say you'll never let me go — private

sweetrose had only just become deputy, and with the responsibility, came the self doubt. nightstar had told her all about it, once upon a time. when neither had been leader, when she was still limping around. back before everything had become complicated with feelings neither would, could act upon.

she knew a piece of him would always belong to deathwish, and that was, perhaps, the worst part. it wasn't that sweetrose couldn't accept that, you never came out of something like that whole. but she struggled, knowing that she'd never be everything to him that he was to her. a piece of him would always be broken, always be scarred, because of the girl who'd broken his heart.

so what did she do? she just sat around, passing her days with work, waiting for the day that he could move on. waiting for the day that nightstar could feel something, really feel something, for her. she'd be spending the rest of her life waiting.

she wasn't unhappy. she had a wonderful job, a wonderful daughter. she'd made so many friends, she'd come to see shadowclan as more than a home, as one massive family. she'd die for any one of these cats, without a split second of hesitation. they'd made her one of them when she'd been nothing, a no one, a puzzle piece without a box.

rose sat just outside of the warriors deal, smoothing down her fur, contemplating this. how much two short months of her life could change everything.

Jadefeather12  

settrose was snapped out of her rather forlorn fog of mind by the words of the older femme.

they hadn't very many older felines in shadowclan. in fact, all they had were jadefeather and mustangheart - who, in all honesty, weren't all that old themselves. they were really a damn kit clan, when she thought about it all in retrospect. and yet, it seemed, even the young members, the young leader, the young deputy, the young medicine cat and senior warriors, they all handled decisions for those far older. they all acted grown. but they were the general population, they had to be the adults.

or, when sweetrose considered it, almost tragically so, they'd all had to grow up. they'd all been born in the cold, terrible world beyond the marsh. they'd all been given a good taste of reality sooner than they ought to - and it produced a mass of well worn warriors with the minds of those far older, and yet, the tendencies, the mistakes, of their own age.

sweetrose smiled at the senior warrior, though there was a sort of tiredness in her mossy eyes, ever soft and endless. "oh, quite well.

"jadefeather, can i ask you a question?" she inquired, flicking an ear. "a very hypothetical question, about love."

she'd never had much of a mother, before. now, she'd never have one again. she supposed the fem was right about the age her mother ought to be, and perhaps she'd be able to give advice that the deputy fancied she might ask her mother for, in any other circumstance. or, perhaps she'd be able to give another females point of view, one from an older, and hopefully wiser, stance.

Sweetrose sat back with a sigh, pale eyes drifting to the clouds above her. "Let's say, hypothetically, there's these two cats. She's young and dumb an she's caught feelings for this boy. He's young, a little less dumb, and he... Well, she's not re first girl. But this girl before her, she did some awful things and left him hurting, in a bad position. He's paying for the consequences, and he will for a long time. Maybe the rest of his life.

"This girl, she doesn't care about that though. She's willing to wait for him to move on, to be ready to try again. Maybe... Maybe forever. But how does she tell him this? That she cares, she's willing to wait for him to be ready? Or should she just... Not?"

There was anxiety on her fine features, and after a moment, she sighed. "All very hypothetically, of course."

The ruse was up, the deputy knew, and her holders seemed to sag with tiredness. This romance nonsense, it could weight you down - it made the young deputy feel old and tired beyond her years.

"Oh Jadefeather..." She murmured, resting her head on her paws. "How do I know, though? If he really cares? So many nights, we walk and talk together - but what if it's little more than silly infatuation?"