I LOVED AND I LOVED AND I LOST [X] O, PROPOSAL

[size=8]she's scared. her heart beats like a jack rabbits, quick and skittish, threatening to burst out of her ribcage. fear has erupted in her lungs, makes her chest inflate like a big red balloon, and she wants to sit and cry scared, fretful tears because this terror shakes her like nothing else ever has.

shes in love, and she wants to stretch that love out to the farthest extent, to marriage.

but these thoughts of doubt, of rejection, have been injected into her system, working like poison and leaving her sick. "what if she says no?" she feels it would be justified if olive denied her proposal, and it would even out their past together, the pain and hurt chica had put her through all those months ago.

it took all of her will not to get hammered before this.

"olive, sweetheart? can ya.. can ya c'mere please?" chicagocrimes voice is soft as she glides into the barn, and she herself appears faint, face chalky white and ghostly as her eyes flick anxiously from face to face, searching for her girlfriends kind smile.

/sorry this is such shit @olive .
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[size=8]/i have never written a proposal thread before idfk what im doing

if olive hadnt shown up at all, chicagocrimes really would have done a three hundred-sixty flip in character and bawled like an oversized baby, brought down by being stood up and (in her mind) rejected all at once. instead, chica feels a squirm of relief and panic ring around her heart as her girlfriend saunters forward, looking hesitant. that isnt very encouraging and she glances back over her shoulder, struggling to not rub at the goosebumps now rising up in her arms. when she looks back, her eyes soften and a flurry of butterflies rumble in her belly. she steps toward the panther cautiously, head tipping to one side, murmuring a soft, "there ya are. listen," before aiming to take the girls paw and clasp it in hers, gold on black.

"d'ya remember the first day we met?" she inquires in a gentle tone, attempting to tease the memory out of olives mind as she paints the scene, "ya were flirtin' with some random goon." chicagocrimes remembers it perfectly, can envision olive batting her eyes and asking for directions in an incredibly sickly sweet voice, trying to find the way to phantomclans asylum. "poor guy didnt know what ta do." she smirks, also able to perfectly remember the flustered look of the npc that her future girlfriend coddled up to. it was funny watching the other squirm, and even funnier when olive was able to match chicagocrimes' (who back then was chicagopaw) sass word for word, flirt for flirt, look for look. it was the first time anybody other than perhaps fishpaw could meet her head to head. "i thought ya were cool for a few days, but then i found out who ya were." temperance, the chief of sylvanclan. the clan that would merge with phantomclan and create the sanctuary. the clan that promised to destroy the remnants of her home, her lifestyle, her pride.

chicagocrimes cant help but feel a pang of resentment as she recalls this, but this irritation isnt directed at olive like it (wrongly) was all those months ago, "and i.. didnt like yer clan much after that." of course, chica didnt express this dislike as much as fishbone had, and the only time she truly let it all out was the day she caused a drunken uproar and rallied an obnoxious protest against the merge. "but i came around ta liking you." which is truthful; unlike everyone else, chica and threefold were the only ones who extended friendship as the merge progressed, although admittedly, chicas companionship was gained after the sanctuary became official and all of olives former clanmates vanished. the panthers paw, if chicago was succesful in holding it, will be rewarded with a light comforting squeeze, "we sat around in camp, doin each others nails and shit, callin out to rainbows, playin in the leaves,"

all of these fond memories spin across the girls head, and as each one is recalled her tone gets fairly lighter, not anywhere near a whisper, but kind and soft enough that it is quite a shock from her typical raunchy and obnoxious behavior, "then ya asked me ta go steady with ya and.. i said no." a stupid move on her part, and her excuses arent all that redeemable; she was scared, she missed lessa, she "barely" knew olive, she wasnt ready to settle down- not just when the party was getting started, "and that was the stupidest thing i have ever done in my entire fuckin life because ya were probably the one thing i needed most, then." this is stated bluntly, burdened with harshness and scorn, resentment burning in her eyes as she recalls her idiotic choice, "ya knew how i was back then; sloppy, careless, reckless. got my ass nearly dragged into prostitution, got my ass poisoned, got my ass pregnant. gave everyone 'round me hell- you especially. we screamed and fought in public, poked at one anothers appearance during events, and we were- we were just fucking awful to each other." a grimace contorts her maw as she finished that line, letting those words sink in. to her, it feels like she's confessing her whole god damn life to olive and anyone nearby, "people might say that those are.. a lot of bad memories for.. such a happy couple." she finishes lamely. "but i cant think of one bad moment with you because it aint possible. " and that she believes. the only time a minute passed that could be deemed bad was when chica herself turned it sour. it was never olive. never, "aint possible." she repeats, breathing a thoughtful sigh before fiddling with the bag planted at her waist, untying it and pulling out a necklace: a black chain stringed with golden beads, looped over two times. "there aint no bad moments with ya. no bad times, no bad memories. only good ones."

"ah.."the girl pauses for the umpteenth time, shutting her eyes briefly, lips twisting up into a smirk, "sorry for ramblin, im just.. amazed at our history together and.. im amazed that i havent gotten the balls to do this yet- to do something i should have done a very long time ago." she slings one of her arms behind her head, scratches at an ear as she extends the other limb (the one with the necklace looped around its claws) to her girlfriend. "olive, will you marry me?"
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