I wanna rock n roll n party all night [private]

Ryan B. · Apr 29th 2017

<woltlab-metacode data-name="center" data-attributes=""><woltlab-metacode data-name="fancypost" data-attributes="WyJ3aWR0aDogNTAlOyB0ZXh0LWFsaWduOiBqdXN0aWZ5OyJd">So far things were... not that great. She wasn't giving him too much shit most of the time, but he was no closer to winning her back than he was when he'd arrived a few weeks ago. So instead of following her around and mouthing off every now and then, he'd cleared out the tavern and gotten it all fancied up, a proper tablecloth, candles, and a nice dinner: steak cooked to perfection, mashed potatoes and gravy, chocolate fondue for desert, rum for her and whiskey for him. He was quite proud of himself, and a bit ashamed that this was the nicest dinner he'd ever been able to arrange for Lucy.</woltlab-metacode></woltlab-metacode>
<woltlab-metacode data-name="center" data-attributes=""><woltlab-metacode data-name="fancypost" data-attributes="WyJ3aWR0aDogNTAlOyB0ZXh0LWFsaWduOiBqdXN0aWZ5OyJd">⠀ <woltlab-spoiler data-label="Tags | Updated 4/6">GENERAL: ★ RYAN BIRCH ★ Biologically male | Identifies as male | Masc. Pronouns ★ 16 months | Ages real time ★ Sailor of the Skulls ⠀ IMPORTANT FACTS: ★ Former human ★ Determined to get back together with his ex-girlfriend ⠀ RECENT EVENTS: ★ Hit his head and got his memories back following a brief bout of amnesia ★ Heard about Lucy Lykke living in the Skulls and subsequently went to join ★ Had his wrist stabbed by Sel ⠀ PHYSICAL: ★ DOMESTIC CAT [birth/main] | health: 100% — He is a large muscular, mixed breed feline, with black-smoke fur and dark blue eyes. He has a scar on his shoulder and decidedly floofy cheeks. ⠀ PERSONALITY: — Ryan usually comes across as a calm, though fun/party-loving guy. There have been plenty of people that called him out on being trouble and they weren't wrong. On the surface he seems chill, a bit wild sometimes at parties, and if you get close to him romantically, you'll think that he genuinely cares about you and you'll discover a playful and romantic side. There is a desire to dominate though, so he usually seeks out people that would be into that. In addition to that desire to dominate, he's very possessive and manipulative. When he gets set off he can be abusive and escalates quickly due to a very short fuse. He'll do anything to get what he wants, even if he hurts someone in the process. ⠀ RELATIONSHIPS: ★ Heterosexual | Heteromantic ★ Single, in love with Lucy/Sel | ½ Syan (Sel + Ryan) ★ NPC xx NPC | Gen 1 ⠀ INTERACTION: ★ Message this account to plot ★ Medium Physically | Medium Mentally ★ Will start fights/rarely will negotiate/rarely will run away ★ Attack in Underlined #A52A2A ★ Can powerplay peaceful or nonviolent actions. </woltlab-spoiler></woltlab-metacode></woltlab-metacode>

SELFDESTRUCTION · Apr 30th 2017

There had been a few moments when she'd been close to caving, but her instincts, her common sense and the knowledge that someone would just talk her out of it ten minutes later (after losing a hefty amount of respect), not to mention the memories of what he'd done to her kept her from moving into his embrace and pressing her lips to his.

So she didn't go back to him, didn't believe him when he claimed he'd changed. Even if he "proved" it, who was to say that it wasn't another manipulation? It wouldn't be the first time he pulled that trick.

She'd found a note in her room, telling her to go to the Salty Dog. Having no way to smell who left it and not recognizing the paw-writing, she shrugged it off and headed over, and was actually a bit surprised with what she found.

Fancy dinners weren't Ryan's style. Chinese takeout and (Jess') Netflix was his style, or whatever the bar was serving. It was actually a bit impressive. She didn't let him know her thoughts, instead deadpanning, "the fuck is this?"

