He lost everything |open,breakdown| Even himself

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  • This was meant to be home but it no longer felt like it. Whenever he left his cabin Atticus was faced with vicious winds and raging blizzards, shuddering through his core and leaving it chilled to the point of shivering. He could not leave without facing Intesa temperatures outside but every time he remained within the confinement of his cabin he only felt even worse.


    The cabin was empty.
    No children running through, no messes that Peter once left behind for his dad to run into no open books that Mercy would often leave in her wake. There was nothing and he found himself being as empty as the walls of his shed. His children were gone and his husband was broken, so broken. Henry must have thought he hid it well behind his sweatshirt and glasses but Attie was inclined to emotions, he sensed the pain in the other and what was worse was knowing he was the cause of that pain.
    He had caused pain onto his lover and Atticus could not forgive himself for that.
    He had left his children and now they were gone and that was all his fault, this was a result of all the pain and all the hurt he had caused just because he was idiotic enough to die.


    This was all Atticus’s fault.
    He had grown to be his father. He followed in his abusive parent's footsteps.
    He let the war ruin him, he let himself hurt the ones he loved and he allowed himself to break his family in ways it could never be fixed.
    He did this.
    The man let the thought bubble and boil into his mind and he grew stiff where he stood in his cabin, his jaw tightened and his breathing turned hoarse. Eyes were cast over the room in which he stood in, a room where his family should have been but they weren't.
    He lost his children once again - Was this something that would follow him in every life? Bearing the loss of a child? Was this meant to be constant torture because of all the wrong he had done to his family. Why did the world want to make him suffer in such ways? To ache in ways that were unbearable, to witness the passing of his first son, to hurt his husband, to lose the rest of his family, he faced this agony over and over again for as long as he live and he could not bear it.


    Atticus Hacksaw couldnt bear it anymore.
    He raised a paw and let it wack into the closest piece of furniture by his side, a chair. It robber over and clang to the floor where the dalmatian would kick it aside, drawing in air into his lungs before letting out a loud yowl, not of pain no, but of pure raw emotions. He screamed and it broke into gross sobbing, his voice behind his tears broke and cracked and the medic threw himself outside to face the cold of Windclan, he didn't care that it was cold he needed to be out of thay empty shack. In the snow, body shaking and chest wheezing out loud cries Atticus would grieve everything and continue to put the blame of everything onto himself.
    [center](c)trexgirl


  • [center]

    PEOPLE HELP THE PEOPLE


    The female could hear the smashes from at least twenty metres away. She instantly looked around, grimacing as she saw Atticus launch out of his cabin. At first, she thought he had done something silly, but soon realised the male was crying.


    Moth didn't run over. Nope - instead, she screamed. Loudly.


    "HENRY! HENRY, GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE NOW!" she hollered, her voice a lot louder now she was bigger.


    (c)trexgirl

    [color=#5DBCD2][/color] [align=center][font='georgia'][color=#5DBCD2][size=15][color=#FFA07A]I CAN'T HELP MYSELF BUT STARE[color=#FFA07A].[/size][/color][/color][/color][/font][font='georgia'][color=#FFA07A][/color] [size=15][color=#FFA07A]DOUBLE CHECK FOR DOUBLE MEANINGS[/color][color=#FFA07A].[/size][/color][/font] [color=white][url='https://feralfront.com/thread/2504361-i-wish-that-i-could-be-like-the-cool-kids-moth-s-tags/']tags[/url] — roleplayed by galahad[/color][/align]
  • //just for clarification before I post is this before, during, or after Henry goes to the Elite?

    dead

    POWERS: conjuration, invisibility, shapeshift, super senses/x-ray/heat vision, teleportation, elemental powers, telepathy

    BODIES: green griffin (default), large green dragon, iguana, komodo dragon, polar bear, peacock

    INTERACTION:

    Battletags: Very Hard | pm zenzan for capture/injury | attack in BOLD GREEN

    Can powerplay non-violent actions.

