warriors den being lazy whilst Aspenheart worked her hardest to be in every place at every moment, all under the watchful gaze of Lavenderfur. There had always been an undercurrent of tension between the mother and daughter that Jay was lowkey glad he wasn't playing a part in ... at least, he didn't intend to.


    Her gaze was as straight-forward as her words. The loner border, huh? He tries not to side-eye Aspenheart as the memories of tailing after her for their night together moons ago come springing to his mind. So like this time but so different. He hadn't aged a bit where Aspy had seemed to do a 180. Trying to repress the memories that make his pelt warm, he clears his throat and keeps his gaze forwards as well.


    "Sure - how quick are we talkin'?" Maybe as quick as our relationship, he snorts aloud at the thought.


    tags

    she heard him clear his throat. as long ago as it was, they'd been friends once. friends, then something more, then nothing at all. still, somewhere along the way, the warrior picked up a thing or two about jayflight. or, maybe it was just men in general.


    "keep your mind on the job, jay." she said quietly, coolly. she didn't have the space in her head to think about things from oh so long ago. that'd been last autumn, an eternity ago. she'd fallen away like the leaves, and what re-grw come spring and summer was something strong enough to withstand the cold, desolate place of her heart.


    she could get used to being alone. everyone did, eventually. she was so close to being there, it was just within her reach.


    eyes focused on the path ahead of them, unwavering and attentive to their surroundings, she kept up her pace. "it's our biggest border. if we walk fast, it shouldn't take more than an hour." she reasoned, flicking an ear as she considered it.

    He clenches his eyes shut at being caught out so easily. Damn it, he was hoping she hadn't noticed but obviously his subtly still left something to be desired. "Sorry," Jay chokes out awkwardly. "I know it's been moons but I'm still ... adjusting." He settles on eventually but it sounds so better in his head. Where Aspen had gone through a whole cycle of re-growth, Jay was more like that one stubborn leaf that refused to leave the tree no matter how withered and battered it became.


    "Yup and then an hour back." Jayflight chuckles lowly, now keeping good pace with the lean femme. "Might as well pull out a few mice, kick back and gossip - looks like this is going to be a long one."


    //lowkey maybe a loner shows up and thinks their out for a ""couples walk"" lmao

    make it more awkward for the babs >)


    tags

    she wasnted to snap at him. point out that still adjusting was a luxury she did not get. that, if she couldn't dwell on it, he shouldn't be allowed to either. all he'd done was go for a wild night under the stars - he got the easy end of the deal. he didn't have to be pregnant, he didn't have to make hard decisions, she made them for him. he didn't have to work until the point of exhaustion just to go home and entertain children for what felt like hours. he didn't have to deal with the humiliation, the ridicule for her age. he didn't have to deal with their children hating him. he didn't have to deal with her kin hating her, he didn't have to endure the punishments her mother put her through.


    she wanted to point out that he had it easy. all he had to do was move on, forget, and he couldn't even do that little bit of work, put in the tiny bit of effort.


    she refrained, though. she kept herself from snapping, from scolding him for acting like some heartbroken child. instead, she clenched her jaw, let out a heavy exhale, and unclenched it. calm, cool, composed. "adjusting is the least you could do, jay." she said quietly, pain and anger and frustration seeping into the undertones of her words.


    this is going to be the longest hour of my life.


    [i love that idea!! adds to the awkwardness, ha ha]

    // ahh great they can like stumble on them lol

    also im totally making jay the dude who like has no idea about how hard pregnancy is and thinks its easy lol


    Despite being a well trained warrior and hunter, Jay can be completely clueless when it came to some basic concepts. He knew next to nothing about pregnancy expect that a mam and pops where involved and that kits appeared at some point. Perhaps he would have a better grasp on the idea if he'd been there with Aspen whilst she struggled through all the complications that came with kit-bearing. But he'd only seen her composed and from afar, and bringing up their kits wasn't exactly a good conversation to have in camp where her prying family lurked around every pine, it seemed.


    The loners' border is in sight and Aspenhearts' jaw is clamped tight, so Jay desperately goes back in his head to try and figure out what he might have said wrong. "C'mon Aspy," He chides a little bit, giving her a confused look from blue eyes. "You have to know I wanted to do the most for our - your kits." He corrects at the end.



    tags

    [aspen's just like low key comparing their pain and insisting that he shouldn't feel anything at all lmao, like he shouldn't hurt not having their kinds. rip heartless aspen]


    he spoke again, and aspenheart refrained from reacting at this point. she just let the anger, the frustration, the annoyance bubble up inside of her, bottled up and contained. some days, she wondered if all of this, the anger, the frustration, every single feeling she'd kept inside for so long, would turn to some poisonous bile within her. a tumor, maybe. maybe it'd kill her. that would be a suitable end, wouldn't it? at least for her.


