DARLING WHO YOU PRAYING TO — open, joining/return

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    before


    before the pain. before the suffering. before the loss. before everything, she'd just been a girl.


    before riverclan, she'd been young and dim. she'd had a pretty face and a dog bite in her shoulder. she'd had no memory of anything beyond one phrase. "my name is paley and i'd like to join." she'd grasped onto that string because it was all she'd had. because she'd been abused from birth, because she'd buried her own littermates. because her father had tried to kill her. she hadn't realized it then, but if she'd lost that string, she'd have lost herself. her identity. she'd have been a kit with a tolerance for pain and a pair of pretty grey eyes.


    before quietstar, she'd been an orphan. she'd witnessed her own parents die and she hadn't processed the gravity of the situation. before queitstar, she'd had big dreams and high hopes. she'd had a high pitched voice and shrill laugh. before quietstar, she'd learned to hunt from flamepaw and she'd held that like a prize. that, at such a young age, she could fish. she could feed herself. she hadn't realized that one day, she'd have to survive on her own.


    before her apprenticeship, she'd been full of dreams. she'd wanted to travel the world, the clans. she'd wanted to visit the moonstone. she'd wanted to learn the name of every cat and befriend every leader. she'd wanted to unite the clans, she'd wanted to bring peace. she'd wanted to save the forest. before her apprenticeship, she'd been a little girl, a child. innocent and naive, no memory of the world beyond her clan. but she knew she wanted to experience it, to taste it. she wanted to know it.


    before dee, she'd still been a girl. she'd still been young and youthful, full of life and energy. nothing could stop her, nothing could bring her down. she'd had the world at her paws, and she'd been ready to snatch it up and claim it as her own. she'd been so happy, so kind. but becoming a litter at such a young age did things to a girl. it made her stop being a girl and start being an adult. she'd had lives to care for, to shape, to raise. and she'd failed. they'd been plucked off like flies, each dead, missing, or... they'd simply stopped being her child and resumed being a monster, a murderer.


    before she'd died, she'd been one of a kind. she was unprecedented and no one would ever be like her again. for a time, in her brief life, she'd helped change the world. it wasn't clear if she'd go down as a monster or a saint. if all the good she'd done outweighed the bad. but in the end, even starclan didn't know. they couldn't tell if she'd been a monster or misguided. mentally ill, overcome by her demons, or if she'd given into the demons. they couldn't figure out who she was, they could only see the girl that had been shaped and hand-crafted by those around her, those who raised her, who trained her, who loved her, and who hated her. she'd been so different, and they couldn't understand it.


    so they his reset.


    after


    "my name is darky, and i'd like to join." the feline recited these words because they were all she knew. because they were a string and she felt forced to cling to it. she felt that if she lost it, if she lost that thread of her life, she'd lose herself. and somehow, she felt she knew what it was like to lose herself. and she felt terrified at losing again. she felt that if she lost it, this string, she'd never regain her footing. she'd fall down, down, down, into the nothingness.


    "my name is darky, and i'd like to join." she reminded herself once more, pacing back and forth. she was on the riverclan side of the border. after all, it was this side of the river, or the other; there wasn't much of a choice. and knew she could stay on the other side, but she'd crossed it quite a while ago, so the dogs would lose her scent and, hopefully, stop pursuit. it appeared they had; she'd lost their scent, and the sound of their panting and heavy, clumsy paws. a massive bite pulsed on her shoulder, the blood pouring out in bucketfuls, covering her dark fur.


    the feline was pretty enough. tall and unnaturally thin, with sharp features. her eyes matched her fur, the same dusky gray, like the asphalt on the city roads. her paws were calloused from moons of walking on the hard city streets, but she was devoid of the scent that came with the polluted city. rather, she carried no scent at all, only of the dog bite and the river she'd swam through.


    the bite didn't hurt, but she knew it should. she wasn't sure why, but it just should have. and yet, it didn't. it didn't hurt. it wasn't right, but then again, her empty mind wasn't right. she had no memory of anything, no knowledge. all she knew was that her name was darky, that she was to join riverclan, and that she was ten months old, nearly eleven. she was to change her name to darkpaw. where it came from, who she was, she didn't fully understand and thought it might be best to not try to think about it. each time she tried, her head ached, the spot between her eyes seemed to pulse in the most unpleasant of ways, and it made her eyes feel heavy. so she ignored the nagging curiosity, insteading chosing to continue pacing to-and-fro, reciting her string of words that held the entirety of her identity. she refused to lose the words, to forget them. she hadn't much of a concept of anything, but she did know that this was somehow very important.