    Pe92JhS.png this is some test text II4uLi1.png

  • [center][fancypost=bgcolor=;border: 0px solid white; width: 455px; text-align: justify; height: auto;font-size: 8pt; line-height: 122%; margin-top: -2px;]A soft breath left her after hearing the sound of a chair hitting the ground with a heavy thud, paws pausing as she looked toward the cabin that she knew Atticus and Henry stayed at. Her pelt was fluffed up after her leaving of her own cabin and she breathed out a light and ragged breath before moving into that direction. Her cold fire eyes lifted up and she peered over the chair as she moved in side before she then heard the sobbing and after the loud yowl of emotion. Things had not been going so well for the couple, or for even Windclan really. It was saddening to see things happening this way and she slowly stepped a bit closer before she clenched her jaw. What was she supposed to do? The dalmatian didn't want her comfort but his husband's. She still felt like she could do something so she moved her paws closer, body gently pressing up against the canine's lightly as she bowed her head gently.

    MDmttDf.gifbdd0c982a5d7ec06df9578be8ce16944eef2cae7_00.gifgiphy.webp

    LIVING IN THE GARDEN OF EVIL —

    damarys + 4 years old and 6 months + lupurca - agrelos born - plot thread

  • [center]

    Oliver Queen-Stark
    "The Arrow"


    With Atticus' return, he was hoping things would return to normal. Henry, most of all, would be able to assist Jonathan in leading the clan forward and onward. Oliver had been cleaning up part of camp when he heard Attie's cry and bolted upright. Troubled, he spread his wings and flew over to the Hacksaw house, where Moth and Blueridge already were.


    "Do either of you know what happened?" he asked.


    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    When you feel my heat
    Look into my eyes
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide
    {Demons by Imagine Dragons}

    dead

    POWERS: conjuration, invisibility, shapeshift, super senses/x-ray/heat vision, teleportation, elemental powers, telepathy

    BODIES: green griffin (default), large green dragon, iguana, komodo dragon, polar bear, peacock

    INTERACTION:

    Battletags: Very Hard | pm zenzan for capture/injury | attack in BOLD GREEN

    Can powerplay non-violent actions.

    Pe92JhS.png this is some test text II4uLi1.png



  • People were rushing in and Atticus felt like a Fool - a broken fool. He wanted to dismiss everyone, he wanted to saw that he was alright but all that came from his parted maw were cries. Hearing Moth call out for his partner the veteran jerked his head up and stared at the woman with wide, tearful eyes.
    "N-No, H-he ca-ant see me l-li-like this."
    I don't want to hurt him more than I already have. the man would add internally until Blueridge came and the very second he felt the woman's pelt press against his own the dalmatian was quick to jerked himself away from the comforting contact, lowering his head and raising a paw to rest over the bridge of his nose in a attempt to hide his emotional pain, the man would only answer Oliver with a choked up response.
    "I-Im f-Fine. Ple-ease jus' go."
    I deserve this.

    [center](c)trexgirl


    Roleplayed by: Number 1

  • At Atticus' yowl and then Moth's yell for him, Henry would quickly make his way out of the library and run towards his husband. He couldn't believe he'd done this again. He couldn't believe he'd left Attie alone, that he let him out of his sight for even a moment. Hadn't he learned anything? He couldn't stand the thought of him being hurt, or worse, once again because he wasn't around. He knew that his husband could see in his new body but he couldn't help but feel as though something must have gone horribly wrong for him to be in such a state of distress. Had another one of their children been taken or had Atticus gotten hurt? Was he dying, alone, without Henry there beside him this time? Would he be forced to see his husband be snatched from him once again? All that he could feel was panic as he limped as quickly as he could in the direction of the voices. "A-Attie! Atticus, I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you alone, I shouldn't have gone to the library, I-" His voice would stop short when he arrived to see his husband physically unharmed, although he seemed to be in a great deal of distress. He would quickly make his way over and aim to nuzzle him, pressing himself against the other. "Don't worry, I'm here. It'll be fine, we can go inside and-and, um, watch one of those, um, those... those moving pictures with sound. The ones you like because you didn't get to see them often and we can eat the... the um, the corn that's popped an-and I can make tea and it'll all be fine a-and we can stay home because it's safe there and... and, um..." He would state, speaking quickly as he tried to think of anything that would comfort his husband. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left. I'll stay with you."