//literally written while I was half-asleep, my eyes weren't even open for most of it.
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Tags (Updated 4/19/17)

Ryan B. · May 3rd 2017

<woltlab-metacode data-name="center" data-attributes=""><woltlab-metacode data-name="fancypost" data-attributes="WyJ3aWR0aDogNTAlOyB0ZXh0LWFsaWduOiBqdXN0aWZ5OyJd">He'd seen how close he'd been in those moments, how near she was to coming to him. She'd even acted like she was when she returned from WindClan, drawing him closer only to plunge her blade into his wrist and warn him. Threaten him. She wasn't acting like herself. Not at all. But he still loved her and still wanted her. Fancy dinners really weren't how Ryan operated, even if he had had the money to treat her to something nice. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but tossing money around spoke of a different kind of cheapness, expecting that to make up for the lack of sentimentality and intimacy. Yes, date nights usually consisted of Chinese take out and borrowed Netflix, but they were themselves, doing what they enjoyed, eating what they enjoyed and not trying to suit the fancy restaurant. He wondered why he'd decided to change it up here, given how stiff he thought it must be to eat out at some place nice. "It's dinner." He told her, pulling out her chair for her. She snorted and remained standing. "If you think it's drugged, take mine." He said, frustrated by the idea that she'd think he'd do that. He might not be above a lot of things, but date rape? Never.</woltlab-metacode></woltlab-metacode>
<woltlab-metacode data-name="fancypost" data-attributes="WyJ3aWR0aDogNTAlOyB0ZXh0LWFsaWduOiBqdXN0aWZ5OyJd"><woltlab-metacode data-name="center" data-attributes=""> 
</woltlab-metacode></woltlab-metacode>
<woltlab-spoiler data-label="Tags | Updated 4/6"><woltlab-metacode data-name="fancypost" data-attributes="WyJ3aWR0aDogNTAlOyB0ZXh0LWFsaWduOiBqdXN0aWZ5OyJd"><woltlab-metacode data-name="center" data-attributes="">GENERAL: ★ RYAN BIRCH ★ Biologically male | Identifies as male | Masc. Pronouns ★ 16 months | Ages real time ★ Sailor of the Skulls ⠀ IMPORTANT FACTS: ★ Former human ★ Determined to get back together with his ex-girlfriend ⠀ RECENT EVENTS: ★ Hit his head and got his memories back following a brief bout of amnesia ★ Heard about Lucy Lykke living in the Skulls and subsequently went to join ★ Had his wrist stabbed by Sel ⠀ PHYSICAL: ★ DOMESTIC CAT [birth/main] | health: 100% — He is a large muscular, mixed breed feline, with black-smoke fur and dark blue eyes. He has a scar on his shoulder and decidedly floofy cheeks. ⠀ PERSONALITY: — Ryan usually comes across as a calm, though fun/party-loving guy. There have been plenty of people that called him out on being trouble and they weren't wrong. On the surface he seems chill, a bit wild sometimes at parties, and if you get close to him romantically, you'll think that he genuinely cares about you and you'll discover a playful and romantic side. There is a desire to dominate though, so he usually seeks out people that would be into that. In addition to that desire to dominate, he's very possessive and manipulative. When he gets set off he can be abusive and escalates quickly due to a very short fuse. He'll do anything to get what he wants, even if he hurts someone in the process. ⠀ RELATIONSHIPS: ★ Heterosexual | Heteromantic ★ Single, in love with Lucy/Sel | ½ Syan (Sel + Ryan) ★ NPC xx NPC | Gen 1 ⠀ INTERACTION: ★ Message this account to plot ★ Medium Physically | Medium Mentally ★ Will start fights/rarely will negotiate/rarely will run away ★ Attack in Underlined #A52A2A ★ Can powerplay peaceful or nonviolent actions. </woltlab-metacode></woltlab-metacode></woltlab-spoiler><woltlab-metacode data-name="center" data-attributes=""><woltlab-metacode data-name="fancypost" data-attributes="WyJ3aWR0aDogNTAlOyB0ZXh0LWFsaWduOiBqdXN0aWZ5OyJd"></woltlab-metacode></woltlab-metacode>

SELFDESTRUCTION · May 5th 2017

She couldn't comprehend why he still wanted to be with her. Did he think no one else would play his games? Or was it just that he let people in so rarely that letting anyone else in while she was still there seemed impossible to him? His hopeless persistence was mind-boggling.

Fancy dinners weren't really how Sel operated either (in many ways Lucy and Ryan had been a good match, would have been if it weren't for her desire for children and his reaction to said desire). But they held their place. They might be uncomfortable and they might be a waste of money, but it showed the stretches you'd go for your date, showed that you'd put yourself in an uncomfortable position and spend out the ass for your date. Not to mention disproved any theories about allergies to good food, which Lucy had sometimes jokingly pondered.