    "my name is darky, and i'd like to join."



    [1010 words!! anyways, this is the "reincarnation" of palemoon, as the last died (more on that will be revealed later). for those of you who weren't around for her introduction, this is the exact same scenario from her joining; memory loss, dog bite, crossed the border via the river, bleeding from her shoulder in the dog bite. starclan gave her a second chance to become someone better, as she'd gone off of the deep end, and put her into an identical body of a she-cat who had just died.
    she is completely identical to paley except her fur and eyes are a shade closer to black than white. same bone structure, same body type, the whole nine yards. this would likely be obvious to anyone who see's her right away, but to anyone who doesn't recognize her, her personality is extremely similar to young / default paley (before anything that sort of corrupted her)]

    Ferretfur had seen Palemoon around in her twenty moons of life in RiverClan, but had never spoken to the pale-furred feline. She could remember what she looked like, what she sounded like, and could roughly recall her personality. But other than that, she barely knew the girl.
    Ferretfur had decided to go on a solo patrol, and perhaps be of use to her Clan, seeing as she was always pretty useless on an average day. The Birman walked along the border, senses alert, checking for any signs of intruders. Surprisingly, a stranger scent hit the glands in her mouth, and she felt her stomach twist fearfully. How was she going to deal with this? It was a big responsibility, and the first moves she would make with the intruder would be vital.
    She approached warily, silver-blue eyes wide. The she-cat before her had an uncanny resemblance to Palemoon, it was almost like the she staring at a Palemoon who was in the shadows. Maybe they were related or something?
    She cleared her throat, feeling her tail tremble. She lifted her head, forcing herself to show some kind of authority. She couldn't just stand there like a useless kit. "Erm—w-wait here." Then she slipped away to retrieve a high position who could accept Darky.

    Sandy fur outlined against the sun silhouetted an elegant figurine against the simmering horizon, a shape unidentified as she prowled over the frigid territory that more or so resembled a barren tundra. The brisk breeze sent chills of electricity down the very ridges of her spine that raised the empress's fur. Broad shoulders swiveling back and forth resembled daggers as they jutted out through her battle bathed pelt to forcefully carve a path of her own. Each scar visible through her short fur. The rigid dog bite torn upon her shoulder to the thin claw marks upon her opposing blade from the cat she had killed only a moon ago. Each one carried a sense of pride. Each one rich in history, depth, and pain. Badges of honor, regret, and pleasure.


    Swallowing, her narrow eyed gaze snaked over the territory in calculation, every detail taken into note as her glare ended upon figure. Two figures. One familiar to her eyes upon further analyzation that it was Ferretfur as the Warrior's pelt was quite unique among the camp. Despite the fem's connections within the clan the two rarely spoke, yet, she yearned to know the she-cat more just as much as she yearned to know who this feline was.


    Cougartail approached in grace to slip over thickly jagged boulders and slide through tangled reeds and uprooted cattails with ease. Frost coating and biting upon the very edges of her fur allowed for a sense of annoyance as she rather despised the cold. Yet, she always did enjoy the snow.


    Dark fur like charcoal met her gaze, despite the unfamiliarity of the she-cat, she couldn't help but feel a connection. The bone structure, her long legs, and slim figure allowed for the Deputy's harsh gaze to narrow in calculation. Shock masking her features as her focus swirled over her own. Eyes all too well-known. Palemoon.


    But it couldn't be. Had Palemoon died? Reincarnation was possible, but she'd never seen of it with her own eyes, no. Unheard of, the chausie rattled the thoughts from her mind as a moment of silence was shared before the huntress gave a curt nod to Ferretfur in greeting. Warmth consuming her movements momentarily before it was void of existence upon her quaking vessel.


    She'd known the pale warrior for moons, from the older years of her apprenticeship to becoming a queen upon hit hood. Wisdom surrounded the she-cat, yet, despite their friendship she couldn't help but feel a sense of tension in the past. "Dear starclan," she breathed in horror as she slid forward like that of an adder, who really was this cat?


    Unlatching her threatening jaws, fangs like moonlight shimmered with delicacy upon the action, velvety actions rich with suspicion, "Darky, you call yourself?" The Deputy questioned in interest upon hearing her muttered words. Tail flicking back and forth with ease as she hadn't a clue as to where she'd come from, yet upon smelling the metallic taste of blood hit her fleshy tongue, she cringed. Flicking an ear towards the injury, she raised her spectacles. She could smell the stench of hound tangle within her nostrils. "We need to fix your shoulder now, by the looks of it you've already lost too much blood," cougar analyzed as she didn't seem to be in pain.


