DON'T LET YOUR TWISTED MIND |open, disappearance| TEAR US APART

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    //OOC explanation: Some personal things came up and I lost muse for Atticus so I'm taking a break from Atticus and maybe even FF as a whole. If I regain muse I will make him come back, if not he can be concluded as dead



    The veteran stood by the border hooves threatening to hang over the edge, green eyes cast over the horizon.
    The man was going insane, he knew that all too well. The anger inside him, the rage, the outbursts, the violence, the demotion. He knew what was bound to happen.
    His father was just like this before he ruined the lives of all those around him and Atticus did not want to be that man. He did not want to hurt his clan more than he did, he did not want to hurt his family.
    He didn't want to suffer anymore.
    He was born into abuse, constantly facing belt strikes and descrimination only to end up on the battle field with his dignity taken and his life shoved into camps starving and withering away in the most painful ways possible
    And when he was gifted with another life he was tortured, he was blinded, he fell in love and he broke his lover in ways tha were beyond repair.
    He tried to die, but failed, he bled and yet God did not give him the sweet freedom of death.
    He was sorry
    The night hung high and in the darkness the moose could no longer be seen on he border. He was gone. He left but no one could see.
    He sent a prayer before this.
    He did not want to be forgiven for his sins. He didn't deserve any mercy. He did not want a new life, he knew his suffering would only cease in death and although he craved it and desired it, he wanted death to find him not the other way around.
    So he asked the Lord above to not make light of his actions. To kill was the greatest sin of all, and he wanted to kill himself.
    Turns out the saint was the sinner after all and he did not deserve his way into heaven. If anything, he earned eternal suffering for a mad man deserved no other thing.
    He made life miserable for all those he loved.
    His clan, who was enraged with his promotion and pacifist ways, his family that was beaten and torn, his lover, oh his lover that he had hurt so much.
    He couldn't even make life beautiful for him. He couldn't even make life worth living and that was made quite apparant.



    There was only one thing left to remember of Atticus Hacksaw.
    A letter.




    To who holds this letter.
    Don't try to look for me.
    I'm sorry. For everything.



    My clan, I never wished to have burdened you. I only wanted what was best but I brought on what was worst.
    I am so sorry to leave you so soon.
    My mental health is getting worse, after assaulting Vader I have realized many things and one thing I have realized is that I am safer away from others. I do not wish to hurt anyone else.
    You can take this as cowardice, but this is the true punishment I deserve for my deeds
    I will have my distance from you, if I find a cure for my sick mind, I shall return. But for now, I bid you farewell.



    My children, I love you all so very much, and as long as my soul lives on I will watch you and I will always be proud of each and every one of you for whoever and whatever you may become. I wish I was able to stay, but I have grown dangerous.
    I'm sorry I was an awful father, I hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me. But if you do not, I understand, my children.



    My lover, oh my lover, I have my ring with me for I shall always be married to you even through distance. I give you permission to hate me, you should have from the beginning. I'm sorry I didn't make life beautiful for you. Im sorry i couldnt see our own wedding, I'm sorry I grew mad like the patients in the asylums of your times, I'm sorry for it all.
    I'm sorry that I'm breaking your heart now.
    My love, this is best for us. I know I am going to get worse, there is no denying. I left because I couldn't dare let myself hurt you as my mental health deminishes. I know this is selfish.
    I promise if I ever come back I will let you take your anger out on me in whatever way you please.



    All of you, Windclan, don't forgive me.
    I forced this upon myself.



    - Atticus Hacksaw
    [center](c)trexgirl


    I have my father's eyes | 4/17

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    [ @Dr. Henry Hacksaw ]
    Amaterasu wouldn't have expected this, his silver eyes holding a faint red tint in his hunger spotted a piece of paper. A thin paw held it still to read it, and His eyes darting across the paper, narrowing. Thoughts filed his mind, He was almost nervous to bring attention to it. But he had to. Carrying it in his jaws, he moved to look for Henry, anticipation in his eyes. "HENRY!" he called, quite concerned.
    The first paragraph made him think. Atticus was a friendly soul. He would leave because he hurt somebody. Where Terra killed, and continued to stay, Attie merely harmed and left. It repeated in his mind as he searched, biting his bottom lip.

    [center][fancypost=bgcolor= transparent; bordercolor= transparent; height:; width: 420px; font=; text-align: justify;][font='timesnewroman'][size=12]When he'd woken up from his nap, Hacksaw had decided that he wanted to spend some time with Atticus. He loved his family, he really did, but out of all of them, Atticus was the one he wanted. The dalmador didn't feel like spending time with his siblings, and he was boycotting Henry: even if Atticus had attacked Vader, he didn't think his dad should have been demoted.


    Atticus wasn't home, though, and after some hesitation, he had decided to search for him. He still could run off to play with his siblings, but it would be a poor day indeed when gave up that easily. He felt like he'd been wandering forever, and his paws were tired by the time he reached Amaterasu and the note. The area smelled of Attie, and this excited him, giving him hope that he'd run across his father soon.