He really was playing up this whole gentleman thing, wasn't he? It was almost laughable. "I know you wouldn't do that." Sel said, half tempted to take his seat simply because the chair was still pushed in. But that would indicate a doubt that she'd perhaps stupidly never had with Ryan. Begrudgingly she took the seat offered, too hungry and lazy to find dinner elsewhere. "What's dinner for?" There had to be some reason, some occasion, she refused to accept that he was just trying to do something nice for her.

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Tags (Updated 4/19/17)

Ryan B. · May 10th 2017

<woltlab-metacode data-name="center" data-attributes=""><woltlab-metacode data-name="fancypost" data-attributes="WyJ3aWR0aDogNTAlOyB0ZXh0LWFsaWduOiBqdXN0aWZ5OyJd">Honestly, he didn't really understand it either. She was a different person than the one he'd died alongside in that car, and some of the things that had drawn him to her (as more than just a one night stand) were different, nearly unrecognizable. But he knew deep down she still had to be the same, that she still had to be his Lucy. And yes, the fact that somehow she'd gotten in did play into it. No one got in, and certainly not as easily as she did. He didn't trust anyone as far as he could throw them even at his best. At his worst? Lucy was the only person he could be around without shame. Though he had a feeling this new version of her, this "Sel" as she called herself, would mock him for weakness. Still, there would never be anyone that got as close to Ryan as Lucy did. He'd tried to prove that he'd do anything for her in other ways, ways that wouldn't eat up their money for groceries. It wasn't easy, and he wasn't sure if it had been enough for her. At least now he wasn't sure. Back then he'd thought she was happy with him. Now he wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't with her. He was glad that she still knew that he'd never drug or rape her, and that she'd managed to set aside her pride enough to take the seat offered to her. "Us." He said, taking his seat and looking across at her, not trying to disguise his adoration. She snorted in disgust.</woltlab-metacode></woltlab-metacode>
<woltlab-metacode data-name="center" data-attributes=""><woltlab-metacode data-name="fancypost" data-attributes="WyJ3aWR0aDogNTAlOyB0ZXh0LWFsaWduOiBqdXN0aWZ5OyJd">⠀ <woltlab-spoiler data-label="Tags | Updated 4/6">GENERAL: ★ RYAN BIRCH ★ Biologically male | Identifies as male | Masc. Pronouns ★ 16 months | Ages real time ★ Sailor of the Skulls ⠀ IMPORTANT FACTS: ★ Former human ★ Determined to get back together with his ex-girlfriend ⠀ RECENT EVENTS: ★ Hit his head and got his memories back following a brief bout of amnesia ★ Heard about Lucy Lykke living in the Skulls and subsequently went to join ★ Had his wrist stabbed by Sel ⠀ PHYSICAL: ★ DOMESTIC CAT [birth/main] | health: 100% — He is a large muscular, mixed breed feline, with black-smoke fur and dark blue eyes. He has a scar on his shoulder and decidedly floofy cheeks. ⠀ PERSONALITY: — Ryan usually comes across as a calm, though fun/party-loving guy. There have been plenty of people that called him out on being trouble and they weren't wrong. On the surface he seems chill, a bit wild sometimes at parties, and if you get close to him romantically, you'll think that he genuinely cares about you and you'll discover a playful and romantic side. There is a desire to dominate though, so he usually seeks out people that would be into that. In addition to that desire to dominate, he's very possessive and manipulative. When he gets set off he can be abusive and escalates quickly due to a very short fuse. He'll do anything to get what he wants, even if he hurts someone in the process. ⠀ RELATIONSHIPS: ★ Heterosexual | Heteromantic ★ Single, in love with Lucy/Sel | ½ Syan (Sel + Ryan) ★ NPC xx NPC | Gen 1 ⠀ INTERACTION: ★ Message this account to plot ★ Medium Physically | Medium Mentally ★ Will start fights/rarely will negotiate/rarely will run away ★ Attack in Underlined #A52A2A ★ Can powerplay peaceful or nonviolent actions. </woltlab-spoiler></woltlab-metacode></woltlab-metacode>

SELFDESTRUCTION · May 24th 2017

Sometimes she thought back to that night. Jess' birthday, a cute guy buying her a beer though she wasn't old enough to drink yet (only by a few months, but still). Not even a cute guy, he'd been gorgeous as he remembered, though maybe the alcohol played into it, along with her decision to head back home with him. That decision was often debated - part of her didn't regret that, but part of her wishes she'd stuck with Jess. This whole mess would never have happened if it weren't for that choice, and the next one and the next one.