    Palemoon was never in pain. A frigid exhale of vapor was released from her jaws in quiver and strength as she wouldn't leave an apprentice on the border with blood spewing like water from her wound.


    [*distant screaming* PALEMOON]

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    her eyes were dark, two swirling black abyss' that seemed to be so full of everything and nothing at once. those dark eyes settled upon a fem who seemed full of even more emotions than darkpaw could process. but, at once, she found herself forced to focus on the task at hand. she had to focus.


    "uh, yeah, darky." she agreed, blinking slowly as she tried to remember what else she was supposed to say. she paused, hesitated, then cleared her throat. "my name is darky and i'd like to join. please." she said immediately, face lighting up at the memory, the thought. yes, yes - this was going very well! "i, um, i can't... remember much. or anything. just that i'm supposed to join - oh, shoot, and my name, it's supposed to be darkpaw now. yeah, darkpaw." she said, nodding rather vigorously as the information flooded back into her mind.


    [rushed!!]

    Trembling paws held up the also shaking body of Cobiapaw. The thing in front of him, it couldn't be real. The same face, same voice, same tumbled eyes and same stance. It couldn't be. No way. It no way in a million pink scales be. Yet, it had to be. Her. Palemoon. Past mentor, past aquatience, was back. His own copper eyes swiveled over the scene. Two familiar, trustworthy cats, Cougartail and Ferretfur had already arrived. In the back of his mind a worm throttled through his skull and chewed doubt and horror into his brain. Remaking a cat slightly different but eerily lopsidedly perfect was just..horrific in the chocolate hued apprentice's mind.


    The chalky metal smell of blood also mixed into the storm of things clouding his thoughts. Sure, she was injured, but...no. His maw slightly opened and a croak of a sound of distant chords scraped down his scale of voice before disappearing into a puff of arid smoke. "P-Palemo-mo-mah-on? I. She's?" Shaking his head slightly in awe and confusion the airy words fell in whisps of quietness out of his maw. Talking would come later. For now, it was all memories striding on digging limbs into his throbbing with infaction mind.


    Pansypaw. How would she react? Her mother..back. But wrong. So, so dearily wrong. A mutilated copy inside of clear elegance and right. The mother who nearly killed her kin, adopted or blood, by a foolish training session that had fallen into so much more. His fear of ice. Protective nature. Chinked claws. It all just..no. She couldn't be back. He wouldn't let Palemoon be back. Now, it was Darkpaw. She appeared about the same age, maybe a moon older, than Cobia himself but it just felt distorted.


    From that, gaping mouth open, he stared.

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    The feline's long tail flicked back and forth in calculation, a sense of stunning horror masked her features like rich velvet. Every movement taken in grace as her looming liquid spectacles traced over Darkpaw's own familiar pupils. Nostalgia and confusion seemingly swallowing the Deputy whole as her features focused upon the matter at hand. The wound upon her shoulder appeared to be that of a dog bite, as the appearance was all too familiar to the chausie considering that she too, carried a similar mark upon her shoulder.


    her tongue washed over her scarred muzzle for a moment before unlatching her threatening jaws, fangs like that of delicate moonlight shimmered from underway as a narrowed glare traveled over the young goddess in disbelief. Her voice was just as that of her former friend's, even her actions resembled those of the once previously innocent and rather pure Palemoon. That was before Quietstar died and every with went up in flames. Upon the approach of Cobiapaw, her thickened focus turned upon the Tom in disbelief, she wasn't the only one. Even Ferretfur held a sense of stun and from what she heard, there couldn't be another sibling that she knew of.


    This couldn't be treated like any other ordinary situation considering that the past was repeating itself, Smoke would have to see this for himself. "Darkpaw- Cougartail Deputy of Riverclan," she greeted, vocals like cocoa butter, yet they held a certain undeniable strength. "These two are Cobiapaw and Ferretfur," the militant introduced with an encouraging smile. Yet, despite her tryings of welcome, her features fell flat once more. "Lets get you to camp before you bleed out, you can tell us about yourself on the trek back," Cougartail instructed with a firm nod and a flick of her tail as a signal to follow.


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    ◂ INFO | 1/2/16

    "Welcome to RiverClan," she meowed amiably, the corners of her lips raising to form a smile. She could see that her Clanmates also recognized the strange resemblance between Darkpaw and Palemoon in a rushed post because her roleplayer was getting a headache.