ON MY SHOULDERS {returning from moonstone}

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    {sorry for innactivity ++ aging her up some bc a medicine cat at 8 moons is... odd to me. also i cut my finger bad so typing is very awkward rn, expect short posts}


    The death of Littleberry had been sudden. Emberpaw had just become comfortable in her home when the dogs had attacked. Her blue eye seemed exhausted, as she finally made her way into ShadowClan camp, but she still stood tall. She had traveled to the Moonstone, and received StarClans' blessing and her medicine cat name. Now Embertail, she took a deep breath and looked around her home. Time to get back to work healing.

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    The news of Littleberry's death had caused a ripple of shock through the clan, stirring up a lot of curiosities. Why were the great ancestors so cruel? Why did they always feel the need to take cats so early from the living world? The medicine cat was fairly new, just recently getting, from what Smokepaw had comprehended, her full name. Although reserved and rather withdrawn from the clan, Littleberry would be missed. The apprentice would have liked to known her better and maybe even befriended her, but he supposed he was too late and didn't deserve to be wallowing in regrets. The bi-colored male heaved himself on to his paws, stretching his limbs outward and parting his jaws wide. Pearly white teeth glistened against the high sun's rays, pink tongue curling and touching the edge of his bottom lip. He released a content huff as his maw closed with a soft click, blinking at the tears that collected in his eyes. Smokepaw trotted idly around camp, his lightning blue orbs just taking in the view of the home he couldn't quite call home, yet. It didn't feel like... home. He still felt out of place and alienated. Hopefully, he adjusted quickly and the comfort of his friend living there with him would calm his nerves.


    The arrival of Embertail slightly startled the young apprentice, pausing in his tracks for a moment to gaze at the calico. He had to admit, she was rather pretty, despite the scars that ran across her useless eye. Had he formally introduced himself? How rude for her not to know his name. However, the very thought of approaching the pretty she-cat caused his heart to begin palpitating and his stomach twist into a complicated knot. Even if she seemed nice, didn't mean she would act that way. Smokepaw swallowed hard and made a beeline for the fresh-kill pile, just in time for his stomach to begin growling at the sight of food. He craned his neck and reached for a skinny rabbit, clamping his teeth onto one of its back legs and giving it a tug from the top of the pile. The rest of the prey were beginning to turn into, what the Shadowclanners called: crowfood. It was starting to rot and he could smell the decomposition. Should he do something about it?

    Ratkit raced from the nursery to see the newly promoted medicine cat. "Emberpaw!" he exclaimed, skidding to a halt in front of her. "What does the Moonstone look like? What did StarClan say? Was Littleberry there? What's your new name?"

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    Snakestar looked up to see Emberpaw --as he still knew her-- enter into camp. He was glad that she had gone to the Moonstone to receive her name, and now she could start to heal their clanmates again. Everyone was still recovering from the dog attack, after all. He gave a brief glance to Smokepaw and a look of annoyance to Ratkit before looking at the new medicine cat. "Welcome back." The leader said to the female with a nod of his head. "What can we call you by..?" Snakestar was curious as to what her new name was.

    INFO — I DON'T BELONG HERE

    [center][fancypost=;border:0px;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:8pt]Oakpaw had been in a bit of a slump ever since the consecutive bad news that had been announced at the previous meeting. Death in any form did not sit with him well. It hurt. It didn't matter that he hardly knew Littleberry or Mistheart enough to see them as close. The death of the medicine cat and the disappearance of the shy warrior after she had murdered that innocent kitten had torn at his heart, and the obvious nonchalance of the rest of the clan was almost taken as an insult in the tabby tom's mind. Did they not understand that Littleberry and Antkit's lives had been cut short? Did they not understand the devastation that would come to their family, their friends?


    He took in a breath to steady himself and quiet his thoughts, padding forward toward Embertail as she returned from the Moonstone, whatever that was, as the new medicine cat. He chose not to speak for a few moments, his mouth staying firmly shut, where, normally, he would be asking questions and talking out of turn. If anyone had spent more than a day around him, they would know something was wrong with the normally outgoing apprentice. He wanted someone to press against, someone to feel close to, but even though he looked toward Smokepaw, he didn't attempt to call him closer. It wasn't worth the effort. He shouldn't be this upset about this. He needed to be strong like all the other Shadowclanners. He needed to be a tough warrior like them.


