YOU FIND ALL YOUR LITTLE UGLY MEANINGS - private, Ryan

  Ryan B.  

The feeling of being watched had never left him, not since Trudy had taken his life and revived him. It was exhausting, being tense and fearful all the time; not knowing what'd happen if she came back, not knowing if she'd hurt other people to get to him. Was this was Sel felt like? Being constantly terrified that her own demons would drag her away, kicking and screaming, under the guise of love?

The tom shut his eyes at the thought as his entire body shook for a few moments until the fear passed. He glanced around the underbelly of the smaller vessel that he'd been working on stocking; it was for the evacuation, if it ever did happen. He aimlessly sorted through the herbs, constantly having to remind himself of their uses to keep himself grounded. Why did he feel like Trudy was clinging to every shadow, her glowing eyes watching him with a cold, ruthless wanting.

He set the last of the herbs down into its pile and stood up, stretching his slightly too long legs and flexing his dark claws. He'd never get the comfort of his own body again, but at least he was adjusting. He'd never get used to the smokey, irritated feeling in his throat though; he knew Morins had Elementals and could breath fire, but he never knew it was so painful.

He climbed to the deck, the sun setting on the horizon in an explosion of gorgeous reds and oranges. He yawned leaped onto the railing, before curling up. He kept his eyes glued on the ocean and sky, the rocking of the sea calming him down.

Nico jolted as the boat rocked in a particularly violent manner. He dug his claws into the hard wood to avoid getting flung into the water, He turned towards the deck as he heard a crashing noise and saw a familiar face sprawled in the barrels.

Nico watched with a mix of concern and amusement, and made no move to belittle or help the other. Trudy's manipulation had dictated his part in their rivalry; he hadn't been in control of himself, and he'd taken it out on Ryan. Ryan deserved it, but that didn't mean Nico was going to continue making an ass of himself for no reason.

"Did you sprain anything?" Nico asked, ignoring the crawling sensation that came whenever he felt watched, which had become a constant feeling in his life. He was probably overreacting. And though he didn't care for Ryan's presence, talking or even arguing might take his mind off of it.

//shoosh it is fine

Nico pressed his ears back as Ryan spat at him. It was comforting in a way, to be treated like he wasn't made of glass; he'd sort of missed that. But.. He didn't want what Trudy had turned him into to be the only thing his clanmates knew, even the shittiest of them.

"I'm not going to fight with you on this." Nico said as he smoothed down his chest fur. "You shouldn't have to suffer because of our past." Nico said, his amber eyes avoiding looking directly at the tom. Gods, what was wrong with him? Trying to make up with his enemy, someone who he knew deserved as much pain as life could dole out?