[center][fancypost=borderwidth; width: 400px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; line-height: 12px; font-size: 7pt]//do not feel pressured to match muse/ sorta copy and pasted but cleaned up,, eep
in life, people believed that everyone needed a reason for what they did, how they acted, how they perceived themselves and the world and why they chose to believe in what they did. however, there wasn't one definite moment that oleanderpaw could pinpoint that would explain why it was utterly and completely angry at the world, not one moment they could tell you that would solidify it's reasoning. they couldn't give you a reason why they hated their father, his siblings, itself, the clan - nothing, there was simply nothing that ollie could give you because they just didn't know. they had always thought themselves to just be a negative person but did they have a reason for being negative? no, not one they could give, at least. they'd lived a good life, been raised and fed by the nicest queens, their father had been around doing whatever the hell he pleased before he'd eventually kicked the bucket, they had been loved and cared for, they got enough hugs as a child (although, it must note that those hugs had never really been from those whom they would have really meant something from) they were healthy and they just didn't understand why everything around them made it so angry all the time. it wasn't... natural and it didn't have a reason for what it did but it wasn't like they really cared enough to try and figure out why it thought like it did - didn't care much for thinking about itself, that only brought up thoughts it would rather keep buried beneath the ever present layer of hate and anger.
blinking softly they lifted their head from their paws to look around the cramped apprentice's den, it wasn't sure if any of the other apprentices were even awake yet - likely a few had gone out on the dawn patrol but oleander didn't really care enough to figure out exactly which apprentices those had been. they let out a low huff before moving to lift themselves onto their paws, they didn't know why the were up so early but it didn't really want to know and it was too late to try and go back to sleep because it would only get yelled at later if they slept too long. they pushed through the entrance of the brumble den, blinking rapidly as the morning sun nearly blinded them and forced them to narrow their eyes considerably until their crossed eyes could properly make out what exactly he was seeing. ah, yes... the dilemma of his terribly and irreversibly crossed eyes; a part of them most would consider to be some kind of unique difference but one that ollie could only see as a goddamn nuisance - maybe it didn't affect their vision constantly but it was getting freaking tired of being unable to sense where the hell the ground dipped off into water and taking an unwanted dip. they may be able to see perfectly but there were times when their depth perception completely screwed them over and they looked like an idiot, god they hated their eyes more than anything they would ever be able to explain.
slowly everything came into focus and as they made out the twisting of the brush they were able to, carefully, make it through the entrance. well, almost they supposed as they hadn't seen the piece of shit branch that had decided to settle just outside the den and had it tumbling forward with flailing limbs and curses lined upon it's tongue. they gave an irritated huff as they quickly caught themselves, just in time to keep from landing face first into the muddy earth below them. shaking it's paws slightly as they continued to ache with the feeling of exhaustion; ollie was a grumpy individual and even more so when it came to mornings as the ache of their still sleeping limbs, the annoying chirp of the birds, and the idiocy that seemed to run through the sleep riddled mind always drove him into a sort of madness... a madness with a short fuse and a piss poor attitude, that is. they knew some knew to steer clear of the apprentice in the morning, least they bare witness to the aggravated words and actions that the young one was capable of as it was way too early to be starting drama and most respected the fact they left ollie the fuck alone. to most it was a given, they'd learned their lesson once before and they were likely too tired of his angry and pessimistic nature to even try to talk to it anymore - having long given up on trying to interact with the apprentice, but it was okay, after all this time ollie sort of understood why they did what they did. if it could, it wouldn't hang around itself as well.
letting out a loud yawn, oleanderpaw clamped his jaw shut as he moved towards the fresh-kill pile, hoping to get breakfast before it had to deal with anyone who was stupid enough to try and be friendly to someone who didn't want to be social. they shifted their crossed eyes to look over the camp, not many were up yet which was understandable and, honestly, it was a relief for the young feline - less people to confront, less people to annoy them, less people to tell it what it could and could not do and less people trying to pretend they actually gave two shits about it. oh look at them, the sun had barely risen and they were pulling the "everyone's fake, they all hate me, they're just pretending to care because that's what they have to do" card - this must be a new record for him, it supposed some kind of congratulations was in order. they let out a little huffed laugh before snatching a small sparrow from the pile and making their way to a rather closed off area of camp to enjoy their bird in peace; by now, it was sure most of the warriors would be waking up along with some of the apprentices and this peaceful morning [minus those birds who won't shut the hell up] would be ruined by the loud chatter of fake happiness that they were sure ran throughout shadowclan like a plague.
they dropped to the ground with a loud thump before allowing themselves to dig into the meat that the bird provided; it was cold and a little disgusting which must have meant it was older and had been sitting out a little longer than the others... wasn't that just fantastic, and if ollie wasn't in a bad mood before the hardened flavor of the bird sure brought it down and deeper into the ground. it's face twisted up in a sour snarl as they pushed the bird away and pressing their head down into their paws as they watched the life around shadowclan's camp slowly begin bustling with the waking of the other members. it hurt a little to see everyone greet and talk to each other like they were all friends, needless to say ollie may be a little bit of a hypocrite for both hating and adoring the idea of being able to so easily talk to others as if they weren't afraid, annoyed, or had generally given up on you; hell, even oleanderpaw's last mentor had quit and left the apprentice out on the curb to figure out how to deal with things on his own. it was probably well deserved but the warrior had been a childish brat who had gotten way too sensitive way too quickly - it wasn't it's fault that they hadn't been able to put up with a couple of insults, maybe they hadn't been prepared to be a warrior in the first place if a couple of words from an angry apprentice had sent them crying into the warriors den like a kitten. their eyes narrowed at the groups before turning away as if in disgust as they slowly pushed itself into a sitting position. "idiots." it mumbled under it's breath, uncaring how close it sat to a few groups; they could yell and moan all they wanted... didn't mean ollie wouldn't continue to call them bloody idiots.[center]_________________
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