ARE YOU INSANE LIKE ME / o, suicide attempt / BEEN IN PAIN LIKE ME

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Poppykit had come across the scene by accident, too young to fully understand what might have been going on. She watched Roosterteeth attempt to knock away the berries and grimaced, remembering her parents warn her about them. Her amber gaze went from the abandoned berries to the pair of older Shadowclanners, frowning in concern and staying close, but not stepping in and getting in the way.
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Noticing that another had entered the scene and taken it out of context, she quickly stepped forward to stop the dark pelted tom from attacking Roosterteeth. "Snakehiss, he was stopping Littlepaw from eating poison berries! He's not hurting her!" she insisted
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perhaps thebe wasn't some pillar of emotional strength. sometimes, self depricating jokes had no place, and in those times, she felt she had little to contribute. she didn't know most of these cats, she didn't know their stories or their issues. she really only knew one thing about most of them, but sight-shaming had it's uses.

"i can't hunt, kid," she announced. trying force some degree of sass into her tone as she watched blindly, edging closer, wary for kits and tails that might stray onto her path. "i can't fight, either. i can't see. but i take all og these failures, and i say screw the system and try to become a warrior anyway. you know why? because i love it. kid, you wouldn't be a medicine cat if you didn't love it. you'd have brcome a warrior or a den mother or something. but you became a medicine cat apprentice, anf you need to take any perceived failures and learn from them. and move on. give regular check ups, watch twoface, learn from it, and apply it going forward." she tried to be encouraging, tried to maoe the feline see the good, but she'd always had an issue with rambling and she'd never come across as very... rallying. but she didn't stop trying, not with twoface and not with this one, one of the few nice ones to her.

unable to stop herself from a self depricating joke, she tried to give an encouraging smile, as though it could fix all the problems in the world. "besides, if that rank opens up, you know they're gonna try to stick the girl with the perfect nose into it and kill any dreamd of being a warrior. for my sake, stick around until i find a use."

[thebe tries to hard to be a ray of sunshine
and she gives everyone sunburn]

[fancypost bgcolor=none; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; width: 400px;font-size:8pt;line-height: 150%;][justify]"littlepaw."

a single name, three soft syllables. it held emotion that one might find in a speech or a mother's tone to her own young. but it came from the deputy who, in contrast to his voice, was oddly stoic. he stood there, tall and impossibly small at the same time. his face was blank as the surfaces of the rocks beneath a river's stream, the only hint of feeling being the creasing above his three eyes that were nothing more than wide, blue rings fixated on the medicine cat apprentice.

he had spoken only after thebe had, though had come when the girl had pinned blame on herself. her fault? no, raggedstar's death was far from that. she had shown no sign of her ailment, and nobody had even an inkling that there was something wrong in the first place. it was unfair for littlepaw to be taking the blame for something that had no fault to give.

"littlepaw," the tom echoed again. it was more for himself, than to her. he could hardly grasp the situation. he himself wasn't unfamiliar with the thought that the world wouldn't miss him. his youth had been plagued with urges to just take his life, rid the world of a blemish it didn't need. having experienced that made seeing it in someone else just that much worse. he wanted to reach out, to grab her and hold her and recite a mantra of encouragement, but he refrained. it wasn't his place to initiate contact.

"none of it is your fault. things happen and, sometimes, we can't control them no matter how much we wish we could. that's just how it is. you can't change some things, and that might make you feel small and hopeless; but you have to focus on what you can do. cats are gone, but you are here. we're all still here. you can keep going, you can become a medicine cat, you can help so many others. please don't throw everything away just because times are hard right now. i promise you it'll get easier. you'll find more to live for, even if it doesn't seem like it."

he wasn't sure when he'd walked up to her, but apparently he'd carried himself over during his long-winded encouragement. he stood close, though the space between the was enough for another body to slip through with ease. his head dropped, trying to get closer to the shorter's level without seeming like he was being burdened by the task. "you have so much worth, and an entire life of healing ahead of you. littlepaw, you'll do great things if you just stick around."
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Poppykit listened to both Thebe and Twoface before turning her head to Littlepaw to see what she would do next. It was sad to think she didn't really know any of these people outside their roles, and perhaps never will. Because she's a kid. No one wants to hang out with a kid, she learned that from her parents. Kids where just extra mouths to feed and a nuisance under everyone's paws. In her eyes, there was not a single thing good to herself. She had no loving family, no friends-- she simply existed day to day. And she knew deep in her heart her clanmates only looked after her because they had to. But Littlepaw had a whole clan to look after her and that loved her. Poppykit wished she had that. She wish she had friends and family to help her when she was feeling sad. And that's why she hoped deep down Littlepaw didn't throw it all away, because she had something she never would-- she had such a promising life ahead of her still and people who'd miss her.
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rosekit
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track