    I finally feel like me



  • A familiar voice reached the man's ears, the one of Henry, his husband. Often times Attie would cling to that presence desperately, sink into the warmth of his lover and forget everything that had ever disturbed him, ignore all that had haunted in his lifetime but this tome he just couldn't. He listened to the labrador's words - oh did all of that sound delightful. Watch a film, have a snack by a cup of tea nothing else but the two, thinking about it he wanted to do that but he just simply could not. When he felt the man's pelt brush against his own, Attie raised a paw and used his right forearm to gently push his husband away. Doing the action hurt, it left an achy feeling in his throbbing heart but how could he let the man who he hurt the most so close?
    Already Henry was blaming himself and it only worsened the situation, it burned at the wound and the dalmatian let out another choked sob as he shook his head.
    "N-no don't blame yourself p-please."
    Hypocrite. The veteran shook his head faster as the thought popped into his mind.
    "Th-this isn't your fault H-Henry."
    It's mine.
    He wanted to admit it, he wanted to say it but for some reason the words did not manage to reach his lips. He wanted to confess and be pardoned for his mistakes but how could he ever be pardoned for this? Desperately attempting to draw in a breath, it seemed much more difficult than it should have been. Air was caught in his throat and he only wheezed in soft whines before finally being able to fill his own lungs, slowly but surely steadying himself and breathing out a choked sigh.
    "It never was your fault."

    [center](c)trexgirl


    Roleplayed by: Number 1

  • When he was pushed away, his expression would immediately fall to one that appeared rather hurt. Atticus didn't want him. That was all he could think. He had made Attie upset because he wasn't eating and he'd lost the kids and he didn't want him anymore. The thought was enough to bring tears to his eyes but he told himself that he couldn't be thinking about this clearly, that there had to be something else. So, he would glance at his paws, trying to hide how much the action had hurt him and he'd blink away his tears before trying to move forward again, although a bit more cautious this time as he'd try to press himself against his husband. "Well, if it isn't my fault then it certainly isn't yours either," He would murmur. "Come on, Attie, let-let's just... just go inside and relax. We can... I think there's some extra prey and we can have a nice dinner, I'll even make it. We can play some of that music that you like, with the man from the Christmas movie. I just want to be with you, that's all. If you'd rather me go away and you could have some time to yourself, though, that'd be just fine too, just tell me. I'll do whatever you want. Whatever will make you happy," He'd then add, a tone of desperation entering his voice as he spoke. He didn't want to be separated from Atticus. He couldn't think of anything worse than that right now but if his husband didn't want him around then he had a right to be alone.

    I finally feel like me

  • [center][fancypost=bgcolor=;border: 0px solid white; width: 455px; text-align: justify; height: auto;font-size: 8pt; line-height: 122%; margin-top: -2px;]She sucked in a harsh breath as he jerked away, feeling as if he had slapped her. It wasn't his fault, of course not. It had been a bad move on her part to try and be comforting. She wasn't meant to be the comforting type and why she had tried was beyond her own comprehension. She had thought that trying and forcing a change would work but it seemed this was not to be and she took note of the reaction and the cause of it. Herself. Stepping back she decided to leave as Henry came in and their conversation commenced. Her fluffy tail trailed out behind her as stiff as her back was as she stepped out into the cold frosted air outside.

    MDmttDf.gifbdd0c982a5d7ec06df9578be8ce16944eef2cae7_00.gifgiphy.webp

    LIVING IN THE GARDEN OF EVIL —

    damarys + 4 years old and 6 months + lupurca - agrelos born - plot thread

  • [center]

    PEOPLE HELP THE PEOPLE


    It was heartbreaking to hear Atticus crying out for Moth to stop, but she had to get Henry here. Henry could deal with it.


    As soon as the wolverine was sure that the labrador had arrived, she hopped into the lodge and began to pick up shards of shattered glass, finding a plastic bag to put them in. She didn't want either of the two to get hurt, and she was certain that they didn't necessarily want too many people crowded around.