    "jay, you got the easy end of the deal. you don't have to deal with the taboo of being a young mother. you don't have children who hate you. you don't have a mother who'd rather you be dead than an embarrassment to the family, you don't have a brother who'd be happy to do the deed, to rid the bloodline of a stain." she said, her voice quiet, calm, forever collected. her words were sharp, but the delivery was polite, like remarking on the beautiful sunset.


    she did, however, shoot him a dity look, a deep frown marring her lovely features. "you know, i almost didn't make it through labor. too young, too frail. but i bore that weight myself - you've always had the easy end, jay."

    ooc // shes reached her aspe-ration of being heartless lmao


    Listing it all out like that each dot more heartbreaking than the last, Jay had to admit that .... yeah. Not only had he got the easy end of the deal but Aspens' life super sucked to put it lightly. True he didn't have to worry about being a young mother but, quite unintentional, her words open up an old wound he thought had healed over. You don't have a mother - that's when Jayflight started to cut off his emotions.


    It had been close to when Aspen had started to show her pregnancy that both his parents had died due to tree falling on them, killing both instantly. They'd been out on a nice evening walk to celebrate their kits doing well in apprenticeship when it happened. Out of the blue. Like trading two lives for the lives of Aspen and his kits. Sadness passes over his gaze, and he doesnt look at Aspen when he replies.


    "You're right. I'm not even going to pretend that I had any hardship in the kits being born ... but I still have feelings, Aspen. I respect your decisions but you gotta respect that it does still hurt for me - seeing our kits walk around with parts of both of us in their faces and pelts, passing by them and not being able to give them the type of love my parents gave me, seeing you getting torn up about them not lovin' you-" He bites his tongue and pulls himself together, picking up speed a little. Even ghosting over those words stung. "I can't just turn that off."


    And just like it was back when he was a naive apprentice following a pretty apprentice around, his feelings still flooded out. Aspen was trying to stop that flood and had mostly succeeded, but his feelings for her and the kits still came through drip by drip like a leaky tap.


    tags

    you'll learn, she wanted to tell him. you'll get used to the pain. but she held it back, because she knew he wouldn't. no matter how much she wanted, needed, him to get over all of it, she knew he wouldn't. because he'd been raised in a loving, functional family. he'd been raised in a life where you could get a happily-ever-after.


    he hadn't been raised in the dark sort of world she had.


    she bit back these words and turned her eyes ahead of them once more, walking a bit slower this time. "jay, loving you almost ruined my life." she said, quieter this time, blue eyes shifting to the ground before her as she walked. "i'm still picking up the pieces. everything i've done was to protect you and our children. i can't keep doing it if you won't let me move on."


    there was a subtle hint beneath her words. a whisper of a suggestion. whether he'd hear it or not, though, was the real question.

    ooc // literally this song is them lol


    The stark difference in their parenting hadn't been lost on Jayflight, but the implications of being brought up in a family like Aspens' was a mystery to him. All he'd known his life was love, so would it be such a surprise he thought he'd found a girl who'd want to share that kind of life with him? Aspen had spelt it out for him - a one night thing - but his stupidly romantic heart made him fall for her. He still hadn't stopped falling.


    "From what it sounds like it did ruin your life." He chuckles mirthlessly. Having been walking quickly, Aspens' words almost get lost in the wind. Stop. Re-wind. Play again. Slowing down, he glances back at her. There's a tinge of hope in his eyes but it quickly crumbles. "You know I can't stop you doing anything, Aspy. I... I'm willing to help pick up some of those 'pieces' if you'll let me." He aims to keep his voice as level and calm as hers is, but knows the hope is clear in his voice.


    His heart was tearing apart. Was this her saying she might still hold something for him? Or was this just another 'curiousity' thing? Hell maybe she just wanted to blow off some steam. Whatever it was, Jayflight was a romantic but he was also a tom, y'know?


    tags

    [lmao, jay's writing in his diary like "dear diary, idk if she wants to get married or fuk, but i'm down for whatevs]


    her smile was grim, almost bitter, when she shot it at him. "how funny it'd be, if we all ended up the perfect little family. a little late, but happily-ever-after still." she said, before giving a small shake of her head.


    "i've fucked up enough, jayflight. my life isn't one of those happily-ever-after fairytales, i don't get that. people like me don't get that. you should find a nice girl who isn't ruined, go ride off into the sunset with her."


    [low muse rip]