lifeboat [ o, suicide attempt ]

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    picks up right from this thread: I'VE GOT PROBLEMS [ o, "confessions" ]


    Running blindly with a set of injured lungs didn't hurt as much when you were fleeing your most recent fuck-up. At least the woods provided some form of safety from prying eyes.


    The boy skidded around a gnarled tree trunk, paws scrabbling at the soil to steady himself as he pressed his back up against the bark, tears pricking at his eyes and scratches from stray thorns stinging across his legs. After a moment of harsh and raspy panting, Beck slumped against the tree, pulling his paws towards him in defeat. The whole fiasco that hadn't even happened a full hour ago felt like a foreign memory to him. His mind immediately went to its prime coping method: forgetting. Accusing and shouting at Pris had been recorded as a blur in his memory, even what exactly he wrote down on that damn paper wasn't clear. Outwardly, he appeared to of calmed down after cowardly retreating, but Beck was still in turmoil. Biting down on the insides of his cheeks even when the nerves in the tissue started to pinch in pain, the boy numbly unraveled the bandages bound around his torso. Because of the sudden exertion, the wound marring his back and opening into his lungs tore at the healing edges, and fresh red stained the gauze previously protecting it. Rolling the bandaging into a ball and tossing it away in bitterness, Beck ruffled out the flattened and sticky fur once hidden by constricting cotton and lowered his chin onto his paws, eyes lost in darkened thoughts as they began to swim in shameful tears again.


    Absentmindedly, his paw outstretched to the roots of the tree, rifling around underneath before pulling out a neon orange bottle with beady white pills rattling around inside. Sedative, stolen right from the medicine den under their noses. He had been using them to try and force away insomnia, but now... The exact name was unknown, but that didn't matter. Already, he was fumbling to twist off the lid. But, Beck hesitated. What if Pris was right? Tears were still leaking from his eyes as he froze, one paw clasped around the top of the prescription bottle and the other prested against his chest to feel his heartbeat. He had killed innocent animals to get a second chance, and he was about to throw it all away. Maybe he should just talk to someone-


    "Oh, look, Becky's crying again. What's he whining about now?" The manifestation of his inner hatred chirped up from next to him, leaning against the tree in a much more casual fashion, eyes even closed before he opened one to glare back at the other boy.


    Beck didn't react at first, only giving a broken glance at Pad. Then his ashen lips tightened and trembled, and before he knew it, a meek sob escaped his fluttering chest. "Just leave me alone!"


    The illusion gave a wicked smile, the mocking grin splitting wide across his maw as he launched into his venomous words. "Face it, Beck! They already hated you, yet you still believe them! You really think they would miss you? They wouldn't care, and if they did, they would celebrate! You don't deserve another chance, anyways," Pad growled, the sunlight filtering through the forest roof causing his form to appear translucent and thinner than paper, but then his voice softened, "You never had another chance in the first place. You're damaged. You will never be normal. You will always end up alone in the end. Ska'arq doesn't love you- he can't love anything. Aren't you tired of fighting? I know I am. We just want to rest. What's the point of fighting through another 500 years when at the end of everything, they'll all die and be free? And we'll still be trapped."


    As Pad spoke, Beck tried to ignore him and back away but eventually the struggle to remove the bottle's lid escalated as he grew more and more upset, "Stupid...childproof...caps!" He was trying to bite the lid off, the white cap clenched between his pearly teeth, when Pad's words began to somber, peering upwards as he began to agree. He didn't want to be alone anymore, he didn't want to fight anymore. "Limbo would be better than this hell. Just end it." Encouraged, Beck finally popped off the lid and tilted the bottle back, emptying all the pills into his maw.