She was in love before she knew what she was in love with.

She couldn't help but snort at the sappy line. The dinner was for them. He'd say anything to get on her good side, nothing else had worked so he was trying to be sweet and romantic. "A nice dinner celebrating nothing." She said, wanting it to bite, wanting it to sting. It wouldn't ever be as painful as what he'd done to her. Still, even wanting him to be hurt, she was surprised by the wounded look on his face.
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Tags (Updated 5/18/17)

Ryan B. · May 24th 2017

He thought about that night too. It was just another night, just another girl... he wasn't sure of the exact moment when he realized that it wasn't just another night and just another girl. He knew it had been overwhelming, not love at first sight or anything, just something telling him not to let her go. So he hadn't.

He couldn't help the hurt look that came on his face when Lucy spoke. "Lucy..." He sighed, then shook his head. For a few minutes, they ate in silence. Unable to take it anymore, he took out the phone he'd found for a weekly task and set it on the table. She raised her eyebrows. "Do you ever wonder what happened to our friends? To us?" He asked, looking into her eyes.
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Tags | Updated 5/23

SELFDESTRUCTION · May 28th 2017

He hadn't been her first one night stand (though could she really call him that?) but after meeting him she hadn't had any others. She didn't know why he'd been different than the short list of guys she'd gone home with, but he was. She hadn't wanted to leave his bed in the morning, and she'd stayed to make breakfast. She'd given him her number, her real number. Maybe it was stupid to give it to him without really knowing him, but she wanted to know him, and that had been enough reason in her eyes.

Some tiny part of her twinged, the part she always ignored when she set out to hurt people. Her conscience, her humanity, whatever you wanted to call it. It surprised her, but she ignored it. She looked at the phone. No way there was wifi here, and if that thing still had battery power she'd be shocked. She met his gaze. "No." It was mostly honestly. "And that isn't going to work anyway."
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Tags (Updated 5/18/17)

Ryan B. · May 29th 2017

Ryan swore to God, the eggs Lucy had made him were both the best and the worst damn eggs he'd ever had in his life. He'd never forget the look on her face either, when she took a bite and cringed at the burnt taste. "You've got room for improvement." He'd told her, and she'd laughed. It was the best sound in the world.

When she said no, part of him believed her and part of him didn't. She didn't seem to care about her past, about the people in it, yet it was insane to say that she'd never thought again of her mother or Jess or any of her other friends. "Ah ah ah." He said, fumbling as he tried to turn it on. Stupid paws. The phone lit up, though dimly. The battery was dying, but it would last for a couple minutes, long enough for him to show her. "I saved it all when I still had wifi. Don't you want to see the pictures from Jess' wedding? Or your mom's new apartment?" She couldn't say no again.

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Tags | Updated 5/23

SELFDESTRUCTION · Jun 1st 2017

Unlike Ryan, Sel thought that the eggs were just plain bad, though she did eat them without complaint (unless you count her cringing at the taste at first). But it was true, she'd laughed when he said she had room for improvement. "Not you though." She said, referring to something else. Maybe her laugh was the best sound, but his stupid, knowing grin was the best sight in the world.

She'd done everything she could to make peace with her previous life. She'd cut her ties, and there was no repairing them. But it was true that she did sometimes think about her friends or her mother. And when the phone lit up, she couldn't help but look eager, just for a split second before her mask slid back into place. "You're going to show me whether or not I like it, aren't you?" She said coolly, to hide that she did want to see who her best friend married, and to see her mother standing in a place of her own.
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Tags (Updated 5/18/17)

Ryan B. · Jun 1st 2017

He'd liked it, the ease that they fell into around each other, the jokes and the smiles. He could get used to it. And he did, very quickly. He liked waking up and finding her laying on his arm, holding onto him while still stubbornly clinging to sleep, or waking up and smelling whatever she was cooking in the kitchen. He liked seeing her happy, and he liked how he felt when she was happy.

Most of the time.

Lucy wasn't giving any hints right now, was she? "No. You have to want to see it." He looked down and swallowed. "I know I've already told you that I'm sorry. And I am. I really am. If I could go back and do something differently, I would. But I can't. I... hoped I might at least give you closure." He gestured to the phone.
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Tags | Updated 5/23

SELFDESTRUCTION · Jun 1st 2017

Even before she actually moved in, Ryan's apartment started to feel like home, something she hadn't felt in a long time. Since she was fifteen, maybe? She was sixteen when she found out the truth behind her parents' relationship, and after that her father's house couldn't be home.