    Wait—someone here was calling for Henry. The puppy's eyes narrowed as he swung toward Terra, dark gaze landing on the paper in his jaw. Unease trickled through him, and after a second, he decided to pause his quest, curiosity getting the better of him. Heading toward the older male, Hacksaw demanded, "What's that say?"

    [center][spoiler=info][center][fancypost=background:; height:; width:; border:0px transparent;][align=justify][font='Times New Roman, Times, serif'][size=11]
    GENERAL
    ◘     percival ariel hacksaw | does not like nicknames
    ◘ male | unknown sexuality
    ◘ born april 2017 | ages real timed
    ◘ pup of windclan

    PHYSICAL
    ◘     dalmador [birth/main]
    — black and white dalmador with dark brown eyes
    — ref

    RELATIONSHIPS
    ◘     single | not looking
    ◘ henry x atticus
    ◘ brother of jules, melchoir, alter, & clara

    OTHER INFO
    ◘     no discovered powers
    ◘ tag if attacking

    [center][fancypost=bgcolor=;border:0;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:8pt;color:black;]//that's alright num c: life should always come first before ff and we're all here waiting for you if you decided to bring attie back


    Melchoir had set out with the innocent intentions of looking for his siblings or his parents, perhaps even both, with the idea in his head that he could stumble upon one of them and engage in something fun. After a minute or two of wandering the Windclan camp however, he had come to the conclusion that any other Windclanner would also be suitable for the role and he would gladly accept the attention of another as long as they were willing to be in his company. He didn't like the idea of holding another up just because they felt obligated to play with a child. He did not want to be a burden upon anyone. He wished to be an equal instead, even if that meant just not having someone to converse with.


    The young dalmador was drawn from his thoughts however as a familiar scent caught his attention, his nose wrinkling slightly in response as his vibrant orbs scanned his surroundings in search of the sibling that he had noticed was in the vicinity. It did not take him long to pinpoint his brother however, mere moments after doing so, something rather alerting caught the child's attention and caused him to very briefly forget what he was doing. Someone was calling out for his father. But what for? That thought spurred him on out of his stunned, frozen state and the canine picked up the pace, ears twitching slightly as he drew nearer to his sibling and the other Windclanner.

    "Percival? What's going on?"     the child inquired, his emerald gaze narrowing slightly as his gaze flickered between his brother and the note that he had noticed was clamped tight within the jaws of the unfamiliar form of Terra. As he glanced between the duo, his mind began to race once more. The area, the note more specifically, carried the strong aroma that he had quickly learned to associate with Atticus. However, the male was nowhere in sight and the fact that there was a piece of paper carrying his scent caused Mel's thoughts to lead down random, dark paths. What if something bad had happened to his father? The dalmador inwardly shuddered as he finally slowed to a halt besides his sibling, fictional brows knitted together as he peered up with concerned emerald eyes at the being who had been seeking Henry.

    i think there's a fault in my code

    Henry spent most of his days and nights in the medic chalet recently. He wanted to be with the rest of his clan, with his family but he couldn't. Kate was still tending to his wounds and... well, he knew what other purpose she wanted to serve. She thought he'd try again. Attie hadn't come to see him, nor had his children. It seemed to him that his clanmates didn't care what happened to him anymore. So, when he would hear his name being yelled from across the camp, fear spiked within him. They wouldn't call him like that unless it was something important. So, he'd burst out the door and make his way towards the sound as quickly as he managed. When he arrived, he didn't even bother to ask what was wrong. He would just go to the note and pick it up, his eyes scanning each word. Then again. And again. And again and again and again, each time hoping, praying, that it would be different. His eyes would fill with tears immediately and he couldn't bring himself to look at either of his children who were already present. "No," The word is quiet and firm. "No, no, no, no," Each one comes out more rapid than the next, a near sob escaping as he spoke. Without a word to acknowledge those around them, he would begin limping farther into the territory. He was hardly well enough to get out of his house, let alone run a search and rescue party but that wasn't going to stop him. "Atticus! Attie! At-Attie! Where are you? Come back! You're wrong! You're wrong, you'd never hurt me, I know it! Come back! At-Atticus!" His throat would get increasingly tight as he yelled for his husband, tears rapidly flowing down his cheeks. He would stumble as he walked, falling to the ground before struggling to stand again and continuing. "Atticus!"
    tags

    these voices won't leave me alone

    (c) array

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    Amaterasu froze, unsure if telling them was a good idea. These were their children, surely they must know. At first, it was one, but suddenly two, and then the father. Henry, seemed... occupied. Terra swallowed, his silver eyes watching the kits. "It-It's Atticus. He's afraid to hurt anyone more... and he left...," the black feline would say, his heart sinking as well as his head as he ducked it down and flattened his ears. He felt he was to blame, bt he wasn't. He didn't chase Attie was, the dalma-well, moose, left on his own free will. But seeing his kits, a shudder ran through him. "i'm sorry," he whispered, a quiet apology not directed at the pups, but the Henry who was escaping into the territory.