    /whoops probably should mention he didn't actually ingest the pills yet

    // not gonna lie i cried

    //also, are beck and the illusion talking aloud? i will edit my post if not


    vega was "damaged" mind herself, a late night walker just like beck. she kept her head down, eyes slitted closed as she wandered the lusher parts of the forest, letting the chirping crickets fill her ears and drown her thoughts. maybe thats why she was more depressed in the winter? less night-time walking?


    her own churning mind was disturbed by a rather broken voice, one that sent chills down her spine. the serval crept closer, head lowered to the ground wearily as the trees thinned out to reveal the sobbing beck. he seemed to be speaking, but to whom? vega crept closer, planting herself about a foot or two away.


    she watched him fumble for the bills, assuming beck had an addiction of some sort. sure, it wasn't the best characteristic but it was fairly normal. she didn't have too much concern in that moment, beck was having a bad day and needed some relief. people did unhealthy things all the time. he seemed to be having trouble opening it, and vega would've offered to help if it wasn't such a bad time.


    and then, he swung the bottle back to take a swig, and she knew she misjudged the whole situation. vega's body went numb for a moment, before she lunged from the brush in hopes knock beck over, or something, "spit them out! don't you fucking dare!" the serval cried, terror gripping her voice. she didn't know him to well, but she had talked to him a few times and everyone seemed to appreciate him quite a bit.



    [ just a young gun — tags ]

    A case of melancholy provided for Imperia's absence at the most recent conflict between Beck and people who tried to get him to understand that they cared for him. Socializing with others taxed her emotionally and her tendency to retreat within herself caused the she-wolf to seek respite in solitude, only venturing out when it was urgent. In a stroke of luck, restlessness happened to overwhelm the medic and compelled her to brave the great outdoors with intentions of tending to her flower and herb garden at the exact moment the blurred figure of Beck dashed past.


    At first, the mental fog plaguing her only allowed her brain to express mild confusion at the event, groggily trying to connect one chemical receptor with another until she could connect the image she just experienced with prior memories of finding Beck impaled with an arrow. And then it hit her all at once. Beck, her patient, the one that almost died, just sprinted out into the dark woods with a concerning urgency. Not good, not good, not good. With a frustrating delay of comprehension of the situation, Imperia finally was able to grasp the situation. Late, but not entirely absent, the alarms in her mind sounded off, compelling the she-wolf into an all out sprint, following after the ghostly feline.


    Slender limbs creaked and groaned, protesting the sudden use of joints and muscles which had not been utilized to their full extent in several days. But she ignored the discomfort, focusing only on the growing sense of dread which plagued her, urging her body to move faster and faster so to catch up with the male who had a good thirty seconds on her. And with someone with a history of unpredictable and erratic behavior, every tick of the clock mattered. Leaves whispered as the huntress raced past, quiet snapping of twigs underfoot and muted thumps the only clue that someone was moving through the landscape, movement uncannily silent, as per usual. "BECK!" she shouted into the darkness, hoping that he would emerge with an annoyed scowl on his face because his doctor was pestering him again. But no such luck. All was silent beneath the silver moon, and her anxiety only continued to increase, heart pounding so forcefully that she was sure it would burst from her chest.


    Since there was little clue as to the whereabouts of her patient (and friend?), she had to rely on scent to trail him through the maze of trees and bushes. It was only when a loud scream echoed through the night did Imperia know in exactly which direction to run. She burst through the undergrowth a moment later, catching the end of Vega's attempted tackle of the paladin commander, watching the bottle of pills fall in slow motion. Her immediate thought was that if Vega successfully knocked him over, that it would potentially reopen his wounds. But bleeding was the least of their worries if he managed to swallow those pills. Not waiting for Beck to even respond, Imperia aimed to telepathically force his jaws open and remove the pills in a similar fashion. Normally, she would ask permission before manipulating someone's body, but this was a matter of life or death, and Peri preferred to have the male alive enough to be mad at her for moving him against his will than the other option.



