i took care of you / bill cipher

[center][fancypost=background-color:;border:0px;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:8pt;line-height:1.4;]exhausted.
thats how you feel right now. tired, sick, and frustrated. these feelings.. they weigh you down, burdening your soul, one thats already weak from damage dealt by others. after several nights of keeping awake, by now you crave sleep. you need it desperately but you're scared, always scared. your dreams have being haunted, harassed by nightmares, and darkstalkers sudden appearance has only amped up the frequency, leading to you jolting up from three to four times a night. you're sick of waking up in a sweat honestly, with a half-choked sob caught in your throat, and fear breathing down your neck. its hellish on nights like those, an artic chill rattling your bones, and you are always, always shaking, gasping for breath— but you never remember why. as soon as the sleep empties your eyes, the horrid dream evaporates, but the impression is made. in your sleep, the dream is as vivid as reality— solid, memorable, real— but outside of it everything is gone, phantom pain, and the only traces of it ever occurring are the sheets you've shredded into mere tatters, and the indention the ghostly dream makes on your mind. tonight you practically stumble into your pile of blankets and pillows, sag against the mattress, and squeeze your eyes shut as you hope for a good night. you just want to sleep, letting the odd embrace of unconsciousness curl around you with the soft promise of lulling you into dream land, where hopefully you find some peace. for once.
/ sorry if its funky, ive never done something like this before @BILL CIPHER ?![fancypost=border-width:0; font-size: 8pt; text-align: center; line-auto: 95%; width:400px;] [i]✧ —OH HELL YES, THE DRUGS JUST MAKE ME RESET / [color=#000]TAGS

[center][fancypost=background-color:;border:0px;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:8pt;line-height:1.4;]escaping reality is something you understand. you used to hide in the menu a lot when things got too tough for you and you needed time to yourself (or, when you needed no time at all? the menu doesnt abide by the same rules that reality does, funnily enough). you have gotten better at not pulling up the screen everytime you feel overwhelmed, but if things really turn to shit you'll probably return to the menu and stay there until a hundred or so years pass-- it'll only feel like an hour to you though, since time doesnt really exist in that place.

sleep catches up with you at last, coming much faster than you have been hoping for. your dream is relatively tranquil for once, with you starting out lying flat on your back. you roll over immediately and realize that you're in a clearing. one covered in snow. its a cliche setting, but you arent really complaining. you glance over to your right and see nothing but dead pine trees. a quick scan to your left and its the same story. you appear to be alone, and that's relieving because you seem to finally have gotten a break. you obviously dont detect bills presence right away, but something else does and so the second they step into your mind(scape!), the barrier immediately tries to warn them to leave by attempting to send a nagging sensation throughout their skull, the effects promising to be quite similar to a bad headache or a dull migraine. this is really the block's only line of offense, so this "attack" will probably be continuously targeting bill throughout their entire stay here in your thoughts.

/hh then we'll struggle together i guess c':
[fancypost=border-width:0; font-size: 8pt; text-align: center; line-auto: 95%; width:400px;] [i]✧ —OH HELL YES, THE DRUGS JUST MAKE ME RESET / [color=#000]TAGS

[center][fancypost=background-color:;border:0px;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:8pt;line-height:1.4;]you'd be snappy with bill along those lines, telling them like you had before that every bit of your past is important as it defines you. you really do think it makes up who you are, shapes you into the person you become but then, not even you embrace your younger years. you're too scared to, and you're absolutely terrified to find out if chara is right or not about what the two of you did to the underground, to horrortale. erasing a whole world? destroying the entire timeline, and by doing so killing everyone in it? yeah, thats not you (or atleast, you dont think it is). you want to think that you're good, just good and nothing else. you dont want to come to terms with being even remotely similar to the person chara had described. so like bill, deep down you don't want to face reality either. but the truth will catch up with you (and maybe them, too) eventually.

since the first time it dropped, the barrier is nowhere near as impressive as it once was, so of course bills own defenses lessen the original blows, and now all that'll remain should be a very faint, very dull ache that will try to pester them until they take their leave. bill's passage should be relatively easier now though, so long as they don't care much for how the barrier now tries to prod and poke at their brains, albeit with less aggression than before. its unwillingly but undoubtedly allowing entry for them to move on.[fancypost=border-width:0; font-size: 8pt; text-align: center; line-auto: 95%; width:400px;] [i]✧ —OH HELL YES, THE DRUGS JUST MAKE ME RESET / [color=#000]TAGS

[center]

[fancypost=border-width:0px; width: 450px; text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 125%]nobody has ever asked about your past either, and if anyone had you wouldn't know what to say since you dont really know your past. with the block on your mind, you have to rely on chara's words and their words alone if you ever want the truth. as for emotions well, yours are about as clear as day-- whether you want them to be or not. and you know that showing how you really feel is a bad thing nowadays, is a good way for somebody to just tear into you but you cant help it. you're no master of disguise and you can only hide behind a mask for so long.

sadly, that one meager barrier is all you have up and so no other challenges surface. you and the barrier also fail to hold any sort of link other than it blocking memories and warning off anything that doesnt belong here, so you aren't aware of an invader until the sound of pawsteps crunching through the snow cozy up to your ears. you freeze up briefly, glancing around with surprise lighting your features, "ah, hello?" you hum, rising to your feet, knobby tail twitching as you scan the area again.

[center]

[fancypost=border-width:0px; width: 450px; text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt; line-height: 125%]maybe you'd envy the fact that bill cant feel things like sadness but at the same time, youre glad that you, yourself, feel such emotions as those. after all, look where it got bill-- theyre a cruel individual who shows no remorse for how theyve fucked up others and because they cant feel any remorse or sadness, they probably wont ever see the errors in their ways, and you doubt that they'll change.

but besides that, the way they want people to percieve them is working-- or at least, it works on you (sometimes. it depends, really). you're prone to tensing up or worrying when they stomp into camp or a look of anger flits in their eyes, left wondering what made them so angry and what they'll do as a result of that anger. as for their brooding, relatively dormant state, you prefer that over all else simply because they appear so calm, if not numb. too bad that neutrality never lasts for long, though.

when there isnt an immediate response to your call, you frown. you nearly contemplate on investigating when a shape emerges all of a sudden, and you register timid eyes, as well as a fervent expression. "gordon! oh my god!" what is she doing here? you've never dreamt of gordon before, so you're startled that she is who shows up. you take a few steps toward her, a warm sensation beginning to envelope your body at just the sight of her. this must be a good dream if she's here, you find yourself thinking. but then she talks, "fr-frisk?" woah, back up. you stop in your tracks and hesitate briefly at the voice, truthfully, an uncertain look crossing your features because it does sound weird. the pitch of "her" voice is off in a way, but since its been so long since you've seen her (let alone heard her) you leave it be. "im here." you hum, finally and you continue to pad through the clearing, shortening the distance and meeting her halfway. as soon as you're close enough, you attempt to wrap your arms around her neck in an odd, awkward hug, a loud purr frothing in your throat as you do, "ah, i've missed you!" you happily confess, finding yourself content with just holding onto her for the entirety of the dream.