He wasn't going to show her without her playing into his paws, was he? She sighed quietly, gaze flicking to him as he spoke. "I'm not questioning if you'd change something." She murmured, eyes going down, both of them staring at the table. "It's if you'd change the right thing." There were a million things that would change how the night went, that would end in them both still living. But Ryan would have had to change something in particular for things to turn out alright, and she didn't think he even knew what that was.

It was funny that he was offering her closer. He was offering her closure, and goddamnit she wanted to take it. She wanted to see her mom in an apartment of her own, she wanted to see Jess happy and in love, surrounded by people that loved her. She wanted to see the other shit her other friends had gotten into.

Tonight Ryan was winning, and she hated it. All the little things she normally undermined, tonight she was playing into. Taking the chair he offered for her, eating the food he prepared, even showing up at all. And now this, reaching forward and taking the phone, going into the gallery so she could see what had become of the people that once upon a time had meant the world to her.
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Tags (Updated 5/18/17)

Ryan B. · Jun 2nd 2017

Was it weird to say that his apartment had really started feeling like home when he started finding Lucy's stuff scattered around his apartment, even before she officially moved in? Both of them had come from broken families, but unlike Sel his house growing up had never been home, there had been no need for a revelation that his parents sucked at parenting. He'd known that from the moment he was old and wise enough to comprehend it.

He looked up abruptly as she said that the question was about whether he'd do the right thing. He stared at her, wide eyed. The right thing? A dozen possibilities as to what that meant immediately came through his head - not going to the party, not getting drunk, not taking that road, not fighting with her, leaving sooner, even. Or get an Uber, avoid the bullshit altogether.

"Lucy..." He swallowed, watching as she picked up the phone. He couldn't see what she was looking at, but he watched her beautiful eyes, her face. He'd had friends, yes, and he'd checked up on them too. But the only person he really cared about was sitting right in front of him. "I'd make the right choice."
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Tags | Updated 5/23

SELFDESTRUCTION · Jun 3rd 2017

Ryan didn't know what it was like to one minute, be sitting in your mother's room on her bed, in your home, then the next wondering what horrors had happened in that room, in your father's house. Not your home, your father's house. That's what it was - her mother didn't pay the bills or have any semblance of financial independence, and it could no longer be home when you realized that it was a prison.

No. None of those thngs were right, though not fighting with her was close. She sighed. Of course he wouldn't change the right thing - he assured her that he would, but she knew he wouldn't. "And what is the right thing, Ryan?" She asked, her gaze going back to the phone.

There was her mother. Her human mother, holding a housewarming gift, standing next to a barren fireplace. Boxes framed the picture, though there weren't too many. Her mom was smiling, but she looked older, much older than she should. Happy to finally be free, but there were ghosts in her eyes.

Sel wondered if the same ghosts were in her own.

Swallowing and blinking back tears, she flipped through a few more photos of her mother, looking like she'd finally found some kind of joy, but the ghosts never left her eyes. Then there were the wedding pictures - it was an outdoor wedding, with a big crowd of people there. Jess was wearing a gorgeous white dress, her face lit up with happiness as she looked at the woman across from her. Pretty, but in Sel's opinion not as much as Jess, though it was a biased opinion. Sel's gaze moved to the bridesmaids, but got stuck on an empty spot, one meant for the maid of honor. A lump rose in her throat and she slammed the phone down. She didn't know how to react. Well, there was frustration, anger, and something else she didn't even want to name, but that wasn't right. Still, it was all she had. "What does this accomplish?"
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Tags (Updated 5/18/17)

Ryan B. · Jun 9th 2017

On a surface level, he could relate to her. Broken homes, fucked up families, destined to be nothing because they had nothing to stand on. But beyond that... not really. He couldn't relate to having your home ripped away from you, or your parent's love turn out to be false. He hadn't known any home or love until he'd known Lucy.

He glanced up at her, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He didn't say anything for the longest time, unable to guess what the right thing truly was. Even if he did guess what the right thing was, he wouldn't put it past her to change her own answer just to spite him and make him wrong. "Everything. I'd have done everything differently." He said, finally.

He watched her nervously as she looked through the pictures, the meal before him entirely forgotten. He sank his teeth deeper into his cheek when she looked back at him. "I already said I wanted to give you closure." Ryan said with a shrug. "I'm sorry if... if it made this worse."
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Tags | Updated 5/23