    ***
    OOC
    ***
    If anything, his presence had distressed Beck more, and the next thing he knew, the boy was racing off into the trees. Startled, Ska'arq wheeled around and followed. Surprisingly enough, he had been outrun (short legs took time to get used to), and he stood stumped, whipping around as he tried to find him.


    Two voices screamed in the distance, one uttering the familiar name. With a rock dropping in his gut, the small reptile raced forth, stopping dead in his tracks as the situation played out. His eyes widened. A bottle on the ground, pills strewn about everywhere. Vega trying to pin him down. Imperia trying to forcefully remove pills from his mouth. So many pills.


    Ska'arq shrunk down, trembling as he tucked his tail around his ankle. A bright blue glow announced his presence, and tears began to stream down his cheeks. How could he do that? How could he even think about doing that? Did he honestly believe no one would miss him? He'd already cried over the loss of Beck before, when Ululare had attacked. Of course, Beck had recovered due to the fact he couldn't die as a ghost, but had he already forgotten? Ska'arq cared.


    He slunk forward, refusing to meet anyone's eyes as he stopped behind Imperia. "Beck?" he whimpered. "Why are you doing that?"

    ***
    ATTACK IN BOLD #6e65b5 - TAGS - EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD

    /yeah he was talking to himself


    There was the longest pause as soon as pills met tongue, and he sat there with their acidic taste dissolving in his mouth and a lump forming in his throat. Any previous hallucination had disappeared by now, but another voice cried out from his side. Beck's gaze briefly turned to stare down the oncoming Vega without a trace of realization of what was happening. Her tackle landed, pinning him to his side onto the earth. It was only then when his racing mind picked up on what she was saying. Spit them out? Hell no, he had come this far. The boy sent a sharp glare upwards at her and hastily shook his head, about to finally swallow the pills in a final act of rebellion.


    A third force made her way onto the scene, and before he could make peace with the world, something invisible wrenched his jaw down and held it there until the small chalky white tablets had all fallen into the soil. That was the moment Beck began to thrash and writhe to fruitlessly throw Vega off of him, kicking aimlessly at the air. A weeping howl of desperation broke from him, not pausing in his struggle as he cried out, "No, no, no!" Why couldn't they understand? Those pills would save him, free him. A paw lashed out to pointlessly shovel the spilled pills back together, his neck craning to get closer to them so he could lap them back up. In the same strained and frantic voice, he tried to get them to understand, he tried to justify himself. "I need these, just let me have them!" Beck didn't notice Ska'arq there until the dragon whimpered, but the boy didn't answer, a burning flush coming to his cheeks as he avoided the question, still gathering the scattered pills together in a last attempt before his friends stopped him.

    //happens to be listening to Heathers


    It was embarrassing, really. How at some points she had thought of herself as far too damage, beyond true repair of the likes of many, but in reality it was Beck. Pris had sat in the exact same spot she argued with the ex-ghost and wept, guilt clouding her thoughts, only to be met with the voices of others and the mention of said boy, causing her heart to leap and her paws to scramble to the scene with the best of her ability. She needed to...do something to let him know that she couldn't lose him, no, wouldn't lose him.


    Finally at the scene, her gem seemed to dull at the sight of pills scattered and how he frantically began to pick them up, her paw knocking away some of the remaining ones as a frown was clearly displayed across her maw. " Beck, I don't know what to say about this. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around what could be going on in your head, despite reading that paper. All I know is that...we're worried about you and the last thing we want is to see you dead for good. " A lump formed into the white feline's throat as she stared at him carefully, placing a paw on the gathered pills in an attempt to calmly take them away. " You don't---You don't have to do this, please don't do this. None of us what to see you dead. " She knew she had somewhat repeated herself, but she wanted to hammer it in as best as she could without him freaking out again.


    But, she was still scared. She wouldn't be able to do anything and she knew it. Pris glanced at Vega, Imperia and Ska'arq around Beck doing whatever they could to stop this madness before they lost another member of this big, dysfunctional family.


    (c) trickyfish