    (c)trexgirl

    [color=#5DBCD2][/color] [align=center][font='georgia'][color=#5DBCD2][size=15][color=#FFA07A]I CAN'T HELP MYSELF BUT STARE[color=#FFA07A].[/size][/color][/color][/color][/font][font='georgia'][color=#FFA07A][/color] [size=15][color=#FFA07A]DOUBLE CHECK FOR DOUBLE MEANINGS[/color][color=#FFA07A].[/size][/color][/font] [color=white][url='https://feralfront.com/thread/2504361-i-wish-that-i-could-be-like-the-cool-kids-moth-s-tags/']tags[/url] — roleplayed by galahad[/color][/align]
  • [center]

    Oliver Queen-Stark
    "The Arrow"


    He grimaced, but there wasn't much that they could do. He glanced at Moth and then made a motion with his head to Blueridge. "Let's give them a moment of privacy," he grunted. Perhaps there still were some kinks that they needed to work out. He knew Mercy had disappeared, and had only very recently found out about Peter. He hadn't told Henry or Atticus yet, but he'd made a search plan to find them. His only problem was that he wasn't sure where to start.


    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    When you feel my heat
    Look into my eyes
    It’s where my demons hide
    It’s where my demons hide
    {Demons by Imagine Dragons}

    dead

    POWERS: conjuration, invisibility, shapeshift, super senses/x-ray/heat vision, teleportation, elemental powers, telepathy

    BODIES: green griffin (default), large green dragon, iguana, komodo dragon, polar bear, peacock

    INTERACTION:

    Battletags: Very Hard | pm zenzan for capture/injury | attack in BOLD GREEN

    Can powerplay non-violent actions.

    Pe92JhS.png this is some test text II4uLi1.png



  • Claws dug and curled into the snow below him as Henry spoke on, looking over to his side for a brief moment the dalmatian could spot the pain within the gaze of the other and immediately rage was what boiled up inside him. Not rage towards his lover, oh lord no, but rage towards himself. This time he allowed his husband to press up against him but the words he said were drowned out by intrusive thoughts. He's in this wreck because he did not want to hurt Henry yet here he was causing pain and ruining everything once again, here he was breaking a family apart like he always did.
    Good fer nothin' boy does jack shit for this family.
    A deep drawled voice rang in his head, he could almost sense the alcohol in the air and taste the Tennessee whiskey on his tongue. Things that his father used to say, things that he did it all played in the Virginian's head.
    He did exactly that for his family. Nothing. That was why it was broken. He was raised by a man who only knew to to cause pain within his family he must've inherited it from him.


    The thoughts were overwhelming and the dalmatian turned to press himself closer against Henry, feeling rather ashamed over the fact he drove everyone else away.
    " I'm so-orry, I s-sho-ouldn't ha-ave. V-vader told me not t-ta cry o-outside last t-time I-" He sniffled and let out another shaky sigh. "I should've listened..."
    He'd then only fall silent, focusing on his own breathing and allowing his whines and choked little cries fall into steady air intakes.
    "I-I'm sorry I pushed you."
    Again.
    Thinking about it lead to another burst of emotion in him, he let his head hang forward and his teeth clamp onto his lower lips, desperate to keep the composition he had just gained.


    [center](c)trexgirl


    Roleplayed by: Number 1

  • "Don't listen to Vader. You're perfectly fine. You don't have to be alone. If you'd like some more privacy, we could go inside where it'll be warm. I think anyone could agree that you have every right to cry as you'd like. There's a lot that's happened lately," He'd hum gently, holding his husband. At his apology, Henry would shake his head. "Don't worry about it, love, I know you're upset. You didn't hurt me at all. I'm fine. Now, how about we go inside. I don't want you to have to stay out here too long like this. We can stay out here if you'd like but I don't want you to get sick right before we move," He'd then add, gently nuzzling the other man in an attempt to somehow comfort him. He wished he knew what to say to make everything better. He wished he could change things back to the way they were before Attie had died. He felt as though that were a selfish wish, to wish that Atticus was in a broken body for the sake of their happiness. He didn't wish any pain for his husband and some days he felt that it had been easier in those days, when they had all their children and when Atticus had never died.

    I finally feel like me

  • [hhh track bc i love these two]

    "If my soul was torn, would you help?
    Would you try and fix me; would you help un-break me?"

    Amaterasu Saburo - Chase | Male | WindClan Member | May 10th, eighteen moons | Vampire-Ghoul[tags] | roleplayed by Domino Misfit