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✯ Track

Silkpaw had heard the words of both Thebe and Twoface, and came to join the group. She wanted to say something as well, but she felt Twoface had summed it all up elegantly. It wasn't Littlepaw's fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. But the grief was rampant, and the pain real as they struggled to process the death.
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Popykit couldint possibly understand how rough it must be to have such harmful thoughts, but she figured perhaps she could attempt to be helpful anyways. "I can help you get your mind away from sad things, if you want." the child offers then with a small shrug. "We could collect flowers or play a game when you're not busy. Those kindsa things away make me feel better for a little while." of course, the kitten knew something this trivial more then likely would not interest someone apprentice aged, but maybe Littlepaw needed as many friends as she could get right now.
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[fancypost bgcolor=none; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; width: 400px;font-size:8pt;line-height: 150%;][justify]her short reply garnered no comment from the male. of course she wouldn't be talkative. this wasn't a time for her to open up and spill everything just because a few had stepped forward to provide comfort. that being said, he couldn't be sure she would ever open up or even seek comfort considering what had just happened. an attempt on her life, while tragic, called for some measures to be taken.

twoface didn't want to restrict the apprentice. especially not when she felt so small as it was. but for his sake and hers, he was going to have to set some lines that she needed to stick to. just for a while, he would comfort himself. just until she's safe. "littlepaw."

the call of her name was meek, unlike the words to follow. he didn't wait for her to even look to him before continuing. "i'm sorry but i'm going to require you have somebody with you in the medicine den at all times. you aren't to be in here alone."
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"I can... I can live in the back of the medicine den, I..." Poppykit trailed off, her ears pinning against the back of her head at the fresh memory of her parents walking out on her with the promise of never coming back to see her again. She dugs her tiny claws into the earth below before pushing herself to continue to address Twoface. "I'm all alone in the nursery now. My parents abandoned me and... and being alone is scary. Maybe I could keep you company now. I promise I wont get in the way or touch anything." she glances from Twoface to Littlepaw, looking almost embarrassed of herself. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she was scared of sleeping in her nest alone now. It still smelled of momma.
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Goldenlight watched the tail end of the chaos that had almost been Littlepaws death, green eyes narrowed. But he was much to late to put in his own two cents and so he remained quite. Watchful and hurting when Rosekit was mentioned.

[fancypost bgcolor=none; bordercolor=transparent; borderwidth=0px; width: 400px;font-size:8pt;line-height: 150%;][justify]it didn't come as a surprise that poppykit was first to pipe up. the kitten was so eager - for company, for friends, for purpose. twoface wanted dearly to accept her request, but had to restrain himself momentarily. there were pros and cons to consider here.

on one had, poppy's word rang true. her parents had gone, left the alabaster youth all on her own. there was also the fact that littlepaw needed someone she could bond with who'd be a positive impact on her life. an optimistic kitten might be one of the best options when considering emotional options. allowing this would hopefully give both of them a companion to trust in.

on the other hand, poppy was just that. a kit. she herself might go trifling through herbs and unknowingly ingest something that'd put her life on the line. and if littlepaw were to do something drastic, poppykit might not be able to get help right away or at all if she froze up. along with that, she didn't need to bear witness to a suicide. not that anybody should, just that a kitten especially should be sheltered from that.

twoface heaved a tired sigh, visionaries going from littlepaw to poppykit and then back again. "littlepaw, i'm going to have poppykit spending her time here with you. this way we won't be short on warriors and other apprentices can continue training." already there were paranoid thoughts flitting through his head like masses of birds. but, for now at least, this was the best they could do.

"if you don't have a problem with this, then we'll leave you two be. expect me to come by later to talk about some things."
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