    Breathing in, he settled down next to Ratkit and Snakestar with a quiet, shuttering exhale. This was the new medicine cat... Surely the loss of her mentor had hurt her, at least. He looked into her face. She looked tired, though he didn't see sadness in her unscarred eye, not much. Figures. Keeping his thoughts to himself, he bent his neck in a show of respect to the new healer, though his voice was flat as he spoke, his emerald eyes dropping to the ground. "I'm sorry for your loss." he murmured softly, his throat closing up on itself as a shiver ran through his body. His tail tightened around around one hind leg tightly; his mind was wondering to his own family, his mother and his father, all his siblings. All dead. All gone, just like Littleberry and Antkit. The apprentice's eyes began to sting, but he blinked back the tears, sinking his teeth into his cheek hard. He chose not to speak anymore, else he started crying again, his brows knitted and his eyes kept to the dirt.


    information — updated 2/5

    Her blue eye regarded the kit, and she smiled wearily. "Yes, Littleberry was there. A lot of ShadowClan was there, in fact. And the Moonstone was beautiful." Ratkit's bubbly attitude gave her a small swell of happiness, which would give her strength for the coming sunrises. ShadowClan seemed so dour lately, it made her glad to see a few were recovering emotionally. Her mottled tail twitched in greeting at her fellow clanmates. "It's Embertail now." The calico responded to Snakestar.
    Embertail blinked at Oakpaw, then approached him carefully, placing her tail over his shoulder. It was okay to feel grief. She always considered it better to let your feelings out than to let them fester inside of you.

    [center][fancypost=background: transparent; width: 50%][align=justify][size=8]Iris was beginning to feel like an awful cat. Should she be mourning? But she had not at all known Littleberry well and held no attachment whatsoever to the deceased medic. Death came to all eventually, some earlier than others, and that couldn't be helped. It was a natural cycle, and Iris had no reason to dwell on Littleberry's death. For sure, it was an unfortunate occurrence, but what could the apprentice do about it?


    Iris quietly walked over to the crowd that was gradually forming around the new medicine cat. She hoped that Embertail was going make a fabulous healer. "Welcome back," the young femme meowed, pricking her ears at the mention of the Moonstone. She hadn't completely graped the idea of StarClan quite yet, but she understood enough to understand what the kit and medicine cat were discussing. "What did it look like? The Moonstone?"


    /ic opinions

    "Embertail," Ratkit repeated, leaning towards the calico she-cat and sniffing her fur, picking up the scent of the moors. "That's a nice name. You smell weird. What's that? Is that what StarClan smells like?"


    He glanced at Iris as she approached and hopped in excitement. "Uh, yeah! You didn't say! What does the Moonstone look like? Beautiful how?"

    [center][fancypost=;border:0px;width:450px;text-align:justify;font-size:8pt]Oakpaw's attention was so directly focused onto the muddy ground beneath his paws that he hardly noticed as Embertail stepped forward in a respectful silence. A quivering, surprised gasp fell from the tabby's lips as he felt her tail brush over his shoulders, and with tear-pricked eyes, the thin apprentice looked up and into the medicine cat's face, staring into her one uninjured eye with great surprise flickering in his own. This simple gesture was the first time that anyone had truly tried to help him here. To comfort him. Of course, Smokepaw was always there for him, but it... It wasn't the same. He loved Smokepaw; he was his best friend, and was always there for him whenever he needed someone to lean on. However, he wasn't these wild cats that had been raised to hate him and his upbringing. He wasn't a warrior.


    The tabby first parted his jaws, aiming to say something as simple as a 'thank you', but the soft, slightly choked noise that left his strangled throat whisked away his words, and he instead simply nodded meekly, averting his eyes downward again and pressing his paws together with a thick swallow. That was something that happened often, his words being lost. He couldn't control it. It was like his throat just closed up, and he wasn't able to force anything past it, so therefore he just gave up on trying to talk. He wondered briefly if that made him seem weak. Maybe he should work on that.


    Swallowing once more past the growing lump in his throat, he coughed slightly, glancing toward Ratkit as he excitedly asked question after question about topics he didn't understand. Wait, what? Littleberry was there? What did that mean? The apprentice looked up, a look of confusion and a vague fear sprawled across his features. What even was Starclan? They seemed to talk about them a lot, even using them in insults. They better not be ghosts. He was terrified of spirits. "Uhm... What's... Starclan, exactly? How did you meet Littleberry...?"


    information — updated 2/15

    Embertail laughed softly at Ratkit, sitting down on the cool ground beside Oakpaw, her tail curling around her paws. "You probably smell WindClan. Their scent carries over the thunderpath." She was sure though, with how many medicine cats and leaders had visited the Moonstone, it did probably have its own distinct smell. How was it beautiful? Hm. "It is a large, white stone. But it glistens so wonderfully in the light, like... Like the sun shines down in the rippling water."


    What is StarClan? Her blue eye blinked at Oakpaw for a moment, thinking. "StarClan is where our ancestors live, and where cats go when they die. A leader receives their nine lives from StarClan, and they send us medicine cats, and even leaders, visions of things to come sometimes."

    "Woah, cool..." Ratkit said. WindClan. He sniffed again. "You know what my mom says? She says they're just a buncha' no good rabbit-hearts with... with, uh..." he wrinkled his forehead in thought, "skin even thinner than their legs!.... or something like that. What does that mean?" The questions bubbled forth eagerly even as Embertail was still speaking, the kitten's murky dark eyes gleaming.


    He tried to imagine the Moonstone, and in his mind it was even grander than the view from the Clanrock. "I wanna see the Moonstone," he declared, and decided that he would. Just like he decided that one day he was going to climb the Clanrock as a true leader of ShadowClan - as Ratstar! - instead of just as a naughty kitten.